Tag Archives: Vote


Cartoon used by permission: 244252_RGB_1290.png Trading Places by Bart van Leeuwen PoliticalCartoons com

Last week Donald J. Trump lost the election.  You know why I know?  ‘Cause last week I projectile vomited, and I think I did so as a collective exasperated expression of at least 63% of the nation and 80% of the world.

I went to a funeral interment for a friend (at a cemetery, socially distanced, masks required), and I couldn’t even comfort my other friend (his wife) with a hug.  In the midst of my grief as I was leaving the burial grounds, I was made aware of President Trump’s callous, unrepentant, re-emergence onto the scene after his bout with Covid-19 (a sojourn that I hoped would be a come-to-Jesus moment for him).  But no…he had a meeting all right, but judging from the results, it must have been with Satan himself.  It was then that I decided “yesh gvul” (Hebrew for “enough is enough”)—this man had to go.

Cartoon used by permission: 244325_RGB_1290 (1).jpg Trump glorified by David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star Tucson AZ

As you recall, Trump tested positive for Covid-19, but instead of it becoming his “aha” moment of broken-hearted repentance and empathy (as I had prayed) for the hundreds of thousands of people he had caused to get sick and die due to his ineffective handling of the virus, he returned to the White House crazier than ever. Upon hearing his stupid, boastful rantings as I left my friend’s funeral, I got so upset that I projectile vomited all over the inside of a fairly new Lexus (ceiling, steering wheel, windshield and control panel)!  As my husband side-eyed me in abject horror, I continued to vomit into a designer handbag, spew chunks of turkey roll-ups all over his Brooks Brothers suit and his face, all over my cute leather suit and dress boots, down my blouse into my bra, and all over my glasses and new wig.  We drove home in silence, completely covered in slime, as we contemplated the metaphor of “life under the Trump regime” that had erupted from the nether regions of my tummy.

Cartoon used by permission: 244160_RGB_1290.jpg Trump returns to White House by John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune PA

No, I don’t have Covid.  However, I do have Ménière’s disease which is manifested by an intense ringing in the right ear whenever I am stressed out, which causes a wicked case of vertigo that turns my tummy into a tilt-a-whirl.  I can handle most everyday stress—including a funeral or two.  What I can’t handle is our country sliding into Hell for another four years.  I did not have Ménière’s disease before Trump became President—I got it the day he was inaugurated. I’m sure there are scads of other people who have contracted all sorts of stress-related problems since the Orange horror became president.

But I realized something encouraging last week:  The majority of Americans are as sick and tired as I am and are motivated enough to send the Grand Imposter packing November 3rd with a win that will be too big to rig.  I’m seeing evidence that all good-hearted, sane, intelligent people have had enough and they are not going to take it anymore!  I think my vomiting was a sign to be broadcast to the Nation:  November 3rd, purge Trump so that our national nightmare comes to an end!

Cartoon used by permission: 244305_RGB_1290.png Scream At The President by Ed Wexler CagleCartoons com

I’ve been gathering testimonials from the various coalitions who are working day and night to defeat Trump, and I can feel the momentum.  For the first time in years, I have hope! I know Democrats are afraid of falling for another 2016 heartbreak, but this feels different.  (Of course, Trump is trying to cheat every which way but Sunday, but let’s hope and pray his efforts are obliterated.) People are tired of the crazies.  They want normality—dullness even.  They (we) are all tired of stupidity and being led by a reality TV star—we did not audition for this movie. The people of the world (except for Putin, Kim Jong Un, White Supremacists, and White Christian Trump supporters) are tired of vomiting whenever the bloviated Orange one causes the world to tilt with his ineptitude.

Cartoon used by permission: 244307_RGB_1290.png Stop the Crazy by Daryl Cagle CagleCartoon com

Anyway, in order to calm my agitated nerves and tummy the night of the great Vesuvius turkey-roll eruption, I slept with a diffuser that emitted lavender oil fumes.  I must have put too many drops in the little thingamajig because my dreams were hallucinogenic.  I dreamed that I was summoned to the bedside of the fly who occupied Mike Pence’s head for two minutes and nine seconds on the night of the VP debate. It seemed she wanted to alert America about the horrors she had seen being a fly on the wall in the Oval Office and what she gleaned from occupying Pence’s hair. Turns out the fly’s name is BeelzeBUG and she hails from the City of Fraud from the country of Dante’s Inferno 8th circle of Hell.

