Tag Archives: Paul Ryan


Do you know what I discovered last week?  Tis the season for graduations and their illustrious speakers.  Everyone from President Obama to Lin-Manuel Maranda (Alexander Hamilton), from Spike Lee to Steven Spielberg, from Condoleezza Rice to Seth Myers answered the call—all urging our graduates to become their best selves for the future, knowing full well that none of them has a clue what the future holds.

Spread your wings and Fly Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons 

It got me to thinking about graduation speeches I would like to hear—especially during these unhinged political times.  So many of us who are old now look back on the times we graduated from high school and college, and we wished someone had told us the truth about what was so come.  Some of us would go to a war we didn’t believe in and die way to soon, some would get hooked on drugs, some would marry, divorce, and marry again—looking for love in all the wrong places—and most of us would live “lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”  (Thank you Thoreau!)

Which is why, if I could choose a graduation speaker, I would choose Lucifer.  Wait.  Hear me out.  What better entity—the Hoover vacuum of men’s souls—to bring a huge dose of reality to the graduation circuit of 2016 amidst all the Oprahesque “You can do anything you put your minds to—just believe.”   Can you imagine . . .

Honest Commencement Speech David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons




To the presidents of high schools and colleges here there and everywhere, the boards of trustees of these illustrious, rather ill-informed institutions, faculty and staff, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, family and friends who sacrificed their hard-earned money, time, and attention for 2016’s glut of graduates across our great nation—as well as the illustrious graduates themselves—I want to thank you for allowing me to speak to you and thus set the record straight on behalf of reality.

Before I proceed, let me introduce myself.  My name is Lucifer.  Some of you might know me by different nomenclature:  Satan, Beelzebub, Old Mr. Grim, Sneaky Snake, Abaddon, Father of Lies, The Deceiver, The Lawless One, and my favorite—King of the Bottomless Pit.  Many of you have no idea who I am, although I’ve been stalking you since you were born, but there are a few of you who started walking on the wild side in high school who are well acquainted with me.  (Hey, whatz up, Joel, Nadine, LeShaun, Kimmy Huang, and Ricardo?  Party at my place tonight?  Excellent!)

I wasn’t invited by anyone to speak today, but as is my wont, I decided to just take over and force my opinion on you all because your graduation speakers—for the most part—don’t know what the hell they are talking about.  They have failed—as they do every year—to let you know that life is kick-ass hard!  You’ve just spent the last four years in Paradise, and you’ve learned nothing that will help you withstand the many onslaughts I plan to throw your way during your journey. These were the best years of your life, and it is pretty much all downhill after this because adulthood sucks—bigtime.

Graduation Meme

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Oh, I grant you that there were a couple of inspiring commencement messages if you are into that sort of thing, but you weren’t listening—the young rarely do.  President Obama’s speech at Howard University was one I have to begrudgingly give a shout-out to when he said:

“We cannot sleepwalk through life. We cannot be ignorant of history. We can’t meet the world with a sense of entitlement. We can’t walk by a homeless man without asking why a society as wealthy as ours allows that state of affairs to occur. . . We have cousins and uncles and brothers and sisters who we remember were just as smart and just as talented as we were, but somehow got ground down by structures that are unfair and unjust.”

Blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

Of course, Steven Spielberg should probably be given credit for his commencement speech at Harvard that some people might say threw shade on me:

“Love, support, courage, intuition. All of these things are in your hero’s quiver, but still, a hero needs one more thing: A hero needs a villain to vanquish. And you’re all in luck. This world is full of monsters. And there’s racism, homophobia, ethnic hatred, class hatred, there’s political hatred, and there’s religious hatred.”

“A hero needs a villain to vanquish . . .” Okay, Mr. Spielberg, I see how it is.  What did I ever do to you? (Oh, yeah, there was that Holocaust thing and the anti-Semitism that’s on the rise again . . . Sheesh, some people are so touchy.)   Well, students of 2016, I know something about vanquishing villains because I am the consummate villain—the great character assassinator.  If you’re going to defeat me you’re going to need two things:  empathy (“the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”) and critical thinking (“the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment”).

