29 Mar

As you might imagine, given the events of this week, I am sitting Shiva with the rest of my liberal friends—or should I say, sitting Shiva with anybody who has a brain, a conscious, a heart, a soul, or eyes and ears.  According to Wikipedia, Shiva means “seven,” and “sitting Shiva” is described as: “the week-long mourning period in Judaism for first-degree relatives.”  In this case, my first-degree relatives are my country’s morality, constitution, and soul, and my religion’s core Truth.  I know I’m supposed to accept Barr’s assessment of the Mueller report and move on, but I just can’t.  In the words of George Conway (conservative lawyer and the husband of White House counselor Kellyanne Conway —talk about irony):


Cartoon used by permission: Milt Priggee, Oak Harbor, WA/Cagle Cartoons

The aftermath of Barr’s summary has been brutal against anyone who has opposed Trump—led by the mean-spirited bully Trump himself, as he takes his victory lap in the end zone.  Every time I hear him attacking someone who has uncovered his lies or stood up to his bullying, all I can do is pray that the God of Easter rescues us from this cretin—SOON.  Was it wrong to hope the Mueller Report would be an answer to that prayer of obvious corruption exposed?  And why did William Barr give us an interpretation of a potentially 300-plus page report rather than the report itself?  What is Barr hiding?  Instead, the White Right-Wing Christians who believe Trump was sent by God are hoarse from crowing Barr’s summation that God has protected their anointed one, and it makes me sick to my stomach—so sick, it sent me into intercessory prayer.  Below is my most recent prayer—prayed while sitting in sackcloth and ashes cataloged under the title: If Ever There was a God, Now is the Time to Show Up (Again).

Cartoon used by permission: Ed Wexler, Cartoons


How are you?  The last time we spoke, I was praying for healing of a horrible respiratory disease, spring to arrive (sooner than later), and for the Mueller Report to be released, putting a stop to our current reign of terror. I’m very grateful that you completely healed my snot-generating, five-foot chubby-ass body, that spring has finally sprung revealing that not all my plants died over the winter (thank you very much), and the Mueller Report was finally released—kind of.

It looks like I needed to be a bit more specific in my prayers regarding the Mueller Report.  I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but I thought we had an understanding that the report would be released in its entirety and reveal the complete corruption of Donald J. Trump in such a way that his followers would flee in horror—especially the ones who claim to be your followers.  But instead of them repenting in sackcloth and ashes for propping up this egregious sack of sin, they are joining in his revenge victory lap claiming the Bible verse (Psalm 105:15) on Trump’s behalf:  “Don’t touch my chosen leaders or harm my prophets! “Just the other day I came across this billboard that was once posted near St. Louis, Missouri from a bunch of your Trump-loving Christian followers equating him with you, Jesus:

A billboard along route I-70 near St. Louis, Missouri in Nov. 2018


I don’t know how I missed this billboard when it first appeared, but my God, doesn’t this just burn your cookies?  Seems as if that alone would cause you to make a personal appearance just to set the record straight.  Now, how does the Bible verse John 1:14 read again? 

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

(The billboard was removed in 2018, but only after a great deal of hysteria from your “sane” peeps who rallied to confront this blasphemous stupidity.)

Insane, right?!

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, The Salt Lake Tribune, UT/Cagle Cartoons


With all due respect, knowing what you must know, what’s up with letting Trump slide by on the Mueller Report and practically getting away with murder?  You of all deities know that he’s guilty.  He’s like a giant toddler, and he won’t stop until he’s caught red-handed. He needs a giant ass-kicking by you since I am now convinced that Trump was right—he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose his supporters—especially his Christian supporters because they believe you sent Trump to save America.

Not that I need to give you any parenting advice, but do you recall the “Great Toddler Candy Heist of 87” that was perpetrated by one of my children (no need to name names—you know who Baby-girl is)?  Bear with me here.

As you recall, in the beginning, I tried to raise my children in a sugar-free environment. However, one of my kids came to Earth dreaming of lollipops. If upon her arrival the Devil had presented himself to her and said, “I’ll give you all the candy in the world in exchange for your soul, your sister’s soul, and both your parents’ souls,” she would have said, “In a hot baby-poop minute—where do I stamp my baby paw print?”   My child had ways of getting candy that I knew not of.  All I know is that the minute I turned my back on her (with the specific instructions: “Don’t give this child any candy!”) and returned to pick her up from babysitters, Sunday school providers, mother-in-law, or friends’ homes, I’d find candy wrappers stuffed in her diapers and witness the vestiges of a tummy ache all over my new blouses when I snuggled with her.  But no one could ever catch her actually procuring and eating the sweets.  No matter how many times I asked her if she’d eaten candy and where she’d gotten it from, she’d look me straight in the eyes and lie through her cute little four-year-old baby teeth.  (I think I might have even tossed out a prayer or two to you to help me catch that little barbarian in her lies at one time or another.)

