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HAVE COURAGE AND BE KIND

Do you know what I’ve discovered since the dawn of 2016 in just the first half of January?  Situations have gotten pretty scary and a tad bit nuts in our world, as you all know.  2015 was a really nutty time to be an inhabitant of Earth, and nobody has any idea how things are going to turn out in 2016.  If you’re a pessimist and see the glass half-empty then America will be fully engaged in WWIII by 2017, North Korea will have obliterated South Korea, Japan and much of China with a hydrogen bomb, Trump will be president, and concentration camps will dot the countryside filled with Mexicans, Muslims, and whatnots (TBD, since racism never knows any boundaries).  BUT if you’re an optimist and see the glass half-full (as I do), then 2016 just might surprise us all for the better.

New World Order Paresh Nath The Khaleej Times UAE

Cartoon used by permission: New World Order, Paresh Nath, The Khaleej Times UAE/Cagle Cartoons

I can find encouragement in anything.  I look for hope on a daily basis.  As I watched Disney’s 2015 live action version of Cinderella while trying to fulfill one of my New Year’s Resolution’s (exercising on the treadmill for an eternity), so many things in the movie inspired me.  I must confess that Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale because my own personal story is as close to an X-rated Cinderella tale as any living human being that I’ve ever met (check out my first book, Monsters’ Throwdown).  In fact, for me to be a pessimist after all that I have overcome would be sheer blasphemy and the highest form of ingratitude.

By the end of the movie, I was undone.  Because so many of the lines from it touched my heart, I was inspired to put together a 2016 list of optimistic predictions in the face of so much doom and gloom that the news is predicting we will suffer as Americans.  I’ll hold onto them and check back with you this time 2017, and we can determine what type of prophetess I am—one who is a naïve piece of work, or one who just might be onto something.  All the predictions are based on courage and kindness—a major theme of Chris Weitz (the writer of the screenplay) and Kenneth Branagh’s (the director) interpretation of the classic Cinderella story.

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ELEANOR’S 2016 PREDICTIONS

PREDICTION #1:  My first prediction is a personal one.  In 2014/2015 I was diagnosed with “The Sugar” (diabetes for my non-Black readers).  I was and still am determined to kick its ass via diet and exercise.  I am happy to report that by the end of 2015, I no longer need medication nor am I considered a diabetic.  (I did so by first firing the nasty-ass doctor I had who tried to convince me there was no other hope for me except insulin or I would lose my toes, my feet, and my eye sight—you know who you are Dr. CY—may you be accursed!)  Once I found a doc who was willing to work with me, he strategically and safely walked me away from the poor medical advice and the number that would categorize me as a full-blown diabetic, and as he said to me several weeks ago:  “Congratulations, you have transformed your body out of being a diabetic [no longer needing medication] to a pre-diabetic.  You should be proud of yourself.  Given a couple more months—even that will be history.”   I AM IN LOVE WITH MY NEW DOCTOR!!  I predict that by the end of 2017, I will look back on this scary medical phase in my life as a bad distant memory.

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“ELLA CONTINUED TO SEE THE WORLD AS IT COULD BE—NOT AS IT IS . . .”—Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother

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Pre Christmas Weight Cam Cardow Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Cam Cardow, Cagle Cartoons

PREDICTION #2:  I never thought I’d ever hear myself saying this, but Donald Trump will probably win the Republican nomination to run for President, and that will be a very good thing!  (Nope, I haven’t lost my mind.) I’m beginning to see Trump as a gift to our country as he exposes the racism, the xenophobia, the homophobia, the heartless gun-lust, duplicity, and godless greed of a significant group of people in the GOP (not all Republicans—some of my best friends are Repubs—but enough to destroy this Grand Old Party that once freed the slaves).   Trump is not the savior he so arrogantly thinks himself to be, but his behavior is a reflection of what has been hidden for years within the GOP.

