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TRUMP GOT SCHLONGED (OOPS! I MEANT FIRED)!

Do you know what I discovered about the Iowa Caucus this year?  Who did Iowa have to sleep with to become the first major electoral event to pick the nominees for the Presidential run?  It has gotten out of hand and on my every last nerve!  They don’t even have a primary for Pete’s sake!  Their caucuses have some cutesy definition which means a “gathering of neighbors.”  Well, apparently these neighbors are predominantly white and 65% Born-again, Evangelical Christians, who don’t look like the rest of America (why not do the first Presidential caucuses in California, New York, or Florida?), thus making Iowa a Republican candidate’s wet dream.  Then mix that with the hysterical hype of the media (these people really need to get a life), and it must drive normal, level-headed Iowans nuts because it certainly has done so to me.

Iowa Caucus Crazies Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

Only 3.4% of Iowans are Black, and what few of them that there are don’t tend to lean Republican.  I noticed that earlier on in the week.  I also noticed that as the Republican race narrowed down to two candidates—Trump and Cruz—I could barely sleep.  I’m not voting Republican this year (the field is way too nutty for my taste); I am just trying to make sure that the “right” Republican wins the nomination so the Democratic Presidential candidate can win in 2016.  Both Cruz and Trump seem hell bent on destroying the country and the GOP, so it is just a matter of which nut-case needs to rise to the top whose ass can be kicked by a Democrat.  One is a buffoon and the other is a mean son-of-a-bitch who believes that he is God’s Messiah sent to save our country.

Trump and Cruz Marian Kemensky Slovakia

Used by permission: Marian Kemensky, Slovakia

The problem that I’m having is that I am a Born-again Evangelical Christian (and Black) who is intelligent, sane, rational, loving, and caring.  I cherish science, I believe the Earth is in climate-change Hell, and I consider all humans my sisters and brothers who deserve my respect.  I am nothing like the people who caucused for Trump and Cruz, and there are many, many more like me—it’s just that we’re hardly ever given airtime.  The Trump and Cruz supporters’ blind stupidity scares the shit out of me.  It keeps me awake at night.  I’ll do my best to defeat them in the long run, but what could I do about Iowa?  I’m just a little ol’ chubby-ass retiree trying not to fall and break a hip.  I went to bed on Monday night wondering if Punxsutawney Phil would see his shadow or not in the morning, as well as what wingnut would win the Republican caucus, and how little control I had over either situation.

It was then I had a dream about a rodent.

Punxsutawney Phil earthsky dot org

Punxsutawney Phil Meme, via earthsky.org

That furry, fat rodent, Punxsutawney Phil appeared to me while I fitfully slept—tossing and turning—muttering a deep-seated prayer:  “Not the Trump, oh God, noooooo . . . have you no mercy!”

PUNX:   Psst . . . psst—hey human, wake up!  It’s me, Punxsutawney Phil.

ME:        Huh?  Punx?  Is that you?  What are you doing here?  Shouldn’t you be in Pennsylvania, and aren’t you a little early?

PUNX:   I heard you moaning in your sleep, and I just dropped by to tell you that I plan on not seeing my shadow on February 2nd— so not to worry.

ME:       What do you mean you plan on not seeing your shadow?  You’re rigging your coming out?  You can’t do that—that’s immoral.

PUNX:   What do you care?  By not seeing my shadow, you’ll get to have an early spring.  So be happy and rejoice.  Besides, ain’t nobody got time for this bogus, anti-science, shadow-seeing shit.  I need a purpose in my life besides being some fat guy’s pet.  So I’ve joined the political underground movement:  “Groundhogs against Trump—he’s stupid, he’s lazy, he’s a fool, and he’ll never be President.”  I’ve been in Iowa messing with the caucus outcome.  Have you heard the news—Trump got schlonged, and it’s all my doing!  I fired his ass!

ME:       Really, a rodent fired The Donald? Isn’t that a bit braggadocious?  I find your boast hard to believe.  Trump didn’t win Iowa?

Trump Gets Slonged John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Used for permission: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune, Missouri

PUNX:   Hell to the no, Trump didn’t win in Iowa!  And he’s sooooo pissed.  He’s spinning it here—he’s spinning it there—but the reality is he once said that if he didn’t win Iowa he would consider it “a big, fat, beautiful waste of time!”  But he came in second—he’s such a looooser!

Loser Taylor Jones Politicalcartoons com

Used by permission:  Taylor Jones, Politicalcartoons.com

ME:        Well, hot diggedy-dog!   But how did you affect this outcome?  May I remind you that you are a furry little animal—you don’t even have opposable thumbs!

PUNX:   We groundhogs have our ways—we’ve been messing with humans for years.  Will spring come early; will spring be delayed?   Let’s just say, I got up there and helped serve Trump his balls on a platter.

ME:        Impressive!  Well then, who came in first?  If you tell me that Ted Cruz did, I am going to go screaming into the night.  Even Trump is better than that mean-spirited, rod-up-the-ass, holier-than-thou, Ted Cruz!

PUNX:   Yes, Cruz came in first, but don’t you worry about him.  We’re forming another group for New Hampshire and beyond: “Groundhogs against Cruz—the meanest, nastiest, son-of-a-bitch that ever walked the Earth.”  I’ve rallied all my sisters and brothers against him.  We have a bone to pick with Cruz—him and his gun-tottin’-animal-killin’ self.  We’re the ones who started the whisper campaign that he is not a natural-born citizen.  The Constitution is going to bite him in the butt—you watch: (“No Person except a natural born Citizen . . . shall be eligible to the Office of President”).  Wouldn’t that be a hoot if Cruz got disqualified after the way he spread the vicious lies that President Obama wasn’t born in America?  Let’s see:  Hawaii vs. Calgary.  Which one belongs to another country?  Heh, heh, heh, heh!

Anyway, we groundhogs are marching all the way to New Hampshire to the thunderous chant of:

“Cruz was born in Canada/from Calgary he hailed/Too bad he didn’t stay there/ ‘cause we plan to see him fail!”

The groundhogs are on it, Babe!  We just needed to give you humans a little help by letting the gas out of that windbag, Trump.  Now you know that even the animals are disgusted with your Republican presidential candidates.  And you’re welcome!

Horrid Cruz

PUNX:   Well, gotta run.  Go back to sleep.  Don’t be afraid.  It is all going to work out.  See you in New Hampshire, Girlfriend.  Look out, Repubs—here we come—‘cause even us rodents have risen up against your craziness!

Groundhogs fleeing Iowa to NH RJ Matson Roll Call

Cartoon used by permission: RJ Matson, Roll Call

***

ELEANOR’S SELAH (“AHA”) MOMENT ABOUT TRUMP/CRUZ

I am discovering that sometimes I wish I did have the powers to awaken the entire Earth (animals, rocks, and trees included) to do my bidding like a war counsel from the Lord of the Rings.  I would use that power to course-correct the insanity coming out of the Republican candidates for President.  A world with either one of the top two Republican contenders in the White House—Trump or Cruz—will be a world engulfed in war, with civil rights abolished, healthcare destroyed, and women’s rights rolled back.  In fact, any of those Republican candidates would be horrifically painful—throwing us back into the 1950s.  What horrifies me is that there is a political force who are Evangelicals who claim to love God, and they are so fearful and deluded that they cannot see that neither Cruz nor Trump would be someone Jesus would condone. They actually think they are doing God’s will.  When I hear these candidates speak, they sound frighteningly similar to the radical Islam that they claim they want to protect our country from.