Standardized Tests Parker Florida Today

Cartoon used by permission: Parker, Florida Today/Cagle Cartoons

But “thinking” ain’t never gonna happen for most of youYour education did not teach you to think.  You were taught how to take tests—make the grades.  In fact, according to the latest statistics from a confidential poll, 74% of you cheated in high school to make the grades you got to get you into these fine universities that many of you cheated in at some point in your tenure (at least once or twice) in order to graduate in excellent standing to get the great, well-paying jobs you now covet.   And as to empathy, you’re the “selfie” generation, remember?  Kim Kardashian was your favorite professor. [A few boos can be heard in the audience.]

Don’t believe me?  Okay, case in point.  Your first act of official grown-up business will be to vote in November.  You have a Republican nominee (Donald Trump), who says that he can be all things to all men just so long as they are not Mexicans, Arabs, ugly women, and people who challenge him or contradict something he has said.  (Talk about a man with no empathy.)  He has promised to “make America great again”—translation: when “White was might and always right.”  He, himself, is being exposed as a cheater and a liar due to his duplicitous dealings with something that he dubbed “Trump University.”

Trump Fraud David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

Now “The Donald” is one of my best students, by the way—he can lie like no other.  Passed “Lying 101” with flying colors.  The Huffington Post assigned five reporters to comb through Donald’s presidential debate answers and they found “71 separate instances in which Trump made a claim that was inaccurate, misleading or deeply questionable.”  “. . . basically one falsehood every 169 words, or 1.16 falsehoods every minute,” the reporters said.

What makes you think you won’t fall for my disciple’s crap?  I was at the graduation ceremony of your 54th Speaker of the House when he graduated from Miami University of Ohio in 1992.  Smart, squeaky clean, good upstanding Christian who wanted to be President of the United States someday.  I thought he was incorruptible. He slipped right under my radar in 1992 as someone who would eventually be working for me, but I just got a report in from my peeps that he sold his soul to me the other day in exchange for a measly conservative agenda even though he swore he’d never capitulate and “accept ugliness as the norm.”  Sweet!  Only a remnant of the GOP has refused to affix their lips to The Donald’s ass, but the majority (even John McCain—the war hero who The Donald besmirched) have surrendered their souls because staying in power means more to them than good character.

30 pieces of silver Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch/Cagle Cartoons

And don’t get me started on your religious leaders who claim to be the “keepers of the American way.”  For instance, did you know that on June 21st my man, Donald, will meet with 500 of your most prominent evangelical leaders?  According to the Daily Beast, they will include such illustrious folks as “Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins, radio host James Dobson and the president of the Southern Baptist Convention, Ronnie Floyd.”  They say the meeting is about getting more comfortable with Donald Trump as their standard bearer, I say it will be a meeting where they murder what little character they have left in exchange for power—power to pick the next several Supreme Court Justices (and to ensure they are conservative), power to thwart the equality advancements for the LGBT community, and power to overthrow women’s rights.  They want assurance that they will have a candidate to beat the Democrat.  The uber-Christians want to win so badly that they don’t even know they are being played.

Did you know that according to Betsy Woodruff of the Daily Beast, the “Donald J. Trump Foundation contributed $100,000 in 2012 to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, and in 2013 gave $10,000 each to the Family Leader, an influential Iowa evangelical group, and to Samaritan’s Purse,”—setting the stage years ago for The Donald’s (or should I say, my) manipulation and purchase of the souls of your prominent Conservative Evangelicals.  Well played Donald, my disciple—well played!

Can you hear me?  Do you get the gist of what I’m saying?  You have the power to vanquish a villain as soon as November 2016 if you look up from your cell phones.   Of course, the best way to ensure evil’s inevitable victory through Donald Trump is to simply do nothing.

Kool Aid Time Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

That said, thank you all for your time.  This is the last piece of “free advice” I give you.  Everything costs, so don’t expect me to do this again.   I must run now.  I need to get back to roaming the Earth and seeking whom I may devour.  I’m sure I’ll be seeing many of you again throughout your lifetimes and especially at the end of your days which will be a lot sooner than you think.  (I know that’s hard for you to imagine because you’re young, and you think you’ll never die.)  In any case, the fastest way to get in touch with me is to murder your character and hit 666 on the speed dial of your phone after you do so.  I’ll come running . . .



