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Well, do you know what I discovered this week after getting first-hand reports back from the Republican Convention in Cleveland?   I have been driven to drink, and I’m throwing all caution to the wind because the world is coming to an end.  (Why the hell should I watch what I eat when Armageddon is at hand?)  Even now as I write this blog, I am downing copious glasses of Merlot, a giant bowl of popcorn, and just as soon as the Hubbie comes home, I’m going to order the biggest gluten-free pizza I can find BECAUSE WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Trump Fears FB Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

At least that’s what Donald Trump said last night in his 75 minute speech at the GOP Convention in about 100 different ways.  Despite statistics that show otherwise (why care about the truth—who needs facts when an egomaniacal, despot wants you to think that the world is coming to an end?), we’re descending into lawlessness and disorder, a race war is going to start tomorrow from coast to coast by Black people who have forgotten their place and don’t like being shot by cops just for the hell of it.  (The GOP thinks that this is the sole fault of President Obama (thanks a-hole, Giuliani).  Our kids are going to be starving in the streets by morning, Mexican rapists will attack our daughters, ISIS is going to invade (simultaneously) from every corner of the United States, immigrants are going to take over all our jobs from snake handlers to corporate CEOs, and the aliens from outer space, who will be invading any day now, are the sole fault of that Jezebel, Hillary Clinton, who is responsible for “death, destruction, terrorism and weakness” in America and should be “locked up”  and the key thrown away.

But The Donald is going to save us all!  Trump and only Trump, can save us from this apocalypse.  How do I know?  He told us so at the Republican Convention. He kept saying, “I am your voice—I love you—we will never, ever make bad deals—believe me—nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it!”

GOP Bouncy Castle Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

I was flabbergasted and highly agitated when I watched the GOP Convention!  How did America 2016 descend into Germany 1933? And then there was the speech debacle of Melania Trump ripping off Michelle Obama’s convention speech of 2008.  Isn’t she the wife of the man that Der Fuhrer Trump despises?  I was really confused and truly afraid.  What the hell was going on?  Was it really as bad as it seemed?  Last night I contacted my alter-ego, The Dalai Mama, who attended the convention because she is a glutton for punishment and asked her to try and get an interview with Melania.  I had heard a rumor that they used to be friends when The Dalai Mama lived in Slovenia.  Maybe Melania via The Dalai Mama could assuage my fears—maybe Donald Trump wasn’t as bad as he seemed during his acceptance speech.  (Besides, I really wanted to know if Melania plagiarized her speech and made the lowly speech writer take the fall.)  So I sent The Dalai Mama a note requesting she interview Melania, and I heard back from my alter ego this morning, which was rather convenient since my blog was due today.


ME:  Hey, Dalai.  How’s everything?  I’ve been watching the convention.  Was it as bad as it looked?

DALAI MAMA:   Girl, this convention was one giant cluster-fuck.  From Melania’s plagiarized speech to the people yelling “lock her up” about Hill, to Ted Cruz givin’ The Donald the finger, to Trump’s 75-minute speech of demon terror.  As a sane, rational, Black woman, I don’t know whether to move to Africa or go into hidin’ in the Caribbean.  Right now, I’m just prayin’ that Jesus will come back and rapture us all except for The Donald and all the people who plan to vote for him.  (Are you listenin’ to me, Jesus?)

ME:  That bad, huh?  Hey, I know that you and Melania used to be friends way back in the day.  Did she tell you if she slipped that plagiarism into her speech?  She did say she wrote it all by herself in the beginning.  Did she give you some insight into The Donald’s mentality?  Maybe her husband isn’t as awful as he seems.  You know how TV adds ten pounds on you, maybe it adds fifty pounds of bigotry and stupidity onto a person as well.   I need some type of reassurance here because this mini-me Fuhrer just may end up being President of the United States if we’re not careful—especially if he successfully scares the shit out of everybody, and they vote for him because they believe he is the only one who can bring back law and order.

DALAI MAMA:   Yeah, I spoke wit’ her, but I don’t think our conver will help you much—she sounded a little “turnt,” if you know what I mean.  She seemed to be a little “off”—like she wasn’t herself.   But you can hear for yo’self.  I taped the entire conversation.  In the meantime, I wonder if they have gluten-free pizza in Botswana.

Melania rip off Wolverton Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission:  Wolverton, Cagle Cartoons



OPERATOR:   Hello, this is the Trump Tower receptionist.  How may I help you?

DALAI MAMA:   This is The Dalai Mama calling to speak to Melania on behalf of Eleanor T, the Blogger.  She’s expectin’ me.

OPERATOR:   One moment, please . . .

DALAI MAMA:   Hello, Melania Baby?

MELANIA:    Hello, is it me you’re looking for?  ‘Cause I wonder who you are . . .  and I . . .

DALAI MAMA:   Yo, Melania, it’s me, The Dalai Mama.  Long time no talk, huh?

MELANIA:   My cherie amour, lovely as a summer day . . . distant as the milky way . . . pretty little one that I adore . . .

DALAI MAMA:   Aw, that’s so sweet, Girlfriend.  How’s it goin’?  Listen, I heard ‘bout the plagiarism thing.   I felt real bad fo’ you.  I told everybody I knew that there is no way that girl did this fucked-up deed, ‘cause she loves her some Black people, and she would never, ever steal their shit, ‘cause her word is her bond.

MELANIA:  Dalai Mama, it’s been awful. How could people think I stole parts of Michelle Obama’s speech? I mean I admire her so much (don’t tell The Donald)—he would not be pleased. I would never plagiarize her work. It’s been awful. I’ve been crying (ooh, ooh), ‘Cause I’m lonely (for a friend to tell the truth to), Smiles have all turned (to tears), but tears won’t wash away (the fears) . . . that everyone is laughing at me.

Melania Trump John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune, Missouri

DALAI MAMA:   Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . have you been drowning your sorrows in Motown?  Did you just quote Lionel Ritchie, Stevie Wonder, AND The Supremes to me?

MELANIA:   No, dez are heartfelt Slovenian thoughts.  Things said to me by me “mati in oče.”  They always told me, “don’t stop ‘til you get enough” . . .  hope, dat is.

DALAI MAMA:   Are you trying to tell me that your “mati in oče”—your mother and father—are Michael Jackson and Diana Ross? Ha!  Girl, you in worse shape than I thought.  Maybe, I should come by and check on you in person.  You don’t sound like you’re doin’ okay.

If this is any consolation to you, you looked fantastic the first night of the convention!  That dress was on “fleck,” girl.  That was a Roksanda “Margot” dress, right? Girlfriend, do you know that thing sold out within one hour after yo’ plagiarized speech!  I hope you owned stock in that designer.  At $3,000 a pop, that ain’t no chump change. Anyway, I’ve missed you, Girl.  Remember our time hangin’ out at the Karaoke clubs in Slovenia befo’ you hooked up with The Donald?

MELANIA:  Uh, huh.  Do You Remember, how we used to talk (ya know), we’d stay on the phone at night till dawn . . . hee, hee . . .

DALAI MAMA:   Oh, hell to the no . . . you are definitely channeling Michael Jackson right now.  Oh, wait a minute!  I think I see the problem here.  Some wires must of gotten crossed in that fembot head of yours after you married The Donald.  You know I love you, Baby, but that model head of yours has always had a few screws loose—no offense.  You may be able to speak several languages but your common sense was always three sheets to the wind.  After all, you did marry The Donaldjust sayin’

MELANIA:  Here’s a little song I wrote, You might want to sing it note for note, Don’t worry, be happy . . .

