Do you know what I’ve discovered this week? Our “country, tis of thee, sweet land of liberty,” is in trouble, Girls and Boys! We are being led by a madman who has been proven to be a consummate liar, and he allegedly colluded with the Russians to interfere with our election. The walls of our country are falling down around Trump’s ears. This dude is beginning to make Nixon look like a saint, and the question that continues to blow my mind is: How can his supporters—especially his Christian supporters—still stand behind this cretin? Plus, he’s trying to kill off Big Bird!
Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kamensky, Austria
I “watched” the Congressional hearing featuring Director Comey and his side-kick Adm. Michael S. Rogers the other day from start to finish. THE FINAL VERDICT: Trump LIED, LIED, LIED about President Obama wiretapping Trump Tower, Trump lied about President Obama coercing British intelligence to spy on him (which incurred the wrath of the Brits), and Trump lied about lying. And then there are the Russian connections to his campaign—growing stronger and louder every day.
Besides the Russians, I started wondering about the two major groups that ushered this madman into the White House: disenfranchised White folks (boy, are they going to be devastated at his betrayal) and born-again Christians (boy, are they gonna have some ‘splainin’ to do to Jesus). I’m wondering how they can justify their support of such a creature—especially the “born-agains.” (In the interest of full disclosure, I am a born-again Christian but the kind with a brain, a heart, and a soul that hasn’t sold itself to the devil—a.k.a. Trump.)
Maybe it’s me? Maybe the rules have changed as to how God feels about liars. If so, then I can see why the 4 out of 5 White evangelicals who voted for Trump (and think he is God’s anointed man of the hour) are winking at his lies. I don’t know—maybe there’s a new Bible in town— you know, the book they all swear by. I decided to put Trump and The Holy Bible on trial and call up my alter ego (The Dalai Mama) to do a “Judge Judy” courtroom scene in which Truth is weighed in the balance.
Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch
Courtroom scene opens in an alternative universe where Donald Trump is the defendant, the God of the Universe is the plaintiff, and my alter ego (The Dalai Mama) is the judge.
BAILIFF: All rise. Department One of the Superior Court is now in session. The Honorable Judge Dalai Mama is presiding. Please be seated.
DALAI MAMA: Good mornin’, ladies and gentlemen. Hope y’all had your Wheaties this mornin’ ‘cause it’s gonna be a long day, I can tell. Callin’ forward our first case of the God of the Universe versus Donald Trump. Are both sides ready? Where’s the plaintiff, God? I don’t see him.
BAILIFF: Excuse me, your Honor, but God sent a representative to testify on his behalf—The Holy Bible. If that is okay with you?
DALAI MAMA: What am I gonna say? No? I’d much prefer THE MAN, Himself show today because He’s been awful quiet lately. The world could use Him showing up in the flesh, and settin’ a few things straight. In fact, we really need him to do something about South Sudan. Starvation is getting’ so bad there that the guerilla warriors are kidnapping the aid workers and demanding their ransom in food. But since He’s God, I’ll accept His surrogate. Proceed, Bailiff.
BAILIFF: Your Honor, the defendant (Donald J. Trump) has been charged with the crime of lying through his teeth.
TRUMP: False! Bad Bailiff! You dare judge me—fake news! Under the law I am presumed innocent until proven guilty. During this trial, you will hear no real evidence against me. You will come to know the truth: that I, Donald Trump, speak only truth and everyone who disagrees with me speaks lies—especially that “bad man,” Barack Hussein Obama. I am not guilty of anything. All my facts about him came from very reliable sources of the highest order.
Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star
DALAI MAMA: Zip it Donald. Keep it up, and you’ll be in contempt of court. The Bench calls the owner of the truth of God—the Holy Bible.
BAILIFF: Please stand. Raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
BIBLE: I do.
BAILIFF: Please state your first and last name and spell it.
BIBLE: My name is Bible—no first name—just Bible. I’m the “B-I-B-L-E…”
BAILIFF: [breaks into song) “Yes, that’s the book for me!”
DALAI MAMA: Cut it out, Bailiff, my courtroom ain’t no Sunday school! Bible, since you are the plaintiff in this case, what has Donald Trump done to piss off the God of the Universe.
BIBLE: Well, your honor, Mr. Trump claims to be a “Christian,” but Jesus sent me here to tell the Court that if this man is a Christian, then the Earth is flat and the Sun revolves around the Earth. He’s never heard Trump repent of anything, admit he’s wrong about anything, and God finds him to be a lowlife who abuses women.
TRUMP: Oh, yeah? Well, if I’m not a Christian, why did the White Conservative Evangelicals send me to the White House? They think I’m a Christian. Besides, who cares what you think: I’m President and you’re not. And who is this Jesus, anyway. Didn’t he get crucified? I don’t like gods who get crucified—only gods who don’t. Loser!
DALAI MAMA: Hey—FOOL! Don’t you dare come up in my courtroom blasphemin’ the Lawd. You may survive his wrath, but you won’t survive mine, Sucka! Bible, please proceed.
Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart, CagleCartoons.com
BIBLE: As I was saying, the God of the Universe takes issue with Mr. Trump being a Christian and questions the faith of those who will not confront The Donald on his egregious lies. One of the characteristics of God is that he is a God of Truth. If it would please the Court, would your Honor please read the latest tweet lies that made their way into the heavens and, therefore, to God’s ears?
DALAI MAMA: Sure. Is it true Mr. Trump that on March 4, 2017, you tweeted the following: “How low has President Obama gone to tapp [sic] my phones during the very sacred election process? This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!” What is it about Barack Obama that causes you to lose yo’ “Christianity,” Sir? If, indeed, you are a Christian.
TRUMP: The Kenyan keeps messing with me. He’s messing with me right now. Can’t you see him standing over there trying to tape this travesty of a hearing? He’s in cahoots with that Jesus character.
Cartoon used by permission: RJ Matson Roll Call
DALAI MAMA: No! You’re changing the subject, Little Man. These court documents submitted by David Leonhardt from the NY Times say you (Trump) lied about: “Obama’s birthplace, John F. Kennedy’s assassination, Sept. 11, the Iraq War, ISIS, NATO, military veterans, Mexican immigrants, Muslim immigrants, anti-Semitic attacks, the unemployment rate, the murder rate, the Electoral College, voter fraud and his groping of women.” Look like you wouldn’t know the truth if it came and bit you in the butt, Trumpee. Bible, what does God have to say about lyin’?
BIBLE: Tons of stuff. First off, in the second commandment of the Ten Commandments, God says: Don’t do it. In Leviticus 19:11, my pages say: “Do not lie. Do not deceive.”
TRUMP: Levite what? Is that some kind of Jewish hotdog? I love hot dogs.
BIBLE: (Sigh!) Then there’s one of my favorites: “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” That’s in Colossians 3:9
DALAI MAMA: Isn’t that lovely? My favorite is Ephesians 4:25: “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” Isn’t that somethin’ else? “We are members of one another.” Now, how you and yo’ followers claim to be Christians when you lie like a rug when it’s so much easier to tell the truth. Director Comey shot yo’ lies right out of the sky.
Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune
TRUMP: You believe that so-called FBI Director? That so-called Bible? They’re both lying. They’re both fakes—pushing fake news!
BAILIFF: Y’all ain’t even come close to my favorite scripture about lyin’ yet, written right there in the heart of the Bible in Psalm 34:11-16:
“Come my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
And desires to see many good days,
Keep your tongue from evil
And your lips from telling lies.
…the face of God is against those who do evil,
To blot out their name from the Earth.”
DALAI MAMA: Oooooh, you hear that, Trump?. Your days are numbered, Baby. The Bible that you say you believe in says the God you say you believe in is gonna wipe your behind off the face of the Earth and blot out the Trump name from the Earth unless you stop doin’ evil. There you have it. On that note, I ain’t got nothin’ else to say, except: “Donald J. Trump, you are guilty of lyin’ your ass off, and you stand accused of such, by the God of the Universe. Repent, ask God’s forgiveness, and apologize to President Obama for defaming his name and legacy, and then, maybe—just maybe—your presidency might not suffer the wrath of God!”
TRUMP: I never admit to wrong doing. I never ask forgiveness (I thought everybody knew that). I don’t like this hearing. God is so unfair. Bad God. Why doesn’t he zap the Kenyan? Then maybe I’d listen to him. He clearly doesn’t like me. I only like gods who like me. So there!
Cartoon used by permission: Bill Day, Cagle Cartoons
ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (“AHA” MOMENT) REGARDING TRUMP’S LIES
I am discovering that America needs to ask itself: What type of leader do we want, and what is the meaning of truth? The more lying becomes accepted practice in our presidents, the more we’ll get used to it, until there will be no more truth in the land. ‘Cause here’s the thing: a fish rots from the head on down. Hey, Christian supporters of Trump: “Y’ALL WOKE YET?”
Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch
SCARY QUOTES ABOUT TRUMP’S INABILITY TO TELL THE TRUTH
“Donald Trump’s peculiar relationship with the truth—his penchant for promoting unfounded stories and conspiracies theories—represents not just a curious quirk or a character flaw. They are a much-practiced technique that has paid dividends as self-promotion in his business career and in his political rise. Over decades spent in the company of yes men and yes women, he has been able to fire off nonsense without question or rebuke. But now he is President Trump, and his breezy spewing of falsehoods has become a national embarrassment—a threat to U.S. security and America’s standing in the world.”—Frida Ghitis/CNN
“If the Trump campaign, or anybody associated with it, aided or abetted the Russians, it would not only be a serious crime, it would also represent one of the most shocking betrayals of our democracy in history.”—Rep. Adam Schiff of California
“I have been authorized by the Department of Justice to confirm that the FBI, as part of our counterintelligence mission, is investigating the Russian government’s efforts to interfere in the 2016 presidential election,” Comey said. “And that includes investigating the nature of any links between individuals associated with the Trump campaign and the Russian government.”—Director Comey
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