27 Nov
Cartoon used by permission: 231883 Thanksgiving food fight by John Darkow, Columbia Missourian

I hate to say this folks (and I sure hope I’m wrong), but I’m pretty convinced that this Thanksgiving is the calm before the storm—the last big non-religious, national family feast day—before the outbreak of the civil war next November between the MAGA nation and the Americans who value truth.  According to AAA, 55 million of us will be traveling to visit family and friends for the Thanksgiving holiday.  That’s a whole lot of turkey eating and at least a solid chance for 90% of us to strangle, stab, shoot, pummel, or disinherit at least one or two very close relatives.  (That murder rate drops significantly if one belongs to a family of clones who think alike, look alike, vote alike, dress alike, and basically don’t say more than two words to each other the entire Thanksgiving meal.)  You and I are not one of them.  We know we’re headed for a civil war, put in motion by a mad king, and we think this may be the last family gathering where we can knock some sense into our Fox News watching, Donald Trump loving, science denying family.  May I make a suggestion?  Let’s call a détente (the easing of hostility or strained relations) until Monday, December 2nd.  Let’s pretend that we are one big happy national family, and our biggest problem is that we forgot to pack our stretchy pants with the elastic waistband.

Cartoon used by permission: 232153 Thanksgiving Jeopardy with Relatives by Dave Whamond Canada,


#1.  To make this détente function at its best, we will have to establish some ground rules, of course.  First of all, if you are hosting, it would be best to warn your guests in advance that your home will be a politic-free zone.  Those who can’t adhere to this rule need to know that the penalty will be immediate banishment.  (Even if you are all of the same political persuasion, talk about art, love, travel—anything but Trump…our hearts and minds need a freakin’ break from the Mad King.)

Thanksgiving warning, welcome to the family feast, cut out, political discussion
Cartoon used by permission: 232315 Thanksgiving Warning by Bruce Plante Tulsa World

#2. Send out homework before Thanksgiving Day to make sure your family and friends know what is at stake for their souls and the survival of your family unit if they break the détente and slip into political rancor with your T-Day guests.  Close family quarters, alcohol, turkey carving knives, and guns (would suggest you tell your guests that your home will be a gun-free zone) are a recipe for disaster when political arguments start to go down in the age of Trump.  Given the state of the scary craziness Trump has driven our nation to, it is best to know what types of family murders can occur if a mention of him and/or his antics are allowed under the Thanksgiving détente tent and tempers are not kept in check (have your guests memorize them before arrival):

Cartoon used by permission: 218351 Let’s Talk Turkey .PLEASE. by Jeff Koterba, Omaha World Herald NE


Mariticide = the act of killing one’s husband or romantic partner

Patricide = the act of killing one’s father

Fratricide = the act of killing one’s brother

Sororicide = the act of killing one’s sister

Uxoricide = the act of killing one’s wife

Avunculicide = the act of killing one’s uncle

Matricide = the act of killing one’s mother

Nepoticide = the act of killing one’s nephew

Amicicide = the act of killing a friend

Vaticide = the act of killing a prophet (you never know when one of these may drop by)

Blockacide = the act of killing a Facebook friend connection

At the bottom of the pre-celebration homework page, I suggest the following quote by George Bernard Shaw be listed as a pre-dinner meditation:  “The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.” 

Cartoon used by permission: 232294 Turkey Day by Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune MN

#3.  Upon arrival for T-Day celebration, I suggest the host or hostess prominently display a sign at the front door that says: “Abandon all cell phones, MAGA hats, Pink Pussy hats, and political T-shirts here, and park all egos out back by the garbage cans.  Only humility and grace need enter.”

Cartoon used by permission: 232308 Choosing Sides at the Holidays by Jeff Koterba Omaha World Herald NE

#4.  Consider providing party favors in the form of colorful elastic snap bands with James 1:19 inscribed upon them: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”  Guests should be encouraged to utilize the bands whenever they feel like pummeling one of their family members by “snapping” the bands against their wrists to bring them back to their senses should they start to jeopardize the Thanksgiving détente. Finally, if you have really, really hard-headed friends and relatives, you might need to bring out the big guns with a very blatant banner draped above the dining area to help keep everyone focused:  KINDNESS AND COURTEOUSNESS TO ONE ANOTHER ARE NOT SIGNS OF WEAKNESS!

Cartoon used by permission: 218364 Thanksgiving and politics by Bruce Plante Tulsa World

I know it sounds like a bit of a cliché, but having everyone who is present say one thing they are grateful for in their own lives and about each family member to their left and right might just keep the détente going after Thanksgiving and prevent a civil war that is fast approaching on the heels of the presidential election in 2020.  After all, long after the spell that President Cheeto has cast upon our nation has been broken, and Trump is gone and forgotten, we’ll still need the love and strength of our families to pick up the pieces and rebuild a nation.



Cartoon used by permission: 140746 Thanksgiving 2013 COLOR by Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission: 232313 Chosen One by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on November 27, 2019 in Uncategorized


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  1. aFrankAngle

    November 27, 2019 at 8:00 am

    Yep … Politics & Thanksgiving definitely don’t mix. For me, it’s like caraway mixed with anything … no no a thousands times no. … Bottom line – Happy Thanksgiving to you and WW.

    • etomczyk

      November 27, 2019 at 2:46 pm

      Frank, Happy Thanksgiving to you and the Mrs. as well. My abhorrent mix would be tarragon with anything. Hate the smell, hate the taste, hate its existence.

  2. Dottie

    November 27, 2019 at 10:24 am

    You are so right Eleanor. I have learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut and make no assumptions. In general if I hear politics being discussed (well, not discussed really, more like people angrily arguing as if they can “convert” someone to their opinion – ain’t never gonna happen), I just move away, hopefully before the name-calling starts. I really don’t want to lose friends or acquaintances over this idiot. (I wouldn’t mind losing a few in-laws over him, but for the sake of family unity, let’s not go there.) BTW I love the egg-shell post ! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

  3. nonnie9999

    November 27, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    Instead of elastic bracelets to snap, I think we should have elastic choker necklaces. Someone gets out of line, and someone else gets to snap that baby from the other side of the table. I doubt anyone would try to say anything provocative again.

    • etomczyk

      November 28, 2019 at 8:30 am

      So true Nonnie! Happy T-Day to you my friend.

  4. nonnie9999

    November 27, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    Ooops! Forgot to say Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, dearest Eleanor, as well to all of your readers and their families.

  5. calvin

    December 16, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    LOQ. I seem to be laughing quietly a fair bit these days I don’t know Eleanor, will your nation need rebuilding after spell is broken or just a little love; spit and shine too?

    Hey Eleanor hows shtufffs. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. And your Christmas post shall soon be here I reckon.

    • etomczyk

      December 17, 2019 at 6:02 pm

      Hey Calvin. How’s it going? I would like to hope America will just need a little spit and shine after the spell of Trump has been broken, but this feels awful–like it is the dawn of a civil war, and you know how long it took the nation to heal from the last one (in some places of the South–never).

      My Xmas blog is coming out in the next 48 hours. Take care.

      • calvin

        December 20, 2019 at 9:35 am

        Civil war, hmmmm. Perhaps. Maybe the war started a long time ago. They just fight ’em differently nowadays.

        Have some soup Dear ‘E’. It fixes everything, saith Granny Calvin. Trust me!!!. …..yes I just ripped off Maya Angelou, Michael Ondaatje and Mother Teresa, to name a few.


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