RSS

Tag Archives: #Trump Lies

Y’ALL WOKE YET?

Do you know what I’ve discovered this week?  Our “country, tis of thee, sweet land of liberty,” is in trouble, Girls and Boys!  We are being led by a madman who has been proven to be a consummate liar, and he allegedly colluded with the Russians to interfere with our election.  The walls of our country are falling down around Trump’s ears.  This dude is beginning to make Nixon look like a saint, and the question that continues to blow my mind is:  How can his supporters—especially his Christian supporters—still stand behind this cretin? Plus, he’s trying to kill off Big Bird!

America cannot be saved Marian Kamensky Austria

Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kamensky, Austria

 

I “watched” the Congressional hearing featuring Director Comey and his side-kick Adm. Michael S. Rogers the other day from start to finish.  THE FINAL VERDICT:  Trump LIED, LIED, LIED about President Obama wiretapping Trump Tower, Trump lied about President Obama coercing British intelligence to spy on him (which incurred the wrath of the Brits), and Trump lied about lying.  And then there are the Russian connections to his campaign—growing stronger and louder every day.

Besides the Russians, I started wondering about the two major groups that ushered this madman into the White House:  disenfranchised White folks (boy, are they going to be devastated at his betrayal) and born-again Christians (boy, are they gonna have some ‘splainin’ to do to Jesus).  I’m wondering how they can justify their support of such a creature—especially the “born-agains.” (In the interest of full disclosure, I am a born-again Christian but the kind with a brain, a heart, and a soul that hasn’t sold itself to the devil—a.k.a. Trump.)

Maybe it’s me?  Maybe the rules have changed as to how God feels about liars.  If so, then I can see why the 4 out of 5 White evangelicals who voted for Trump (and think he is God’s anointed man of the hour) are winking at his lies.  I don’t know—maybe there’s a new Bible in town— you know, the book they all swear by.  I decided to put Trump and The Holy Bible on trial and call up my alter ego (The Dalai Mama) to do a “Judge Judy” courtroom scene in which Truth is weighed in the balance.

Leaks Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

 

Courtroom scene opens in an alternative universe where Donald Trump is the defendant, the God of the Universe is the plaintiff, and my alter ego (The Dalai Mama) is the judge. 

BAILIFF: All rise. Department One of the Superior Court is now in session.  The Honorable Judge Dalai Mama is presiding.  Please be seated.

DALAI MAMA: Good mornin’, ladies and gentlemen. Hope y’all had your Wheaties this mornin’ ‘cause it’s gonna be a long day, I can tell.  Callin’ forward our first case of the God of the Universe versus Donald Trump. Are both sides ready?  Where’s the plaintiff, God?  I don’t see him.

BAILIFF:   Excuse me, your Honor, but God sent a representative to testify on his behalf—The Holy Bible.  If that is okay with you?

DALAI MAMA:  What am I gonna say?  No?  I’d much prefer THE MAN, Himself show today because He’s been awful quiet lately.  The world could use Him showing up in the flesh, and settin’ a few things straight.  In fact, we really need him to do something about South Sudan.  Starvation is getting’ so bad there that the guerilla warriors are kidnapping the aid workers and demanding their ransom in food.  But since He’s God, I’ll accept His surrogate.  Proceed, Bailiff.

BAILIFF: Your Honor, the defendant (Donald J. Trump) has been charged with the crime of lying through his teeth.

TRUMP: False!  Bad Bailiff!  You dare judge me—fake news!  Under the law I am presumed innocent until proven guilty. During this trial, you will hear no real evidence against me. You will come to know the truth: that I, Donald Trump, speak only truth and everyone who disagrees with me speaks lies—especially that “bad man,” Barack Hussein Obama. I am not guilty of anything.  All my facts about him came from very reliable sources of the highest order.

Trump Intel David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

 

DALAI MAMA:  Zip it Donald.  Keep it up, and you’ll be in contempt of court. The Bench calls the owner of the truth of God—the Holy Bible.