I think Trump will win the primary, wiping out all of his Republican opponents as he blocks the entry way of the path to the Oval Office. Then he will hand the election to the Democrats in an overwhelming victory because the tide of resistance that will rise up against him in America will be greater than the power of his fear-driven, blind followers who are spewing venom and hatred.   (Remember, we are the nation that passed the Civil Rights Act without a bloody coup but on the backs of martyrs, twice elected a Black president to the chagrin of many Republicans, legalized gay marriage in all 50 states with major resistance, and we are still the most generous nation on Earth which shows a great deal of courage and kindness.)

We (Americans) are better than Donald Trump, and we will prove it. The GOP created this monster, kept silent when Trump falsely accused the President (over and over again) of not being a true American or a “Christian,” and someone who would destroy our country when all of the evidence proved otherwise. Now the chickens have come home to roost.   I predict that in the end, Trump will destroy the GOP’s chance to occupy the White House for decades to come.

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“THOUGH ELLA WAS SAD, HER SPIRIT WAS NOT BROKEN.”—Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother

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Super Trump Milt Priggee, www.miltpriggee.com

Cartoon used by permission: Milt Priggee, www.miltpriggee.com

PREDICTION #3 

We’ve temporarily lost our minds over the myriad terrorists who threaten us from around the world—including our home grown ones.  But President Roosevelt was correct:  “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”  I predict that if we take a deep collective breath, shake off our fears—stoke the courage embers—and stick to our values (in many cases, figure out what our values are), we will be able to separate the demons from those who need our kindness.  I predict that we will do the right thing in the end toward our own citizens that need a helping hand as well as those who reach out to us who are victims of terrorists in 2016.

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“HAVE COURAGE AND BE KIND . . . AND ALL WILL BE WELL”—Cinderella

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Know Your Enemy John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

PREDICTION #4: 

I predict that God (who, if I know anything about his character, “don’t do ugly”) will show himself to be God in 2016—bringing down so many of the posers who claim to be “doing God’s will”—from the Bundy standoff in Nevada to ISIS leaders in the Middle East.  They won’t all go away in 2016 (there will always be people who claim to speak for God until the end of time), but I predict that there will be a significant amount who meet their demise.  Do you remember how many people claimed to be doing God’s will when they ran for president or vice president over the last decade—“God told me to run for office!”—Palin, Bachmann, Cain, Carson, Jeb Bush, Perry, Romney, Jindal, Walker, Kasich, Santorum, Huckabee, and Cruz.  Either God has been hedging his bets over the last decade or he is messin’ with the GOP.  I choose to believe the latter.

I also predict that 2016 will be the year the Conservative Evangelical church is going to lose its shit!  So many of my ex-peeps have jumped into bed with the Tea Party and the Right Wing talk show and arch-conservative social media groups (Fox, Breitbart, World Net, Jones, Limbaugh, and the like) that they wouldn’t recognize Jesus if he came to Earth and walked on water right in front of their eyes.  They would swear it was Obama trying to trick them into liking a Muslim posing as Jesus doing a magic trick.  The weeping and gnashing of teeth within those groups when McCain and then again Romney lost to Obama (I know because I got their emails) will be child’s play compared to the devastation that will be coming from those quarters.  They will fall all over each other predicting America’s demise because we’ve “turned our backs on God” when we don’t elect their delusional candidates.  Watch this space.

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“KINDNESS IS FREE; LOVE IS FREE”—Cinderella

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Doing God's Will Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

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“KINDNESS IS FREE; LOVE IS FREE”—Cinderella

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PREDICTION #5: 

I predict that what changes in 2016 regarding gun control will be incremental and seem almost pointless, but we shouldn’t get discouraged.  One day, our gun control laws will change—the 2nd Amendment will be changed. The Constitution is not written in stone—if it were, I’d still be a slave, which I’m sure some people would like, but I would find it rather inconvenient.  I predict that what will happen in 2016 is more and more murders, accidents, and suicides by guns will occur—more than we can humanely tolerate.  At some point, these horrific scenes will begin to wash up on the shores of the politicians and gun lobbyists’ families, their neighbors, and their friends at an alarming rate, causing them to reevaluate which is more important—their loved ones’ rights to fulfill their destiny on Earth or a gun owner’s right to pack heat.  (There is nothing as persuasive as an avid gun owner turned gun control crusader.)  In the meantime, I’m hitting my knees and praying that God will have mercy on us all.