But I have no magical powers.  I only have my keyboard, my prayers, and a mother’s love that wants to leave a better world for my children and grandchildren.   Therefore, I will keep sounding the alarm until the morning after voting day in 2016.  In the words of Sister Joan Chittister, “When you don’t know what to do—do something.”  Maybe I’ll wake up enough people with my writing to turn the tide on them all (blind Evangelicals, hateful politicians, and corrupt presidential candidates).  Until then—on to New Hampshire!

The Press Daryl Cagle CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: The Press Daryl Cagle CagleCartoons.com

***

QUOTES ABOUT THE TWO WHO WOULD LOVE TO BE KING

“Who the heck is Donald Trump to fire me? I regret I didn’t tell Donald Trump, ‘You need to fire your barber. I’m sorry. I ain’t feeling you, man. You’re fired! I fire you, Donald Trump.’”Sinbad

Nobody could like Donald Trump, surely, except his mother. No one really likes The Donald. But how can you not have respect for a guy who’s been down on the floor and just keeps coming back? Nothing will keep Donald Trump down until they drive a wooden stake in his heart and a silver bullet in his brain.”Felix Dennis

“…Cruz’s speeches are marked by what you might call pagan brutalism. There is not a hint of compassion, gentleness and mercy. Instead, his speeches are marked by a long list of enemies, and vows to crush, shred, destroy, and bomb them. When he is speaking in a church the contrast between the setting and the emotional tone he sets is jarring.”David Brooks/The Brutalism of Ted Cruz/NYTimes

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).

REFERENCES

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/all-donald-trump-does-is-win-%e2%80%93-until-he-doesnt-now-what-happens/ar-BBp1Wgf?ocid=spartandhp

http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/02/opinions/republican-iowa-results-stanley/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/02/politics/new-york-daily-news-donald-trump/index.html

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/02/02/trolls-and-nazis-mourn-trump-loss.html

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/02/01/donald-trump-the-hater-is-now-a-loser.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/just-how-dumb-does-donald-trump-think-americans-are/2016/02/01/6de4e37e-c927-11e5-a7b2-5a2f824b02c9_story.html?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-f%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ben-carson-accuses-ted-cruz-of-using-dirty-tricks-to-win-iowa/ar-BBp1Mmw?ocid=spartandhp

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

 
6 Comments

Posted by on February 3, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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THE PALIN (“Nevermore”)

A cynical poem, ripped off, truncated, and bastardized (as only this blogger can do) from the illustrious Edgar Allan Poe’s narrative poem “The Raven”—first published in 1845.

Palin and Trump I David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission:  David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

O’er GOP’S death to civil right’s lore—

    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of someone caustically rapping, flapping at my chamber door.

“’Tis some sweet, dear friend,” I muttered, “banging at my chamber door—

            Only this and nothing more.”

January 22, 2016

January 22, 2016

Cartoon used by permission:  Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News/Cagle Cartoons 

    Ah, distinctly I remember it was one month after December;

And each dying ember wrought a GOP politician crashing to the floor.

    Eagerly I wished to borrow—vainly from my hope for tomorrow

    Because of the past few months of sorrow—sorrow for America’s GOP horror—

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named “U.S. of Merkica”—

            Nameless here for evermore.

Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star-Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

    And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me—filled me with political terrors never felt before;

    So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating

    “’Tis a visitor of hope maybe entreating entrance at my chamber door—

Some late person of intelligence entreating entrance on the GOP political floor;—

            THIS IT IS and nothing more.”

    Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

    But the fact is I was napping, and so raucaously you came rapping,

    And so cacaphonously you came screeching, rapping at my chamber door,

That I know even Russia heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—

            But saw vapidness there and nothing more.

Sarah Palin I Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission:  Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch/Cagle Cartoons 

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;

    But the screeching was unbroken, and the craziness gave no token,

    And the only words there spoken were the shouted words: “I’M HERE, YOU LIBERAL WHORES!!”

Then I screamed, and an echo murmured forth the words, “OH SHIT! THE BITCH IS BACK!”—

            Said I merely this—and nothing more.

Sarah and Trump II John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission:  John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune, Missouri/Cagle Cartoons

    Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a crazy maven of the nutty days of yore;

    Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;

    But, with stupid mien of religious crazy, perched above my chamber door—

Perched upon a bust of Obama just above my chamber door—

            Perched, and shat, and nothing more.

    Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so grossly,

Though its answers little meaning—little relevancy bore;

    For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

    Ever was soooo stupid perched upon my chamber door—

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above perched this scary sore,

            With such a nickname as “Trump’s New Boor.”

Palin support John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

    But the Raven (Sarah Palin), standing alongside Herr Trump, spoke much

Gibber-jabber, as if her soul in those words she did outpour:

*“How ’bout the rest of us? Right-wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our God, and our religions, and our Constitution. Tell us that we’re not red enough? Yeah, coming from the establishment. Right.”

*“Well, and then, funny, ha ha, not funny, but now, what they’re doing is wailing, ‘Well, Trump and his, uh, uh, uh, Trumpeters, they’re not conservative enough.’ ”

*“And he, who would negotiate deals, kind of with the skills of a community organizer maybe organizing a neighborhood tea, well, he deciding that, ‘No, America would apologize as part of the deal,’ as the enemy sends a message to the rest of the world that they capture and we kowtow, and we apologize, and then, we bend over and say, ‘Thank you, enemy.’ ”

*“He is from the private sector, not a politician. Can I get a ‘Hallelujah!’ ”

    Nothing sensical did she utter—not a brain cell did she flutter—

    Till I scarcely more than muttered, “WHAT THE FUCK DID TRUMP DEPLOY?—

On the morrow SP must leave us, as my Hopes have flown before.”

            Then the bird said, “Drill, Baby, Drill; bitch—going nowhere, nevermore.”

Palin Speak Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star-Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

       Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by demons whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

    “Wretch,” I cried, “Satan hath sent thee—by his demons he hath lent thee

    Old man McCain unleashed thee 2008 of yester yore;

Curse him, curse him—go back to Alaska and return no more!”

Screamed I, in hysteria:  “BEGONE, DEMON—FOREVERMORE!”

    “Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—

“Get thee back into the tempest and the night’s Alaskan shore!

    Leave no black plume as a token of the lies thy soul hath spoken!

    Leave our 2016 unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from U.S. ‘Merika’s heart, and take thy form from off my door!”

            Screamed my soul, “FOREVERMORE.”

Sarah and Trump Milt Priggee www miltpriggee com

Cartoon used by permission:  Milt Priggee, www.miltpriggee.com /Cagle Cartoons

    And The Palin, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the bust of the Prez just above my chamber door;

    And her eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,

    And the lamp-light o’er her streaming throws her shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out the shadow that lies floating on the floor

            Is in mourning for my country, and its future

‘Til this trumpet vanishes with her Trumpee—

out the door,

FOR-EV-ER-MOOOOORE!

Trump Mouth Taylor Jones Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission:  Taylor Jones Politicalcartoons.com/Cagle Cartoons

 

*All actual Sarah Palin quotes, which were uttered (word for word) by her when she endorsed Trump for president in Iowa.  Be afraid . . . be very afraid, and WAKE UP AMERICA!  Any candidate who welcome’s Sarah Palin’s endorsement and allegedly proposes to give her a position in his cabinet must be looney tunes. 

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS (Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz)?  ON SALE NOW AT AMAZON!

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
14 Comments

Posted by on January 25, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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LET’S TALK ABOUT RACE—BABY!

