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DELTA DEATHS: BLAME IT ON THE ANTI-VAXXERS

Cartoon used by permission: 250639_1290_RGB.jpg Four Horsemen by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

NEWS HEADLINES IN AMERICA JULY 30, 2021

The Delta Whiplash is Here—The Atlantic

CDC warns that delta variant is as contagious as chickenpox and may make people sicker than original Covid—CNBC

Broadway Audiences Will Need Proof of Vaccination and Masks—NYTimes

‘What’s Covid?’ Why People at America’s Hardest-Partying Lake Are Not About to Get Vaccinated—Politico

They Spurned the Vaccine. Now They Want You to Know They Regret It—The NYTimes

How Trump’s ‘World of Bullshit’ Unleashed Today’s Delta Surge—Daily Beast

Cartoon used by permission: 253854 Two Americas by David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star, Tucson, AZ

On July 30, 2021, the above headlines announced to a divided America that we were starting to lose the war AGAIN against death and doom because a tenacious offshoot of Covid-19—the Delta variant—was reeking murderous havoc due to 100 million Americans (many of them motivated by support for Donald Trump) having ignored or thumbed their noses at the vaccines. The conversation below from Hell between Death and Satan can only be imagined.

DEATH:  Hey Dude, how’s it hangin’?

SATAN:  I just got back from roaming the Earth, seeking whom I may devour!

DEATH:  That’s very Shakespearean of you.

SATAN:  That’s very biblical of me: Father of Lies, The Great Destroyer, Beelzebub, Lucifer…

DEATH:  Whatever!  You’re such a drama queen. I got your message that you needed to see me. I sure hope this meeting is productive because I don’t have any time to waste. As the Angel of Death assigned to the Special Death Forces Unit of the USA, I have never been busier.  By the way, I could have used a head’s up before you unleased your nephew, Lieutenant Delta.

Cartoon used by permission: 253624 delta-force-go.png Delta Force Go by Pat Byrnes PoliticalCartoons com

SATAN:  Hey, I barely knew about his invasion date myself.  Been too busy trying to make room for all the incoming traffic. Besides, even I’m afraid of Delta—he’s a nasty little punk-ass SOB. I’m the Devil, and I can’t control him. But I must say, Delta’s invasion married well with the reckless, stubborn, arrogant, and stupid refusal of the Trump anti-vaxxers to get vaccinated and to wear masks.  It seems my conspiracy theories that I pushed on Facebook, Fox News and via the Republican Party really did the trick. Those I didn’t capture with self-centeredness, I captured with fear.  I especially liked the conspiracy theory that the vaccines will make you magnetic. So stupid, it’s delicious!  Don’t you just love that Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook?  The dude has no accountability to truth or humanity, which suits me just fine since that is my raison d’etre.  We have a wager down here in Hell to see who will kill the most people from Covid-19 with their wanton pushing of fake news, lies, and misinformation:  Zuckerberg or Trump.  What’s your wager, Death?

Cartoon used by permission: 253636 heard-stupidity.png Heard Stupidity by Dave Whamond Canada PoliticalCartoonscom

DEATH:  How the hell should I know?  All I know is that you’re going to get legions more now that Delta has unleashed his troops.  You should hear the anti-vaxxers’ hissy fits and screams over the CDC’s recommendation to return to masks to save them from the Delta variant.  You would think that they were being asked to pour hot boiling oil on their skin and set it afire. I have no pity for them.  More than 40% of Americans are unvaxxed, and they make up 97% of all Covid hospitalizations and 97% of my Covid death haul.  The Americans are running out of room in their hospitals.

SATAN:  Hm, call me an ol’ softie, but every once in a while, I feel a tiny pang of sorrow for those who can’t get the vaccine who get caught up in your death net—especially the children.

DEATH:  Well, I don’t.  I have no dog in this race.  I feel absolutely nothing.  Besides, I have a feeling the innocents by-pass you Pal and take the escalator to the celestial city in the sky.  Anyway, it might not be too late for the innocent and the arrogant.  Their President is stopping short of a Federal mandate that all Americans get vaccinated, and he seems to be encouraging businesses to mandate vaccines if people want to stay employed or attend events in their venues.  The anti-vaxxers are flipping out, of course—their heads are exploding.  Republicans are already lining up the lawsuits against the government and any businesses that try to “tread on their rights.”