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“EVEN THOUGH IT’S WHAT’S DONE, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S WHAT SHOULD BE DONE.”—Cinderella 

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Gun Place in America Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

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ELEANOR’S SELAH (“AHA”) MOMENT ABOUT 2016

I am discovering that 2016 could be an amazing year of opportunity even though it has already gotten off to a very scary start.  To get through it is going to take a lot of courage enveloped in an ocean of kindness.  I predict that there are enough of us with deep humanity who will be able to take 2016 by the horns, kick America’s demons to the curb, and “Make America Great Again” sans Trump and all that he stands for.  Are you with me?

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“I FORGIVE YOU”—Cinderella

(The last thing Cinderella says to her evil stepmother before departing with the Prince)

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Forgiveness Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

INSPIRTIONAL QUOTES ON COURAGE AND KINDNESS

 “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”—Winston Churchill

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”—Maya Angelou

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”—Mark Twain

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”—Og Mandino

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IN MEMORY OF DAVID BOWIE

RIP

 (1947-2016)

David Bowie David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

“And these children that you spit on

 As they try to change their worlds

 Are immune to your consultations

 They’re quite aware of what they’re going through.”

(Lyrics from the song: “Changes” by David Bowie)

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ALL INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES FROM www.brainyquotes.com

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on January 11, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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WHAT KEEPS YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT?

“Horror fiction, horror literature, and also horror fantasy are a genre of literature, which is intended to, or has the capacity to frighten, scare, or startle its readers by inducing feelings of horror and terror.”—Wikipedia

Do you know what I’ve discovered this week? Halloween is scaring the crap out of me this year. The horror level of this once benign celebration has been jacked up one hundredfold since I was a kid. Gone are the days when Halloween was represented by a few jack-o-lanterns lined along a home’s walkway accompanied by a cutout of a witch and a ghost bumping boots on a porch banister. Now it is full-out horror. Today, I saw a decorated Halloween house on the news that was so full of gore I could barely breathe. I had to keep looking over my shoulder as I ran on the treadmill to make sure no one was behind me in the dark corner of the basement. Between the dozen or so severed heads hanging from the property’s trees, the caged fake babies waiting to be eaten by some monster emerging from the deep, and the blood spurting out of the chopped off limbs of innocent victims (I saw a uniformed arm of a mailman and FedEx delivery man), I almost lost last night’s dinner while watching this all unfold on the Today Show.

Halloween Horror Top

(In the midst of my exercise routine, my husband (WW) joined me in the basement to exercise on his reclining stationary bike which is about six feet to the left of my treadmill in a rather dim corner of the basement. As is sometimes the norm in the morning, it takes WW a while to get moving [not the real talkative type] while I am a motor mouth from the time I rise until the time I close my eyes in the evening. And when I’ve had two cups of French Press coffee on top of my natural energy, I am a force to be reckoned with. I talk as if I’m afraid the world will stop on its axis before I can express all my thoughts to anyone who will listen and whose life might surely depend upon my vociferous “revelations.” I didn’t wait for WW’s greeting [he seemed to be having a hard time getting going] before launching into a diatribe about the morning news, as if he weren’t watching the same television which was about 18 feet in front of us both.)

ME: Hey Darlin’, you got here just in time to see the tail end of the Today Show hosts going through an over-the-top Halloween display in New Jersey. It’s called the Brighton Asylum and it is considered the scariest haunted house in America. The Today Show hosts screamed so much from the terror that Tamron (Hall) and Natalie (Morales) are hoarse.

Oh, my Gawd, did you hear what they just said? Tamron Hall was in such pain after the event that Al Roker thought she had a burst appendix. She had to be admitted into the hospital. But it wasn’t appendicitis! She screamed so much from the terror of being in that damn haunted house that she had a deep-tissue tear in her abdomen. Isn’t that amazing?

WW: Uh, huh . . .