I am discovering that I agree with Founding Father Thomas Paine that “these are the times that try men’s souls.”  He was saying it about the late 1700s, but it has been true since the birth of man, and it is true today.  There hasn’t been a time in the history of man when humans didn’t have to pay a steep price in order to choose to do the right thing.  We, the Baby Boomers, sacrificed ourselves to figure out the science to put men on the moon, gave our lives to bring about civil rights and women’s rights, declared war on poverty, defused the cold war, bought a fruitless land war in East Asia to an end, gave the world personal computers and cell phones, and of course, turned music inside out by giving the Universe the Beatles, the Bee Gees, Bob Dylan, and Motown.  But we are getting old, and sometimes old people sell their souls for a little peace and quiet and the assurance that they will be given nostalgic tickets to the “good ol’ days.”  We need the next generation to shake up our world just as we did our parent’s generation.  Let us hope that our children and grandchildren will “rise up” and do the right things to make our world a better place.  If they do, we will have taught them well.

Graduate Safety Net Bob Englehart CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart,


“. . . all of us as leaders can hold ourselves to the highest standards of integrity and decency . . . we shouldn’t accept ugliness as the norm.”—Paul Ryan in March before he sold his soul to the Devil

 “I think this is a different election; this is a different time in American history. You can’t have it both ways. … I just can’t believe there isn’t another candidate, at this point, that they would say, ‘You know what, I’d rather go down behind the right person than sell out America, my principles and everything I’ve worked for all my life to get behind somebody who I don’t believe in.’”—Mika Brzezinski’s reaction to Paul Ryan’s endorsement of Donald Trump

“At Liberty [University] last week, Trump, who identifies as a Presbyterian, drew laughter when he called the Bible’s Second Corinthians ‘Two Corinthians.’ Many evangelical leaders have criticized his admitted extramarital affairs and failure to ever ask for God’s forgiveness, but Falwell today called him ‘a successful executive and entrepreneur, a wonderful father and a man who I believe can lead our country to greatness again.”—J.C. Derrick, World

 “Today, you start down the path of becoming the generation on which the next generation stands. And I’ve imagined many possible futures in my films, but you will determine the actual future. And I hope it’s filled with justice and peace.” Filmmaker Steven Spielberg/Commencement address to Harvard’s Class of 2016.




Ali Bob Englehart CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart,



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on June 4, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered after returning home from visiting my grandson this weekend?  The Donald waltzed up to Capitol Hill and the Speaker of the House tucked his tail between his legs, bowed down and affixed his lily-white lips firmly against The Donald’s orange ass.  America, we are so screwed!

Paul Ryan and The Donald Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

Everyone keeps telling me (a Born-again Christian but not “that kind of Christian”) there is no way in Heaven or Hell The Donald can occupy the White House in November—I just need to have faith. They tell me we Americans will come to our senses and stop this xenophobe, racist, serial adulterer, misogynist, liar, Ayn Rand disciple, and mammon-worshiper who sits at the right hand of Satan before he gets too close to the throne because the Holy Rolling Christian Evangelicals will never throw their weight behind Donald Trump’s candidacy.  Well, the Barbarian is at the White House gate and he’s being carried in on a gilded perch shouldered by Christian Televangelists (Jerry Falwell, Jr., Pat Roberson, Jan Couch of TBN, Paula White, Gloria and Kenneth Copeland, Clarence McClendon—a Black preacher who should know better—and the slick-haired Joel Osteen just to name a few).  The raised royal sedan chair is being led by The Donald’s lead house Negro, Dr. Ben Carson (a.k.a., another “Born-again Christian” who is trying to ram his form of religion down the throats of everyone who doesn’t think like him).  (Insert picture of “The Scream” by Expressionist artist Edvard Munch.)

No Way Trump John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

When I read about the meeting between Paul Ryan and Donald Trump which should have been titled:  “The Day Paul Ryan Sold His Soul to the Devil,” I was so upset that I fell into somewhat of a depression (Mr. Ryan considers himself to be a fine, upstanding Christian as most of the GOP does, claiming to be the standard bearer of family values and all).  While in my comatose state, I dreamt that I was in a Judge Judy-style courtroom where my alter ego was the judge (The Dalai Mama), a conglomerate of Trump’s ex-wives, pissed-off feminists, ripped-off Trump University students, the poor, assorted Mexicans, a bunch of Muslims, and decent human beings in general were the Plaintiff, and the GOP was the Defendant.  As with all my dreams and fantasies, I won the battle for truth.  (If only life were that easy…)

Trump Stealing soul of Gop RJ Matson Roll Call

Cartoon used by permission: RJ Matson Roll Call||Cagle Cartoons



ANNOUNCER:    [Disembodied voice heard offstage]Entering through the door on the left of Judge Dalai Mama’s Court is the Plaintiff ‘Truth’ who is suing the Defendant ‘GOP’ for breach of contract.  Entering through the door on the right is the Defendant, the GOP.”

