Tag Archives: Election


Cartoon used by permission: 244252_RGB_1290.png Trading Places by Bart van Leeuwen PoliticalCartoons com

Last week Donald J. Trump lost the election.  You know why I know?  ‘Cause last week I projectile vomited, and I think I did so as a collective exasperated expression of at least 63% of the nation and 80% of the world.

I went to a funeral interment for a friend (at a cemetery, socially distanced, masks required), and I couldn’t even comfort my other friend (his wife) with a hug.  In the midst of my grief as I was leaving the burial grounds, I was made aware of President Trump’s callous, unrepentant, re-emergence onto the scene after his bout with Covid-19 (a sojourn that I hoped would be a come-to-Jesus moment for him).  But no…he had a meeting all right, but judging from the results, it must have been with Satan himself.  It was then that I decided “yesh gvul” (Hebrew for “enough is enough”)—this man had to go.

Cartoon used by permission: 244325_RGB_1290 (1).jpg Trump glorified by David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star Tucson AZ

As you recall, Trump tested positive for Covid-19, but instead of it becoming his “aha” moment of broken-hearted repentance and empathy (as I had prayed) for the hundreds of thousands of people he had caused to get sick and die due to his ineffective handling of the virus, he returned to the White House crazier than ever. Upon hearing his stupid, boastful rantings as I left my friend’s funeral, I got so upset that I projectile vomited all over the inside of a fairly new Lexus (ceiling, steering wheel, windshield and control panel)!  As my husband side-eyed me in abject horror, I continued to vomit into a designer handbag, spew chunks of turkey roll-ups all over his Brooks Brothers suit and his face, all over my cute leather suit and dress boots, down my blouse into my bra, and all over my glasses and new wig.  We drove home in silence, completely covered in slime, as we contemplated the metaphor of “life under the Trump regime” that had erupted from the nether regions of my tummy.

Cartoon used by permission: 244160_RGB_1290.jpg Trump returns to White House by John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune PA

No, I don’t have Covid.  However, I do have Ménière’s disease which is manifested by an intense ringing in the right ear whenever I am stressed out, which causes a wicked case of vertigo that turns my tummy into a tilt-a-whirl.  I can handle most everyday stress—including a funeral or two.  What I can’t handle is our country sliding into Hell for another four years.  I did not have Ménière’s disease before Trump became President—I got it the day he was inaugurated. I’m sure there are scads of other people who have contracted all sorts of stress-related problems since the Orange horror became president.

But I realized something encouraging last week:  The majority of Americans are as sick and tired as I am and are motivated enough to send the Grand Imposter packing November 3rd with a win that will be too big to rig.  I’m seeing evidence that all good-hearted, sane, intelligent people have had enough and they are not going to take it anymore!  I think my vomiting was a sign to be broadcast to the Nation:  November 3rd, purge Trump so that our national nightmare comes to an end!

Cartoon used by permission: 244305_RGB_1290.png Scream At The President by Ed Wexler CagleCartoons com

I’ve been gathering testimonials from the various coalitions who are working day and night to defeat Trump, and I can feel the momentum.  For the first time in years, I have hope! I know Democrats are afraid of falling for another 2016 heartbreak, but this feels different.  (Of course, Trump is trying to cheat every which way but Sunday, but let’s hope and pray his efforts are obliterated.) People are tired of the crazies.  They want normality—dullness even.  They (we) are all tired of stupidity and being led by a reality TV star—we did not audition for this movie. The people of the world (except for Putin, Kim Jong Un, White Supremacists, and White Christian Trump supporters) are tired of vomiting whenever the bloviated Orange one causes the world to tilt with his ineptitude.

Cartoon used by permission: 244307_RGB_1290.png Stop the Crazy by Daryl Cagle CagleCartoon com

Anyway, in order to calm my agitated nerves and tummy the night of the great Vesuvius turkey-roll eruption, I slept with a diffuser that emitted lavender oil fumes.  I must have put too many drops in the little thingamajig because my dreams were hallucinogenic.  I dreamed that I was summoned to the bedside of the fly who occupied Mike Pence’s head for two minutes and nine seconds on the night of the VP debate. It seemed she wanted to alert America about the horrors she had seen being a fly on the wall in the Oval Office and what she gleaned from occupying Pence’s hair. Turns out the fly’s name is BeelzeBUG and she hails from the City of Fraud from the country of Dante’s Inferno 8th circle of Hell.