I have repurposed a post I wrote a few years ago for the 50th Anniversary of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech.  The humanity, sacrifice, and love celebrated in this post really stuck with me, and I have rewritten and updated it with new cartoons in the hopes that the subject matter will strike a deep chord within all our hearts as we celebrate the 87th birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr.

***

Do you know what I discovered about Martin Luther King Day in 2016?  What he said in his “I Have a Dream” speech in 1963 was prophetic, but we’ve stopped listening and remembering since then.  We’ve forgotten or chose to ignore what it is we ALL need to do to keep the dream alive—thus the nightmare is recurring.

Racial Justice Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

There is no such thing as a “post-racial America.”  This lie was started by a group of people who didn’t want to deal with the issues of race.  One can’t have 200 years of caustic, brutal slavery, 100 years of Jim Crow segregation resulting in abject poverty, ignorance, and want, and think that all it takes is the election of a half-Black president and racism will be banished. Whether it is the racist screed coming out of the GOP or Black on Black crime, it’s as if most of us have forgotten the sacrifices made to eradicate racism in our country.  All we have to do is listen (and watch) the front runner of the Republican candidate running for President, as he unleashes his dogs on the Black Lives Matter demonstrators who are protesting the murder by the police of a twelve-year-old Black kid playing with a toy gun in a park, along with the countless stories of other unarmed young Black men being gunned down by policemen, and you know that justice for Black people is the furthest thing from Trump’s mind and heart.

Trump Black Lives Matter Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

And where did all these angry White men and their Tea Party hags come from?  Their rage has blinded them, stopped up their ears, and shriveled their hearts.  (I personally know a couple of them, and all their loss of income, health issues, and disappointment with their children’s lives they now blame on our President and a political party that has not given them what they think they deserve by divine issue.)  They cling to their guns while spouting Bible verses taken out of context, and both Jesus and Martin Luther King are weeping—of this I am sure.

MLK Angrywhitemenistan Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

I watched people I once knew and loved from the 70s—who said they loved me—go to bed one night wearing Hippie dresses and spouting Born-Again Christian philosophies of love and tolerance, and wake up on the morning of the inauguration of Barack Obama in 2008 spouting racism, fear, and hatred.  (It’s as if I never knew these people—never broke bread with them—never shared the vision of seeking the grace of God toward all men and women with them.)  I watched their eye balls rolling, their mouths frothing, and their heads spinning on their necks in anger at the thought of the White House turning Black.   Dr. King may have had a dream that paved the way for our first Black president, but he didn’t tell us about the nightmare of the raw hatred, obstructionism, and horrid disrespect that would assail both his terms in office.  It doesn’t matter what this President does—it will never be good enough for most of the GOP (there are always a few exceptions to the rule—thank God), and if we are being honest, the major bone of contention is his race.

President Obama Haters Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

I have tried to calmly, but urgently, address the racism, xenophobia, and homophobia with the “friends” I no longer have (influence who you know), but to do so only hardened their hearts, and increased their negativity toward our President even more.  It is as if they forgot the history of the Jim Crow and the McCarthy eras and were dooming themselves to repeat them.  I was bordering on despair until I meditated one morning on our civil rights history and remembered that there have always been angry White people, but there were also those righteous White Americans who fought alongside Black Americans to bring about Martin’s dream.  In most cases, they lost their lives to do so.  I especially remembered James Zwerg who lived to tell his story and should be seventy-six-years old now.

Jim Zwerg Wikipedia

James Zwerg in 1961 after being beaten by a racist mob in Montgomery, Alabama during a Freedom Ride/Courtesy of Wikipedia

***

James Zwerg was the White college student from Wisconsin who’d been raised in a really tight-knit Christian family, and he eventually became a Freedom Rider (civil rights activists who rode interstate buses to force the South to obey Federal Law banning segregation on public transportation).  He became a Freedom Rider after seeing his black roommate treated with contempt at Beloit College in Wisconsin.  James volunteered to be an exchange student to an all-black college in the South (Fisk University) for a semester so he could get a taste of what it felt like to be a minority.

When James went to Fisk he made a decision to join the Freedom Riders from Nashville to Alabama.   James said the morning they set off, he read Psalm 27 over and over again as he prayed that God would give him courage and forgiveness for his attackers.  He prayed that the Lord would keep him from striking back if and when he got attacked by the white racist mobs, who considered white Freedom Riders as traitors and deserving of death.  The first line of the Psalm he read was, ‘The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?’ and the final line that James read was, ‘Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me.’

James was severely beaten along with the other freedom riders by the racists who stopped their bus. When the picture of James’ pulverized body appeared in the local newspaper, his parents never forgave him because they felt, as James’ father so articulately stated: ‘Those damn niggers used you.’

MLK on love Meme

I remember reading that the parents’ relationship with James Zwerg was never restored even when he tried to explain that he was simply living Christ’s love as they had taught him to do.  He was beaten so badly that his teeth were shattered, his vertebrae were broken, he suffered from PTSD, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol for a season, he tried to commit suicide at least once, and he ended up in therapy for months.  As I meditated on the sacrifice that Pastor Zwerg made for me and mine, I momentarily forgot the hatefulness of some of the White people I have known in my life as the scripture rang through my head:  “Greater love has no man than he lay down his life for his brother!”

And then the roll call of other Whites who stood brave and tall against the racist order of the day came to mind, and I sat for a moment of silence to thank them for laying down their lives so my children and grandchildren might live Dr. King’s dream:

Viola Fauver Gregg Liuzzo, ethnicity:  white.  Viola was a mother of three children from Detroit and was murdered by Ku Klux Klan members after the 1965 Selma to Montgomery marches in Alabama.  The last words she said to her husband were that the civil rights struggle: “was everybody’s fight.” (Wikipedia)

Michael Henry Schwerner, ethnicity:  Jewish.  Michael was one of three Congress of Racial Equality (CORE) field workers killed in Philadelphia, Mississippi, by the Ku Klux Klan in response to their civil rights work. (Wikipedia)

Andrew Goodman, ethnicity:  Jewish.  Andrew was one of three American civil rights activists murdered near Philadelphia, Mississippi, during Freedom Summer in 1964 by members of the Ku Klux Klan. (Wikipedia)

Paul Guihard, ethnicity:  white.  Paul was a reporter for a French news service and was killed by gunfire from a white mob during protests over the admission of James Meredith to the University of Mississippi. (Southern Poverty Law Center)

William Lewis Moore, ethnicity:  white.  William was a postman from Baltimore, and he was shot and killed during a one-man march against segregation. Moore had planned to deliver a letter to the governor of Mississippi urging an end to intolerance. (Southern Poverty Law Center)

Rev. Bruce Klunder, ethnicity:  white.  Rev. Klunder was among civil rights activists who protested the building of a segregated school in Cleveland, Ohio by placing their bodies in the way of construction equipment. Klunder was crushed to death when a bulldozer backed over him. (Southern Poverty Law Center)

Rev. James Reeb, ethnicity:  white.  Rev. Reeb was a Unitarian minister from Boston, and was among many white clergymen who joined the Selma marchers after the attack by state troopers at the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Reeb was beaten to death by white men while he walked down a Selma street. (Southern Poverty Law Center)

Jonathan Myrick Daniels, ethnicity:  white.  Jonathan was an Episcopal Seminary student in Boston, and he had come to Alabama to help with black voter registration in Lowndes County. He was arrested at a demonstration, jailed in Hayneville and then suddenly released. Moments after his release, he was shot to death by a deputy sheriff. (Southern Poverty Law Center)

Vernon Ferdinand Dahmer, ethnicity:  white.  Vernon was a wealthy businessman who offered to pay poll taxes for those who couldn’t afford the fee required to vote. The night after a radio station broadcasted Dahmer’s offer, his home was firebombed. Dahmer died later from severe burns.