BAILIFF:   Please stand. Raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

BIBLE:  I do.

BAILIFF: Please state your first and last name and spell it.

BIBLE:   My name is Bible—no first name—just Bible.  I’m the “B-I-B-L-E…”

BAILIFF:   [breaks into song) “Yes, that’s the book for me!”

DALAI MAMA:  Cut it out, Bailiff, my courtroom ain’t no Sunday school!  Bible, since you are the plaintiff in this case, what has Donald Trump done to piss off the God of the Universe.

BIBLE:  Well, your honor, Mr. Trump claims to be a “Christian,” but Jesus sent me here to tell the Court that if this man is a Christian, then the Earth is flat and the Sun revolves around the Earth.  He’s never heard Trump repent of anything, admit he’s wrong about anything, and God finds him to be a lowlife who abuses women.

TRUMP:  Oh, yeah?  Well, if I’m not a Christian, why did the White Conservative Evangelicals send me to the White House?  They think I’m a Christian.  Besides, who cares what you think:  I’m President and you’re not.  And who is this Jesus, anyway.  Didn’t he get crucified?  I don’t like gods who get crucified—only gods who don’t.  Loser!

DALAI MAMA:  Hey—FOOL!  Don’t you dare come up in my courtroom blasphemin’ the Lawd.   You may survive his wrath, but you won’t survive mine, Sucka!  Bible, please proceed.

Trump Burning Bob Englehart CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart, CagleCartoons.com

 

BIBLE:  As I was saying, the God of the Universe takes issue with Mr. Trump being a Christian and questions the faith of those who will not confront The Donald on his egregious lies.  One of the characteristics of God is that he is a God of Truth.  If it would please the Court, would your Honor please read the latest tweet lies that made their way into the heavens and, therefore, to God’s ears?

DALAI MAMA:  Sure.  Is it true Mr. Trump that on March 4, 2017, you tweeted the following:  “How low has President Obama gone to tapp [sic] my phones during the very sacred election process? This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!”  What is it about Barack Obama that causes you to lose yo’ “Christianity,” Sir?  If, indeed, you are a Christian.

TRUMP:  The Kenyan keeps messing with me.  He’s messing with me right now.  Can’t you see him standing over there trying to tape this travesty of a hearing?  He’s in cahoots with that Jesus character.

Trump sees Obama RJ Matson Roll Call

Cartoon used by permission: RJ Matson Roll Call

DALAI MAMA:  No!  You’re changing the subject, Little Man.  These court documents submitted by David Leonhardt from the NY Times say you (Trump) lied about:  “Obama’s birthplace, John F. Kennedy’s assassination, Sept. 11, the Iraq War, ISIS, NATO, military veterans, Mexican immigrants, Muslim immigrants, anti-Semitic attacks, the unemployment rate, the murder rate, the Electoral College, voter fraud and his groping of women.”   Look like you wouldn’t know the truth if it came and bit you in the butt, Trumpee.  Bible, what does God have to say about lyin’?

BIBLE:  Tons of stuff.  First off, in the second commandment of the Ten Commandments, God says:  Don’t do it.  In Leviticus 19:11, my pages say:  “Do not lie.  Do not deceive.” 

TRUMP: Levite what?  Is that some kind of Jewish hotdog? I love hot dogs.

BIBLE:  (Sigh!)  Then there’s one of my favorites:  “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”  That’s in Colossians 3:9

DALAI MAMA:  Isn’t that lovely?  My favorite is Ephesians 4:25“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” Isn’t that somethin’ else? “We are members of one another.”  Now, how you and yo’ followers claim to be Christians when you lie like a rug when it’s so much easier to tell the truth.  Director Comey shot yo’ lies right out of the sky.

Lies shot down by Comey Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

TRUMP:   You believe that so-called FBI Director?  That so-called Bible?  They’re both lying.  They’re both fakes—pushing fake news!