DALAI MAMA:   Chil’ you gots to stop this.  I don’t think Bobby McFerrin is gonna like you stealing his shit any more than Michelle Obama did.  Let’s concentrate here.  Your husband said last night (and I quote):

“I have a message to every last person threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police: When I take the oath of office next year, I will restore law and order to our country. Believe me. Believe me.”

DALAI MAMA:   The entire convention hall cheered (even the 2-3 Uncle Tom Black people that was set-dressing put in place by yo’ husband), but it gave me chills. I swear I hear at least three different racist dog whistles in that paragraph. If you Black and you protest the Po-Po that will be considered “threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police,” therefore, you can kiss your sorry-ass good-bye. Melania, is that what yo’ husband meant?

Melania Famous quotes Steve SackThe Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune

DALAI MAMA:   Melania, I need you to concentrate, Chil’!  What about the press conference today when your husband said:

“And when they talk about unity, I want to tell you, that was unity. That was unity. Right? I saw you last night. That was unity. That was amazing.”

DALAI MAMA:  What unity?  Girl that was the whitest political convention I have ever seen in my life.  The only thing whiter than that convention is a KKK rally.  Am I right?  And what about that slogan he kept sayin’ over and over again ‘bout “Putting America First.”  CNN says that that slogan was used during WW2, and it meant “the name of the isolationist, defeatist, anti-Semitic national organization that urged the United States to appease Adolf Hitler.”  What do you think ‘bout that, Chica?

What ‘bout when The Donald bragged ‘bout how the Evangelicals loved him and are in full support of him?  I’m an Evangelical, and I know scores of Evangelicals, and we all think yo’ man is the Anti-Christ!!!  I’m not the only Christian that thinks that.  Only a select amount of American Christians have lost their minds . . . talkin’ crap about how they loves The Donald and will vote to make him President because his chil’ren are so poised, courteous, articulate, and professional, so he can’t be that bad.  WTF?!  He didn’t raise those chil’ren—they mamas raised them.  You know the two wives befo’ you?  Maybe we ought to elect Ivanka and Marla as President and Vice President.  What do you think about that idea, my Slovenia Fembot?

MELANIA:    STOP! In the name of love, Dalai Mama, before you break my heart . . . think it ov-o-ver!

DALAI MAMA: Oh for the love of God (and the Supremes). . . I am so out of here! You have lost yo’ ever-lovin’ mind.

Trump Kids Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle



I am discovering that the nomination of Donald Trump has indeed instilled great fear in me, but not about the state of our nation which I think is better than it has ever been (does anybody remember the Jim Crow era—Black people lynched on every third tree in the South just “because”, the riots in the mid to late 60s in most of our inner cities, or the gas shortage lines in the 70s?).  After watching the Republican Convention and rereading Trump’s speech of hatred, lies, lies, lies, and demagoguery that he used to gin up fear, I am very afraid that if we are not careful, he just might win. So listen to me America, if you’ve got any rational, spiritual, or humanitarian bones in your body, then get to the polls (drag your grown children, relatives, neighbors, and friends) and vote for Hillary.  I get it that Hillary is a flawed candidate—I’m certainly not in the tank for her and will hold my nose when I vote—but at least she is a human being, the most experienced person to ever run for the presidency, and no matter what Trump and the GOP try to say about her, we won’t be marching in goosestep, with right arm raised screaming, “Heil Trump” while I try to keep me and my peeps out of the camps.  (I told you this a-hole scares me to death!)

P.S.  Save your hate emails and comments about voting for the Libertarian candidates or writing someone’s name on the ballot.  This is not a rehearsal, people! Every vote cast for anyone but Hillary is a vote for Trump.  Remember Ralph Nader?  If not, look him up and see how many elections got skewered by voting for him, and I really liked the dude, but he had no electoral power—he just sucked off the vote for the candidate who should have won.

P.P.S.  I just finished an entire gluten-free pizza, three glasses of wine, and my blood sugar is off the Richter scale.  At the rate I’m going, just the thought of Trump as President may kill me before November. Vote Hillary in November just to save my health.  Oy vez mir!

Convention Mess David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission:  David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star



“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.”—Thich Nhat Hanh

 “This is all you have. This is not a dry run.  This is your life.  If you want to fritter it away with your fears, then you will fritter it away, but you won’t get it back later.”—Laura Schlessinger (DISCLAIMER:  I absolutely abhor the author of this quote—she is a racist and a didactic bitch, but sometimes even snakes can serve a purpose if the truth of their bite gets rid of the rats in the garden.)

“So then learn to conquer your fear. This is the only art we have to master nowadays: to look at things without fear, and to fearlessly do right.”—Friedrich Durrenmatt

“Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate it; a child who fears noises becomes a man who hates noise.”—Cyril Connolly

 “This world of ours… must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.”—Dwight D. Eisenhower


Hillary Rising Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler ,The Columbus Dispatch


WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.




Posted by on July 22, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Everybody Deserves to Go Home

Do you know what I discovered this week?  In the words of a tweet by Charles Blow, the NYTimes columnist—“Everybody deserves to go home.” 

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or have a heart of stone, you—dear reader—have discovered the same thing as I did.  The cold-blooded murders of two Black men (32-year old Philando Castile and 37-year old Alton Sterling) by White cops who swore to protect and serve our citizens, and the slaughter of the Dallas police officers by a crazed hater of White cops because he was angry about Castile and Sterling’s deaths have made me ill, horrified, sad, broken-hearted, numb, speechless, and frightened for our country’s soul, and the future of my grandson.


All I could help thinking after seeing Charles Blow’s tweet was none of the people who died in these horrific events deserved to die as they did—they all deserved to go home at the end of the day. Mourning these deaths are not mutually exclusive—any decent human being can do both. They all were somebody’s father, brother, son, husband, fiancé, nephew, or friend.  All of their lives mattered.  And just like Dylann Roof (White man who slaughtered nine Black church attendees in Charleston) does not represent all White people, Micah Xavier Johnson (the Black terrorist who shot and killed 5 Dallas policemen) does not represent the Black Lives Matter group or all African Americans; and just like those two cops in Louisiana and Minnesota who murdered Sterling and Castile do not represent all cops, the fact that 123 African-Americans have been killed by policemen in 2016—not to forget Trayvon Martin walking home with Skittles and an ice tea or 12-year old Tamir Rice playing with a toy gun—does mean we need to take a good hard look at the facts that plague us as a society and fix them. We have it in our power to do so if we just pluck our heads out of the sand.

Lives Matter Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch/Cagle Cartoons

Everyone is wringing their hands in America today, most are claiming that we’re near the brink of disaster as a nation, and many are looking for a “hero” to save us.  Well, “we don’t need another hero.” We are America’s heroes!  We—you and I—can save us.  (To those who blame President Obama for failing to “unite us”—get over yourselves—he can’t lead us where we don’t want to go.)

The issues are multi-faceted but we can conquer them:  racism, classism, income inequality, drugs, mental illness, GUNS, GUNS, GUNS, poverty, fear, injustice, hopelessness, and despair.  Shun the haters, turn a deaf ear to the liars and the racists, and fight until the end of your days to change the gun laws and the 2nd Amendment (yes, gun worshippers, you are going to have to give up some of your rights so that we all can have the right to go home at the end of the day).  And we mustn’t forget to fight a war on poverty.  If you have two pieces of bread—share one piece with someone in need, reach out and exude the love of God to all those who cross our paths.  We are not Americans first, Black, White, or Latino second, male or female third; we are human beings first and foremost—all created in the image of God—all who deserve to have enough to eat, a roof over our heads, an education for our children, as well as being able to go home at night.