Cartoon used by permission: 244232_RGB_1290.png Pence fly by Hajo de Reijger The Netherlands

Ms. BeelzeBUG, I was so stunned to hear from your people who asked me to do an interview with you.  They said you had an urgent message for America. More than happy to oblige, but if the truth be known I thought you’d be dead 24 hours after the debate ended.

I am a black fly—not a mayfly, you “nyekulturnik!”  Mayflies live 24 hours; black flies are the superior fly and live as long as twenty-eight days—sometimes longer.  From my calculations, I should have 5 days to go, but it’s probably going to be just minutes given my trauma in the White House and how long I’ve been farting around with you humans.

I’m not a “Russian uncultured lowlife” Ms. BeelzeBUG, but I’ll let that insult slide given your condition. Speaking of condition, shouldn’t you be tripping the light fantastic by visiting copious dunghills and laying tons of eggs inside garbage cans before you have to go back to Hell?  What gives?

I have Covid-19, that’s what the hell gives!  I got it from that kiss-ass, Mike Pence.  I didn’t know this about him before I landed on his head, but his hair is like white sticky fly paper from all the hair spray he uses.  I got stuck and almost died in there.

Cartoon used by permission: 244292_RGB_1290.jpg Shoo fly don’t bother me by John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune PA

Why were you even at the debate?  Were you there to sabotage Kamala?

Initially, that’s what I was sent here to do by Sneaky Snake.  Satan’s a huge Trump supporter.  Surprised? I know you’ve been told that Trump is Jesus’ main man, but that’s a lie like just about everything else in Donny’s life.  Lucifer said, “buzz around Kamala’s ears, fly up her nose, and irritate her until she goes all mad-Black woman on Pence’s ass.  You know, get her to lose her cool.” But after hanging around on the walls of the Oval Office for a few days, I just couldn’t follow through with my mission.  I secretly love your country—best garbage on the planet!  And so much of it, too.  I had to help you out.

I live in the 8th circle, known as the Fraud dimension, which is the part of Hell where most politicians end their journey.  It is where “anyone who has committed fraud against humanity is punished.”  So, I know a skanky politician when I see one.  I came to Earth knowing what a fraud Trump was (the Devil has had his eye on that dude for years), but I was clueless as to the smelly corruption of Pence. Thought he belonged to the other guy in the sky.  But hanging around your VP for a few days, I quickly learned he was as bad or worse than Trump. He’s one sneaky son-of-a-bitch hiding under a pro-life cloak.  Here’s a little known secret:  Pence is auditioning to take Trump’s place if he croaks or to become President in 2024.  I came to the VP debate hall to warn America to pay attention to this man.  He says he’s a Christian, but he certainly doesn’t act like one—he’s a power-hungry fraud!  I was the fly on the wall that watched him for days.  I wanted your voters to know that when you take out his boss, make sure Pence goes down the sewer pipe with him.  Not only is your country’s future at stake, but so is the rest of the world and the planet.  Heaven and Hell needs America to get your shit together.  Go!  Tell everyone who will listen.  This election is not a test.  A fly from Hell saw the handwriting on the wall, and I am afraid—very afraid!

Cartoon used by permission: 244233_RGB_1290.jpg Fly on Pence by John Columbia Missourian

OMG!  The situation is worse than I thought.  I can’t imagine four more years under a Trump/Pence presidency.  Anybody with half a heart and a brain will be projectile vomiting every day out of terror and fear. What are we to do to save ourselves? 

Vote!  Vote as if your lives depend on it because they do!  Now I’m gonna shoo out of here.  Back to Hell which is a lot less scary than what I’ve witnessed in America during my brief visit.  Sayonara, Human.

Cartoon used by permission: 243750_RGB_1290.jpg Who is undecided by John Darkow Columbia Missourian

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Posted by on October 14, 2020 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered this week?  We are a nation of idol worshipers, and the worship of one of those idols by one of the home owners in my gated community broke my heart last week.