After all was remembered and gratefully acknowledged, I got up off my knees and turned to face the new day with peace in my heart, knowing that the hatred I see in 2016 will not win the day because there will always be people of all ethnicities who have courage enough to fight for the freedom needed so that everyone, of every color, creed, and gender, can live the dream.

I have a dream Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission:  Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

***

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (AHA!) MOMENT ABOUT RACE IN AMERICA—2016

I am discovering that “we the people” have an ongoing, ever vigilant job to embrace that dream afresh, if we are to erase the virulent infection (and reinfection) of racism from our hearts and our country.  We must never forget the corrosive stain of slavery on our nation’s psyche.  Our white children should be reminded, not so that we hold the sins of the parents over the heads of their children who are not to blame, but to serve as a beacon of light so that they don’t repeat that history again.  We must not let our black children forget so that they don’t take for granted the freedom and liberties that have been won for them by the blood of others—both black and white.  But it can’t be done if we are too afraid to talk about racial issues that still swirl like roaches in and around our churches, mosques, synagogues, homes, businesses, and legislative hallways.  We do not live in a post-racial era.  That’s called Heaven.  As long as there are imperfect people with access to free will, we will consciously and unconsciously fall over the racial tripwires of each other’s history, and the only way to become righteously untangled is with the scissors of love, forgiveness, and grace.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

“James Zwerg remains a devoted loving Christian to this day and what is most important to him is love. ‘I think the thing I would add is love is still the most powerful force in the universe. Hatred will never beat it. Violence will never beat it.’”—Wikipedia

“Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare, social justice can never be attained.”Helen Keller

“The function of freedom is to free someone else.”Toni Morrison

“And yet words on a parchment [the Constitution—parenthesis mine] would not be enough to deliver slaves from bondage, or provide men and women of every color and creed their full rights and obligations as citizens of the United States. What would be needed were Americans in successive generations who were willing to do their part — through protests and struggles, on the streets and in the courts, through a civil war and civil disobedience, and always at great risk — to narrow that gap between the promise of our ideals and the reality of their time.”Presidential Candidate Barack Obama

EXCEPT WHERE NOTED, ALL INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ARE FROM http://www.brainyquotes.com

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out http://www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS (Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz)?  ON SALE NOW AT AMAZON!

REFERENCES

http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/15/living/martin-luther-king-dream-feat/index.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/martin-luther-king-facts-they-didnt-teach-you-in-school_5699305ae4b0ce4964244476?

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/faithforward/2016/01/shall-we-overcome-an-invitation-for-mlk-jr-day/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Pan%20Patheos%20011515%20(1)&utm_content=&spMailingID=50475805&spUserID=MTIzNjQ2MzAzOTI4S0&spJobID=842032391&spReportId=ODQyMDMyMzkxS0

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/republicans-took-insulting-obama-to-a-new-level-at-the-gop-debate/ar-BBof5co?ocid=spartandhp

http://www.salon.com/2016/01/16/martin_luther_king_rachel_dolezal_and_donald_trump_the_recurring_story_of_race_that_has_shaped_our_history/

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
15 Comments

Posted by on January 17, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

HAVE COURAGE AND BE KIND

Do you know what I’ve discovered since the dawn of 2016 in just the first half of January?  Situations have gotten pretty scary and a tad bit nuts in our world, as you all know.  2015 was a really nutty time to be an inhabitant of Earth, and nobody has any idea how things are going to turn out in 2016.  If you’re a pessimist and see the glass half-empty then America will be fully engaged in WWIII by 2017, North Korea will have obliterated South Korea, Japan and much of China with a hydrogen bomb, Trump will be president, and concentration camps will dot the countryside filled with Mexicans, Muslims, and whatnots (TBD, since racism never knows any boundaries).  BUT if you’re an optimist and see the glass half-full (as I do), then 2016 just might surprise us all for the better.

New World Order Paresh Nath The Khaleej Times UAE

Cartoon used by permission: New World Order, Paresh Nath, The Khaleej Times UAE/Cagle Cartoons

I can find encouragement in anything.  I look for hope on a daily basis.  As I watched Disney’s 2015 live action version of Cinderella while trying to fulfill one of my New Year’s Resolution’s (exercising on the treadmill for an eternity), so many things in the movie inspired me.  I must confess that Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale because my own personal story is as close to an X-rated Cinderella tale as any living human being that I’ve ever met (check out my first book, Monsters’ Throwdown).  In fact, for me to be a pessimist after all that I have overcome would be sheer blasphemy and the highest form of ingratitude.

By the end of the movie, I was undone.  Because so many of the lines from it touched my heart, I was inspired to put together a 2016 list of optimistic predictions in the face of so much doom and gloom that the news is predicting we will suffer as Americans.  I’ll hold onto them and check back with you this time 2017, and we can determine what type of prophetess I am—one who is a naïve piece of work, or one who just might be onto something.  All the predictions are based on courage and kindness—a major theme of Chris Weitz (the writer of the screenplay) and Kenneth Branagh’s (the director) interpretation of the classic Cinderella story.

***

ELEANOR’S 2016 PREDICTIONS

PREDICTION #1:  My first prediction is a personal one.  In 2014/2015 I was diagnosed with “The Sugar” (diabetes for my non-Black readers).  I was and still am determined to kick its ass via diet and exercise.  I am happy to report that by the end of 2015, I no longer need medication nor am I considered a diabetic.  (I did so by first firing the nasty-ass doctor I had who tried to convince me there was no other hope for me except insulin or I would lose my toes, my feet, and my eye sight—you know who you are Dr. CY—may you be accursed!)  Once I found a doc who was willing to work with me, he strategically and safely walked me away from the poor medical advice and the number that would categorize me as a full-blown diabetic, and as he said to me several weeks ago:  “Congratulations, you have transformed your body out of being a diabetic [no longer needing medication] to a pre-diabetic.  You should be proud of yourself.  Given a couple more months—even that will be history.”   I AM IN LOVE WITH MY NEW DOCTOR!!  I predict that by the end of 2017, I will look back on this scary medical phase in my life as a bad distant memory.

***

“ELLA CONTINUED TO SEE THE WORLD AS IT COULD BE—NOT AS IT IS . . .”—Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother

***

Pre Christmas Weight Cam Cardow Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Cam Cardow, Cagle Cartoons

PREDICTION #2:  I never thought I’d ever hear myself saying this, but Donald Trump will probably win the Republican nomination to run for President, and that will be a very good thing!  (Nope, I haven’t lost my mind.) I’m beginning to see Trump as a gift to our country as he exposes the racism, the xenophobia, the homophobia, the heartless gun-lust, duplicity, and godless greed of a significant group of people in the GOP (not all Republicans—some of my best friends are Repubs—but enough to destroy this Grand Old Party that once freed the slaves).   Trump is not the savior he so arrogantly thinks himself to be, but his behavior is a reflection of what has been hidden for years within the GOP.