So when you read that a certain ex-Congressman (Joe Walsh) says: “3 Dallas cops killed, 7 wounded. This is now war. Watch out Obama. Watch out black lives matter punks. Real America is coming after you,”—decry him with all your might by standing up as “real Americans” and denouncing his racist shit so boldly and loudly that he has no other recourse but to crawl back into the rat hole from whence he’s come.  When you hear or read that Sarah Palin has gone on a racially-charged rant after all we went through as a country last week and stipulates that the “Black Lives Matter movement is a farce,” take to your Facebook, Tweeter, Instagram, and blog accounts to denounce her and her stupidity, and then make sure no one like her ever gets near a governing office again by showing up to vote in every single election from here on out.   Why?  It is the only way we will make sure that all of us will go home at the end of the day.

Hate Bill Day Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Bill Day, Cagle Cartoons

In the meantime—until we get our shit together as a country—I’ve got to go and teach my grandson how to survive as a young Black man in America because what the Black Lives Matter movement is protesting is very, very real.  Check out this 10 Rules video from Mt. Olivet Baptist Church in Columbus, Ohio—rules I have lived by all my life as a Black woman in America who has been stopped and harassed by White policemen more than I can remember in neighborhoods where they thought I didn’t belong.  Most of them were neighborhoods I lived in, and one of those encounters happened just two years ago at the ripe old age of 66.  (P.S.  Might I add that my husband of 37 years is White, most of my friends are White, and when they get pulled over for a “busted tail light,” it has always been a curtesy notification from the policeman accompanied by a smile and “have a good day!” None of them has ever ended up dead like Philando Castile.  I know this because I’ve been in their cars when it has happened, and I am always stunned at the different realities between the Black and the White world in America.)


“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death.”Anne Frank

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

All inspirational quotes from

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Lives Matter Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune/Cagle Cartoons




Posted by on July 10, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered in the past couple weeks?  The Universe just gave several countries and individuals on the Earth a “pop quiz” and they flunked.  They were supposed to be studying all along about what it takes to make a great Earth habitat for all concerned, but it appears they’ve been skipping study hall, partying way too much, and using a truncated version of CliftNotes—what I call “DumpAssNotes”—to get the knowledge they need to pass the final exam of life.  The God of the Universe is on to us, I suspect, and sends us a pop quiz every once and awhile just to reveal to us what we don’t know, and how much we need to learn before the final exam called death.

Brexit was England’s pop quiz and apparently more than half of them failed the pop quiz because they didn’t know what Brexit really meant!  The most searched words on Google after the vote to leave the EU was “what does Brexit and EU mean?”  WTF?!

Brexit Top Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Used by permission || Cartoonist, Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

Now the UK has learned a new test word called “regrexit,” which they should have known the definition of before taking the test on Brexit.  More than 3 million people have signed a petition to have a do-over because many of them say that they had no idea that their vote would tank the global economy, drop the UK’s economic standing from 5th highest to 6th highest in a single day, bring about the plummeting of the British pound, encourage Scotland’s break with England, cause Ireland to follow Scotland’s lead and reestablish borders between Northern and Southern Ireland, necessitate the reissuance of passports, and eradicate much needed EU currency for various towns in England that depend upon that revenue stream for prosperity—and that’s just the beginning of the disasters.  The DumbAssNotes just told them they could get their country back and kick out and keep out all the immigrants (people who weren’t pure-born British) who were forcing them to share their shit. (Much of the anti-immigrant hatred in England is against the Polish.  You know life has turned upside down when White people start hatin’ on other White people.) Yikes!

Brexit I Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission || Cartoonist Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

The TARDIS; Time And Relative Dimension In Space is a fictional time machine and spacecraft in the British science fiction television programme Doctor Who . . .—Wikipedia


I don’t want to get arrogant about how the Brits failed their pop quiz on whether to stay or leave the EU because we Americans didn’t do well on our recent pop quizzes either.  We had yet another pop quiz on gun control after the Orlando massacre, and we flunked it big time.  I think this is the umpteenth pop quiz we’ve had this year on guns.  Every time there is a shooting God gives us a test.  Our DumbAssNotes said “in case of another mass shooting, you should pause for another moment of silence, do nothing, and then ramp up gun sales” (TRUE OR FALSE).  Our House of Representatives, coached by the NRA, chose “True” as their answer.)  Oy vez mir!!

Climbing Gun Sales Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission || Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

Another question on the American pop quiz from God was “What IS Donald Trump and why should people who call themselves by My Name vote for him to become President of the United States?”  Some weird old fart, Dr. James Dobson (Founder of Focus on the Family), went to the head of the class and wrote in his answer on the blackboard that The Donald was a Born-again Christian (albeit a baby one), and that he knew the person who had “led The Donald to the Lord”therefore, Trump was God’s man for the hour.  This caused most of the 1,000 evangelical pastors in the room, who had chosen to study the DumbAssNotes for the Final instead of the Bible, to swarm around Donald Trump, “lay hands on him in prayer,” and submit their pop quiz answers with the chant:  “Trumpee, Trumpee, he’s our man—if he can’t save us, no one can!” (Soooo, embarrassing!)




Do you know what I’m discovering?   The human race has been getting pop quizzes for as long as we’ve been on the planet, but we keep trying to shortchange our journey by learning from the truncated study books.  When Germany was given a pop quiz in the 1930’s as to how they should handle their lack of prosperity and place on the world stage, their pop quiz answers were to come up with a Final Solution to eliminate 1% of their population and start another World War.  When the United States was given several pop quizzes on how to integrate its once enslaved peoples, many of the test takers decided that the correct answers were to thwart their fellow citizens from voting, receiving a proper education, being able to live in decent housing, and having the ability to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.

America has had many pop quizzes during its development.  Sometimes we got the answers correct (entering WWII to save the Jews, passing the Civil Rights Bill and the Voting Act Law, forcing desegregation, and passing the same-sex marriage law).  But more often than not, we’ve not done our homework, and we get the answers all wrong. Case in point:  Donald Trump.  The question is will we be trying to do a “regrexit” petition on November 5th because we were studying the “DumbAssNotes” on Donald Trump instead of drilling down deep into the actual textbook on character, leadership, and integrity?  Will we look up the definition of xenophobia, racism, misogyny, narcissism, and arrogance or just keep getting our answers from the short-cut books of life and keep flunking the pop quizzes until The Donald has run our country off the rails?

Trump Train Detour Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Used by permission || Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle/Cagle Cartoons



“In the course of the event [Evangelical coronation of Trump as the candidate deserving their votes], Trump promised to nominate judges whom evangelicals would favor; to change laws that restrict church involvement in partisan politics; and to foster a cultural ethos that allows the unapologetic usage of ‘Merry Christmas.’ ‘You get racism, misogyny, torture and an authoritarian as commander in chief,’ one evangelical leader wrote me, ‘but you’ll get to hear ‘Merry Christmas’ in stores. Now that’s the art of the deal.’” [1]

For the sake of the church’s future, I hope that evangelicals go all-in for Trump and he loses so decisively that their voting bloc is shattered forever. [2]

 “For those of us who cry out for gun control, our fears cannot be eliminated as long as the country remains an armed camp in which the most troubled among us can find ways to appropriate one of the easily available weapons in all our communities.”—Robert Dallek

REGARDING BREXIT: “Today is a victory for the far right across Europe, for tribalism, divisive politics, irredentism, and an incredible rejection of evidence-based policy. This was not a courageous day. Common sense did not prevail. This will be remembered as a foolish, overzealous, Icarus moment.” [3]

Brexit Voter dailymail co uk

Tweet from UK Voter Regarding Brexit


WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).