Cartoon used by permission: 253910 anti-vax-covid-spreaders.png Anti Vax Covid Spreaders by Peter Kuper PoliticalCartoonscom

SATAN:  Pish-shah! Nobody in America can mandate vaccines.  It’s against their laws.  Americans have rights and their rights outweigh any responsibilities that they have towards anybody but themselves.  They are so goddamn selfish, which is why I adore them so much—favorite group of humans on Earth.  Besides, the demons and I were taking a coffee break yesterday, and we saw a segment on MSNBC that said 1 in 4 hospital staff workers aren’t vaccinated and don’t ever plan to be.  The lunchroom in Hell erupted in cacophonous cheers and chants: “Go Master, go Master; you did it, you did it—more inmates in Hell!” You know that when the people who swore an oath to “abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous” and to “do no harm” as healers refuse to embrace science and the truth, then the rest of the American public is so screeeeewed

Cartoon used by permission: 253687 anti-vaxx-menace.png Anti vaxx menace by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

DEATH:  False!  Vaccine mandates in America are not entirely unprecedented.  I, too, watch MSNBC and just happened to catch the Rachel Maddow show that aired a segment on the 1901 Smallpox epidemic in Cambridge, Massachusetts that was wiping out the city.  According to the Maddow show and the New England Historical Society, by 1905, 400,000 of Cambridge’s citizens had been vaccinated, but that was not enough to get control of the deadly pox.  The Cambridge Board of Health decided they weren’t havin’ that shit, so they mandated that all their citizens be vaccinated or pay a $5 fine ($150 in today’s currency).  Well, wouldn’t you know it, but a minister (Henning Jacobson) who claimed he was hearing God, declared that he had the God-given right to govern his own body as he saw fit despite safety for the common good, and he challenged the mandate in court all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court—Jacobson v. Massachusetts.  He lost and the citizens of Cambridge were saved from my scythe.  If I remember correctly, the law says:

“There is, of course, a sphere within which the individual may assert the supremacy of his own will and rightfully dispute the authority of any human government, especially of any free government existing under a written constitution…But it is equally true that in every well-ordered society charged with the duty of conserving the safety of its members the rights of the individual in respect of his liberty may at times, under the pressure of great dangers, be subjected to such restraint, to be enforced by reasonable regulations, as the safety of the general public may demand.”

Cartoon used by permission: 253890_1290_RGB.jpg Masks Again by Kevin Siers The Charlotte Observer NC

SATAN:   Well, I’ll be damned!

DEATH:  You already are.

SATAN:  Shut up, you show-off!  In any case, I need you to buy me some time.  So many people are dying so quickly, and while I love new recruits, I need to build on a wing to prepare for them.  I’m not even half-full yet, but I would like to make sure that I don’t lose a soul because I didn’t have enough beds of hot coals ready and prepared. Just a month or so.  Can you swing it?

DEATH:   Fine.  But you owe me one.  I can’t stop the deaths, but I can try and slow them down.  I’ll run a Public Service Announcement and place the ad on Facebook, Fox News, and all the conservative websites on the Internet.  Maybe, it will set a fire under their asses (no pun intended) to hold off their Earthly exit for a while.

SATAN:  Deal!

PSA FROM DEATH

To the American Public:  My name is Death, and I belong to no political party. I neither love nor hate Trump. I have no racial, ethnic, religious, or sexual identity. I don’t care if you’re fat or skinny, short or tall.  I don’t care if you just want to “stick it to the Libs” or you’re African-American and fear the Tuskegee Experiment redux.  It makes me no never mind if you’re one-day-old or ninety-nine-years old.  I never sleep.  If it is your time to have a meet-and-greet with me due to your lack of protection against Covid-19, I’m coming for you.  You mean only one thing to me: a harvest. I have no pity for your excuses, lies, or disillusionments.  This isn’t personal; I’m just doing my job.  So, if you don’t want to see me anytime soon, or even worse, have me introduce myself to your precious children, I have the following suggestions:

GET YOUR SHOTS

WEAR YOUR MASKS

Cartoon used by permission: 253882_1290_RGB.jpg Teeing Up Covid by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a satirist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on August 1, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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LOVE GETS THE SH*T KICKED OUT OF IT

Cartoon used by permission: 250398_RGB_1290.jpg America is back by David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star Tucson AZ

Where is the love?  That’s what I keep singing to myself as I read the news every day.  And I’m not wasting my breath on the soft R&B Donny Hathaway/Roberta Flack version—my voice is stripping the paint off the walls with the Black Eyed Peas version: 

What’s wrong with the world, mama

People livin’ like they ain’t got no mamas

I think the whole world’s addicted to the drama

Only attracted to things that’ll bring you trauma…

Where is the love?