Cartoon used by permission: 244232_RGB_1290.png Pence fly by Hajo de Reijger The Netherlands

Ms. BeelzeBUG, I was so stunned to hear from your people who asked me to do an interview with you.  They said you had an urgent message for America. More than happy to oblige, but if the truth be known I thought you’d be dead 24 hours after the debate ended.

I am a black fly—not a mayfly, you “nyekulturnik!”  Mayflies live 24 hours; black flies are the superior fly and live as long as twenty-eight days—sometimes longer.  From my calculations, I should have 5 days to go, but it’s probably going to be just minutes given my trauma in the White House and how long I’ve been farting around with you humans.

I’m not a “Russian uncultured lowlife” Ms. BeelzeBUG, but I’ll let that insult slide given your condition. Speaking of condition, shouldn’t you be tripping the light fantastic by visiting copious dunghills and laying tons of eggs inside garbage cans before you have to go back to Hell?  What gives?

I have Covid-19, that’s what the hell gives!  I got it from that kiss-ass, Mike Pence.  I didn’t know this about him before I landed on his head, but his hair is like white sticky fly paper from all the hair spray he uses.  I got stuck and almost died in there.

Cartoon used by permission: 244292_RGB_1290.jpg Shoo fly don’t bother me by John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune PA

Why were you even at the debate?  Were you there to sabotage Kamala?

Initially, that’s what I was sent here to do by Sneaky Snake.  Satan’s a huge Trump supporter.  Surprised? I know you’ve been told that Trump is Jesus’ main man, but that’s a lie like just about everything else in Donny’s life.  Lucifer said, “buzz around Kamala’s ears, fly up her nose, and irritate her until she goes all mad-Black woman on Pence’s ass.  You know, get her to lose her cool.” But after hanging around on the walls of the Oval Office for a few days, I just couldn’t follow through with my mission.  I secretly love your country—best garbage on the planet!  And so much of it, too.  I had to help you out.

I live in the 8th circle, known as the Fraud dimension, which is the part of Hell where most politicians end their journey.  It is where “anyone who has committed fraud against humanity is punished.”  So, I know a skanky politician when I see one.  I came to Earth knowing what a fraud Trump was (the Devil has had his eye on that dude for years), but I was clueless as to the smelly corruption of Pence. Thought he belonged to the other guy in the sky.  But hanging around your VP for a few days, I quickly learned he was as bad or worse than Trump. He’s one sneaky son-of-a-bitch hiding under a pro-life cloak.  Here’s a little known secret:  Pence is auditioning to take Trump’s place if he croaks or to become President in 2024.  I came to the VP debate hall to warn America to pay attention to this man.  He says he’s a Christian, but he certainly doesn’t act like one—he’s a power-hungry fraud!  I was the fly on the wall that watched him for days.  I wanted your voters to know that when you take out his boss, make sure Pence goes down the sewer pipe with him.  Not only is your country’s future at stake, but so is the rest of the world and the planet.  Heaven and Hell needs America to get your shit together.  Go!  Tell everyone who will listen.  This election is not a test.  A fly from Hell saw the handwriting on the wall, and I am afraid—very afraid!

Cartoon used by permission: 244233_RGB_1290.jpg Fly on Pence by John Columbia Missourian

OMG!  The situation is worse than I thought.  I can’t imagine four more years under a Trump/Pence presidency.  Anybody with half a heart and a brain will be projectile vomiting every day out of terror and fear. What are we to do to save ourselves? 

Vote!  Vote as if your lives depend on it because they do!  Now I’m gonna shoo out of here.  Back to Hell which is a lot less scary than what I’ve witnessed in America during my brief visit.  Sayonara, Human.