2nd Amendment Bob Englehart CagleCartoons com

Used by permission || Bob Englehart,

REFERENCES [1] [2] [3]

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on June 26, 2016 in Uncategorized


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I don’t have to ask you this week the rhetorical question I ask at the beginning of every post about what I discovered recently, because we’ve all discovered the same thing—hatred is lethal.

As a humorist, I purposely waited to post anything about the Orlando slaughter of 49 people and the wounding of at least 53 others—five of them critically.  I waited because I didn’t want to be glib in the midst of this carnage, and I was at a loss for words.  I still am.  I waited a bit because I was too sad to say anything of value.  So I posted an obligatory note on my Facebook pages (“our thoughts and prayers are with you, Orlando”), which at this point in our history sounds as inept and powerless as Trump’s disgusting self-promotion of xenophobia and hatred (reinvigorated from his faux outrage over the deaths of our LGBT and Latino sisters and brothers) sound crazy and scary as hell. (I am sure the LGBT and Latino communities are just thrilled that Trump wants to engage in hateful acts on their behalf—not!)

Trump killing Moslems Marian Kemensky Slovakia

Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kemensky, Slovakia/Cagle Cartoons 

My thoughts are anguished and fragmented, and my prayers are feverish over what happened in Orlando:

This was not Islam murdering those precious souls in the Pulse nightclub, this was something much, much deeper. But what?  (Our President was right not to be goaded into calling this murderous incident as one done by a “radical Islamist,” thus painting an entire religion with one broad paint brush and ginning up even more hatred against a people group. Besides, from all news accounts, the perpetrator might have been a closeted gay who hated being so, was definitely mentally ill, and was home grown in New Hyde Park, NY.)

 I prayed and asked God, “What is this darkness I see in Orlando?” and before he could answer, I remembered:

I’d seen this evil spirit before on the American landscape via the San Bernardino Massacre, the Aurora Theater Massacre, the Charleston Massacre, the Boston Marathon Massacre, the Sandy Hook Massacre, the Va. Tech Massacre, the Columbine Massacre, the Oklahoma City bombing that killed 168 people and injured more than 680 others (including three pregnant women, ranging in age from 3 months to 73 years), and years and years of KKK bombings (including the infamous Alabama Church bombing which killed four little girls), lynchings (3,446 blacks lynched at the hands of whites for simply being in the “wrong place” at the “wrong time”), and random murders of Blacks in the south just for being Black.

MASSACRES IN RED = American citizens whose religion was Islam or of Islamic descent.

MASSACRES IN BLUE = White Americans (except for Va. Tech murderer) whose religion was Christianity (including the Va. Tech murderer—go figure!) or of Christian descent.

All of the killers were two-ton cisterns of unmitigated hate in our country no matter what the weapon used to kill their victims.  Hatred against gays and lesbians, hatred against African-Americans, hatred against children, hatred against fellow college students and colleagues, hatred against freedom . . .

Paper Trail Dave Granlund

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund, Cartoons

So, I asked the Lord:  “What should I do to keep myself and my family safe in America?  Do you think The Donald is right and maybe I should use his litmus test to ban all future White Christians from entering the United States, gin up hatred throughout the country against all White Christians, and make sure all White Christians living in America are put under surveillance and register as potential terrorists along with their children?   That would surely erase my fears, strengthen my resolve, and ‘make America great again.’ (Of course, it would mean I’d have to put my husband on that list and half of each of my bi-racial children on the list, as well.)  What do you think, God?”

And then God did speak to me in my heart:  “Remember me, Eleanor—my name is love, and I will win the day.  Just have faith, have courage, and do the right thing.  Trust me—love wins, love wins, love wins . . . in the end.”

And so, before I fight for the ban on all assault weapons (petition already signed), address the hate that is trying to win the day in America, or work to get Donald Trump sent back to the hole in Hell that he crawled out from,


Orlando Shooting John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton-Times Tribune




Sisters, brothers, cousins, uncles, aunts, mothers, fathers, and friends who were Gay, Latino, Black, and White artists, lawyers, activists, musicians, cooks, students, construction workers, teachers, good citizens, and more who lost their lives dancing . . .

Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old, Amanda Alvear, 25 years old,

Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old, Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old,

Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old, Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old,

Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old, Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old . . .

HATE AND TERROR Taylor Jones Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Taylor Jones, Politicalcartoons com

Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old, Cory James Connell, 21 years old, Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old

Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old, Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old

Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old, Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old

Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old, Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old

Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old, Frank Hernandez, 27 years old . . .

Moment of Silence FB David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old, Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old

Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old, Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old

Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old, Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old, Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old, Kimberly Morris, 37 years old

Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old, Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old

Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 years old, Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old

Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old, Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old

Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old . . .

Homophobia Bill Day Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Bill Day, Cagle Cartoons

Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old, Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old

Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old, Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 years old

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old, Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old

Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old, Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old

Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old

Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old

Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old

Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old.



“Hate of other people is really displaced hate of oneself.”—Social psychologist Arie Kruglanski, a professor at the University of Maryland

“People are afraid, and when people are afraid, when their pie is shrinking, they look for somebody to hate. They look for somebody to blame. And a real leader speaks to anxiety and to fear and allays those fears, assuages anxiety.”Henry Louis Gates

 “This world of ours… must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.”Dwight D. Eisenhower

 “If the House of Representatives had a solitary moral fiber, even a wisp of human empathy, we would spend moments not in silence, but screaming at painful volume the names of the 49 whose bodies were ripped apart in Orlando, and the previous victims and the ones before them. We’d invite parents and partners and siblings up from Orlando, and ask them to speak, openly, rawly, honestly about their pain. We’d listen. And maybe, just maybe, we’d hear.”Jim Himes, a Democrat, represents Connecticut’s 4th Congressional District in the U.S. House [1]

Orlando LGBT Flag Rayma Suprani CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Rayma Suprani,


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on June 15, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered last week?  Tis the season for graduations and their illustrious speakers.  Everyone from President Obama to Lin-Manuel Maranda (Alexander Hamilton), from Spike Lee to Steven Spielberg, from Condoleezza Rice to Seth Myers answered the call—all urging our graduates to become their best selves for the future, knowing full well that none of them has a clue what the future holds.

Spread your wings and Fly Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons 

It got me to thinking about graduation speeches I would like to hear—especially during these unhinged political times.  So many of us who are old now look back on the times we graduated from high school and college, and we wished someone had told us the truth about what was so come.  Some of us would go to a war we didn’t believe in and die way to soon, some would get hooked on drugs, some would marry, divorce, and marry again—looking for love in all the wrong places—and most of us would live “lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”  (Thank you Thoreau!)

Which is why, if I could choose a graduation speaker, I would choose Lucifer.  Wait.  Hear me out.  What better entity—the Hoover vacuum of men’s souls—to bring a huge dose of reality to the graduation circuit of 2016 amidst all the Oprahesque “You can do anything you put your minds to—just believe.”   Can you imagine . . .

Honest Commencement Speech David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons




To the presidents of high schools and colleges here there and everywhere, the boards of trustees of these illustrious, rather ill-informed institutions, faculty and staff, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, family and friends who sacrificed their hard-earned money, time, and attention for 2016’s glut of graduates across our great nation—as well as the illustrious graduates themselves—I want to thank you for allowing me to speak to you and thus set the record straight on behalf of reality.