ME: I’m telling you, I just don’t get the fascination with horror. I know you like horror movies—you have all your life. I’ll never forget the time you tricked me into seeing A Nightmare on Elm Street—a kid’s movie my ass. I dreamt about Freddy Krueger for years. See I have this theory that . . .

Werewolf Feel Safe Meme

Please excuse the misspelling in this meme. Apparently, monsters can’t spell.

WW: Hum . . .

ME:   Only people who have never had to suffer horror in real life can enjoy horror movies. I mean, no disrespect to you Babe, but you’re a privileged white male, and you know nothing about suffering, chil’. Umph, umph, umph, I wrote the book on suffering, my man. Now I can tell you a thing or two about real-life horror—I sure ‘nuff can. My childhood was one serial horror story after another. Freddy Krueger probably lived under my bed before he made his screen debut. Hee, hee, hee! Whew, Lord Jesus—preach it, girl!

WW: Oooooh . . .

ME:  I know, I know. You think that horror movies and Halloween haunted houses are just fake with actors plastered in red-dye corn syrup blood and oatmeal standing in for brains so the zombie actors can realistically scoop them up and eat them with their skeletal fingers. It’s all in good fun, you think. I’ve been married to you long enough to know that what you really consider horror is all the bad news I consume as a blogger—just to stay informed. If I’m being honest with myself, the media hysterics can get a bit much—if I do say so myself. Between the ISIS beheadings and the 4,500 dead African bodies from Ebola that we keep hearing will overrun America, I have to admit it can get a little bit terrorizing.

News Horrors Patrick Chappatte The International New York Times

Used by Permission: Patrick Chappatte, The International New York Times

WW: A-CHOO!

ME:     God bless you! I hope you’re not coming down with a cold. I knew leaving that window open last night was a big mistake. First of all, there was a full moon, and I know it sounds silly, but I find it difficult to sleep with my bedroom windows open on nights like that. I mean anything can crawl through an open window on a full-moon night. Next thing you know, you’re chopped liver for some zombie, and there you have it. I grew up going to see horror movies about the Wolf Man and Frankenstein and even though I know they aren’t real, it still gives me the creeps. Everybody knows that when there is a full moon—goodnight, Irene! Speaking of those old make-believe monsters, do you think they’d find the events of our time too scary to make an appearance? I mean, how could the fear of a bite from Dracula hold up against the scare of ISIS, Ebola, and Fox News? Talk about horror stories. A-N-Y-HOO . . .

Real World to Scary for Vampire Olle Johansson Sweden

Used by permission: Olle Johansson, Sweden

WW: BRRRIIP!

ME: Oh, my God, did you just fart? Euuuew, Babe. That is sooooo gross. I still have twenty minutes to go on the treadmill. and I can barely breathe now. Thanks a lot. Smells like something died over there on that bike.

WW: Euuuew . . .

ME:   Oh, you agree, huh?  You’re such a crack-up. I told you not to eat that extra helping of fava beans. Anyway, where was I? Oh, the media. Have you noticed how they purposely write the lead ins or the headlines with a question to hook the listener and scare the shit out of us? You can be going along minding your own business without a care in the world when you hear a commercial for the 6 O’clock News:

“Exotic, highly poisonous, yellow snake escaped his illegal captivity and is popping up in toilets across the city. Could your toilet be next and are your family’s asses in jeopardy? Tune in later to watch News4 at 6 for more harrowing details.”

ME: And don’t get me started on Fox News or the Rush Limbaughs of the world—they are the worst fear mongers on the planet:

“Obama letting in Ebola as payback for slavery. Is any ‘True American’ safe from this Imperialist President? Will we all have to die before he gets his lazy ass off the golf course and does his job?”

ME: I mean Americans don’t need Halloween monsters to scare us, all we need is our run-amok media to cause us to lose control of our bowels.