I think Trump will win the primary, wiping out all of his Republican opponents as he blocks the entry way of the path to the Oval Office. Then he will hand the election to the Democrats in an overwhelming victory because the tide of resistance that will rise up against him in America will be greater than the power of his fear-driven, blind followers who are spewing venom and hatred.   (Remember, we are the nation that passed the Civil Rights Act without a bloody coup but on the backs of martyrs, twice elected a Black president to the chagrin of many Republicans, legalized gay marriage in all 50 states with major resistance, and we are still the most generous nation on Earth which shows a great deal of courage and kindness.)

We (Americans) are better than Donald Trump, and we will prove it. The GOP created this monster, kept silent when Trump falsely accused the President (over and over again) of not being a true American or a “Christian,” and someone who would destroy our country when all of the evidence proved otherwise. Now the chickens have come home to roost.   I predict that in the end, Trump will destroy the GOP’s chance to occupy the White House for decades to come.

***

“THOUGH ELLA WAS SAD, HER SPIRIT WAS NOT BROKEN.”—Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother

***

Super Trump Milt Priggee, www.miltpriggee.com

Cartoon used by permission: Milt Priggee, www.miltpriggee.com

PREDICTION #3 

We’ve temporarily lost our minds over the myriad terrorists who threaten us from around the world—including our home grown ones.  But President Roosevelt was correct:  “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”  I predict that if we take a deep collective breath, shake off our fears—stoke the courage embers—and stick to our values (in many cases, figure out what our values are), we will be able to separate the demons from those who need our kindness.  I predict that we will do the right thing in the end toward our own citizens that need a helping hand as well as those who reach out to us who are victims of terrorists in 2016.

***

“HAVE COURAGE AND BE KIND . . . AND ALL WILL BE WELL”—Cinderella

***

Know Your Enemy John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

PREDICTION #4: 

I predict that God (who, if I know anything about his character, “don’t do ugly”) will show himself to be God in 2016—bringing down so many of the posers who claim to be “doing God’s will”—from the Bundy standoff in Nevada to ISIS leaders in the Middle East.  They won’t all go away in 2016 (there will always be people who claim to speak for God until the end of time), but I predict that there will be a significant amount who meet their demise.  Do you remember how many people claimed to be doing God’s will when they ran for president or vice president over the last decade—“God told me to run for office!”—Palin, Bachmann, Cain, Carson, Jeb Bush, Perry, Romney, Jindal, Walker, Kasich, Santorum, Huckabee, and Cruz.  Either God has been hedging his bets over the last decade or he is messin’ with the GOP.  I choose to believe the latter.

I also predict that 2016 will be the year the Conservative Evangelical church is going to lose its shit!  So many of my ex-peeps have jumped into bed with the Tea Party and the Right Wing talk show and arch-conservative social media groups (Fox, Breitbart, World Net, Jones, Limbaugh, and the like) that they wouldn’t recognize Jesus if he came to Earth and walked on water right in front of their eyes.  They would swear it was Obama trying to trick them into liking a Muslim posing as Jesus doing a magic trick.  The weeping and gnashing of teeth within those groups when McCain and then again Romney lost to Obama (I know because I got their emails) will be child’s play compared to the devastation that will be coming from those quarters.  They will fall all over each other predicting America’s demise because we’ve “turned our backs on God” when we don’t elect their delusional candidates.  Watch this space.

***

“KINDNESS IS FREE; LOVE IS FREE”—Cinderella

***

Doing God's Will Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

***

“KINDNESS IS FREE; LOVE IS FREE”—Cinderella

***

PREDICTION #5: 

I predict that what changes in 2016 regarding gun control will be incremental and seem almost pointless, but we shouldn’t get discouraged.  One day, our gun control laws will change—the 2nd Amendment will be changed. The Constitution is not written in stone—if it were, I’d still be a slave, which I’m sure some people would like, but I would find it rather inconvenient.  I predict that what will happen in 2016 is more and more murders, accidents, and suicides by guns will occur—more than we can humanely tolerate.  At some point, these horrific scenes will begin to wash up on the shores of the politicians and gun lobbyists’ families, their neighbors, and their friends at an alarming rate, causing them to reevaluate which is more important—their loved ones’ rights to fulfill their destiny on Earth or a gun owner’s right to pack heat.  (There is nothing as persuasive as an avid gun owner turned gun control crusader.)  In the meantime, I’m hitting my knees and praying that God will have mercy on us all.

***

“EVEN THOUGH IT’S WHAT’S DONE, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S WHAT SHOULD BE DONE.”—Cinderella 

***

Gun Place in America Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

***

ELEANOR’S SELAH (“AHA”) MOMENT ABOUT 2016

I am discovering that 2016 could be an amazing year of opportunity even though it has already gotten off to a very scary start.  To get through it is going to take a lot of courage enveloped in an ocean of kindness.  I predict that there are enough of us with deep humanity who will be able to take 2016 by the horns, kick America’s demons to the curb, and “Make America Great Again” sans Trump and all that he stands for.  Are you with me?

***

“I FORGIVE YOU”—Cinderella

(The last thing Cinderella says to her evil stepmother before departing with the Prince)

***

Forgiveness Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

INSPIRTIONAL QUOTES ON COURAGE AND KINDNESS

 “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”—Winston Churchill

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”—Maya Angelou

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”—Mark Twain

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”—Og Mandino

***

IN MEMORY OF DAVID BOWIE

RIP

 (1947-2016)

David Bowie David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

“And these children that you spit on

 As they try to change their worlds

 Are immune to your consultations

 They’re quite aware of what they’re going through.”

(Lyrics from the song: “Changes” by David Bowie)

***

ALL INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES FROM www.brainyquotes.com

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS (Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz)?  ON SALE NOW AT AMAZON!

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on January 11, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

CAN YOU IMAGINE 2016?

Do you know what I discovered today?  It is the last day of 2015, and boy-oh-boy am I glad 2015 is coming to an end, even though it means I’m closer to death’s door now that I am in the last quarter of my life.  2015 has been such a mess that I can’t help but fear it will hijack 2016 and really create even more havoc than we’ve seen heretofore.

Radicalized 2015 Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle/Cagle Cartoons

2016 is going to be an “anything can happen” New Year—I can feel it.  Since I like to be in control at all times, I wish I could get some answers from somebody who knows what’s going on to see if 2016 is going to give me a heart attack or not—thus making 2016 the year I kick the bucket from sheer terror or outright heartbreak.  But God is not answering.  I don’t know why—I certainly nag him enough about everything from here to Zanzibar. My prayers have fallen into one word panic attacks:  God, “Help . . . “See” . . . “Stop” . . . “Destroy” . . . “Rescue” . . . “DO” . . . “SOMETHING!”

Since God isn’t speaking to anyone I trust, I’ve been thinking about visiting a fortune teller to get some answers, so I ran it past my husband (WW—“White and Wonderful”) because he’s the smartest human I know, and I can trust his input to me when I am about to do something crazy.

I came upon WW reading a copy of Time Magazine (the one with Chancellor Angela Merkel on the cover), and as we made eye contact, he said:

WW:      “Hey, Cutie.  I was just catching up on my reading.  I bet you’re glad Time didn’t put Donald Trump on the cover as 2015’s most influential person.  I don’t think your heart could have survived that.”

ME:        “That is exactly what I came here to talk over with you.  2015 almost made me lose my mind.  I want to go see a fortune teller to see what 2016 has in store so that I can handle it better.  Do you think it’s a good idea?”

Fortune Teller Riber Hansson Sweden

Used by permission: Riber Hansson, Sweden/Cagle Cartoons

WW:      “Hum . . . about as good an idea as you riding the zip line in Costa Rica a few years ago and getting stuck 200 feet above the ground over a rain forest.”

