DEAR READERS: Have you been in touch with God, lately? I’ve left him a gazillion messages and haven’t heard a peep. Just wanted to let him know that our world really needs him right now. Also, if you do happen to chat with him, let him know that I’m trying to decide what costume to wear for Halloween, and I’d like to ask him to turn the tide in the election next week to curtail the Hater in Chief in the White House. Let God know when you hear from him that he’ll (or she’ll) find my copious other “prayer” messages filed under: “Are you Listening (or paying attention) God?” For your edification Dear Reader, what follows is the fourth installment of a “Voicemail Message to God” which is a short essay on another universal question I wish God would answer about life: “God, what is your end game?”
GOD’S VOICEMAIL GREETING: “You’ve reached the voicemail box of GOD at 1-800-PRA-TOME. As you might have guessed, if this call is from the United States, I’m sitting Shiva. I will not be answering phone calls about anything first-world related while I’m in mourning with the city of Pittsburgh. AMERICANS: YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR NATION: GO OUT AND VOTE ON NOVEMBER 6TH! DON’T BLOW IT AGAIN. I WON’T DO FOR YOU WHAT YOU REFUSE TO DO FOR YOURSELVES. Please leave a message after the tone.”
Hello GOD: It’s Eleanor—again! I don’t mean to become a pest, but I’ve been trying to get you to call me back for ages now. I certainly understand why you are out-of-reach at the moment, but that is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.
It’s getting scarier and scarier out here. Halloween is here and who wants to wear a scary costume these days when our very own Victor Frankenstein in the White House has cooked up a Molotov cocktail of hated and division that is roaming our country seeking whom it may devour.
God, I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, but you know the massacre in Pittsburgh could have all been prevented, don’t you? You wouldn’t have to be sitting Shiva for the massacre at the Tree of Life Synagogue Congregation had you listened to my prayers. Eleven people would still be alive and we’d have a lot more hope in our hearts if you had acknowledged my hysteria over the tiki-torch waving, khaki-trouser wearing White men in Charlottesville last year. Remember in 2017 when the White supremacists hoisted the Nazi flags in Charlottesville as they marched around the Confederate statue and shouted, “Jews will not replace us?” Instead of our Commander in Chief squishing this hateful monster like the giant demonic cockroach that it is, he said there were “good people on both sides.” I had hoped you would have sent one of his many sycophantic Christian counselors to let him know that “good people” chanting “Jews will not replace us” is an oxymoron. Actually, I wished you had come to him in his sleep like the ghost of Bob Marley.
Anyway, dear God, besides getting a little input from you as to what Halloween costume I should wear, I was hoping I could ask you a question that is bugging the hell out of me: “What is your end game for us with this science experiment of a President?” The scariest costume of all this year is the orange pumpkin with yellow hair which espouses venom toward his opponents and the media, as the whole world watches his followers take up Trump’s call to arms against all those he hates.
Lord, have mercy on us. I guess I’d like to know how much more of this vileness we must endure before you let the Great Pumpkin in the White House know that you’re God and he ain’t. I have a suggestion: How about sending him a message on blast on Nov. 6th? The world will breathe a great sigh of relief.
Well Jesus, I would love to get your input and guidance after November 6th because I’m either going to want to do a shout-out of praises to you or I’m going to need a strait jacket costume for Halloween and beyond.
Talk soon. Your devoted follower, ET
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We also remember the two African-American victims in the recent fatal shooting at the Kroger’s in Louisville, KY which police have labeled a hate crime.
May they never be forgotten: Maurice E. Stallard, 69, and Vickie Lee Jones, 67,
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