BAILIFF:  [Big burly Black guy in police uniform]ALL RISE for the trial of Truth vs. the GOP!!   The Court of the No-nonsense Judicial Circuit is now in session.  The Honorable Judge Dalai Mama is presiding.”

BAILIFF:  [Swearing in the Plaintiff and the Defendant] “Do you promise the testimony you are about to give will faithfully and truthfully conform to the facts of this trial?  Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”


BAILIFF:  “You may proceed.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Befo’ I call on either one of y’all to testify, you both better know that I don’t take no crap—you hear me?  My court ain’t called the “no-nonsense” court for nothin’.  You mess with me, and I won’t hesitate to knock you upside yo’ head.  Capisce?”


JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “All right—now that we all on the same page—why don’t we start with the Plaintiff.  Ms. Truth, it says here that you are suin’ the GOP for breach of contract.  Why?  It says here in my court brief that you two used to be lovers.”

PLAINTIFF:  “’Used to be’ are the operative words, your honor.  This jerk has played me for the last time.  I’ve put up with his xenophobia, I’ve put up with his stinginess, I’ve put up with his lyin’, and I’ve put up with his duplicity, but I’m drawin’ the line with his latest punk-ass stunt.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Ms. Truth, the term ‘punk ass’ is not a legal term.  I would caution you to stick to courtroom language, Girlfriend.”

PLAINTIFF:  “Sorry, Your Honor.  He’s just got me so upset, I can barely breathe.  I just found out that he has urged the Republicans in Congress to support that pig Donald Trump in spite of all the disparaging ways The Donald has treated me.  I’ve tried to reason with the Defendant in the past, but yesterday was the final straw.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:    “What happened yesterday?”

PLAINTIFF:  “The Defendant rolled over and took it up the ass from The Donald when Paul Ryan and Donald Trump had that sham meeting on Capitol Hill after Paul Ryan intimated that he’d never support that jerk.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  [Judge’s gavel thunders throughout the courtroom as the judge pounds in rapid-fire succession against her desk.)  “Hey, hey, hey—courtroom decorum Ms. Truth, or you’ll be fined for bein’ in contempt.  Get it together, Baby!”

Ryan Endorsing Trump Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund,||Cagle Cartoons

PLAINTIFF:  “Yes, Your Honor . . . sorry.  What I’m sayin’ is that yesterday was bad, but today was the pièce de résistance.  I woke up to the news that the Secret Service (and rightfully so) is investigating Trump’s long-time butler of 30 years/Mar-a-Lago tour guide ‘historian’ (Anthony Senecal) because he has recently published quite a few Facebook screeds about wanting President Obama (and his wife) to be executed.  Referring to the President as ‘our pus headed president’ and ‘kenyan (sic) fraud’–saying he should be ‘hung for treason,’ as well as stating, that the President ‘should have been taken out by our military and shot as an enemy agent in his first term.’ He went on to say that Muslims should be ‘shot at the shore’ instead of being allowed to come into our country and for added security, our President ‘should be hung from the portico of the White Mosque.’  And you know what? The Defendant—the GOP—hasn’t said a mumbling word of chastisement to a man who may soon be a finger-click away from our nuclear bombs about the fact that he has tolerated such an asshole in his employment for over thirty years.  (You can’t convince me that someone who has worked that intimately with The Donald hasn’t shared his horrid views with ‘The King,’ as Mr. Senecal affectionately refers to him.) This butler’s apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and just undergirds what a bastard Donald Trump is underneath all that Republican smooshing—you can bet your sweet ass on that truth!  Why in God’s name doesn’t the Defendant distance himself from this Neanderthal?”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA: [Furious banging of the gavel is heard] “Order . . . order in the court!  Ms. Truth, this is your last warning about court decorum.  Don’t make me come down there and smack you upside your head.  I think you need to stand down and check yo’self.  (Sweet Jesus, I’m gonna need myself a stiff drink befo’ this trial is over.)  Now, will the Defendant, Mr. GOP, please state your rebuttal?