Internet Meme

One day, I think you answered my prayers.  I took said candy thief and her sister with me to a very brief business meeting. I noticed as we passed by a table in the lobby by the receptionist’s desk that a rather large bowl of grape Jolly Ranchers was prominently displayed on our way to the elevators.  Both girls asked if they could have some, but I told them “no,” because I was afraid it would spoil their lunch.

After the meeting was over, I strapped the kids into their respective car seats and proceeded back home for lunch.  About five minutes into the drive, I smelled a pungent grapey odor coming from the back seat.  In fact, the odor was overwhelming, as if someone had flooded the car with Welch’s Grape Juice. It was apparent that one of the kids had stolen candy from the office candy dish.  As I whipped my head around like a cobra to seek out the culprit, I demanded to know who was sucking on a Jolly Rancher. My older daughter said, “Not I, said the cat.” When I turned to Baby-girl, she violently shook her head in denial but refused to open her mouth.  Had I not pulled over to the side of the road, I would not have caught her in the act.  But as I stopped the car and looked into the back seat at my girls, streams of purple ooze poured out of Baby-girl’s mouth.  Apparently, she had stolen as many Jolly Ranchers as her little fat fingers could handle and squirrelled them away in her jumpsuit pockets.  My toddler thief had stuffed not one, not two, not three, but at least four grape Jolly Ranchers into her tiny toddler mouth which couldn’t contain the saliva overflow. Caught dead to rights, even as I asked Baby-girl if she had Jolly Ranchers in her mouth, she continued to shake her head in fierce denial while purple saliva stormed from both sides of her mouth as if she were an overheated Saint Bernard and consequently slimed both her sister and me in purple ooze.

Lord, the point of this story is that I nipped that little rascal’s lyin’ and stealin’ in the bud by catching her in the act, and today she is a fine upstanding citizen. I thought you were probably proud of me for that bit of parenting stealth, if the truth be known.So here’s the word: you created Donald Trump.  Essentially, you’re his first parent.  I don’t mean to be impertinent, but why didn’t you let the Mueller Report expose him in all his ill-gotten slime?  Instead, he has gotten away with his crimes (again!) and has become an even bigger jerk than ever—claiming to be a martyr on the level of messiahhood, creating a revenge list, and tormenting the sick, the poor, and anybody that crosses him.

Cartoon used by permission: Milt Priggee, Oak Harbor, WA/Cagle Cartoons


Lord Jesus, I know you know everything none of us know and in due time, all will be revealed, and we’ll all know the truth whether we want to accept it or not. It’s just that William Barr’s assessment was not the truth.  It may have “technically” helped Trump escape collusion, but he’s got the stain of being a horrible human being in every fiber of his being and he’s sliming us all with his purple-tainted sins of lying and corruption.   

Anyway, see you on Easter.  I could use some hope and proof that you’re in control of this mess. Just sayin’. In the meantime, I’ll keep praying (like a mantra) in the words of Leslie Jones’ recent universal tweet:  #LORDHELPUSPLEASE

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star Tucson, AZ/Cagle Cartoons


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Posted by on March 29, 2019 in Uncategorized


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10 responses to “JESUS, GOD OF EASTER, HELP!

  1. Swarn Gill

    March 29, 2019 at 9:46 am

    I hear your pain. Unfortunately I honestly didn’t think we were going to get what we wanted from the Mueller report. To be honest he simply isn’t bright enough to pull off a plan of collusion and cover it up enough to not get caught. I mean he couldn’t effectively hide that he paid a porn star a large sum of money to keep quiet about their affair. This act would have been much harder to conceal.

    I didn’t need evidence of collusion to demonstrate he absolutely unfit to be the leader of this nation let alone a meaningful human in this world. What we do know is that Russian propaganda efforts did sway voters in this election. They gamed our social media, created fake websites and facebook accounts and the sowed division, suppressed voting, and caused people to vote against Hillary and for Trump. Such meddling should concern any president, even if means admitting that they might not have won fair and square. The exception to the “any president” there is our narcissist in Chief who still keeps talking about his win as being unprecedented in American history. The only thing unprecedented about his victory is that we did elect the worst human in our history as a nation. Even if it was by the skin of his teeth (which it was) it’s still something we should be embarrassed for as a nation.