I’ve made no bones about the fact that I live in an idyllic community—some would call it paradise—where the people have retired from all over the country.  They’ve come from all walks of life, from all sorts of struggles, and they’ve worked really hard to afford the retirement they now enjoy with such abundance.  I don’t know the exact breakdown, but I would take a wild guess that the racial make-up is 80% White, 20% African-American, Asian, Indian (as in East Asian), Hispanic, and other. For the most part, my co-paradisians are overly friendly when we pass each other on our daily walks or see each other at social events (“Good Morning, How you doin’? Haven’t seen you in a while, How’s your husband since the operation? Get rid of those moles in your yard, yet? Nice dog, Great weather we’re having, How about those Houston Astros?”).  My co-retirees are extremely inclusive, intelligent, creative, and fun to chat with on any given day.  Until one of them hoisted a Confederate flag.  He claimed he didn’t do it to offend anyone; he did it in support of his heritage.

As a descendant of slaves, I replied:  “Bullshit!  Your heritage was my family’s bondage.  Furthermore, your flag is a symbol of treason and an idolized piece of cloth that wrapped itself around slavery, rape, violence, and genocide with impunity.”

Confederate flag heritage excuse John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune

That was the bad news.  The really, really good news is that our home owners association swiftly did the right thing—the righteous thing—and smacked down this “White Supremacy Idol” before it became a cancer and spread like wild fire decimating the common good in the community:

“The ___Home Owners Association is committed to an inclusive and diverse neighborhood, and to compliance with Fair Housing laws. 

“The _______ Handbook prohibits ‘offensive and inflammatory’ flags….  The Confederate flag falls under both of these sections as it has been and is currently used by groups and people to intimidate, demean, harass and cause fear.

“Further, pursuant to the terms of the Fair Housing Act and under our duty as the _______Board of Directors, we cannot permit hostile environments to exist in our neighborhood, particularly when we have the authority to regulate the activity causing the hostility.

“… in furtherance of the common interests of our residents and the inclusivity and diversity of our community and to comply with our Governing Documents and Fair Housing laws… the Association will now formally prohibit the display of any Confederate flag within ________ which is visible from the exterior of any lot.”

Confederate flag and heritage Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund,

…which was a good thing, because, for a fleeting moment, I thought I was gonna have to move, and ain’t nobody got time for that!

The neighborhood Confederate flag was appropriately and swiftly handled by my HOA and got me to thinking about what an incredible revolution we could have in America if everyone who believed in the universal creed, “Do unto others, as you would have others do unto you,” turned in their idols that were destructive to that Christ-like motto for the common good.

As I was meditating about it all, I fell asleep and dreamt that I was put in charge of a “Buy Back” program for the resistance for the Center for Idol Destruction.  My job was to purchase any and all idols that were destroying the true spirit of the American ideals.  I dreamt that the NRA leaders, along with gun manufacturers, turned in their Idol of the 2nd Amendment in exchange for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all American citizens.  It wasn’t easy, but they did it for the children.

Gun Rights Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

It was an emotional moment, and as we all hugged the bright-eyed kiddies gathered around us, the gun-rights people took up hammers and smashed the sacred cow that had become so idolatrous to them and so murderous to the rest of us.

While the champagne flowed, a group of men who looked like a sphinx on crack of Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Kevin Spacey, Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes, Kevin Spacey, Mark Halperin, and President Trump lugged in their Sexual Assault Power Idol.  They had worshiped it for years.  It was almost too grotesque to behold, and the harassment sphinx looked as if it was changing its mind, until I approached it in my pink #METOO t-shirt with a legion of women behind me.   The sexual assault sphinx smashed its idol for the sake of their mothers, daughters, sisters, fathers, brothers, sons, and friends.