As a Christian, I am particularly horrified by the lack of love demonstrated by the MAGA “so-called” Christians.  To me Jesus is love.  Period.  To me treating others as I wish to be treated is the answer. Period. To me love wins. Period.  But as I was musing over the loveless actions by so many people who should know better, I wondered if there was more behind their failure to love as Jesus commanded—maybe a hidden conspiracy to eradicate love altogether from the American soil.  Maybe the MAGA Christians are being trolled by a Wormwood demon like the one in C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters.  As I meditated on the greatest definition of love between humans in the Bible (I Corinthians 13), I imagined correspondence between two demon-like women (Maggot Girl and her aunt, Scorched Earth)* who have been assigned by the Father of Lies (Devil, Beelzebub, Lucifer, Satan, Sneaky Snake…whatever you call evil) to turn the MAGA Christians into instruments of lying, deceiving, manipulating, self-centered godless creatures bent on erasing love and truth from the country that Ronald Reagan once claimed was the “shining city on a hill” to the rest of the world.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” (I Corinthians 13:1)

Dear Maggot Girl: It was such a delight to receive your correspondence regarding the inroads you’ve made with the MAGA crowd in having them turn our enemy’s name and purpose into a used diaper.  I tell you, that was a stroke of genius encouraging them to carry “Jesus Saves” signs and crosses when they stormed the Capitol on January 6th.  Was that your idea to have a couple of them pray and ask him to bless their insurrection in support of a huge lie? Brilliant!  I bet “you know who” wept when he saw that.  Also, I must say that I admire the loveless touch of the MAGA peeps refusing to take the Covid vaccine even though their Orange Idol facilitated the rapid making of it.  Continue to blind them to the fact that the vaccine is not for them—it’s an act of love so that the people they come in contact with (their families, neighbors, and countrymen) don’t get Covid-19. Keep up the good work, dear niece. You are a chip off the old block, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.

Most Affectionately,

Aunt Scorched Earth

Cartoon used by permission: 249377_RGB_1290.jpg Fox News and Dr Seuss by John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune PA

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” (I Corinthians 13:6)

Dear Maggot Girl:  I got your update on the continued indoctrination from Hell’s news channel—Fox News.  Their continued obfuscation of the “truth” by refusing to report it, and their ginning up of faux outrage over silliness instead is just fabulous!  Don’t you just love their new slogan: “Most Watched, Most Trusted”?  Even the most ardent Fox fan had to know that their old slogan—“Fair and Balanced”—was a farce.  But it served our master’s purpose because it got the MAGA crowd to swallow the lies from Hell hook, line, and sinker.  Did I tell you that I had lunch with Roger Ailes the other day?  He has one of the primo suites in Hell with a view overlooking the fiery lake. It was such an honor.  I don’t know if it was the 20th or the 23rd sexual harassment assault that earned him such a nice location down here, but I am telling you, I was positively jealous.  Of course, I kept my distance from him.  I’m no fool, no siree!  He’s a little too gross, even for me.  Stay focused, my Munchkin.  Looking forward to your next report.

Most Affectionately,

Aunt Scorched Earth

Cartoon used by permission: 250445_RGB_1290.jpg The Sleezeball by Bruce Plante PoliticalCartoons com

“Love always protects…” (I Corinthians 13:7)

Dear Maggot Girl:  I was so relieved to learn from your latest report that you were able to escape any entanglement with Rep. Matt Gaetz.  Given your tender age, I must say I was very concerned for your safety, but your assignment to pervert the meaning of love through a “Christian” vessel was too delicious to pass up.  Did I read in one of your previous reports that Gaetz once boasted (and I quote), “I was saved in a Baptist Church during my teenage years. I am a member of First Baptist Church in Fort Walton Beach. The Bible, the Gospel—these are our instructions from God. We are to follow faithfully”?  Woe, baby!  That hypocrisy is damn good—highest level stuff.  Keep up the good work, my Liebchen!