Cartoon used by permission: 243750_RGB_1290.jpg Who is undecided by John Darkow Columbia Missourian

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Posted by on October 14, 2020 in Uncategorized


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DEAR READERS:  Have you been in touch with God, lately?  I’ve left him a gazillion messages and haven’t heard a peep.  Just wanted to let him know that our world really needs him right now.  Also, if you do happen to chat with him, let him know that I’m trying to decide what costume to wear for Halloween, and I’d like to ask him to turn the tide in the election next week to curtail the Hater in Chief in the White House.   Let God know when you hear from him that he’ll (or she’ll) find my copious other “prayer” messages filed under: “Are you Listening (or paying attention) God?”  For your edification Dear Reader, what follows is the fourth installment of a “Voicemail Message to God” which is a short essay on another universal question I wish God would answer about life: “God, what is your end game?”

Scary Times John Darkow Columbia Missourian

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia Missourian

GOD’S VOICEMAIL GREETING:  “You’ve reached the voicemail box of GOD at 1-800-PRA-TOME.  As you might have guessed, if this call is from the United States, I’m sitting Shiva.  I will not be answering phone calls about anything first-world related while I’m in mourning with the city of Pittsburgh.  AMERICANS:  YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR NATION:  GO OUT AND VOTE ON NOVEMBER 6TH!  DON’T BLOW IT AGAIN. I WON’T DO FOR YOU WHAT YOU REFUSE TO DO FOR YOURSELVES. Please leave a message after the tone.”


Hello GOD:  It’s Eleanor—again!  I don’t mean to become a pest, but I’ve been trying to get you to call me back for ages now.  I certainly understand why you are out-of-reach at the moment, but that is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

It’s getting scarier and scarier out here.  Halloween is here and who wants to wear a scary costume these days when our very own Victor Frankenstein in the White House has cooked up a Molotov cocktail of hated and division that is roaming our country seeking whom it may devour.

Hate It is Alive Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle GA

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle, GA

God, I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, but you know the massacre in Pittsburgh could have all been prevented, don’t you?  You wouldn’t have to be sitting Shiva for the massacre at the Tree of Life Synagogue Congregation had you listened to my prayers.  Eleven people would still be alive and we’d have a lot more hope in our hearts if you had acknowledged my hysteria over the tiki-torch waving, khaki-trouser wearing White men in Charlottesville last year.  Remember in 2017 when the White supremacists hoisted the Nazi flags in Charlottesville as they marched around the Confederate statue and shouted, “Jews will not replace us?”  Instead of our Commander in Chief squishing this hateful monster like the giant demonic cockroach that it is, he said there were “good people on both sides.”  I had hoped you would have sent one of his many sycophantic Christian counselors to let him know that “good people” chanting “Jews will not replace us” is an oxymoron. Actually, I wished you had come to him in his sleep like the ghost of Bob Marley.

Venom Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch OH

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch, OH

Anyway, dear God, besides getting a little input from you as to what Halloween costume I should wear, I was hoping I could ask you a question that is bugging the hell out of me: “What is your end game for us with this science experiment of a President?”  The scariest costume of all this year is the orange pumpkin with yellow hair which espouses venom toward his opponents and the media, as the whole world watches his followers take up Trump’s call to arms against all those he hates.

Trump inspired Hate Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, The Salt Lake Tribune, UT

Lord, have mercy on us.  I guess I’d like to know how much more of this vileness we must endure before you let the Great Pumpkin in the White House know that you’re God and he ain’t.  I have a suggestion:  How about sending him a message on blast on Nov. 6th?  The world will breathe a great sigh of relief.

Vote or Die

Celebrity Voting Campaign T-Shirts

Well Jesus, I would love to get your input and guidance after November 6th because I’m either going to want to do a shout-out of praises to you or I’m going to need a strait jacket costume for Halloween and beyond.

Talk soon.  Your devoted follower, ET

Halloween Political Scares Dave Granlund PoliticalCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund,


WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out her website at

THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS:  Monsters’ Throwdown, Fleeing Oz, The Fetus Chronicles on sale now at Amazon!