Before I proceed, let me introduce myself.  My name is Lucifer.  Some of you might know me by different nomenclature:  Satan, Beelzebub, Old Mr. Grim, Sneaky Snake, Abaddon, Father of Lies, The Deceiver, The Lawless One, and my favorite—King of the Bottomless Pit.  Many of you have no idea who I am, although I’ve been stalking you since you were born, but there are a few of you who started walking on the wild side in high school who are well acquainted with me.  (Hey, whatz up, Joel, Nadine, LeShaun, Kimmy Huang, and Ricardo?  Party at my place tonight?  Excellent!)

I wasn’t invited by anyone to speak today, but as is my wont, I decided to just take over and force my opinion on you all because your graduation speakers—for the most part—don’t know what the hell they are talking about.  They have failed—as they do every year—to let you know that life is kick-ass hard!  You’ve just spent the last four years in Paradise, and you’ve learned nothing that will help you withstand the many onslaughts I plan to throw your way during your journey. These were the best years of your life, and it is pretty much all downhill after this because adulthood sucks—bigtime.

Graduation Meme

Google Meme

Oh, I grant you that there were a couple of inspiring commencement messages if you are into that sort of thing, but you weren’t listening—the young rarely do.  President Obama’s speech at Howard University was one I have to begrudgingly give a shout-out to when he said:

“We cannot sleepwalk through life. We cannot be ignorant of history. We can’t meet the world with a sense of entitlement. We can’t walk by a homeless man without asking why a society as wealthy as ours allows that state of affairs to occur. . . We have cousins and uncles and brothers and sisters who we remember were just as smart and just as talented as we were, but somehow got ground down by structures that are unfair and unjust.”

Blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

Of course, Steven Spielberg should probably be given credit for his commencement speech at Harvard that some people might say threw shade on me:

“Love, support, courage, intuition. All of these things are in your hero’s quiver, but still, a hero needs one more thing: A hero needs a villain to vanquish. And you’re all in luck. This world is full of monsters. And there’s racism, homophobia, ethnic hatred, class hatred, there’s political hatred, and there’s religious hatred.”

“A hero needs a villain to vanquish . . .” Okay, Mr. Spielberg, I see how it is.  What did I ever do to you? (Oh, yeah, there was that Holocaust thing and the anti-Semitism that’s on the rise again . . . Sheesh, some people are so touchy.)   Well, students of 2016, I know something about vanquishing villains because I am the consummate villain—the great character assassinator.  If you’re going to defeat me you’re going to need two things:  empathy (“the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”) and critical thinking (“the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment”).

Standardized Tests Parker Florida Today

Cartoon used by permission: Parker, Florida Today/Cagle Cartoons

But “thinking” ain’t never gonna happen for most of youYour education did not teach you to think.  You were taught how to take tests—make the grades.  In fact, according to the latest statistics from a confidential poll, 74% of you cheated in high school to make the grades you got to get you into these fine universities that many of you cheated in at some point in your tenure (at least once or twice) in order to graduate in excellent standing to get the great, well-paying jobs you now covet.   And as to empathy, you’re the “selfie” generation, remember?  Kim Kardashian was your favorite professor. [A few boos can be heard in the audience.]

Don’t believe me?  Okay, case in point.  Your first act of official grown-up business will be to vote in November.  You have a Republican nominee (Donald Trump), who says that he can be all things to all men just so long as they are not Mexicans, Arabs, ugly women, and people who challenge him or contradict something he has said.  (Talk about a man with no empathy.)  He has promised to “make America great again”—translation: when “White was might and always right.”  He, himself, is being exposed as a cheater and a liar due to his duplicitous dealings with something that he dubbed “Trump University.”

Trump Fraud David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons

Now “The Donald” is one of my best students, by the way—he can lie like no other.  Passed “Lying 101” with flying colors.  The Huffington Post assigned five reporters to comb through Donald’s presidential debate answers and they found “71 separate instances in which Trump made a claim that was inaccurate, misleading or deeply questionable.”  “. . . basically one falsehood every 169 words, or 1.16 falsehoods every minute,” the reporters said.

What makes you think you won’t fall for my disciple’s crap?  I was at the graduation ceremony of your 54th Speaker of the House when he graduated from Miami University of Ohio in 1992.  Smart, squeaky clean, good upstanding Christian who wanted to be President of the United States someday.  I thought he was incorruptible. He slipped right under my radar in 1992 as someone who would eventually be working for me, but I just got a report in from my peeps that he sold his soul to me the other day in exchange for a measly conservative agenda even though he swore he’d never capitulate and “accept ugliness as the norm.”  Sweet!  Only a remnant of the GOP has refused to affix their lips to The Donald’s ass, but the majority (even John McCain—the war hero who The Donald besmirched) have surrendered their souls because staying in power means more to them than good character.

30 pieces of silver Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch/Cagle Cartoons

And don’t get me started on your religious leaders who claim to be the “keepers of the American way.”  For instance, did you know that on June 21st my man, Donald, will meet with 500 of your most prominent evangelical leaders?  According to the Daily Beast, they will include such illustrious folks as “Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins, radio host James Dobson and the president of the Southern Baptist Convention, Ronnie Floyd.”  They say the meeting is about getting more comfortable with Donald Trump as their standard bearer, I say it will be a meeting where they murder what little character they have left in exchange for power—power to pick the next several Supreme Court Justices (and to ensure they are conservative), power to thwart the equality advancements for the LGBT community, and power to overthrow women’s rights.  They want assurance that they will have a candidate to beat the Democrat.  The uber-Christians want to win so badly that they don’t even know they are being played.

Did you know that according to Betsy Woodruff of the Daily Beast, the “Donald J. Trump Foundation contributed $100,000 in 2012 to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, and in 2013 gave $10,000 each to the Family Leader, an influential Iowa evangelical group, and to Samaritan’s Purse,”—setting the stage years ago for The Donald’s (or should I say, my) manipulation and purchase of the souls of your prominent Conservative Evangelicals.  Well played Donald, my disciple—well played!

Can you hear me?  Do you get the gist of what I’m saying?  You have the power to vanquish a villain as soon as November 2016 if you look up from your cell phones.   Of course, the best way to ensure evil’s inevitable victory through Donald Trump is to simply do nothing.

Kool Aid Time Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

That said, thank you all for your time.  This is the last piece of “free advice” I give you.  Everything costs, so don’t expect me to do this again.   I must run now.  I need to get back to roaming the Earth and seeking whom I may devour.  I’m sure I’ll be seeing many of you again throughout your lifetimes and especially at the end of your days which will be a lot sooner than you think.  (I know that’s hard for you to imagine because you’re young, and you think you’ll never die.)  In any case, the fastest way to get in touch with me is to murder your character and hit 666 on the speed dial of your phone after you do so.  I’ll come running . . .



I am discovering that I agree with Founding Father Thomas Paine that “these are the times that try men’s souls.”  He was saying it about the late 1700s, but it has been true since the birth of man, and it is true today.  There hasn’t been a time in the history of man when humans didn’t have to pay a steep price in order to choose to do the right thing.  We, the Baby Boomers, sacrificed ourselves to figure out the science to put men on the moon, gave our lives to bring about civil rights and women’s rights, declared war on poverty, defused the cold war, bought a fruitless land war in East Asia to an end, gave the world personal computers and cell phones, and of course, turned music inside out by giving the Universe the Beatles, the Bee Gees, Bob Dylan, and Motown.  But we are getting old, and sometimes old people sell their souls for a little peace and quiet and the assurance that they will be given nostalgic tickets to the “good ol’ days.”  We need the next generation to shake up our world just as we did our parent’s generation.  Let us hope that our children and grandchildren will “rise up” and do the right things to make our world a better place.  If they do, we will have taught them well.