Ebola Fear Cam Cardow Cagle Cartoons

Used by permission: Cam Cardow, Cagle Cartoons

ME: So, where was I? Oh yeah, your penchant for horror movies. Do you remember when you took me to see George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead when we were dating? Oh my God that was the scariest movie. The best thing about that movie was that a black man had the lead and was the hero. That was really somethin’ in that day. Raised quite a fuss if I remember. What was his character’s name? Ben, I think. Oh, but the worst was when you whispered that line in my ear from the movie as we were walking along a dark street. I think you did it to get me to lean in closer so you could put your arm around me, you ol’ sly dog.  It was the line the brother said to his sister in the cemetery that foreshadowed the appearance of the zombies. It made me pee my pants. What did he say, exactly?

(At that exact moment, I heard my husband shout from upstairs in the kitchen: “Who are you talking to, Cutie? I just woke up, and I’m going to fix myself some breakfast. Do you want any?” I looked over at the empty reclining stationary bike, and my heart stopped as I felt an unrecognizable presence lean into the back of my neck [breath so hot it singed the hair off the nape of my neck] and whisper into my left ear:

THEY’RE COMING TO GET YOU, BARBARA! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, AAAHH-HA, HA, HA, HA!”)

Scary Face imgarcade dot com darqd

Google Image/ Scary Face imgarcade.com

P.S. The author is not really as silly as she has presented herself to be in this Halloween tall tale. If she were, life would have imitated art, and her very intelligent, very no-nonsense, and otherwise very sweet husband would have conjured up monsters long ago to kill her in her sleep on some dark Halloween night when the full moon was in full bloom.

Baby Boomer Witches David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Used by Permission: Baby Boomer Witches David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

“I love horror. I love ‘The Shining,’ ‘Friday the 13th,’ ‘Halloween,’ all those kinds of things. I love zombies, especially ’28 Days Later’ and ’28 Weeks Later,’ where the zombies are going faster than the George Romero ones. I love being scared; there’s something that’s awesome about your heart rate going up like that.”Ricky Schroder

“What scares me is what scares you. We’re all afraid of the same things. That’s why horror is such a powerful genre. All you have to do is ask yourself what frightens you and you’ll know what frightens me.”—John Carpenter

frontcover

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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on October 20, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Bad News Just Keeps On Coming

Do you know what I discovered this week about my sorry-ass body? It’s falling apart! I suppose I should have expected it since it seems to happen to everybody if they don’t die young. But here’s a news flash for you: It is a terrible thing to get old. (WARNING: don’t do it—don’t ever do it!) The worst part of the aging process is that stress seems to accelerate the wear and tear on the body costume, both inside and out. And in case you haven’t noticed, stress is everywhere in the world—it’s totally unavoidable. You can’t go anywhere without hearing about some imminent disaster, some caustic disease rolling your way, some major terrorist plot, or some public humiliation. (Naked pictures hacked from the iCloud . . . really? Seriously? Oh, my God, I just had a horrible thought: TSA, what have you done with my orgasmatron airport security pictures throughout the years—the ones I know you’ve been laughing about behind my back? Don’t you even think about uploading my chunky-little ass into The Cloud, or I’ll call your mothers and tell on you!)

TSA RJ Matson

Used by permission: TSA, RJ Matson

My job as a blogger is to keep up on the news (I read twelve online news sources a day plus Time Magazine via the mail), and I think all this bad news is really taking a toll on me. By the time I had my annual physical last month, my doctor was apoplectic over my weight gain (I tend to nosh when stressed), blood pressure elevation, cholesterol numbers, and glucose levels. She was so pissed at me that she threatened to fire me as a patient if I didn’t straighten up and fly right. She gave me one month.

Stress Test Maxine

Feeling rather blue, I plunked down some hard-earned cash to get myself a massage to see if it would relieve some of my stress and promptly did what I always do when someone is working their magic on my epidermis: I fell asleep and dreamt about my organs, digestive apparatus, chromaphil and cortical systems, et al, holding court and trying to decide if they were going to abdicate my body in protest of the way I had been taking care of it over the past 66 years.

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BRAIN: Hear ye, hear ye, this meeting will now come to order. Mouth, sit down and shut up. You can talk all you want after the meeting is adjourned. We have exactly 90 minutes before our host wakes up. On trial is the author of Monsters’ Throwdown and the blogger Eleanor Tomczyk for gross negligence of her temple—mainly due to severe stress. I’ve called this meeting to see if we should just give up on her or give Ms. ET one more chance to get her shit together.