Tree of Life Names Bruce Plante Tulsa World

Cartoon used by permission: Bruce Plante, Tulsa World

We also remember the two African-American victims in the recent fatal shooting at the Kroger’s in Louisville, KY which police have labeled a hate crime.

May they never be forgotten:  Maurice E. Stallard, 69, and Vickie Lee Jones, 67,


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on October 30, 2018 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered recently? Our world is awash in opinions, and most of them aren’t worth the used toilet paper they should be printed on. I’ve decided that it isn’t the actual bad news that is on 24/7 media blast that bothers me as much as it is the opinions regarding the justification of everything from rude cat-calling (seriously knuckleheads, WTF: when you become verbally and sexually abusive with your comments, that’s somebody’s daughter, sister, mother, aunt, or grandchild) to the 4 billion dollars in dirty money* spent on the mid-term elections to manipulate our opinions and thus our voting choices.

Cat Calls Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission: Cat Calls, Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”Miguel Angel Ruiz


Nowadays we don’t know who is trying to influence our opinions, and they are good—really good at what they do. One day, you could be born a poor black child, struggle through all the ravages of what it meant to suffer through the Jim Crow era in these here United States, and the next moment you could wake up as a Black right-wing Christian conservative who doesn’t give a shit about anybody who “can’t pull themselves up by their boot straps as I did” (I’m talking about you Dr. Ben Carson)—all because you weren’t paying attention to the inordinate influences of others. Trust me, it happened to me.

Is there a school or something where people take a course on manipulation to push their will and opinions on others to get what they want? Or is this a skill we learn as children?

I was meditating on the concept of personal opinions and the ability to get people to bend to our wills when I overheard a conversation in the aisle of my local drugstore. While I was filling up my shopping cart with the latest shipment of #117 Adele Feathered False Eyelashes (don’t judge, just know that at age 66 I still get respectable cat calls—I’ll take a construction worker’s opinion of “Damn Baby, you sho’ is lookin’ good” any day of the week). Anyway, I couldn’t see who was talking in the next aisle where the cards and toys were, but I quickly ascertained that it was a young mother and her five-year-old daughter whose name was Sasha.

SASHA: Mommy, can I have this doll?

MOM: (only half listening) No Sasha. You already have a gazillion dolls.


But Mom

Google Image

MOM: (The mom still only half listening) The answer is still no, Sasha. Now stop your nagging. You didn’t skip kindergarten today to go shopping for toys. You are sick, and I have to figure out what type of medicine you need to get over this cold. We need to get out of here and put you to bed before you get sicker, or I lose my mind from your constant whining. Why is that pharmacist taking so long to fill our prescriptions?

SASHA: Because the pharmacist wants you to buy me this Elsa doll, that’s why. He’s just waiting on you to make the right decision. Even the pharmacist knows how well I’ll sleep with Elsa and how much better she’ll make me feel.

MOM: Shush, Sasha! I can barely hear myself think.

SASHA: Moooooom, you’re being so mean! What will it take for you to buy me this doll?

MOM: The Messiah to come—in the middle of CVS, in this aisle, singing “Let It Go” from Frozenwith a back-up choir of black angelic beings.

SASHA: What’s a “themessiahtocome”? Is that some kind of tooth fairy for sick kids whose mommy won’t take pity on them and buy them a doll that they really, really, really, really, need?

MOM: (The young mother chuckled and became more conciliatory) Honey, you just had a birthday, and if I recall, you got three dolls from your grandparents. Three! Now zip it!


(There was barely a five-second pause before I heard another little girl’s voice chime in to try and melt the young mother’s resilience. This kid was good. Sasha had called in reinforcements.)

LITTLE GIRL’S VOICE: Sasha’s mom . . . look at poor, sick Sasha. How could you do this to her? She’s such a good little girl. Look at her poor, pitiful face. You’ve made her so very sad. What kind of mother are you to treat such an angel so poorly. Please, Sasha’s mom. P-L-E-A-S-E be a good mommy and buy Sasha an Elsa doll. Everybody else in her kindergarten class has one.