DEFENDANT:  “Absolutely, Your Honor!  I have a prepared statement to read in my defense which should put this case to bed in my favor.  May I proceed?”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA: “As you wish, Mr. GOP, but hear this:  My mama didn’t raise no fools.  Tread carefully, ‘cause if I catch you lyin’, you’re toast.”

DEFENDANT: “No problem, Your Honor.  My Republican brand stands for Truth (with a capital ‘T’):  family values, Christian virtues, intelligent leadership, and compassionate conservatism.  After all, my party is the one that freed the slaves.  Why would I jeopardize my reputation supporting a candidate who didn’t represent those values?  And to prove my point, I would like to point out to the Court that our Republican nominee for the Presidency is supported by prominent Christian televangelists and Christian University presidents (Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, Jr. for example) and prosperity preachers who think God wants us all to be rich, just like Mr. Trump.  In fact, these ‘Name-it-and-claim-it’ preachers deem to call The Donald their friend.  They simply adore him.  All that gold that surrounds him, the private planes that transport him, and the beauty queens that have adorned his arms through the years are just what the prosperity preachers believe to be the righteous man’s due.  Not only do these pillars of our Christian churches support Mr. Trump but many of them have gone on record to proclaim his ‘Born-again status.’”

Make America Grunt Again John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Is that so, Mr. GOP?”

DEFENDANT:  “Yes, indeed, Your Honor.  Why one of the top female prosperity-doctrine preachers, Ms. Paula White, has preached to a crowd of thousands that Mr. Trump is ‘saved’ and should be our next president.  Ms. White has gone on record to say that she gave him a Bible signed by none other than the great Rev. Billy Graham.  She says that the Bible even included a note with a ‘prophetic word’ over Mr. Trump—although, I’ve never seen it, so I’ll just have to take her word for it.  On top of all this glowing support, Ms. Paula White is a leader of a predominantly Black congregation.  Your Honor, don’t you think if Mr. Trump were such a racist xenophobe as Ms. Truth suggests, that a multi-cultural congregation would not so readily pay for Ms. White to own a condo in Trump Tower as well as support her shopping and plastic surgery addiction?”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Well, like my mama used to say: ‘a fool and his money is easily parted.’ But go on.”

PLAINTIFF:  “Seriously?!  Your Honor, are you listening to him?  These Christian televangelists are cut from the same cloth as Trump—they are like two peas in a pod.  What about his failed Trump University that is being sued by ex-students—poor people—who went into credit-card debt as much as $35,000 because Trump allegedly promised he could ‘turn anyone into a successful real estate investor, including you. . ?’  It was a scam—a bunch of real estate workshops in hotel ballrooms!  Oh my God, doesn’t any other Christian besides me see this subterranean creature for what he truly is?   Oh, and what about his crude chats with shock-jock Howard Stern in the late 90s when the two of them would critique women’s looks (and I quote), “…Her boob job is terrible. They look like two light posts coming out of a body.” And this:  “A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10.”  He has boasted for years about all the women chasing him and his stud-like sex life, not to mention his love ‘em and dump ‘em thrice married sorry behind.

The man is crude, rude, and should be stewed! But instead, he’s being justified and heralded by leading Christian Evangelists.  And what about the $85,000 Trump paid for four full-page, explosive ads in NYC newspapers to demand the death penalty against five Black and Latino teenagers who were wrongfully convicted for the brutal assault, rape, and sodomy of a White twenty-eight year old investment banker?  The Huffington Post said he called them “rapists, thugs, killers, wild criminals, muggers, murderers, crazed misfits?”  The only problem was: THE 14-16 YEAR OLDS TURNED OUT TO BE NOT QUILTY AND THEIR CONFESSIONS HAD BEEN COERSED!!  Many years later, another man who was a serial rapist and murderer serving a life sentence in prison fully confessed to committing the crime all by himself.  He knew details about the horrid event that only the investigators could have known, and his DNA matched the crime scene DNA, whereas it never matched the accused teens.  Marry that confession with a record of rampant investigative negligence and you have reasonable doubt, as you well know Your Honor.  The teens were exonerated after spending five to thirteen years in prison and given millions in a settlement from NYC a decade after their false imprisonment which The Donald hysterically railed against.   If Trump had had his racist, hot-headed way in 1989, five teenagers—children (angels by no means and hooligans for sure, but still children)—would have been turned into a line in the Billie Holiday song, ‘Strange Fruit’‘Blood on the leaves and blood at the root… strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.’  And here’s the rub:  Trump never, ever apologized, and still publicly questions the Central Park Five’s proven innocence, because the man is incapable of admitting he is wrong. [1] [2] [3]

If Donald Trump had the power and the money in the late 80s to call for the annihilation of the lives of five Black and Latino children who were falsely accused of a crime, what does the GOP think he’ll do in a hot-headed moment against any number of American minorities, an Arab nation, Mexico, or China?”


Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

JUDGE DALAI MAMA: “Hum, hum . . . I think I’ve heard enough to make a rulin’.  Will the Plaintiff and the Defendant please stand?  It is clear to me that the Defendant, Mr. GOP, has turned his back on Truth and pretty much sold his soul to the Devil as it pertains to the justification of that dog, Donald Trump.  Mr. GOP has swallowed the wormwood, sorry-ass nature of Mr. Trump—hook, line, and sinker—for the supposed sake of unity to try and ‘unblacken’ the White House in November (as Larry Wilmore would say).  Win at all cost seems to be the GOP’s motto.   Well, Mr. GOP, I’m here to tell you that God don’t like ugly, and I’ve got a feelin’ that your ass is gonna be grass come November, ‘cause the Lawd will not be mocked—you hear me?  Therefore, I, Judge Dalai Mama, rules in favor of the Plaintiff—Truth!  After all this slime, Girlfriend needs a hot bath and a drink. This court is hereby dismissed!”

Trump Bitter Pill Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons



I am discovering that I am trying not to panic, but Lord have mercy, this shit just got real with Trump and Paul Ryan’s sham meeting with all but four or five members of the Republicans in Congress throwing their support behind The Donald.  The Speaker of the House who looked like a deer caught in the glare of headlights must have used the word “encouraging” at least half a dozen times when referencing his meeting with Trump, which is like saying, “My lunch with Beelzebub was very ‘encouraging’ as he yanked me down into Hell!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not in the tank for Hillary.  I will vote for her, but I will be holding my nose the entire time just on the premise that we don’t need another Bush/Clinton in the White House—two families have held the presidency for twenty years!  (How is it that in a country of 323,814,755 people as of May 16th the best we could find to run for the highest office in the land were a clown car of jabronis on the Republican side, one grumpy old man on the Democrat side promising free shit to kids with no way to pay for it (no kid wants to ever grow up and pay for anything), and two qualified candidates (Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton) from two washed-out presidential dynasties?  If we manage to get through November without the unholy, racist, pig Donald Trump becoming president (ARE YOU LISTENING, GOD; IT’S ME, ELEANOR?), then we need to start beating the bushes to find men and women of integrity who will come out of hiding by 2020 and lead our great nation in a manner which it deserves because my heart can’t take much more of this.  Moving to Canada won’t be far enough to get away from the madness that will ensue. I might just have to exit stage left of this planet and go hang out with my God.  Just sayin’.

Hillary John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons



“And I can teach you, kinsman, how to shame the devil—by telling the truth! ‘Tell the truth and shame the devil,’ as the old saying goes. If you do have the power to call him up, then bring him here. And I’ll swear I have the power to shame him into leaving. Oh, for goodness sake, tell the truth and shame the devil!”—Character of Henry ‘Hotspur’ Percy from Henry IV by Shakespeare

In the 1990s, when another Clinton was president, conservatives became fond of the phrase “character counts.” This was a way of scoring points against Bill Clinton for his sexual predations and rhetorical misdirections, as well as a statement that Americans expected honor and dignity in the Oval Office. I’ll never forget the family friend, circa 1998, who wondered how she was supposed to explain the meaning of a euphemism for oral sex to her then 10-year-old daughter. . . Endorsing Mr. Trump means permanently laying to rest any claim conservatives might ever again make on the character issue.”Brett Stevens, the Wall Street Journal from article: “Hillary the Conservative Hope”

None of the Above Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle||Cagle Cartoons



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).


REFERENCES   [1]  [2]  [3]

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



Posted by on May 14, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do You See What I See?

Do you know what I’ve discovered?  It has taken me until my sixties to become completely self-aware and to realize that I’m just a little bit nuts.  I don’t mean that I’m bat-shit crazy like my mother who was paranoid-schizophrenic; I simply mean that I finally recognized that I see the world from a different angle than the people I used to hang with and I now realize that’s okay—either that or I’m lying to myself which would be self-denial and not the same thing as self-awareness at all.