Most Affectionately,

Aunt Scorched Earth

Cartoon used by permission: 249819_RGB_1290.png Atlanta Killings by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” (I Corinthians 13:2)

Dear Maggot Girl:   Your reports of your influence on the shootings of eight people (six of them Asian) in Atlanta by that kid from an uber-strict Christian family were breathtaking.  Am I to understand that the young assassin’s Instagram bio once boasted the following tagline about himself: “Pizza, guns, drums, music, family, and God.  It’s a pretty good life”?  Our Father of Lies has been masterful in perverting normal sexual urges in Christian kids during their teen years into shame through their parents and holier than thou churches’ misinterpretation of the Bible regarding sexuality. Consequently, they either become sexually repressed or sexually obsessed to the point of being sexually possessed—overwhelming their abilities to have normal sex lives in their adult years.  A couple of quotes were very insightful in your report from The Washington Post: “A Neighbor said, ‘the family came across as a good Christian family,’” and “the assassin’s roommate said: ‘He was militant about it (suppressing his sexual urges) …this was the kind of guy who would hate himself for masturbating, would consider that a relapse.’”  He, he, he!  Heaven must be in mourning over this.  The people who should have been vessels of love bombed on three levels.  The Christian young man racially blamed Asian massage parlors for his “spiritual” failures and slaughtered them, his mother and father blamed the son for their lack of teaching healthy sexuality to him as a child and rejected him, and then his church summarily abandoned him—in the name of the God of love—in his hour of dire need. (If one can’t have the love of one’s church family when one has committed the most heinous of crimes, when in the hell does one ever need a God of redemption?)   I almost feel sorry for our enemy, the God of love.  His “love wins” campaign on the Earth is in shambles.  Eye-opening stuff, my favorite demon recruit.

Most Affectionately,

Aunt Scorched Earth

Cartoon used by permission: 249253_RGB_1290.jpg The spreading plague by David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star Tucson AZ

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (I Corinthians 13:4)

“Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (I Corinthians 13:5)

“If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” (I Corinthians 13:3)

“Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” (I Corinthians 13:8)

Dear Maggot Girl:  I just love your generation’s use of technology.  Your reports on the influence you’ve had in fomenting lies into MAGA Evangelical minds are phenomenal.  The Big Lie that the election was stolen is a classic and will go down in devil history as a guide to “how to hijack love through the use of subterfuge”.  But the Great Lie that Trump is Jesus’ main squeeze sent to Earth to do his bidding is priceless! In my day, all we had to booster the Emperor of Hell’s lies was Fox News and a couple back-alley internet trolls, like Alex Jones. However, your ability to recruit Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter (oh, my devil, has that been a goldmine!) to foster Satan’s lies against love has been incredible.  Bravo!  Bravo!  Bravo!  Until we see each other again, I remain…

Most Affectionately,

Your Aunt Scorched Earth

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (I Corinthians 13:13)

My Dearest Maggot Girl:  As soon as you can, come on down home for a well-deserved vacation and for a special ceremony in your honor.  I’m supposed to keep it a surprise, but you are being given a special commendation for your work in thwarting love on Earth in the great territory of America.  The Emperor of Evil told me himself how proud he is of you. Due to your influence in turning love to hate in the hearts of so many Christians, racism is in full bloom in America.  His Majesty the Devil has always known there was one tool in his enemy’s tool chest that he, the Dark Lord, couldn’t beat in capturing the souls of men, and that was love.  But now that the MAGA Evangelicals have chosen to betray their master in heaven, forsaking love for power, and embracing lies and conspiracy theories for truth, we are definitely on a roll my Wart Pimple.  See you soon.  I can hardly wait to celebrate your triumph with a cup of witches’ brew.  Do you still remember the 23 ingredients of that delicious expensive potion: “a toad, a slice of swamp snake, a newt’s eye, a frog’s tongue, a bat’s fur, a dog’s tongue, a black snake’s forked tongue, a burrowing worm’s stinger, a lizard’s leg, an owl’s wing, a scale of dragon, a wolf’s tooth, a witch’s mummified flesh, the gullet and stomach of a ravenous shark, a root of hemlock (a very poisonous plant) that was dug up in the dark, a liver of a Christian who is not baptized, a goat’s bile, slips of pine trees, a Turk’s nose, a Tartar’s lips, finger of a baby that was born dead by a prostitute, a tiger’s gut and a baboon’s blood.” Hum…yum!  (At least that is what “Aslan” from Facebook claims who stole it from Shakespeare’s Macbeth.  Consider the source. Given that I found it on FB, it could all be a lie.)  In any case, we’ll have some sort of celebratory brew to toast your triumphs against love. I’ve been saving a bottle of champagne from the 1600s invented by that nasty monk, Dom Perignon for just such an occasion. Safe travels, Baby Soul Eater.

Most Affectionately,

Your Aunt Scorched Earth

*With apologies to the great C.S. Lewis and his brilliant satirical work, The Screwtape Letters.

Cartoon used by permission: 224200_RGB_1290.png  Cross Purposes by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a satirist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on April 11, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

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