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ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TRUMP IMPEACHED AND POETRY WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF “T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS” TO ADD TO THE MOCKERY HE SO RICHLY DESERVES

18 Dec
Cartoon used by permission: 232990 Twas the Night Before Impeachment by R.J. Matson CQ Roll Call

(A POLITICAL PARODY RIPOFF FROM “T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS”—ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN 1823.  My apologies to the poet Clement Clarke Moore.)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the country,

               Not a news org was stirring, not even the Fox News punditry.

               The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,      

         In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

Cartoon used by permission: 219574 Santa Social Media by Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch OH

               Fractured Americans all nestled snug in their beds,

               While visions of Trump’s impeachment (or not) danc’d in their heads,

               Women in pink pussy hats, and White Trumpers in their MAGA caps,

               Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.

Cartoon used by permission: 232948 Merry Christmas by Milt Prigge Oak Harbor WA

               When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

               I sprang from the bed to see what the fuck was the matter.

               Away to the window I flew like a flash,

               Opened it and looked out on snow-covered grass.

A red-suited fat man stood down there below,

               Stomping up and down as he yelled: “Ho, ho, ho”;

Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

               But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

Cartoon used by permission: 87030 Santa Claus And His Flying Reindeer COLOR by Bob Englehart PoliticalCartoons.com

With a spring in his step, so lively and quick,

               I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

               More agile than fairies, the reindeer they came,

               As Santa whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen,

               “On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Donner and Blitzen;

               “To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

               “Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

Cartoon used by permission: 87220 Prancers Out COLOR by Cameron Cardow The Ottawa Citizen

Like an arrow shot from a bow does fly,

               Santa, his sleigh, and bag did mount to the sky;

               So up to the house-top eight reindeer they flew,

               With the sleigh full of Xmas wishes—and St. Nicholas too:

               And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

               The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

               As I pulled in my head, and was turning around,

               Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound:

Cartoon used by permission: 157843 Santa and lighthouse beacon by Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons.com

               He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

               And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

               A bundle of gifts was flung on his back,

               And he muttered like a crazed prophet while he opened his pack:

               “15,413 lies in 1,055 days by my last Trump naughty tally,

               “Should I skip the White House entirely and fly on to North Philly?

               “And should I rent tons of U-hauls needed for all the coal,

               “To be placed in the stockings of Trumpers who’ve sold their souls?”

Cartoon used by permission: 232858 Santa naughty list by John Darkow Columbia Missourian

               The stump of a pipe he clinched tight in his teeth,

               As angry smoke encircled his head like a wreath.

               And he mumbled: “What to do, what to do, what to do?”

               Then burst into laughter, and said: “Shit, I don’t have a clue.”

               He gave off a huge sigh, that right jolly old elf,

               And I laughed when I heard him in spite of myself;

               He was just as flummoxed as the rest of us,

               Which made me think these days I needed someone higher to trust.

               Santa shouted several phrases as he went straight to his task,

               Filling all the stockings with word-gifts for which we’d asked:

“Trump Impeached!”

“Trump Removed!”

“Trump Destroyed!”

 “Trump Done in!”

               And laying his finger aside of his nose

               And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

Cartoon used by permission: 204470 Santa Hacked by Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

               He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

               And away they all flew, like a North Korean missile:

               But I heard him shout in his booming rich voice: “DO NOT FEAR:

Concentrate on the TRUE meaning of Christmas, my Dears.”      

 “IN THE NAME OF JESUS—the true reason for the season

Trump WILL be impeached and with damn good reason”

(“Mainly ‘cause God don’t like ugly, accordin’ to Black Folks’ teasin’s.”)

Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

“MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL—AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!”

Cartoon used by permission: 219626 Christmas Day by Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle GA

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission: 189369 Santas Likes by Jeff Koterba Omaha World Herald NE

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on December 18, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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4 responses to “ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TRUMP IMPEACHED AND POETRY WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF “T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS” TO ADD TO THE MOCKERY HE SO RICHLY DESERVES

  1. aFrankAngle

    December 18, 2019 at 9:00 pm

    Cheers to your creativity in creating a good read. Fun … yet (to me) there is a lot of sadness in this mess. Merry Christmas & best holiday wishes to you & WW.

     
    • etomczyk

      December 19, 2019 at 7:44 am

      Thanks Frank. I understand what you mean. That we’ve come to this place is egregious for the country, but like the operation that must be performed when one has cancer, we have no alternative as a country. To turn one’s back on the cancer that is Donald Trump would be tantamount to selling one’s soul, which I refuse to do.

      Have a very Merry Christmas and blessings of health and prosperity to you and Mrs. Angle for the new year.

       
      • aFrankAngle

        December 19, 2019 at 8:53 am

        No question. Unfortunately, Congress has taken a leap in their trend to avoid of oversight. Sadly, I like the political cartoon I saw this morning. McConnell as the referee doing the coin toss at the beginning of a football game. Heads Trump wins, Tail Democrats lose.

        FYI: Beware of my blog in January – especially closer to the middle of the month.

         
  2. calvin

    December 20, 2019 at 10:05 am

    Funny shhhstufffs Eleanor. I thought it might be, so I put the coffee down I was sipping on before I started to read. Me thinks Santa has his work cut out for him this year. I surmise the kid in the song has a better chance of getting a Hippopotamus then you all have getting that pimple off your nation’s ass. What happens happens, it’s Christmas and it only comes around once a year, sadly.

    Have a good one, ‘E’.

    santé mes amis

     

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