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“Self-Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self-Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.”—Gary van Warmerdam  (


I’m getting ready to make another major life transition in the next six months (retirement), and it is imperative that I have a “clear perception” of who and what I am—warts and all—if I am to successfully turn the page to the next chapter.  I haven’t always been in a place of prime self-awareness.  I mean I thought I was one of the most self-aware people around when I was younger, but I had hoodwinked myself into believing that because I was religious.  Now that I am old, I have found that religious people (people who follow a specific set of stringent rules to define their lot in life) tend to think they are better off than they are—that the people they hate are more sinful than they really are—and it usually takes a spiritual or emotional earthquake to shake off the cataracts from the “holier than thou” person’s eyes to plunge him or her into a deeper level of self-awareness.


I’ve found that sometimes it’s hard to tell self-denial and self-awareness apart.  There’s nothing like the obese woman who visualizes that she’s the embodiment of the Right Said Fred song and thinks she’s “too sexy for her shirt, too sexy for your party, too sexy for Milan, or too sexy for her cat.”

Cartoon version of “self-awareness fail” by Collins||image from

Real life self-awareness fail|image from

And for God’s sake don’t even get me started on the man who sports the Tea Party hat, screams the Tea Party epithets as he commits his life to take back America for God from the socialists, the baby-killers, and the fags but treats his wife and kids like shit.

Carl Jones Cartoon from the Free Lance-Star||image from

But the best self-awareness fail was the one that woke my husband and me up from our right-wing Christian stupor and probably saved our destinies and our souls—it certainly saved our minds.  There’s nothing like getting up every morning, looking in the mirror and confirming to one’s self that you are the epitome of a great father and mother while handing out the WWJD bracelets to your kids before they march out the door to high school (“protect those choices, babies”).   There’s no greater Christian turn-on than reminding your offspring of their D.A.R.E. pledges (taking a stand against drug abuse) they made at the beginning of middle school and calling to mind their abstinence letters still to be signed on the dining room table.  However there is no deeper despair than to later find out that all the platitudes you believed in were a bunch of shit and none of it worked.  There’s absolutely fucking nothing like having one of your kids temporarily lose her mind that forces you to reexamine what you believe, why you believe it, and how your life should change to properly demonstrate that new belief system.

Cartoon by Mike Luckovich for the Atlanta Tribune-Constitutional

Fortunately, if you wake up in time (which we did), your self-awareness brutally course-corrects itself (it did), and the errant kid gets to correct her destiny before it capsizes (which she did) and you continue as a family, stronger and more loving than ever.  As the parent who thought I was “all that and a bag of chips,” I gained a self-awareness that made me more compassionate, more loving, and more tolerant toward others—walking along side them without judgment as they try to overcome the vagaries of life.


The only people who seem to have unadulterated self-awareness seem to be small children, but it has to be because they don’t know anything except “what is.”  The “smalls” have an amazing ability to be comfortable in their own skin and this doesn’t change until they are made to feel “less than” or “other than” by ridicule and abuse.  The other day my three-year-old grandson was walking with his mother to the subway station via a rather rough inner-city street in New York.  As they passed quite a few nefarious looking characters that my daughter didn’t plan on giving the time of day, each one broke into a smile of recognition and greeted my grandson with a high-five and a—“Hey there, little dude, how’s it hangin’?”  “So little man, what you been up to—long time no see!”  “Where you off to today, buddy?” To which my grandson graced each person with a beatific grin that could melt the ass off a snowman and saluted each greeter with a miniature toddler high-five.  As he walked on down the street while holding his mother’s hand, he said rather matter-of-factly and without the least bit of irony:  “You know what, Mama—people luv me!”

Image from

The good news for our “little dude” is that we have shielded him from the people who won’t love him for quite a while, and that is a good thing.  But children soon leave behind their naïve self-awareness and grow into adults who see a false image of themselves in their mind’s eye, and start believing their own press, where they project themselves in such a way that they lose touch with the reality of what actually “is.”  Consequently, we have to constantly be on the lookout for epic self-awareness fails—not only in our personal lives and our family’s lives but in the greater arena at large.  Learning to recognize self-awareness bombs will keep us sharp and give us the tools to adjust our own growth.