November 3, 2017

Cartoon used by permission: Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

As I sent the sexual assault sphinx to confession and a month-long lice and flea bath, a large contingency from the Evangelical and Catholic Conservative Christian world begrudgingly brought in their Idol of Political Power.  This idol was not an easy one to wrestle out of the hands of its owners.  It wasn’t until I showed them a mock-up of their carcasses in the afterlife on a fiery dung heap made out of their Christian values that they let go of their idol in the name of Jesus and smashed it into a million pieces.  There was a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth.   I made a note to keep an eye on this group because they seemed to be easily seduced, and I caught several of them trying to paste back the idol of political power with super glue when they thought I wasn’t looking.

Selling Soul Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

While I was looking for the Idols of Lust of Money and Greed, a group dropped by the Center who represented the 30-something percenters (a.k.a. the die-hard Trump supporters).  Most of them were from places like Johnstown, Pennsylvania.  They never expected Trump to keep his promises, but they love him anyway because he is the spitting image of their fear and ignorance.  They confessed that sometimes they wanted to destroy their Idols of Fear and Ignorance because they had become too burdensome to carry around, but letting go of their idols would mean they were wrong about so many things, and their pride just couldn’t admit to that—not after all they had lost.  Their fear and ignorance—cloaked in their prejudices—were all they had left.

The idolaters liked that Trump was bashing the NFL players who were “taking the knee in protest,” and a couple residents of Johnstown admitted to the reporter Michael Kruse from Politico* that they’d changed the football acronym to: “Niggers for Life” just for spite. They were mad as hell that those NFLers had so much, and they had so little left as true, blue, White Americans—real Americans.  Plus, no one could convince them that Obama was not the anti-Christ, because they had heard it in church after all, and no one could make them believe anything bad about Trump (no Russian collusion to see here, folks!) because it was all fake news anyway.  They loved Trump for tweeting and saying all the hateful, divisive things they felt that had mushroomed in their hearts from watching Fox News 24/7 and living in a closed and dying community.  Whether Trump ever kept a promise to them didn’t matter anymore; they would never abandon him.  At least Trump was tormenting the people that they wished they could beat the shit out of, given half the chance.

Sad, to say, those idol worshipers couldn’t let go of their sacred cows, and they walked out of my dream.  But I have hope that if they can’t let go of their idols today, maybe they’ll be able to do so tomorrow.  Hope always springs eternal in my dreams.

trump supporters John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune


I am discovering that the Commonwealth of Virginia tore down some idols on Election night, too, and sent Donald Trump a very strong resistance message by defeating his confederate-statue-hugging-candidate of hate, anti-gun control, anti-immigration, and anti-healthcare choice for governor by declaring:  “NOT IN MY STATE!”  The voting results were what the Washington Post called “…nothing less than a stinging repudiation of Trump on the first anniversary of his election.”  In fact, that rallying cry was heard across the land in NYC, in New Jersey, in Maine, in Georgia, in North Carolina, in New Hampshire, in Pennsylvania, in Washington State, just to name a few.  Charlotte Alter, a national correspondent for Time had the perfect tweet:

“A trans woman beat the guy who introduced the bathroom bill. A gun victim’s boyfriend beat a delegate with an “A” grade from the NRA. A civil rights lawyer who sued the police department just became the top prosecutor in Philadelphia.  Something’s happening here, folks.”

You bet your sweet ass something is happening:  good folks of all religious creeds, ethnicities, races, economic backgrounds, and gender affiliations are taking back their country from the idol worshipers of bigotry, hatred, abuse, and assault—community by community, city by city, state by state, and smashing the idols to smithereens until we take back the White House for the common good of the people.  All the people.

Trump Impeached Milt Priggee www miltpriggee com

Cartoon used by permission: Milt Priggee,


 “I’m not a Universalist, and the way I talk about final loss is this: People worship idols – money, whatever. Their humanness gets reshaped around the idol – you become like what you worship. That’s one of the basic spiritual laws.”N. T. Wright

“Revenge, lust, ambition, pride, and self-will are too often exalted as the gods of man’s idolatry; while holiness, peace, contentment, and humility are viewed as unworthy of a serious thought.”Charles Spurgeon

What we need to affirm is that Jesus is neither a Democrat nor a Republican. Whenever we marry Jesus to a political party, we are committing the sin of idolatry. We are making Jesus into the image of our political party.”Tony Campolo

All quotes courtesy of


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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on November 8, 2017 in Uncategorized


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