BLADDER: Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I go to the bathroom before the meeting starts?

SMALL AND LARGE INTESTINE: Bladder, you’re such a wuss! The older you get; the leakier you become.

BRAIN: Stop it you two. Sometimes I think you don’t have the brains you were born with. Absolutely no eliminating while our host is on the massage table! While the author is asleep we have a full agenda to get done in a limited amount of time. So behave—all of you.

BLADDER: Can I help it if she’s getting old and slightly incontinent? I wasn’t built to last forever, you know.

THE KIDNEYS: You think you’re worn out. Word on the street is that she’s got what Black folks call “the sugah.”

LIVER: What the fuck is that?

BRAIN:  Type II Diabetes. Just got the diagnosis a month ago. The good news is that it was a wake-up call. She’s already changing her ways (says she’s eaten enough gourmet meals and drunk enough wine to last a lifetime). After a last supper of the best wine her money could buy, the best steak she could find, and the finest chocolate cake to be had, she became a dark leafy-green veggie, bean eating, sugar denying, dairy scorning, pasta/rice eschewing queen, and it is working! Consequently, her glucose numbers are almost down to normal, and she’s even shaved off a few pounds.  I say let’s give our girl a round of applause.

ALL ET’S INNARDS: Hip, hip, hurrah! Hip, hip, hurrah!

L&S INTESTINES: Yeah, we know. More beans have passed through us in a month’s time than she has eaten in her entire lifetime. What a gas! Get it? What a gas . . . .

LIVER: [groan] Don’t quit your day job, Intestines.

PANCREAS: Not so fast, y’all. Half of me is only producing insulin. Our girl becoming a vegan now is like locking the barn door once the horses have escaped. Tried to send her distress signals of tingly hands and feet and an onslaught of dizziness as a warning that I was shutting down, but did she listen? No! Kept on trippin’ the light fantastic, so to speak. Sometimes she can be so obtuse.

GALL BLADDER: Oh, come on now; don’t be so hard on our girl, Pancreas. This is mostly hereditary. It’s part of her DNA. Did you know African-Americans, Native-Americans, Hispanics, Asian-Americans Asian Indian, and Pacific Islanders are at the highest risk of getting diabetes? Need I remind you that she is ¼ Cherokee Indian and ¾’s African-American?  Need I also remind you that she was born into one of the worst ghettos in America in the Jim Crow era and still bears the heartache and the scars which took a toll on her body before she even knew what was happening?  Twenty years of poverty can give you such a body ache! Just the racism she has had to endure in her lifetime would send a body into tilt eventually. Just be happy she doesn’t have cancer. You read her book, Monsters’ Throwdown. Haven’t all you organs suffered in some way due to the abuse in her life?

ALL ET’S INNARDS: Does a bear shit in the woods? Of course we’ve suffered from being her black person innards in America. And every time I hear some well-meaning white person yearning to turn back the clock to the “good ol’ days” in America (i.e., the 50s), I want to send them back in time as an African-American and immerse them in a saturated pool of slavery DNA, Jim Crow terrorization, and debilitating systematic poverty. Then we’d check out their vitals and see if they still longed for the “good ol’ days.”

John Stewart on Racism

BRAIN: Which is why I’ve called you all here for this meeting. Conquering the diet is not the primary issue with this one; it is her daily stress level. We have to help her lower it.

HEART: Don’t I know it! I get it that she has to keep up on the news to stay informed so as not to come off as an idiot in her blog, but can’t the sistah cut me some slack? I am stressed all the time because of the news she consumes! If it isn’t the story about the Chinese chef who was making cobra soup with the body of the snake whose detached head bit and killed him, then it is the nine-year-old girl who was allowed to shoot an Uzi and accidentally killed her instructor. I’ve got to tell you that just sent ET over the edge. I thought I was going to succumb to a “me attack” at the NRA’s chilling announcement two days after that horrid abuse against that poor child’s mind. Did you all hear about it? The NRA released an article on “7 Ways Children Can Have Fun at the Shooting Range.” WTF! Did you hear our author/mother/human being screams? And don’t even get me started on Ferguson, Missouri.