BAILIFF:  Y’all ain’t even come close to my favorite scripture about lyin’ yet, written right there in the heart of the Bible in Psalm 34:11-16:

“Come my children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Whoever of you loves life

And desires to see many good days,

Keep your tongue from evil

And your lips from telling lies.

…the face of God is against those who do evil,

To blot out their name from the Earth.”

DALAI MAMA:  Oooooh, you hear that, Trump?.  Your days are numbered, Baby.  The Bible that you say you believe in says the God you say you believe in is gonna wipe your behind off the face of the Earth and blot out the Trump name from the Earth unless you stop doin’ evil.  There you have it.  On that note, I ain’t got nothin’ else to say, except:  “Donald J. Trump, you are guilty of lyin’ your ass off, and you stand accused of such, by the God of the Universe.  Repent, ask God’s forgiveness, and apologize to President Obama for defaming his name and legacy, and then, maybe—just maybe—your presidency might not suffer the wrath of God!”

TRUMP:  I never admit to wrong doing.   I never ask forgiveness (I thought everybody knew that).  I don’t like this hearing.  God is so unfair.  Bad God.  Why doesn’t he zap the Kenyan? Then maybe I’d listen to him.  He clearly doesn’t like me.  I only like gods who like me.  So there!

Trump Cursed America Bill Day Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission:  Bill Day, Cagle Cartoons

***

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (“AHA” MOMENT) REGARDING TRUMP’S LIES

I am discovering that America needs to ask itself:  What type of leader do we want, and what is the meaning of truth?   The more lying becomes accepted practice in our presidents, the more we’ll get used to it, until there will be no more truth in the land.  ‘Cause here’s the thing:  a fish rots from the head on down.  Hey, Christian supporters of Trump:  “Y’ALL WOKE YET?”

What America Wants Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

***

 SCARY QUOTES ABOUT TRUMP’S INABILITY TO TELL THE TRUTH

“Donald Trump’s peculiar relationship with the truth—his penchant for promoting unfounded stories and conspiracies theories—represents not just a curious quirk or a character flaw. They are a much-practiced technique that has paid dividends as self-promotion in his business career and in his political rise. Over decades spent in the company of yes men and yes women, he has been able to fire off nonsense without question or rebuke.  But now he is President Trump, and his breezy spewing of falsehoods has become a national embarrassment—a threat to U.S. security and America’s standing in the world.”—Frida Ghitis/CNN

 “If the Trump campaign, or anybody associated with it, aided or abetted the Russians, it would not only be a serious crime, it would also represent one of the most shocking betrayals of our democracy in history.”Rep. Adam Schiff of California

“I have been authorized by the Department of Justice to confirm that the FBI, as part of our counterintelligence mission, is investigating the Russian government’s efforts to interfere in the 2016 presidential election,” Comey said. “And that includes investigating the nature of any links between individuals associated with the Trump campaign and the Russian government.”Director Comey

***

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).

ANNOUNCEMENT:  Third book by author due to launch in three weeks.  Stay tuned!

***

REFERENCES

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2017/03/trump_s_comey_tweet_was_one_of_his_most_terrifying_lies_yet.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/20/opinion/all-the-presidents-lies.html?action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=opinion-c-col-right-region&region=opinion-c-col-right-region&WT.nav=opinion-c-col-right-region&_r=0

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/21/us/roger-stone-donald-trump-russia.html?action=click&contentCollection=Opinion&module=Trending&version=Full&region=Marginalia&pgtype=article

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/20/us/trump-obama-wiretap-comey.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0

http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/17/opinions/trump-falsehoods-a-national-embarrassment-ghitis/?iid=ob_article_footer_expansion

http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/22/opinions/spicer-problem-with-truth-robbins/index.html

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 
3 Comments

Posted by on March 23, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

NIGHTMARES OF A MAD MAN

Do you know what I discovered this week?  That Number 45 is losing his mind due to insane jealousy of a Black man and has declared all-out war on the former President.  What’s your evidence, you’d ask?  Why, the nuclear twitter war we’ve all found ourselves in, I’d reply.  Not to mention the secret intel I received from an anonymous source this week, I’d say.