ME:        “Hey!  You did the zip line too!”

WW:      “Yeah, but I didn’t get stuck, twirl around like a leaf in a hurricane, start to scream bloody murder, and have to be rescued.”

ME:        “Well, you would have gotten stuck if you had ta-tas the size of Mount Rushmore like I do.  They never test drove that apparatus with anyone who had boobs bigger than 34As.  Anyhow, what do you think of me going to a fortune teller to get a reading on 2016.  I’d do my research and seek out the most credible fortune teller.”

WW:      “I’m pretty certain that credibility and fortune teller used in the same sentence is an oxymoron.  Besides you already know the answer:  man will continue to act the fool on Earth until it is in his best interest not to do so.  But since I’m in a cavalier mood, I’ll humor you.”

ME:  “Fabulous!  What’s your name?  You have to have a name in order for this to seem real.”

WW:  “How about “The Amazing, Outstanding, Great White Wonder”—TAOGWW for short?  Don’t give me that look; if you want me to play this game, I get to pick my name—take it or leave it.”

ME:  “How much do you charge?”

WW:  “One roll in the hay!”

ME:  “You are a riot, old man!  It’s a deal!

“Okay, TAOGWW, will Black Lives ever matter with White policemen in America?  Did you hear that the White dude who slaughtered nine Black worshippers in a Bible study in Charleston in 2015 was asked if he was hungry when they arrested him, and the policemen went to Burger King to get him dinner?  Now contrast that with twelve-year-old Tamar Rice in Cleveland—gunned down by police within twenty seconds upon their arrival on the scene for playing with a toy gun in the playground.  Can you imagine where we’d be today if the Po-Po had asked Tamar Rice if he was hungry?  Tamar would be alive, and I wouldn’t be scared shitless for the life of my grandson.  I’m one phone call away from pleading with his mother to keep our grandson locked in the house until he’s twenty-one, and then sending him to live in the Caribbean as a young man.  So I ask again, oh great one:  will Black lives ever matter in America other than as chattel of old or a prison workforce in 2016—our modern day slavery?

Police shootings I Milt Priggee www miltpriggee com

Used by permission: Milt Priggee, www.miltpriggee.com

Grandson advice Bill Day Cagle Cartoons

Used by permission: Bill Day, Cagle Cartoons

TAOGWW:  “Probably not.”

ME:  “What do you mean, probably not?”

TAOGWW:  “Time will tell.”

ME:  “This is pathetic.  (At this rate, it doesn’t look like you’re going to be knocking boots with me anytime soon, if you don’t start answering my questions, Buddy.)  Let’s try another one.  Bill Cosby just got charged with sexual assault after fifty women accused him throughout 2015 about his nasty-ass behavior against them.  Will he finally get convicted and go to jail in 2016?

TAOGWW:  “Probably not.”

ME:  “What do you mean, probably not?”

TAOGWW:  “Time will tell.”

ME:  “What kind of fortune teller are you?  You aren’t telling me what I want to hear—you aren’t telling me anything!”

TAOGWW:  “I’m telling you what you’ll be wasting your money on if you actually go to a fortune teller.  I’m telling you that if O.J. got away with killing his wife and her friend, I don’t hold out much hope that Cosby will be convicted.  He’s rich and he’s famous—need I say more?”

Prison Pudding David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

Used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

ME:  “Stop it!  You’re not taking this seriously.  One more question, and you better get it right or my “honey-pot” goes on lock down.  Will Donald Trump be our next president in 2016?  You know this is one of my biggest fears.  If this happens, we’re going to have to move to Canada and take our grandson with us.”

TAOGWW:  “Probably not . . . only time will tell—specifically the morning of November 5th.”

ME:  “AUUUUUUGH!”

Trump as President John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Used by permission:  John Darkow, Columbia Daily-Tribune, Missouri/Cagle Cartoons

TAOGWW:  “You’re getting the answers you’re getting because the answers lie within us as citizens and human beings—not in a crystal ball.  I tell you what, instead of spending your hard-earned money on fortune tellers who don’t know squat, how about donating some of your time and energy getting people to the polls in November to vote (especially the young and the poor), keep using your voice to unclog the ears of our cell phone, reality show addicted populace to care about more than the immediate tweet, message, or selfie, and keep sounding the alarm along with all good people across social media that things are rotten in some of our police departments and across much of our country.   In time things will change.  How’s that for fortune telling?

“So . . . do I get my payment in installments or one lump sum?”

2016 Wake up and Pay Attention Osama Hajjaj Jordan

Cartoon used by permission:  Osama Hajjaj, Jordan/Cagle Cartoons

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (AHA) MOMENTS ABOUT 2016

I am discovering that if we don’t wake up as Americans and make some serious resolutions about how we think, what we think, and who we let influence our thinking, 2016 is going to make 2015 look like 1933 all over again—when Hitler became chancellor of Germany and a twelve-year reign of terror began.  May 2016 be the year my fellow Americans wake up and push back the tides of darkness:  politically, racially, spiritually, and educationally.  Come on, my brothers and sisters:  we can do this!  And if we do, we won’t need a fortune teller to tell us the outcome—it will be obvious, and our nation will truly be great again!

New Year's Resolution I John Darko, Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission: John Darko, Columbia Daily-Tribune, Missouri/Cagle Cartoons

***

MEDITATIVE QUOTES ABOUT THE NEW YEAR

 “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every New Year find you a better man.”—Benjamin Franklin

“Let our New Year’s resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.”—Goran Persson

“Ring out the false, ring in the true.”—Alfred Lord Tennyson

“My New Year’s Resolution List usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds.”—Nia Vardalos

***

ALL QUOTES FROM www.brainyquotes.com

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS (Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz)?  ON SALE NOW AT AMAZON!

REFERENCES

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/12/30/the-brave-woman-and-unlikely-heroes-who-brought-down-bill-cosby.html

http://www.snopes.com/2015/06/22/dylann-roof-burger-king/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-donald-trump-is-destroying-the-republican-party/2015/12/28/747668f6-ad9e-11e5-9ab0-884d1cc4b33e_story.html?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-b%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/a-conservative-party-jeopardized-by-trump/2015/12/23/3335339c-a8e2-11e5-8058-480b572b4aae_story.html

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/30/us/affluenza-teen-ethan-couch-detained-in-mexico/index.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nora-dunn/tamir-rice-and-the-nation_b_8891018.html

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/28/us/tamir-rice-shooting/

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on December 31, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 2015

A cynical poem, ripped off, truncated, and bastardized (as only this blogger can do) from the illustrious Clement Clarke Moore’s poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas”—first published in 1823.

***

IMG_0387

Photo Credit:  Eleanor Tomczyk

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Earth

 Every mortal was trembling, fearing another ISIS curse.

 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

 in hopes that St. Nick would make it past any terrorist scare.

ISIS vs Santa Marian Kemensky Slovakia

Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kemensky, Slovakia/Cagle Cartoons 

 The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

 while visions of a major toy haul danced in their heads.

Advertising for Santa David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

 My man snoring like a freight train, and me staring at the stars,

 had just settled our brains—dreaming of the coming movie premiere of Star Wars.

Star Wars John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune, Missouri/Cagle

 When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

 I sprang from my bed to see what the fuck was the matter.

 Away to the window I flew like a flash,

 Pulled open the blinds, and gasped at the crash!

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

 gave the lustre of midday to objects below,

 when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

 but an Amazon drone entangled with eight tiny reindeer.

