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ELECTION COLORS ABOUND: PINK PUSSY HATS TURN VIRGINIA BLUE AND KICK THE CONFEDERACY RED OUT OF VIRGINIA’S BED

08 Nov
Cartoon used by permission: 231610 Republican Fall by Christopher Weyant,The Boston Globe MA 

CHEETO-WATCH TIMES DISPATCH (Tomczyk Satirical Report)—Snapshots of multitudinous celebrations were noted in the various local nationwide Democratic Party Headquarters after the recent election results. There were none more riotous than in Virginia and Kentucky because turning Virginia Blue—winning full control of the legislature—for the first time in a generation, and Kentucky electing a Dem for Governor were major repudiations of Donald Trump. Pink Pussy Hats donned pants suits and doused each other in pink champagne across the nation while they partied until the cows came home over the headway Dems had made.

Cartoon used by permission: 231591 Virginia Election by Bill Day Tallahassee FL

“Virginia is ruined!” cried a White female Republican voter from Richmond, Virginia.  “Those damn liberal women in the Northern burbs have destroyed our heritage,” screamed a White Republican male voter from Toano, Virginia on the 6:00 News.  “Now those god-damn feminists will be the reason the Virginia State government will be able to take down our Confederate statues, bury the Lost Cause, take away our guns, make Virginia the state that ratifies that f’ing Equal Rights Amendment, and be why Trump gets dumped, god-damnit!” 

White House sources say President Trump had a full-on panic attack after the election results, and even Trump’s spiritual adviser (Pastor Paula White who is now part of the White House staff) couldn’t calm him down.  The best she could do was to try and conjure up God’s wrath on the Pink Pussy Hat feminists. However, to this reporter’s knowledge, not one Pussy Hat feminist had been struck by lightning from God yet, causing some to suspect that Jesus might be a member of Pantsuit Nation and Paula White might be a false prophet.

Google Image Meme/Paula White

This reporter did stumble upon some coffee chats and a Democratic prayer group who weren’t letting the election victories in Virginia and Kentucky go to their heads.  At the local coffee shop the suburban moms’ moods were somber and their tones were hushed as they spoke of the future that would affect their children.

One of the mothers was particularly vocal about her fears.  “According to a recent poll, we are some of the 67% of Democrats who are extremely anxious about the future,” said Sally Morrison.  “We think that in spite of these recent electoral victories, that asshole (excuse my French) is going to win a second term,” declared Sally’s long-time friend, Miriam Wallis.

“Did you read the headline of the Independent?” said Maxine Gilman.  “It said, ‘Trump on course to win in 2020, according to polling models that have only been wrong once,’” sobbed Maxine.  “What good will it do,” she cried, “if we win the battles but not the war?” 

“TURN OUT THE VOTE IN 2020!” chanted Diane Smith.  “We have to flood the polls next year as if our children’s lives depended on it—which they do.  If we have to, we need to wake the dead and carry them to the polls on our backs,” said Ms. Smith.  “Other than that, I’m banking on getting Trump’s ass impeached.”

“Girl, don’t you realize the House of Reps can impeach Trump’s sorry behind and the gonad-challenged Senate Republicans won’t rule on it.  It doesn’t matter what President Cheeto does, the Senate will never find his actions impeachable,” said Sally Morrison.  “He’s absolutely deplorable—the entire world knows it and the Repubs know it, too!”

Cartoon used by permission: 231650 Misdemeanors by Milt Priggee Oak Harbor WA

This reporter stopped by the African-American First Saints A.M.E church in Louisville to interview some of the parishioners after Wednesday night Bible study.  Mr. and Mrs. Archie Stapleton were quick to chime in about the election results.  “I couldn’t be happier about the way Trump got handed his ass in the Kentucky and Virginia races,” said Mr. Stapleton.  “I was born and raised in Kentucky and Bevin had pissed off most folks here except the so called pro-lifers.  He thought if he declared himself a ‘Christian,’ waved the pro-life flag, and turned himself into a Trump mini-me, he could treat people as if they was dirt—especially our teachers.  Well, the teachers schooled him.  There you have it (so-called Christian), ex-Governor Bevin—don’t let the Devil’s tail smack you upside your head when you walk into Hell, I say!”