Trump Shelter Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle

 

Reveal your sources, you’d demand!  HELL TO THE NO, I’d exclaim!  Your pay grade isn’t high enough for me to reveal my deep throat connections.  But I can share with you one thing:  I have a transcript of a certain President’s late night conversation with his hand mirror, which should prove to you that the impostor in the White House has gone stark raving mad.

Check it out!

Trump Paranoia Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

***TOP SECRET/CONFIDENTIAL***

SUBJECT:  Clandestine surveillance of Number 45 (code name: “Little Hands”)

METHOD:  Wiretapping of cell phone, hacking of Twitter account, and bugging of Mar-a-Lago—Florida White House

DATE:  Saturday Morning when son-in-law is observing the Sabbath

TIME:  3:00 a.m.

Below is a transcript of Number 45 in the wee hours of the morning having woken up from what appears to our agents to be an on-going nightmare.   Judging by the camera angles from the gold lamé canopy over the master suite bed, Trump woke up extremely agitated and in a cold sweat as he frantically went in search of his favorite hand mirror and his cell phone.  The following conversation was recorded soon after.

Coo Coo Trump Bill Day Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Bill Day, Cagle Cartoons

 

#45:     Mirror, mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?

MIRROR:  You again?  You ask me this same god-damn question every night since you took office.  And I tell you the same freakin’ thang:

“Donald, Baby, you da’ fairest in the land…”

#45:  REALLY?!  SO TRUE… SO GOOD!  SO BIGLY! THANK YOU HAND MIRROR, SO MUCH!

MIRROR:  And like all the other nights you rush to judgment because you cut me off befo’ I finish speakin’.  Then I have to go and repeat myself:

Trumpee, Darlin’, you da’ fairest in the land as to what’s in reach of yo’ tiny little hands.

BUT, dear Donald, yo’ land is small (Mar-a-Lago, golf courses, Trump Tower, and all).  

Because you, my Donald, are fair; it is true (in a reality star, classless, nouveau riche type of brew),

But Barack Obama is—throughout the entire world—so much fairer than you.

He is so cool, so suave, so intelligent, so sophisticated, so kind, so gracious

Compared to vous!”

#45:  NOOOOOOOOOO!  Say it isn’t true!  Where’s my phone?  Where’s my sweet little blue bird, too?

MIRROR:   WORD!  What I say is true, because unlike you, I cannot lie—so bye!

#45:  Wait, wait hand mirror.  What if I told you my humble abode at Trump Tower had been “wiretaped” by Obama during the campaign?  Wouldn’t that show the world what a nasty, bad guy he is picking on little ol’ me, when I’m just trying to do my job and become the most adored president—ever—throughout the land?

MIRROR:  What if I told you that yo’ sorry-ass can’t spell worth a damn?  You think that Good King Obama wire “T-A-P-P-E-D” your phone lines in Trump Tower, as well as the cell phone in your hand?  When and how?  While you was in the shower?

Obama Wire tapping Wolverton Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Wolverton, Cagle Cartoons

 

#45:  I don’t know how that Kenyan, Muslim, Marxist darkie recorded my conversations with the Russians before the election—I just know that he is not one of the good Blacks who adores me (SHOUT OUT TO MY GIRL, OMAROSA!), so he must have it out for me.  So watch me tweet this to the world to destroy his reputation:

@Donald J. Trump Tweet: “How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!” 

Voila!  I bet you people won’t think he’s such a hot shot now.  “Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who is now the fairest in the land?”

MIRROR:  “Trumpee, how many times do I have to repeat this rhyme?

“You are the fairest in your mind, that’s true.

But my main man, Barack Hussein Obama,

 Is a thousand times a better man than you.

You lie, you cheat, you disavow,

Any bad behavior in the past or now.

In truth, my little tiny hand ‘king,’

You’re not worthy to kiss Obama’s ring.”