(At this point, I couldn’t take the suspense any longer and had to see who Sasha’s opinionated, manipulative, little friend was, so I abandoned my shopping cart and quickly whipped around the corner to see this wunderkind with my very own eyes. But there weren’t two children: there was only Sasha and her mom. Sasha (one of the cutest little girls I’ve ever seen) was holding the Elsa doll (still in its package) in front of her face and doing one of the best ventriloquist acts on record. Sasha was having Elsa, the Disney Snow Queen, plead her case with her mom. If all else fails, bring in the inanimate objects, right?)

SASHA’S MOM: (clearly at her wit’s end) I tell you what, Sasha and “Sasha’s friend.” Rosh Hashanah is coming. Maybe if Sasha is a good girl and stops getting on Mommy’s every last nerve, Sasha might be able to get Elsa as a Rosh Hashanah present.

You could see Sasha mulling this over in her mind, and finally she acquiesced, thinking she had won the day. But even I knew as a black Charismatic Christian that Rosh Hashanah was September 24th, and it was now October 15th. As the pharmacist called Sasha’s mom’s name to come get her prescription, I gave her a high-five from one mom—now grandmother—to another for the victory she had won over Sasha’s manipulaton. As I turned the corner, I heard Elsa/Sasha’s voice scream out as she ran after her mom with the Elsa Snow Queen tucked under her arm:

“Wait a minute, Sasha’s mom! You tricked us.

We just celebrated Rosh Hashanah with Saba and Savta. It doesn’t come back until next year!

Oh, man . . !”

Kid Pouting

Not the real Sasha but a close enough imitation


I am discovering that after meeting the delightful Sasha, I suspect opinions come as part of the soul-package when we’re born, and all it takes is the onset of language skills. I also suspect that the ability to manipulate others to bend to our will is part of the original-sin passport we get as a citizen of planet Earth. Just ask any mother.

I once read that we spend 50% of our time resisting the efforts of other people who try to push their agendas on us and the other 50% of our time trying to push our agendas on them. We’re all a bunch of opinionated manipulators, but when one side’s agenda brings great harm to another, then that manipulation must be resisted at all cost—whether it is a friend that is taking advantage of our good will or it is our fellow citizens spending 4 billion dollars in dirty money to steal an election. Our elections are being influenced and bought by dark money, voter suppression, gerrymandering, defaming campaign ads, bigoted cable news channels, and out-and-out lies.

Dark Money and Democracy David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

The problem is voters really don’t know who is trying to influence their votes on Election Day and who is trying to influence the elected officials who are going to take office after Election Day.”— Ian Vandewalker of the Brennan Center for Justice (What Americans could have bought instead of a $4 billion election) by Chris Frates, CNN investigative correspondent*


I am also discovering that I am going to lay my opinion on you right now, right here: Are you planning to vote? If not, why not? There are people trying to push their agenda on your lives that don’t want you to vote, and they think you won’t because they are of the opinion that Blacks, Latinos, women, poor people in general, and young people overall don’t vote in off-years—not sexy or exciting enough it seems. The problem is that all politics are local, and you’ll get screwed over more by your state and local politics than you ever could by a presidential election. There are people who died so that you could resist that type of evil by being able to vote (see blog FiftyFourandAHalf). The GOPs opinion is that the Senate is theirs for the taking. Is it true? Until voting day, it is only their opinion. What is your opinion? Express it in the voting booth!

P.S. Someone told me that in Australia, Brazil, Ecuador, Paraguay, Uruguay, and Peru it is against the law to be a citizen and not vote. It is my opinion that I should try and get a similar law passed in the United States.

Get Out the Vote Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission: Get Out the Vote, Pat Bagley Salt Lake-Tribune


“Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting.”Franklin D. Roosevelt

“If American women would increase their voting turnout by ten percent, I think we would see an end to all of the budget cuts in programs benefiting women and children.”Coretta Scott King

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”Steve Jobs

“Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.”—Albert Einstein



Vote Now




Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on November 1, 2014 in Uncategorized


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