SELF-AWARENESS FAIL ~(Republican party the true bastion of morality and ever the guardian of the WWJD slogan): Black CNN reporter gets pelted with peanuts by Republican Conventioneers who proudly boast of being ‘church-goers’ and told the devastated reporter, “This is how we treat the animals.”  IMP. NEWS FLASH QUESTION:  Republican, Christian Tea Party members—Are you shittin’ me?

SELF-AWARENESS FAIL ~(Good Catholics uphold the 10 Commandments, especially the 9th Commandment because “bearing false witness” is a major character defect):  Staunch Catholic, PAUL RYAN, Republican VP Nominee, receives the “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire Award” for what the New York Times calls a “litany of falsehoods” in his convention speech.  He is accused of lying about everything from President Obama not requiring “Welfare recipients to work anymore” to his final speed of a marathon (said he ran it in 2 hours and something when it actually took him over four hours).   Joan Walsh of in the article titled: “Paul Ryan’s Marathon Lie” says that this was no slip of the tongue.  Ryan “boasted about the feat with specificity and swagger.”  (Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, go wash your mouth out with soap and come back and write on the blackboard 1,000 times: ‘I will never, ever lie again because I am a Christian and I must never, ever break the 9th commandment’ because in doing so, you’re making the God you supposedly serve a laughing-stock.  Dude, do you really think you’re going to get away with this?)

SELF-AWARENESS FAIL ~Ralph Reed (Former Christian Coalition head WHO USED TO ATTEND THE SAME CHURCH AS WW AND ME—YIKES!) IS BACK—living an upstanding stellar Christian life (NOT!) by initiating and underscoring a plank on the Republican platform that is trying to defeat the minimum wage in the Mariana Islands [territory owned by USA since WWII] again.  Reed’s epic fail that almost destroyed him in the past was a “partnership” with the lobbyist crook, Jack Abramoff, to defeat the Federal Government’s effort to clean up the sweatshops and bring in minimum wage in those islands, thus cutting into the profits of factory owners and shareholders.  Reed convinced Alabama residents to urge their Congressmen to vote for no restrictions in wages on the premise that imposing minimum wage on the imported Chinese workers would keep them from getting hired by the Mariana Islands’ businesses, and that would mean (horrors!) the workers wouldn’t hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ, wouldn’t get Bibles to save their souls and they wouldn’t take those Bibles back to China to save the rest of their peeps’ souls.  What Reed failed to mention to his Alabama pawns is that the Chinese women worked in horrible conditions and were “forced to have abortions, forced to engage in prostitution, and forced to produce garments for pennies that said ‘Made in the USA.’”  The revelation of these truths cost Ralph Reed the Republican nomination for lieutenant governor of Georgia in 2006 and now “he’s back!”  Oh God, deliver us from your people! (Ralph Reed, where you gonna’ run, where you gonna hide, sinner man?  Did you ever hear the slogan:  God is not mocked?)

“Reed’s was a monstrous lie by one of the monumental hypocrites of our time. Yet he marches on, Christian soldier to the end, turning the temple of faith into one big ATM. There’s a word for this in the Bible: Abomination.”— By Bill Moyers and Michael Winship, [THIS STORY WAS ORIGINALLY REPORTED ON BILLMOYERS.COM.]

A Mike Keefe Cartoon for the Denver Post||


I am discovering that being self-aware is probably one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.  Unfortunately, it isn’t a one-time deal; it is a constant and diligent examination—kind of like a yearly breast examination of the soul.  Every new crossroad in life demands a poking and prodding and an x-ray of who we are to see if what we think we are is what others see.  Without that revelation, there is no successful move into the next phase of life—there’s just one giant epic fail.  Stay tuned—retirement transition to be posted in March 2013.


“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”—August Wilson

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”—Carl Gustav Jung

“[I]t doesn’t matter whom you love or where you move from or to, you always take yourself with you. If you don’t know who you are, or if you’ve forgotten or misplaced her, then you’ll always feel as if you don’t belong. Anywhere. (xiii)”― Sarah Breathnach, Moving on: Creating Your House of Belonging with Simple Abundance

“We judge others instantly by their clothes, their cars, their appearance, their race, their education, their social status. The list is endless. What gets me is that most people decide who another person is before they have even spoken to them. What’s even worse is that these same people decide who someone else is, and don’t even know who they are themselves.”― Ashly Lorenzana

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Posted by on September 2, 2012 in Uncategorized


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