Trump Magic Show Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

 

#45:  SHUT UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP!  No one’s more popular—more loved by the people than me.  I’ll send out another tweet to kill that damn Obama’s popularity—you’ll see:

@Donald J. Trump Tweet: “122 vicious prisoners, released by the Obama Administration from Gitmo, have returned to the battlefield. Just another terrible decision!”

MIRROR:  FALSE, tiny hands!  Most of those prisoners were released by Bush—check your sources, you feeble-minded douche.

#45:  I can break you, you know.  You’re just a mirror.

MIRROR:  No, you can’t—you’re just a bully; of you, I have no fear.  (God, I need to quit this gig and go do mimes—I can’t stop talkin’ in mindless rhymes.)   My point remains the same, that in this game:  Even if you ordered your demon, Bannon, to cut out the heart and liver of Obama, like in the story of Snow White, Barack’s star would still shine bright.  After that brutal act, you’d ask me on a future, nightmarish night, to tell you of your fairest plight, and I’d answer with the same keen insight:

“Oh, Donald, thou art fairest of the 45% you see

 (The people who voted for you—NOT ME),

But outside of the White House and your crazy-ass supporters,

 Barack Obama’s reputation is still alive and well,

And none is as fair as he.”

#45:  WHAT THE F—!  Must send rash of new tweets showing my hatred and jealousy of previous ruler—Barack HUSSEIN Obama—and other shit, before he goes into history books as a better leader than me.  (God, I hate that N—)

MIRROR:  Watch yo’ mouth, old man, if you wish to live to see another day with yo’ tiny little hands!

#45:  Sigh!  (I hate that Kenyan ever since I couldn’t prove he wasn’t an American, and he made a fool of me at the Correspondents’ Dinner.)  I’LL GET YOU, BARRY, AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, BO, TOO!  Cannot sleep until I bring that Mofo down.  (Love that word, Mofo.  Learned it from Arsenio Hall when he was on Celebrity Apprentice—best show ever!)

@Donald J. Trump TWEET:  SAD! Just learned Waldo in “Where’s Waldo” books harder to find.  He got smaller.  Obama did it. SNEAKY NEGRO!

@Donald J. Trump TWEET:  Said I didn’t have meeting with any Russians during campaign. Google has proof I did.  Boo Google—failing company. HATERS!

 @Donald J. Trump TWEET:  UNPRESIDENTIAL! Obama won’t return my phone calls.  What bug flew up his ass?  RUDE!

Trump Obama fever Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

*** 

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (“AHA”) MOMENT

I am discovering that giving up alcohol and carbs for Lent was ill-timed.  I no longer have any coping mechanisms at my disposal during the reign of “Little Hands.”

Trump Fear hate Lies Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

***

MEDITATIVE QUOTES ABOUT TWITTER USE

“On the one hand Twitter gives you the opportunity to engage with people, which is great, but on the other there are people who feel they can say whatever they want, put poison out there, really, without fear of any repercussions.”—Michael Sheen

“What do you think Jesus would twitter, ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’ or ‘Has anyone seen Judas? He was here a minute ago.’”—Chris Cornell

“I don’t do Twitter because I don’t want to talk about myself more than I already have to.”—Kit Harington

***

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: THIRD BOOK OF THE DISCOVERY SERIES DUE OUT IN APRIL 2017.  WATCH THIS SPACE!

***

REFERENCES

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2017/03/07/top-trump-ally-met-with-putin-s-deputy-in-moscow.html

http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/08/politics/donald-trump-barack-obama-wiretapping/index.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/05/opinion/when-one-president-smears-another.html?mabReward=A3&recp=1&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&region=CColumn&module=Recommendation&src=rechp&WT.nav=RecEngine

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2017/03/06/here-are-the-photos-that-show-obamas-inauguration-crowd-was-bigger-than-trumps/?hpid=hp_hp-cards_hp-card-fedgov%3Ahomepage%2Fcard

http://www.salon.com/2017/03/07/ben-carsons-infinite-fall-from-grace/

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on March 8, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,