Graduate Safety Net Bob Englehart CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart,


“. . . all of us as leaders can hold ourselves to the highest standards of integrity and decency . . . we shouldn’t accept ugliness as the norm.”—Paul Ryan in March before he sold his soul to the Devil

 “I think this is a different election; this is a different time in American history. You can’t have it both ways. … I just can’t believe there isn’t another candidate, at this point, that they would say, ‘You know what, I’d rather go down behind the right person than sell out America, my principles and everything I’ve worked for all my life to get behind somebody who I don’t believe in.’”—Mika Brzezinski’s reaction to Paul Ryan’s endorsement of Donald Trump

“At Liberty [University] last week, Trump, who identifies as a Presbyterian, drew laughter when he called the Bible’s Second Corinthians ‘Two Corinthians.’ Many evangelical leaders have criticized his admitted extramarital affairs and failure to ever ask for God’s forgiveness, but Falwell today called him ‘a successful executive and entrepreneur, a wonderful father and a man who I believe can lead our country to greatness again.”—J.C. Derrick, World

 “Today, you start down the path of becoming the generation on which the next generation stands. And I’ve imagined many possible futures in my films, but you will determine the actual future. And I hope it’s filled with justice and peace.” Filmmaker Steven Spielberg/Commencement address to Harvard’s Class of 2016.




Ali Bob Englehart CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart,



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on June 4, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered recently?  On at least four occasions I almost started a war over the course of the past three months.

See, what had happened was . . . I was going along and minding my own business—horrified like all good, sane people in the world that the self-proclaimed Emperor who is strutting around naked trying to become our President was rapidly being perceived as fully clothed and an acceptable POTUS—when I ran into some situations that pissed me off as much as he does.

Emperor Trump Clothes Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

In the interest of full disclosure, people piss me off all the time!   IMHO, I am just one step from becoming a misanthrope.   The Universe just better be glad that I am not a witch or a Being entrusted with super powers, because there would be a whole lot of toads hopping around here who had formerly been humans before they encountered my wrath because of something stupid they did that got on my every last nerve on any given day.

A month or two ago, I saw a White woman who was waiting in her car at the entrance of my housing community.  As I passed her in my car, I innocently caught her attention, so I smiled as any normal human being would.  (I didn’t have any reason not to smile:  my bowels were not stopped up as is my normal state of being, and the sun was shining.)  I didn’t know her from Adam and she didn’t know me from Eve, but as I came eye to eye with her, instead of a smile, she gave me the finger—just because she apparently had nothing better to do that day but to piss off the Black woman.  WTF?

A couple weeks ago, I passed by the biggest Confederate flag draped over a major highway in Virginia—one that leads to the airport and to Washington, DC.  This flag of hate is on private property and it is clearly there to cause provocation as its ginormous size and position are obviously intended to be noticed on Mars.  I don’t remember that flag being there before the massacre of Black church members in Charleston, SC by the White supremacist who they befriended, and then he repaid their hospitality by gunning them down in their own church.  Consequently, the good people of South Carolina led by their governor pulled down the Confederate flag from the State Capitol grounds because it had become a symbol of hate to so many.  The fact that the Confederate flag is purposely being flaunted in my face in the state of Virginia on a road that I travel all the time . . . well, pissed I am!

Several days ago, George Zimmerman shamelessly auctioned off the gun he used to kill an unarmed Black child (Trayvon Martin) for $250,000 while he taunted Trayvon’s parents, trolled President Obama, and said he was selling the gun to keep Senator Clinton from becoming President—all the while puffing on a cigar and looking like Jabba the Hut. Why, I oughta . . .

What wouldn’t I personally love to do in order to bring justice to all these situations—from the personal slight to the demonic?

But . . . because I’ve been saved, sanctified, and baptized in the Holy Ghost (plus, God purposely didn’t give me super powers because I couldn’t be trusted), those people did not join the land of the frogs.  I just found myself fanaticizing in the middle of the night one evening, when I couldn’t sleep from too much coffee, about what I’d do if I could become a super-hero vigilante.  All my imaginations boiled down to waging . . .


Google Meme

For the luddite who returned an FU salute in response to my beatific smile, I imagined that I zapped her arm so that it froze in position with the offending finger on full display and stayed that way for a month (no, six months)—in front of her kids, at church, in the grocery store, at her work, and while she had sex with her husband or whomever.  Maybe next time she’d think twice before she shot that finger into the air at a total stranger that hadn’t done anything to her.

Of the Neanderthal Confederate flag in-your-face-rebel, I imagined creating my own drone that would firebomb that flag every night—never missing a night—until he or she ran out of money to replace it or just got tired of being terrorized by me and replaced it with a massive sign that said:  “We surrender!  The war of Northern aggression is over, and the South got its ass kicked!”

Of the heartless, disgusting excuse for a human being that is George Zimmerman, I luxuriated in the revenge fantasy of . . . oh, never mind.  I’ll keep that one to myself because ignoramus George is such a litigious little stupid fellow he would not be able to tell that what I write is satire/fantasy and he would come after me with one of his many guns claiming he was “standing his ground.”  But let’s just say my vigilante fantasy about George Zimmerman involved a river in the Amazon Basin filled with flesh-eating piranhas and Georgie-Porgie going for an afternoon swim.

This means War

But in the midst of my 3 a.m. revelry, an old Negro spiritual popped into my head:

“I’m gonna lay down my burdens,

Down by the river side,

 Down by the river side,

Down by the river side,

I’m gonna lay down my burdens,

Down by the riverside,

And study war no more!”

As that old song floated through my brain and down into my heart, I suddenly realized that I was “studying war” to fight the hurtful, unjust, and spiteful burdens of my tormentors.  I know that more often than not, humans are called upon to lay down their burdens of hurt and let go of the right to “study war” in retaliation to wrongs committed or there would never be any peace in any corner of the Earth because somebody is always actin’ the fool.  If the truth be told, warring is hell, and it takes the better woman or man to forgive and let go than it does to strike out in anger and retaliation.  I remembered the verse that Peter, Paul, and Mary added to this spiritual when they co-opted it to be used as an anti-war protest song during the Vietnam War:

“I’m gonna lay down that atom bomb

Down by the riverside . . .

And study war no more.”

But I am also not a fool, and I know that the Book of Ecclesiastes is right about the human condition when it says:  “There is a time for peace and a time for war,” because if brave men and women didn’t fight against tyranny and monsters, who will always be with us, peace would never have a chance to reign and people would never be able to prosper.  I just think that the human heart chooses to “study war” more often than it needs to for reasons that are less than righteous, and in the end thousands of young men and women needlessly go to their graves.

Fallen Heroes Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission:  Dave Granlund

This Memorial Day, I’d like to encourage us all to forget about the cartoon of an election that is giving sane people everywhere massive heartburn issues and take the time to remember those people who have given their lives, their limbs, and sometimes their sanity when our country declared that there was “a time for war” to keep us safe.   I do not judge their sacrifice or their call to duty.  I owe them a deep debt of gratitude.  But I would also like to remember those ideologies that we need to cling to that makes us great as a country when we decide to courageously “study war no more”:  love of peace, quest for stiff gun controls, equality for all races, religions, and genders, and grace and tolerance for our fellowman.

May God bless us all this Memorial Day, and may God bless these United States of America.

Remember their names Dave Granlund cagle cartoons

Cartoon used by permission:  Dave Granlund Cartoons


 “I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”—Martin Luther King, Jr.

 “Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die.”—Herbert Hoover

 “Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind.”—John F. Kennedy

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”—John Lennon

 “I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation.  War is hell.”—William Tecumseh Sherman


Spare Others John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune/Cagle Cartoons 


WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).