Cartoon used by permission: 231668 Canary in a Kentucky coal mine by John Darkow Columbia Missourian

“Now Archie, that ain’t no way to talk standin’ inside the Lawd’s house,” said Mary Stapleton.  “I’m excited about the victories, but I’m a bit nervous about the Black vote bein’ syphoned off.  Did you read how Trump went down to Atlanta and launched some Black voter initiative talkin’ about, ‘What have you got to lose votin’ for me?’  Well, I tell you what Black folks got to lose:  our souls!  Yes, indeed, sweet Jesus.”

Sister Cynthia, the church’s head deaconess, had been listening to the conversation and shaking her head in agreement.  “To tell you the truth, I’m real concerned about our babies.  Us old folks know in our bones that Biden is the only one who can beat Trump, but the younger generation ain’t got nothin’ to do with him.  My thirty-year-old daughter called me the other day to summarily let me know that she and her generation was not feelin’ Joe Biden. She ask me, what did Biden ever do except be Obama’s wing man?  So, I said, ain’t that enough? (Thinkin’ to myself, I ain’t never seen no White man play second fiddle to a Black man in all my born days until Barack became president, so that has to amount to somethin’.)  Then my daughter said, she didn’t mean no disrespect, but we old folks are leavin’ them a pretty messed up world, and her generation wasn’t fixin’ to elect an ol’ man with old ideas who’d probably die on his way to his old-fashioned inauguration day.  (Y’all know that chil’ of mine always did have a mouth on her.)”

“Well, yo’ chil’ may be onto somethin’, Sister Cynthia,” said Archie Stapleton.  Biden’s just not doin’ well…I knew when his answer to improving the lives of Black children was for them to listen to the record player at night, and he messed up his text number with his email address, or some such mess, that my children were gonna tune him right out.  Now he’s in fourth place lookin’ like he’s got one foot in the grave and Warren is beatin’ him like a drum!  I’ll still vote for him, but the children have got a point, Sister Cynthia.”

One of the other parishioners passing by the group mumbled that it was going to be a long, long year until November 2020, and if we were all lucky maybe Jesus would come back before then and put us out of our misery. 

In this reporter’s humble opinion, maybe we ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Cartoon used by permission: 231681 Bloomberg enters 2020 race by Dave Granlund PoliticalCartoons com

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission: 231417 Trump’s legacy by Patrick Chappatte globecartoon com

REFERENCES

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2019/11/06/bright-blue-virginia-leaves-confederacy-behind/

https://www.salon.com/2019/11/07/dont-get-complacent-trump-is-likely-to-win-again-unless-we-fight-for-democracy/

https://www.salon.com/2019/11/06/phyllis-schlaflys-dead-but-the-equal-rights-amendment-may-come-back-to-life/

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election/trump-2020-presidential-election-favourite-odds-polling-moodys-analytics-a9159496.html

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
11 Comments

Posted by on November 8, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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11 responses to “ELECTION COLORS ABOUND: PINK PUSSY HATS TURN VIRGINIA BLUE AND KICK THE CONFEDERACY RED OUT OF VIRGINIA’S BED

  1. aFrankAngle

    November 9, 2019 at 7:12 am

    Because Cincinnati is a border city, I saw more than my fair share of ads for the Kentucky governor’s race. No – make that too damn many! I’m OK with Bevin not conceding, but he predictably made an ass of himself in doing so. On the other hand, congratulations Virginia!

    Paula White is more than a bit odd – but hey – she is a perfect match for the lunacy. Sad to say, but Trump’s chances of winning are still better than 50%.

     
    • etomczyk

      November 12, 2019 at 1:29 pm

      Frank. I almost reached out to you to help me understand what role Cincinnati played in the Kentucky Governor’s race. The news pundits commented constantly on the liberal suburbs of Cincinnati affecting the race but how was that possible?