EYEBALLS:  Well, I don’t know if I can take any more news articles, period. You’ve got your Ukraine, Ebola, Gaza, Afghanistan, and now your ISIS. Not one more decapitation can I witness. God, my eyes, my eyes . . .   Chaos, murder, and mayhem is everywhere for my orbs to feast upon. Evil has always been here—it will always be until the end of time. I say ears, mouth, and me should make a pact: hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil.

LUNGS: Seriously, Eyeballs? There have always been bad times (there will always be bad times)—there just wasn’t any cable news or the Internet to overwhelm the senses with the revelation of them all 24/7. The best we can do is: Stay calm and carry on.

EARS: The best thing we can do is teach her an empowerment song against all the evil forces assailing her psyche that she can use as a mantra: “Let it go, let it go. . .”

BRAIN: No . . . I swear to the God who created us, Vocal Chords, if I hear you sing that song one more time, I’ll rip you out by the throat and flush you downstream through the bowels. Do you hear me?

World Falling Apart Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Used by permission: World Falling Apart, Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

VOCAL CHORDS: Fine! Then you come up with a better idea of calming her down because I just heard from Mr. TV News that NASA’s “Near Earth Object Program” estimates there are thousands of asteroids that could threaten Earth. Wait until our blogger finds out about that. She’s already on the edge—she’ll flip out. She doesn’t even know that one of them passed by the Earth on Sunday, and that in 2013 a 60-foot-wide meteor flung itself into our atmosphere and exploded over a city in Russia with the strength of 30 nuclear bombs. It injured 1,500 people! You know the first thing she’s going to think? When will it hit the United States—specifically, when will it hit where her children and grandchild live so she can take them to Europe for an extended holiday and out of harm’s way?

EARS: VC, you made that shit up.  Who did you hear that from? Nasty-ass Spleen?

SPLEEN:  Hey, hey, hey, there’s no need for name calling!

VOCAL CHORDS: Amanda Barnett from CNN (“Newly found asteroid to pass close to Earth on Sunday”). Nanni-nanni-booh-booh! Take that and stuff it in your ear canal.

BRAIN: Shut up, everybody! She’s waking up. The last thing she needs to hear is all her organs and whatnots kibitzing. She’d truly have a heart attack then. Back to your stations, and may the force be with her!

Nine Year Old Guns Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

I am discovering (again and again) that bad news just keeps on coming. It does so because, for the most part, we are human, and we have free will to choose between good and evil. Even if you could get half the planet to “do the right thing,” the other half would probably reject the coercion of the “do right” group and scream bloody murder: “Fuck you—you’re not the boss of me!”

Then there are the things none of us can control like tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, asteroids, auto-immune diseases, and cancers that come along and kick our asses when we’re on our way doing something else.

If bad news will keep on coming, how do we live without debilitating fear? How do we find a modicum of peace from the terror of the unknown? I’m beginning to think that we can do so by recognizing life for what it is instead of as the fairy tale we’ve been taught as Americans that we can control our lives:

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”—Scott Peck

Then all that is left is a trust and belief in a power higher than ourselves who can help us through the damaging effects of a difficult life and give us the grace to endure—hoping that it all sums up to equal strong character that can influence a better society. Of course, one should be free to not believe in God (no one should ever be coerced), but as for me, I can’t imagine my innards being able to survive the onslaught of the stress of living on this planet without a holy presence infusing my being with courage and grace.

sales-quotes-mlm-direct-selling-amway-herbalife4-830x466

Nelson Mandela reflecting from his prison cell of 27 years

***

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.”Jane Wagner

“If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.”Kris Carr

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”― Amit Ray, Om

“Chanting and Meditation I was a little excited but mostly blorft. ‘Blorft’ is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”― Tina Fey, Bossypants

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REFERENCES

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/03/decapitated-snake-bite-man-dies_n_5755416.html

http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/04/tech/innovation/asteroid-flying-close-to-earth/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/27/nra-children-gun-range_n_5725674.html

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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