War Meaning Mike Lane Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Mike Lane, Cagle Cartoons


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



Posted by on May 26, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered after returning home from visiting my grandson this weekend?  The Donald waltzed up to Capitol Hill and the Speaker of the House tucked his tail between his legs, bowed down and affixed his lily-white lips firmly against The Donald’s orange ass.  America, we are so screwed!

Paul Ryan and The Donald Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

Everyone keeps telling me (a Born-again Christian but not “that kind of Christian”) there is no way in Heaven or Hell The Donald can occupy the White House in November—I just need to have faith. They tell me we Americans will come to our senses and stop this xenophobe, racist, serial adulterer, misogynist, liar, Ayn Rand disciple, and mammon-worshiper who sits at the right hand of Satan before he gets too close to the throne because the Holy Rolling Christian Evangelicals will never throw their weight behind Donald Trump’s candidacy.  Well, the Barbarian is at the White House gate and he’s being carried in on a gilded perch shouldered by Christian Televangelists (Jerry Falwell, Jr., Pat Roberson, Jan Couch of TBN, Paula White, Gloria and Kenneth Copeland, Clarence McClendon—a Black preacher who should know better—and the slick-haired Joel Osteen just to name a few).  The raised royal sedan chair is being led by The Donald’s lead house Negro, Dr. Ben Carson (a.k.a., another “Born-again Christian” who is trying to ram his form of religion down the throats of everyone who doesn’t think like him).  (Insert picture of “The Scream” by Expressionist artist Edvard Munch.)

No Way Trump John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

When I read about the meeting between Paul Ryan and Donald Trump which should have been titled:  “The Day Paul Ryan Sold His Soul to the Devil,” I was so upset that I fell into somewhat of a depression (Mr. Ryan considers himself to be a fine, upstanding Christian as most of the GOP does, claiming to be the standard bearer of family values and all).  While in my comatose state, I dreamt that I was in a Judge Judy-style courtroom where my alter ego was the judge (The Dalai Mama), a conglomerate of Trump’s ex-wives, pissed-off feminists, ripped-off Trump University students, the poor, assorted Mexicans, a bunch of Muslims, and decent human beings in general were the Plaintiff, and the GOP was the Defendant.  As with all my dreams and fantasies, I won the battle for truth.  (If only life were that easy…)

Trump Stealing soul of Gop RJ Matson Roll Call

Cartoon used by permission: RJ Matson Roll Call||Cagle Cartoons



ANNOUNCER:    [Disembodied voice heard offstage]Entering through the door on the left of Judge Dalai Mama’s Court is the Plaintiff ‘Truth’ who is suing the Defendant ‘GOP’ for breach of contract.  Entering through the door on the right is the Defendant, the GOP.”

BAILIFF:  [Big burly Black guy in police uniform]ALL RISE for the trial of Truth vs. the GOP!!   The Court of the No-nonsense Judicial Circuit is now in session.  The Honorable Judge Dalai Mama is presiding.”

BAILIFF:  [Swearing in the Plaintiff and the Defendant] “Do you promise the testimony you are about to give will faithfully and truthfully conform to the facts of this trial?  Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”


BAILIFF:  “You may proceed.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Befo’ I call on either one of y’all to testify, you both better know that I don’t take no crap—you hear me?  My court ain’t called the “no-nonsense” court for nothin’.  You mess with me, and I won’t hesitate to knock you upside yo’ head.  Capisce?”


JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “All right—now that we all on the same page—why don’t we start with the Plaintiff.  Ms. Truth, it says here that you are suin’ the GOP for breach of contract.  Why?  It says here in my court brief that you two used to be lovers.”

PLAINTIFF:  “’Used to be’ are the operative words, your honor.  This jerk has played me for the last time.  I’ve put up with his xenophobia, I’ve put up with his stinginess, I’ve put up with his lyin’, and I’ve put up with his duplicity, but I’m drawin’ the line with his latest punk-ass stunt.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Ms. Truth, the term ‘punk ass’ is not a legal term.  I would caution you to stick to courtroom language, Girlfriend.”

PLAINTIFF:  “Sorry, Your Honor.  He’s just got me so upset, I can barely breathe.  I just found out that he has urged the Republicans in Congress to support that pig Donald Trump in spite of all the disparaging ways The Donald has treated me.  I’ve tried to reason with the Defendant in the past, but yesterday was the final straw.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:    “What happened yesterday?”

PLAINTIFF:  “The Defendant rolled over and took it up the ass from The Donald when Paul Ryan and Donald Trump had that sham meeting on Capitol Hill after Paul Ryan intimated that he’d never support that jerk.”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  [Judge’s gavel thunders throughout the courtroom as the judge pounds in rapid-fire succession against her desk.)  “Hey, hey, hey—courtroom decorum Ms. Truth, or you’ll be fined for bein’ in contempt.  Get it together, Baby!”

Ryan Endorsing Trump Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund,||Cagle Cartoons

PLAINTIFF:  “Yes, Your Honor . . . sorry.  What I’m sayin’ is that yesterday was bad, but today was the pièce de résistance.  I woke up to the news that the Secret Service (and rightfully so) is investigating Trump’s long-time butler of 30 years/Mar-a-Lago tour guide ‘historian’ (Anthony Senecal) because he has recently published quite a few Facebook screeds about wanting President Obama (and his wife) to be executed.  Referring to the President as ‘our pus headed president’ and ‘kenyan (sic) fraud’–saying he should be ‘hung for treason,’ as well as stating, that the President ‘should have been taken out by our military and shot as an enemy agent in his first term.’ He went on to say that Muslims should be ‘shot at the shore’ instead of being allowed to come into our country and for added security, our President ‘should be hung from the portico of the White Mosque.’  And you know what? The Defendant—the GOP—hasn’t said a mumbling word of chastisement to a man who may soon be a finger-click away from our nuclear bombs about the fact that he has tolerated such an asshole in his employment for over thirty years.  (You can’t convince me that someone who has worked that intimately with The Donald hasn’t shared his horrid views with ‘The King,’ as Mr. Senecal affectionately refers to him.) This butler’s apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and just undergirds what a bastard Donald Trump is underneath all that Republican smooshing—you can bet your sweet ass on that truth!  Why in God’s name doesn’t the Defendant distance himself from this Neanderthal?”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA: [Furious banging of the gavel is heard] “Order . . . order in the court!  Ms. Truth, this is your last warning about court decorum.  Don’t make me come down there and smack you upside your head.  I think you need to stand down and check yo’self.  (Sweet Jesus, I’m gonna need myself a stiff drink befo’ this trial is over.)  Now, will the Defendant, Mr. GOP, please state your rebuttal?

DEFENDANT:  “Absolutely, Your Honor!  I have a prepared statement to read in my defense which should put this case to bed in my favor.  May I proceed?”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA: “As you wish, Mr. GOP, but hear this:  My mama didn’t raise no fools.  Tread carefully, ‘cause if I catch you lyin’, you’re toast.”

DEFENDANT: “No problem, Your Honor.  My Republican brand stands for Truth (with a capital ‘T’):  family values, Christian virtues, intelligent leadership, and compassionate conservatism.  After all, my party is the one that freed the slaves.  Why would I jeopardize my reputation supporting a candidate who didn’t represent those values?  And to prove my point, I would like to point out to the Court that our Republican nominee for the Presidency is supported by prominent Christian televangelists and Christian University presidents (Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, Jr. for example) and prosperity preachers who think God wants us all to be rich, just like Mr. Trump.  In fact, these ‘Name-it-and-claim-it’ preachers deem to call The Donald their friend.  They simply adore him.  All that gold that surrounds him, the private planes that transport him, and the beauty queens that have adorned his arms through the years are just what the prosperity preachers believe to be the righteous man’s due.  Not only do these pillars of our Christian churches support Mr. Trump but many of them have gone on record to proclaim his ‘Born-again status.’”