       
      • aFrankAngle

        November 13, 2019 at 6:32 am

        No problem. The big 3 counties of Northern Kentucky (directly across from Cincinnati proper) are Boone, Kenton, and Campbell. All are suburban and were comfortably Trump in 2016, Have you heard of Rep Thomas Massey (R)? He’s from this area & one of the more far right members of Congress – so this area is far from liberal. In the governor’s race, 2 of these 3 counties flipped.

         
      • etomczyk

        November 13, 2019 at 3:25 pm

        Frank…Wow! Sure hope Cincinnati/Kentucky is an harbinger of things to come.

         
      • aFrankAngle

        November 13, 2019 at 3:28 pm

        I’ll give it a maybe because I also have high confidence in the Dems missing the easy layup.

         
  2. composerinthegarden

    November 10, 2019 at 11:08 am

    Eleanor, I’m just catching up on your posts – you always make me laugh while opening my mind to new ways of thinking. Thank you for your blunt and funny posts, always a joy and relief to read “the truth” 🙂

     
    • etomczyk

      November 12, 2019 at 2:22 pm

      Lynn: Thanks so much. I’ve been thinking about you lately and I often peruse your posts when I need a pick-me-up. I laughed out loud when I saw your pictures of the deer and your adoration of them. I am the dark side of the deer gardener (the deer and I are not friends): in the past three weeks a buck hit our brand new car and caused $13,000 worth of damage. It came out of nowhere, crossed over a two lane highway, jumped over a barrier and clipped us from the left (first new car we’ve had in a decade). Our backyard is a nature preserve, which is to say, the deer have plenty to eat where they live, but would prefer my plants and shrubs. When I go outside to shoo them away, they simply stare at me, flick their tails and give me the hoof. Grrrrrrgh!

       
  3. nonnie9999

    November 11, 2019 at 11:01 pm

    I was thrilled to see Virginia turn a lovely shade of blue. I remember the days when Floriduhhh had a lovely blue cast. Not so much these days. I believe that momentous change in the country won’t occur at the federal level. Instead, it will happen in towns and counties and states. That’s why I was so happy about Virginia. Momentous changes won’t happen in the Oval Office. There is just so much a president can do without Congress signing off, and with the Senate in Rethuglican hands, even a Democratic president won’t be able to change the big things. Big changes start with the people—trickle up, for lack of a better way to say it. That’s why I am for a moderate in the White House. Carry the swing states, keep things from further going to shit and try to turn this ship around.

     
    • etomczyk

      November 12, 2019 at 2:13 pm

      Nonnie, I’m on the same page. But the vision is getting murkier every day. Didn’t expect this weakness in Biden, and now Bloomberg and Duvall have entered the race. They both have some really shady backgrounds. Bloomberg is not much better than Trump–his attitudes toward women are egregious. What to do…what to do?

       
      • nonnie9999

        November 12, 2019 at 11:25 pm

        My answer, which I know might not be the answer for everyone, is to vote for Amy Klobuchar. She’s a centrist (with progressive policies), but just her being a woman will shake things up for the entire country. She’s not scary to those who don’t like Twitler but don’t feel comfortable voting for someone at the far left. We saw during the St. Brett the Virgin of Georgetown hearings that she can handle a bully. She kept a cool head, never raised her voice, but she was the only one he felt he needed to apologize to. Like I said in my previous comment, change doesn’t start at the top. However, the person at the top can instill a feeling of safety and normalcy and calm so that change that is made at more local levels become more acceptable and not scary and can trickle up. If your house has a shaky foundation, you won’t want to do any remodeling, because you’re afraid the whole damned thing will fall down. If the foundation is sound, you can leisurely plan the new bathroom or just the new wall color, and if something goes wrong with the remodel, you don’t freak out. You just make the necessary fixes. Amy is my first choice, but I’d be okay with Biden, Mayor Pete (though I do worry about his lack of experience, like to see him in a cabinet position first), or Julian Castro.

        Can you help me get off my soapbox? Heights make me a little dizzy.

         
      • etomczyk

        November 13, 2019 at 3:22 pm

        Nonnie, you’re so adorable. I agree with you 100%. (I should call you before I post my blog and chat through scenarios! 🙂 Anyway, I don’t know if I’m going to get any sleep for the next year. I’m getting way too old or this terror. Hang in there, Babe.

         

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