Amazon Drone Santa Crash Marian Kemensky Slovakia

Cartoon used by permission:  Marian Kemensky, Slovakia/Cagle

 With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

 I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

 More rapid than eagles, his security team they came,

As he whistled and shouted and called his reindeer by name:

Santa Security David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle

 “Now Dasher! Now Dancer!

 Now, Prancer and Vixen!

 On, Comet! On, Cupid!

 On, Donner and Blitzen!

 To the top of the porch!

 To the top of the wall!

 Now dash away! Dash away!

 Dash away all!”

Santa Crashes Pierre Ballouhey

Used by permission: Pierre Ballouhey, France/Cagle Cartoons

 And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

 the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

 I pulled out my Glock pistol as I surveyed the ground,

 while down the chimney Santa came with a bound.

 He startled me—this man all dressed in fur, from his head to his foot,

 Was this really Santa all tarnished with ashes and soot?

 Only one large box had he stuffed in his sack,

Not copious gifts I thought would be in his pack.

Santa Clause know your meme

Santa Wallpaper/Google

 I freaked out! I admit it! This white man had scared me!

 (Officer:  “I was standing my ground—trying to protect my family!”)

  Plus where was my fur coat, my coach bag, my Samsung telly?

SC’s body shook as he screamed in surprise, when I shot him in the belly.

Homeowner shoots

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle

 He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

He moaned when I screamed: “I’M SORRY!” in spite of myself.

 “I didn’t know you were Santa, I truly lost my head

But may I ask what you brought me before I declare your ass dead?”

Peace on Earth II Taylor Jones El Nuevo Dia Puerto Rico

Cartoon used by permission: Taylor Jones, El Nuevo Dia, Puerto Rico/Cagle

 “PEACE—LITTLE MOFO,” groaned the jolly ol’ man.

 “It’s what you’ve been asking for, it’s all part of the plan.

 The Babe in the manger, love, peace, and forgiveness in repose,”

 You know, Christ the Son—who lived, who died, and on the third day arose.”

Peace on Earth III Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle/Cagle

 Santa sprang to his sleigh while to my knees I did fall,

 “I’m getting’ to old for this shit, he said to them all.”

 But I heard him with grace exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

Only Begotten Son Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle/Cagle

“Happy Christmas you poor, pathetic, confused humans, and to all a good night!”

Christmas House

Photo Credit:  Eleanor Tomczyk

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE TOMCZYK HOUSEHOLD TO YOU AND YOURS

Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me, you, and every human being on Earth in 2016!”

***

 (This is my Christmas card to all my readers.  I’ll be taking a break until the New Year to spend time with my family who are arriving from here, there, and everywhere.  Not to mention my precious grandson who I can hardly wait to smother with hugs and kisses.  It will be great to step away from all the bad news for a season (I’m sure it will still be here when I return) and concentrate on what is most important in life—family.  Merry Christmas everyone, and wishing you a very peaceful New Year!

***

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (hardcopy and Kindle).

Peace for Christmas David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on December 17, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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LET’S ALL PANIC AND ABANDON OUR VALUES

Do you know what I am discovering?  It is so good to be Queen!  I’ve got to tell you, my husband and I retired to paradise.  Lawd, have mercy, it is exquisite. I didn’t know that there were places like this on Earth.  Everything is simply perfect—at least now it is.  You see, in the beginning, I had a bit of a problem with foreign entities coming over the border (the nature preserve my property backs up to) and terrorizing my lawn and landscaping, which I paid a pretty penny for.  I’ve shelled out hundreds of dollars to fight terrorism from moles, voles, rabbits, and deer, but to no avail.  Then one day, I was listening to some of the GOP candidates, a chancellor of a Christian college, and the attorney of the cop who executed a Black teenager in Chicago, and I realized that they (Trump, Carson, and Huckabee especially, and the bad cop in particular) were onto a weapon of warfare that was ingenious:  keep broadcasting fear until the American voter panics in sheer terror, succumbs to the will of the fear mongers, abandons all his or her so-called Judeo-Christian values, and makes decisions from a fear-based rationale!  Can we all shout:  “HALLELUJAH?”

Replacing Fear with Gratitude John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

Of course!  Why hadn’t I thought of this tactic as a way to eradicate the terrorists on my land?  I’m not saying that all moles, voles, rabbits, and deer are terrorists, but enough of them are to warrant ruthless measures against the entire animal kingdom.  (Although, I must say that I’d been taught to always disdain moles in particular, and that “the only good mole was a dead mole.”)  Besides, desperate times call for desperate means, and I didn’t spend my hard-earned savings on my retirement Shangri-La to have it overrun by these foreigners.

I’d tried saner means:  I’ve used pickle juice, castor oil, bleach, red pepper, juicy fruit gum, and even human hair balls to keep them off my property, but to no avail.  I even tried to bribe my next door neighbor’s cat with fancier cat food than what he normally gets to come and patrol my grounds, but he blew me off.  I would have tried more diabolical methods (broken glass, razor blades, and explosives in the soil), however, my homeowner’s association frowns upon such tactics.  But when I discovered I could broadcast fear through battery-powered ultrasonic devices and vibrators strategically implanted in my golf course perfect lawn, I won the day!  These instruments of terror constantly and consistently emit high pitched noises that sound like the screams of a vole/mole/rabbit’s worst enemies causing them to be in a constant state of agitation until they are driven back in terror.

BOOH-RAH!  THANK YOU, JESUS!  I HAVE WON THE DAY!

Fear of Martians Trump Taylor Jones,El Nuevo Dia Puerto Rico

Cartoon used by permission: Taylor Jones, El Nuevo, Dia Puerto Rico

Feeling quite smug and very proud of myself, I retired for the evening and promptly began to dream.  I dreamt of a gathering of animals deep in the woodlands behind my house.  There were a couple moles and voles, a few rabbits, several snakes, two buzzards, and an owl who seemed to be their leader. It appeared to be some type of resistance movement, and pictures of me were plastered all over the trees that encircled them.

[A rather large owl is seen pounding a stick against a tree stump directly in front of him]

OWL:  “Order!  Let’s all come to order.  We have a lot to accomplish tonight before the first light of day, and we have to go back into hiding.  We are being terrorized by the worst sort of enemy—a born-again Christian who has abandoned her values.  Where the Great God, who created us all, has commanded in scripture that man take dominion over the Earth (as in take care of the Earth and its creatures, which includes not polluting the land), the owner of this bit of Earth has taken it to mean ‘use any means necessary to torment those less fortunate or powerless in order to have an enviable lawn and property.’  Her tactics have brought trauma on all our friends, relatives, and neighbors. It appears that she is being greatly influenced by the fear tactics of a human group called the GOP, which surprises me.  I thought she had abandoned that group years so.  Anyway, before we can work out our strategy against this homeowner (who refuses to share her resources as Christ commands), we need to have a trial.  I call Keisha the Mole as the first witness.  Keisha, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

KEISHA THE MOLE:  “I do, your Owlness.”

OWL:  “Then let us proceed.  Little Keisha, you are the last one of your tunnel hood.  All your relatives have been obliterated or run off to internment camps.  Can you tell us what happened in your own words?”

KEISHA THE MOLE:  “Well, you see what had happened was, my family used to live in the hood called the Wilderness Preserve for hundreds of years, but then a nasty-ass ruler came into power.  His name be Land Developer, and he cut down a lot of our wooded lots where I grew up.  The lady blogger bought a house on one of those lots, and we had no choice but to venture onto her property to get food and shelter ‘cause our homesteads were being systematically destroyed.  A lot of us were homeless, and many of us was hungry.”