Make America Grunt Again John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Is that so, Mr. GOP?”

DEFENDANT:  “Yes, indeed, Your Honor.  Why one of the top female prosperity-doctrine preachers, Ms. Paula White, has preached to a crowd of thousands that Mr. Trump is ‘saved’ and should be our next president.  Ms. White has gone on record to say that she gave him a Bible signed by none other than the great Rev. Billy Graham.  She says that the Bible even included a note with a ‘prophetic word’ over Mr. Trump—although, I’ve never seen it, so I’ll just have to take her word for it.  On top of all this glowing support, Ms. Paula White is a leader of a predominantly Black congregation.  Your Honor, don’t you think if Mr. Trump were such a racist xenophobe as Ms. Truth suggests, that a multi-cultural congregation would not so readily pay for Ms. White to own a condo in Trump Tower as well as support her shopping and plastic surgery addiction?”

JUDGE DALAI MAMA:  “Well, like my mama used to say: ‘a fool and his money is easily parted.’ But go on.”

PLAINTIFF:  “Seriously?!  Your Honor, are you listening to him?  These Christian televangelists are cut from the same cloth as Trump—they are like two peas in a pod.  What about his failed Trump University that is being sued by ex-students—poor people—who went into credit-card debt as much as $35,000 because Trump allegedly promised he could ‘turn anyone into a successful real estate investor, including you. . ?’  It was a scam—a bunch of real estate workshops in hotel ballrooms!  Oh my God, doesn’t any other Christian besides me see this subterranean creature for what he truly is?   Oh, and what about his crude chats with shock-jock Howard Stern in the late 90s when the two of them would critique women’s looks (and I quote), “…Her boob job is terrible. They look like two light posts coming out of a body.” And this:  “A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10.”  He has boasted for years about all the women chasing him and his stud-like sex life, not to mention his love ‘em and dump ‘em thrice married sorry behind.

The man is crude, rude, and should be stewed! But instead, he’s being justified and heralded by leading Christian Evangelists.  And what about the $85,000 Trump paid for four full-page, explosive ads in NYC newspapers to demand the death penalty against five Black and Latino teenagers who were wrongfully convicted for the brutal assault, rape, and sodomy of a White twenty-eight year old investment banker?  The Huffington Post said he called them “rapists, thugs, killers, wild criminals, muggers, murderers, crazed misfits?”  The only problem was: THE 14-16 YEAR OLDS TURNED OUT TO BE NOT QUILTY AND THEIR CONFESSIONS HAD BEEN COERSED!!  Many years later, another man who was a serial rapist and murderer serving a life sentence in prison fully confessed to committing the crime all by himself.  He knew details about the horrid event that only the investigators could have known, and his DNA matched the crime scene DNA, whereas it never matched the accused teens.  Marry that confession with a record of rampant investigative negligence and you have reasonable doubt, as you well know Your Honor.  The teens were exonerated after spending five to thirteen years in prison and given millions in a settlement from NYC a decade after their false imprisonment which The Donald hysterically railed against.   If Trump had had his racist, hot-headed way in 1989, five teenagers—children (angels by no means and hooligans for sure, but still children)—would have been turned into a line in the Billie Holiday song, ‘Strange Fruit’‘Blood on the leaves and blood at the root… strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.’  And here’s the rub:  Trump never, ever apologized, and still publicly questions the Central Park Five’s proven innocence, because the man is incapable of admitting he is wrong. [1] [2] [3]

If Donald Trump had the power and the money in the late 80s to call for the annihilation of the lives of five Black and Latino children who were falsely accused of a crime, what does the GOP think he’ll do in a hot-headed moment against any number of American minorities, an Arab nation, Mexico, or China?”


Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons

JUDGE DALAI MAMA: “Hum, hum . . . I think I’ve heard enough to make a rulin’.  Will the Plaintiff and the Defendant please stand?  It is clear to me that the Defendant, Mr. GOP, has turned his back on Truth and pretty much sold his soul to the Devil as it pertains to the justification of that dog, Donald Trump.  Mr. GOP has swallowed the wormwood, sorry-ass nature of Mr. Trump—hook, line, and sinker—for the supposed sake of unity to try and ‘unblacken’ the White House in November (as Larry Wilmore would say).  Win at all cost seems to be the GOP’s motto.   Well, Mr. GOP, I’m here to tell you that God don’t like ugly, and I’ve got a feelin’ that your ass is gonna be grass come November, ‘cause the Lawd will not be mocked—you hear me?  Therefore, I, Judge Dalai Mama, rules in favor of the Plaintiff—Truth!  After all this slime, Girlfriend needs a hot bath and a drink. This court is hereby dismissed!”

Trump Bitter Pill Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons



I am discovering that I am trying not to panic, but Lord have mercy, this shit just got real with Trump and Paul Ryan’s sham meeting with all but four or five members of the Republicans in Congress throwing their support behind The Donald.  The Speaker of the House who looked like a deer caught in the glare of headlights must have used the word “encouraging” at least half a dozen times when referencing his meeting with Trump, which is like saying, “My lunch with Beelzebub was very ‘encouraging’ as he yanked me down into Hell!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not in the tank for Hillary.  I will vote for her, but I will be holding my nose the entire time just on the premise that we don’t need another Bush/Clinton in the White House—two families have held the presidency for twenty years!  (How is it that in a country of 323,814,755 people as of May 16th the best we could find to run for the highest office in the land were a clown car of jabronis on the Republican side, one grumpy old man on the Democrat side promising free shit to kids with no way to pay for it (no kid wants to ever grow up and pay for anything), and two qualified candidates (Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton) from two washed-out presidential dynasties?  If we manage to get through November without the unholy, racist, pig Donald Trump becoming president (ARE YOU LISTENING, GOD; IT’S ME, ELEANOR?), then we need to start beating the bushes to find men and women of integrity who will come out of hiding by 2020 and lead our great nation in a manner which it deserves because my heart can’t take much more of this.  Moving to Canada won’t be far enough to get away from the madness that will ensue. I might just have to exit stage left of this planet and go hang out with my God.  Just sayin’.

Hillary John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune||Cagle Cartoons



“And I can teach you, kinsman, how to shame the devil—by telling the truth! ‘Tell the truth and shame the devil,’ as the old saying goes. If you do have the power to call him up, then bring him here. And I’ll swear I have the power to shame him into leaving. Oh, for goodness sake, tell the truth and shame the devil!”—Character of Henry ‘Hotspur’ Percy from Henry IV by Shakespeare

In the 1990s, when another Clinton was president, conservatives became fond of the phrase “character counts.” This was a way of scoring points against Bill Clinton for his sexual predations and rhetorical misdirections, as well as a statement that Americans expected honor and dignity in the Oval Office. I’ll never forget the family friend, circa 1998, who wondered how she was supposed to explain the meaning of a euphemism for oral sex to her then 10-year-old daughter. . . Endorsing Mr. Trump means permanently laying to rest any claim conservatives might ever again make on the character issue.”Brett Stevens, the Wall Street Journal from article: “Hillary the Conservative Hope”

None of the Above Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle||Cagle Cartoons



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).


REFERENCES   [1]  [2]  [3]

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Posted by on May 14, 2016 in Uncategorized


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