    • etomczyk

      March 29, 2019 at 10:22 am

      Swarn Gill: I couldn’t have said it better, myself. As an intelligent, science-believing, all-people embracing Christian, I am mortified, appalled, and devastated that a significant part of the people who voted for and will hang tight with The Donald claim to be lovers and followers of Jesus. This position makes Trump’s leadership even more dangerous because they have elevated his placement as part of a religious war. When people think “God has spoken” than mayhem and chaos are not far behind. Things could get so much worse than embarrassment for our nation and it brings me to tears.

      Thanks for stopping by.

      • Swarn Gill

        March 30, 2019 at 6:19 am

        It’s a pretty good measure of how great the fall of Christianity is in this country when Donald Trump becomes the face of it. Golden idols seem to have replaced Jesus.

  2. momshieb

    March 29, 2019 at 6:09 pm

    Oh, Lord, I am right there with you…..what do we do with the sense of rage, unfairness, disbelief? Watching this terrible person gloat is just about killing me….

    • etomczyk

      March 29, 2019 at 8:41 pm

      Moms: Me too, Babe…me too. I can hardly breathe!

  3. calvin

    March 29, 2019 at 11:23 pm

    If I my, let me be enigmatic … Sticks head out of igloo, “yikes I can still see that big T shadow. Goes back inside and hangs up my pastel Easter balloons, the ones Mandy Moon couldn’t burst. Lights my compassion incense sticks (ah the sweet aroma of kindness and merciful), then cranks up Wintersleep’s ‘AMERIKA’ and hums/lulls myself back to sleep..

    E, the offer stands, there’s plenty of room in the igloo, though it is melting.

  4. nonnie9999

    March 30, 2019 at 3:11 am

    My dearest Eleanor,

    I hope all is well. Any grandbabies yet? I’m not getting any younger.

    I, too, was in despair over the Mueller report and Barr’s Cliff Notes report on the report. However, in the depths, I heard an angel’s trumpet. My television glowed, and I knew the trumpet was a sign telling me to watch there. There sat Adam Schiff, a nice Jewish boy just like Jesus, and thus he spake:

    “You might thinketh all this shit is okay, but nuh—–uhhhhhh!!! And don’t you dareth try to talk back to me, or I will smite thee with my gavel!”

    Well, it was something like that. I don’t think Barr did Twitler any favors. It might have looked like it at first, and I am sure that Barr intended it to be just that, but then Barr realized that his reputation and his place in history would be covered with poopy footprints, and he doesn’t want that to happen. He will still try to cover for Twitler, so he will blame Mueller for all the redactions and for not reaching a conclusion. I don’t think Mueller is going to take a hit for Twitler or Barr, so hopefully, he will come out swinging. He won’t do it in a nasty way. Instead, he will lay out the facts before Congress for all the world to see. I think the conclusion will be that Twitler and his henchmen were not guilty of collusion (which is not really a crime), because they were too incompetent and too stupid to pull it off. Russia figured that out right after the Twitler Tower meeting. They knew they would have stooges in the Twitler campaign, but there was no way they were going to trust those nitwits, so they used the campaign resources, but they worked around them. Still impeachable, in my mind, but he will hopefully be out of office before a lengthy and ultimately failed impeachment takes place. I think we need to focus on the 2020 election and figure out which of the 1,235,974 Dems we want as our candidate. When Twitler and his henchmen are out of office, let the Feds and the states’ Attorney Generals and the DA in New Yawk do their work and frogmarch the criminals to jail where they belong. While that is happening, maybe we can get some new laws enacted, like candidates having to show their tax returns and all supporting paperwork, paper ballots, Facebook and all other social media being regulated so foreign governments can’t hack another election, and no President will be allowed to hire his family members, paid or unpaid, to work in the White House or make any profit from anything connected to the government, and Kellyanne Conway and Sarah Chuckleberry Sanders must be banished to an alternative universe where they will be bombarded every moment with tweets from George Conway.

  5. imagesbytdashfield

    April 3, 2019 at 11:19 am

    OMG NO!!! Please someone for the love of all that’s sane and sensible tell me that that billboard has been removed and banished to the dark heretical regions from which it was spawned!!! I’m going to have to ask my friends who live in STL if that abomination is still there. I feel so nauseous! And to think (having just looked it up) it is (hopefully no more) located in an area I used to drive past all the time to get to school. Still nauseous!

    • etomczyk

      April 4, 2019 at 8:39 am

      Hi Terri. Yes, the billboard was removed in 2018, although it popped up somewhere else in the state later on. However, the perpetrators got offended at the backlash and ferociously attacked the people who objected to their blasphemy–calling them spawns of Satan. I almost threw up when I saw it.

      • imagesbytdashfield

        April 4, 2019 at 11:47 am

        If I roll my eyes any further I’ll get a big headache. This disappoints me but it doesn’t really surprise me considering I grew up in the area and know the history.


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