Do you know what I discovered after returning from my Thanksgiving-enforced news hiatus? Time away wasn’t long enough. It appears that things have gotten much, much worse in these United States of America. How is that even possible? Within a span of seven days, it looks as if someone flushed a giant toilet in the sky and closeted perverts masquerading as upstanding human beings are circling the drain at a dizzying speed.
We appear to be on the verge of a nuclear war with North Korea (God, have mercy!), the trenches are crowded with die-hard Trumpeters refusing to see the light that their “savior” is destroying the presidency, our country, and our world standing, and if those aren’t enough metaphors for you, so-called born-again Christians are selling their souls to the devil in a fire sale to support an accused pedophile for the Senate and an admitted p**sy grabber and liar-in-chief in the White House.
By the time I finished catching up with the news, I was exhausted and ready to take another vacation. But I momentarily thought to myself, this may be good. These sexual assault revelations, at least, are a sea change in our culture. Eureka! Maybe now, those who call themselves die-hard Christian supporters of Trump will come forward and demand a fundamental biblical action—confession/repentance—from our P**sy-Grabber-in Chief due to the 13 or so sexual assault allegations against him. Maybe those who say that it is God’s will Trump is President and swear to his born-again status will help him see the error of his ways by speaking truth to power: “Trump, you are a pervert. In fact, a news report was released today from two people who once heard you brag while gawking at a woman that was not your wife: ‘There is nothing in the world like first rate p**sy.’ Stand up and be counted, Dude. Repent—go, and sin no more!”
I heard plenty of outrage from Republican Christians against the “liberal” media and celebrity bad boys that got exposed (no pun intended), but only the sound of crickets when it came to holding Trump’s feet to the fire of sexual assault accountability.
I was so dismayed that those who claimed to be the champions of moral authority were backing the wrong horse (again), much like they did historically as Lutherans for Hitler, Dutch Reformed Christians for Apartheid, and Southern Baptists for segregation that I got mad as Hell—at God.
But here’s the problem with the version of Christianity I believe in: I can’t actually see God—or audibly hear Him/Her. I mean, I know He’s there and loves us pathetic humans—all of us. It’s just that I used to believe God spoke to me as an individual, as many of the Christians who support Trump and will never leave his side do (God “told” them to stick with Trump, no matter what). But I was brain washed and all of the things I said God had said to me (except one—check out Monsters’ Throwdown to see which one that was) was all shit I made up so that other Kool-Aid drinkers would think I was all that and a bag of chips.
Right now, I am really angry. Angry that the will and love of God is being misinterpreted, and I’m angry that God doesn’t rescue our country from the mentally ill despot in the White House. I’m so angry that I am wallowing in sin like a pig in a mud hole.
This morning I woke up thinking how much I envy my Catholic friends. I would love to go to confession and bare my soul because I’ve got some questions that need answers and God’s got some ‘splainin’ to do about why so many of his peeps are so delusional. As I often do when my head and heart are in a fog, I made myself a cup of tea, turned on the fireplace, and fantasized about the conversation I would have if a priest came wandering by my window.
ME: Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been “never” since my last confession because I’m a Protestant. I mean for years, I was so arrogant I thought Catholics weren’t true Christians. So, I guess, technically, this is my first confession. I mean, I pray all the time and ask God to forgive me for my multitudinous sins, but I’ve never used a conduit. Please forgive me if I make a mess of this and above all, please don’t take offense. Some of my best friends are Catholic.
PRIEST: Hello, Eleanor. Good to see you, my child. No offense taken. May God the Father of all mercies help you make a good Confession, and I will do my best to help guide you through the process as a non-Catholic.
ME: Well, that’s good, Father, because I need to confess right off the bat that my heart is consumed with hatred. It’s a good thing I don’t own a gun because I could seriously hurt somebody right now. Recently, I received a copy of a Facebook screed pontificating on the “anointed” reign of Trump and how much he had accomplished in God’s name as God’s man in power. This was written by a person who used to be my friend until her constant Facebook attacks on President Obama were so clearly racist that I realized she couldn’t possibly love me, as a Black woman, and believe the things she posted. In my ex-friend’s dissertation about Trump, she ignored his blatant lies (he’s re-upped the birther lie about President Obama, in case you haven’t heard), she ignored his racism (have you seen the latest anti-Muslim retweet that were doctored videos by a neo-fascist hate group aimed at demonizing Muslims?), and she ignored his alignment with Roy Moore (the accused child molester running for the Senate in Alabama). All backed up by Scripture, of course. I can’t believe that she is such an idiot. I hate her with a passion!