OWL:  “What about the stories we’ve been hearing about your youth being gunned down in the streets by keepers of the law?”

KEISHA THE MOLE:  “Well, Missy Landowner say it ‘cause she fears us.  I heard her talkin’ to her sista on the phone one day when she was catchin’ the breeze on her screened in porch, and she was pleadin’ with her sister to bring up her BB gun from South Carolina when she come for Christmas.  Said she was the law here and she’d shoot to kill every goddamn mole she saw and claim it was ‘cause she feared for her life.”

Fear for my life Milt Priggee www miltpriggee com

Cartoon used by permission: Milt Priggee, www.miltpriggee.com

OWL:  “All right Miss Keisha, you can step down now.  The court calls to the witness stand a Mr. Orlando Vole.  Mr. Vole, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

VOLE: “I do your Honor.”

OWL:  “Then you may proceed.

O. VOLE:  “Before I begin, I need to correct the record.  My name is Dr. Orlando Bloom Vole.  I have two PhD’s:  one in animal husbandry and one in human psychology.  I have been observing humans for many years, and it hasn’t been this bad for a long, long time—not since the dark days of lynching in the South.  It is as if human hearts have hardened toward each other as well as the Earth that sustains them.  I travel far and wide through the tunnels my cousins the moles have provided across Virginia, and yesterday I sat in on a student/faculty meeting at Liberty University—a Christian place of learning which claims to be raising up the next generation of leaders.  I heard the Chancellor tell thousands of 18 – 22 year-olds to start packing heat so that if “the Muslims” show up at Liberty, his students and faculty would teach them a lesson.  Jerry Falwell, Jr. said:  ‘I’ve always thought if more good people had concealed carry permits, then we could end those Muslims before they walked in.’  The audience cheered.”

Pat Robertson Hate Ratings

Pat Robertson—a champion of the Religious Right, Founder of Christian Broadcasting Network

OWL:  “Immature College kids packing heat on a college campus.  What could possibly go wrong with that scenario?  Oy vez mir!”

VOLE: “My point is, your Honor, where is the love? If so many of the Christians in this great country of ours have no compassion or restraint toward each other, than the Earth and all of its animal inhabitants are toast. It is as their great book says: ‘In the end of days, man’s love for one another will grow cold.’  Your Honor, it is my opinion that the Conservative Evangelical Christian community has allowed their fears to destroy their values.

OWL:  “Thank you, Dr. Vole.  Informative as always.  And now to our final witness.  Would John Deer come up and take the stand?  Is John Deer in the house?  Has anyone seen John Deer?”

[There is a great commotion in the trees, and much flurry and wing flapping as a giant buzzard lands in the gathering of the animal caucus.] 

OWL:  “Whooooooo goes there?”

LB:  “It’s me, your Honor—Lionel Buzzard.  I’ve come on behalf of John Deer.  He is no longer with us, but before he had a heart attack due to the terror he suffered at the hands of said blogger, he asked that I read a statement to the court on his behalf.”

OWL:  “Proceed.”

LB:  “’I, John Deer, being of sound mind but full of fear and angish wish to encourage my fellow friends and neighbors to speak up about the great terrorization brought upon them by the new land owner, Eleanor the Blogger, before it is too late.  I didn’t speak up, and I regret it.  First Eleanor, the Blogger came for the Moles, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Mole.  Then she came for the Voles, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Vole. Then she came for the Rabbits, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Rabbit. Then she came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.  Speak up, my friends.  SPEAK UP FOR THE REFUGEE, SPEAK UP FOR THE DISENFRANCHISED, THE POOR, THE VOICELESS—SPEAK, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!’”

Thanksgiving I John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission:  John Darkow, Columbia Daily-Tribune, Missouri/Cagle Cartoons

***

I woke up the next morning extremely out of sorts.  As I sipped my morning coffee while surveying my ornament laden, mole, vole, and deer-free lawn from my office window, I noticed a poster on a stick in the middle of the lit lawn decorations.  As I adjusted my binoculars to get a better view, a chill went down my spine, and I knew life would never be the same.

“MOLE LIVES MATTER!

THIS MEANS WAR, BITCH!!”

Refugees Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: The Columbus Dispatch/Cagle Cartoons

***

I am discovering that if God returned to Earth today, he’d be really pissed.  Everything that is going on in the Earth is a test for humanity.  Can’t anybody else see that the answer to the test is love, compassion, grace, and mercy—not more guns?  We’ve had these tests before, and we humans have summarily failed them because we let fear motivate our actions or render us ineffective.  When Hitler came to power, the mostly Christian nation (96% Lutheran and Catholic) of Germany reacted in fear against their Jewish friends and neighbors and the annihilation of 6 million Jews shortly followed.  (When the USA had a chance to take in Jewish refugees, we refused to loosen our stringent immigration laws because we were afraid the Germans would slip in with them—so we said.  Personally, I think it was outright anti-Semitism.)   When the KKK ruled the South during the Jim Crow era in America, lynching and slaughtering Black folks for sport (from ten-year-olds to ninety-year olds), just because we wanted to be treated like human beings, caused most Whites—good church-going people—to turn their backs on our plight.  (Have you noticed that all KKK members have always been White, male, and predominately Christians [thus the burning cross to terrorize its victims], and yet our politicians and history books have never, ever declared the KKK as American home-grown terrorists and smeared the entire White, male, Christian race with a terrorist paint brush—those “Christian extremists”?)  Then why are we listening to politicians and religious leaders who are painting the entire Muslim religion with a terrorist brush, pushing us into fear and toward mass hatred and potential mass murder?  All religions have cults—the KKK is a Christian cult; ISIS and its many derivatives are Muslim cults.  A cult by definition is a group of people who try to instill their will on the non-compliant via force.

And don’t even get me started on American slavery . . .

Family of Man:  this is a test, a very important test.  We have failed it before . . . please, let’s not fail this test again.  I know we must protect ourselves (as we should)—I’m not an idiot.  But it can be done without losing our humanity.  If it can’t, than screw this concept that “we are a Christian nation,” and let’s do whatever the hell we want—because, Baby, this ain’t what Jesus would do.

Refugees go home RJ Matson CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission:  RJ Matson Cagle.Cartoons.com

***

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—

 Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—

 Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—

 Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

A Protestant pastor and social activist in Nazi Germany.

Imprisoned by the Nazi regime (June 27, 1937)

(No animals were hurt in the making of this tale.  In fact, I could swear that I saw a rabbit give me the finger as a mole hitched a ride on the rabbit’s back at dusk to check out my new Christmas lawn ornaments—not to mention the herd of deer (8 at last count) who calmly sashayed past my office window, chomping down on my newly revitalized plants while they dared me to come out and mess with them.)

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out http://www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (hardcopy and Kindle)

REFERENCES

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/12/04/politicians-need-to-ditch-their-inflammatory-rhetoric.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/fear-faith-and-the-rise-of-ben-carson/2015/11/30/3a94c1d2-93a9-11e5-a2d6-f57908580b1f_story.html?hpid=hp_hp-top-table-main_carsonsupporter-910pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-is-a-bigot-and-a-racist/2015/12/01/a2a47b96-9872-11e5-8917-653b65c809eb_story.html?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-e%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/05/us/liberty-university-urges-armed-students/index.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ben-carson-syrian-refugees-jordan_565db798e4b08e945fec829f

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aryeh-neier/syrian-refugees_b_8690014.html

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on December 6, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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