PRIEST: Well … that’s probably not a good idea. In your Protestant journey did you ever read the scripture from Proverbs 10:12: “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses?”
ME: Yes, but SHE’S the one stirring up the strife. The bitch knows better (sorry about the “B” word, Father), but she drank some right-wing Christian Kool-Aid. Besides why should she be able to get away with being an idiot, and I have to obsequiously do the “love” thing? You expect me to be nicer than Jesus?
PRIEST: It’s not what I expect, it is what the God of Love commands.
ME: Speaking of the God of Love, wait until you hear how mad I am at Him. I’ll probably get sent straight to Hell for those thoughts. God’s got all the power, why doesn’t He DO something? Why is He letting Trump flush our country down the toilet and bring us to the brink of WW III? God knows that Trump is mentally ill.
PRIEST: God’s ways are not our ways, my Child.
ME: No disrespect, Father, but if I were a god and people were taking my name and my character in vain the way Trump and his Christian supporters are doing, I’d zap Trump with an aneurysm, strike Roy Moore with a heart attack, and cause the gun manufacturers and the NRA to get palsy every time they even thought about a gun. And don’t get me started on Trump’s press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders—the supposed daughter of a preacher man and a “God-fearing Christian” who justifies every lie Trump utters without blinking an eye. Do you know that according to The Washington Post, Trump has made 1,628 false or misleading claims in less than 300 days? I’d glue Sanders’ mouth shut and take away her ability to speak until she died if I were her god. She’s heartless.
PRIEST: Well, we should all be glad you’re not God, and that none of us get caught in your crossfire. It doesn’t seem to have one shred of mercy. Let me ask you something. Have you ever been wrong about what you considered truth? I mean something that you believed for years—maybe even believed it because you thought that is what God wanted you to believe? And then one day, or over a series of days or years, the metaphorical scabs were removed from your eyes, and you saw “the light”—so to speak?
ME: Oh Yeah. It’s happened more than once about quite a few things. I wrote three books about changing: Monsters’ Throwdown, Fleeing Oz, and The Fetus Chronicles. You should read them sometime. I think you’d enjoy them—even as a priest. Although the language might be a bit rough for you.
PRIEST: Oh, you’d be surprised at what I can tolerate being a Father Confessor. Why do you think you changed? Was it through people hating and disdaining you, or was it through people praying for your awakening out of delusional thinking into something concrete and truly holy and love-inspiring?
ME: Huh, maybe…
PRIEST: When’s the last time you’ve read Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
ME: Okay, I get it. I’ve forgotten who I am, and who God is. I need to learn how to fight the good fight for the common good without resorting to using the same base weapons as my enemies, and let God do what only he can do to bring about the change he controls. In the meantime, Father, now that I’ve seen the light—what is my penance?
PRIEST: Not quite sure because you’re not Catholic. Hum … How about, cut your news consumption by 90%? Most of it you can’t control, anyway. Daily pray for strength to love those who wrong you. Drink lots more chamomile tea and read a good book. May I suggest the Holy Bible, Def Jam poetry, or listen to some Jill Scott tunes—preferably, “Living My Life Like it’s Golden”?
ELEANOR’S SELAH (“AHA” MOMENT) ABOUT LOVE CONQUERING HATE
I am discovering that as much as I’d like to hate those who hate me or hate what I hold dear, I simply can’t get away with it if I say I love God. It seems I must force myself to constantly press through those ugly thoughts into a place of grace and love. I must pray for those I believe to be delusional to see the light—the truth. It is hard and almost damned near impossible, but I must reach high when they stoop low. As to my God, if He is to be truly an all-powerful God to me, then I must trust in Him (not lean on my own understanding of the moment in time) that all things will work together for good in the end. Unfortunately, the God of the Universe—who is timeless—seems to have a different concept of time which definitely affects when there is an end to evil at any given moment.
“This is not complicated. Conyers should resign. Franken should resign. Moore should drop out or be defeated. Hypocrisy on the other side doesn’t justify hypocrisy on our side. Period.”—Tweet by Guy Cecil, Principal Player in Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee who helped Franken win reelection three years ago.
“This is equally not complicated. Trump should resign—immediately—before he fucks up our country to the point of no return.”—Eleanor Tomczyk, American citizen and decent human being
THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOK: “The Fetus Chronicles: Podcasts From my Miseducated Self” is on sale now at Amazon!
WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR? Check out her website at www.eleanortomczyk.com
WANT TO HEAR THE AUTHOR’S LATEST INTERVIEW? Check out the podcast interview with Leo Brown: http://breadboxmedia.podbean.com/e/what-if-it-is-true-can-you-find-faith-in-darkness/
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.