09 Sep

DEAR READERS: Guess what?  It has been seven years since I started my blog, and I’ve decided to change the format from the “Discovery Series (Do You Know What I Discovered Today)” to “Attempted Phone Calls to God from Down Below.”  These are desperate times, and because I increasingly wonder what or where God is in the mighty scheme of things (does he care, is he on vacation, or is he just late to the party?), I’ve decided to harangue God more than I usually do. My “voicemail messages” will be very short essays of universal questions I wish God would answer about life, and observations of evil and stupidity that I wish he would simply acknowledge and fix or summarily eradicate. The good news is, even though I’m changing the format, I plan to keep the cartoons which everybody seems to enjoy. 

Who knows, maybe I’ll start trending: #AREYOULISTENINGGOD

Woman Praying Silly Bunt Meme


VOICEMAIL GREETING:  “You’ve reached the voicemail box of Jehovah at 1-800-PRA-TOME. I am experiencing a high call volume at this time—especially from the United States—but I will return your call as soon as is heavenly possible.  Please note that I operate on a triage system (‘the process of determining the priority of patients’ treatments based on the severity of their condition’). Leave your name, number, prayer request, and I will get back to you at some point.  May I bless you!”


HELLO, GOD.  IT’S ME, ELEANOR.  Looks like you’re out again or something.  We seem to be playing phone tag as of late.  (I noticed that slight dig about a preponderance of calls from the United States on your voicemail message.  Were you talking about me?)  You’re the one who once said, “Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me.  I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.”

Well, Oasis, no disrespect intended, but where are you?  In case you haven’t noticed, the United States is being led by a madman, and the rest of the world is getting its ass kicked by the Devil.

God asleep Angel Boligan El Universal Mexico City www caglecartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Angel Boligan, El Universal Mexico City,

I don’t mean to be impertinent, but if I don’t call you—who am I going to call–Ghostbusters?  You’ve said that I should “pray without ceasing.”  Well, every day—every single freakin’ day—I pray that you will save us and deliver us from Donald J. Trump.

And yet, heeeee’s still heeeerrre!

Although these last couple of days have had a weird patina about them—as if the end might be near.  Which is why I’m calling you.  Is this the end of the Trump madness?  Is the anonymous op-ed piece in the NY Times the last stages of Trump’s undoing or, even better, will the scathing, meticulously researched book, Fear, by Bob Woodward be the final nail in his coffin?

I’m sure you have an advanced copy of Fear (mine doesn’t arrive until Sept. 12th), but did you see that quote by Woodward:

“The reality was that the United States in 2017 was tethered to the words and actions of an emotionally overwrought, mercurial and unpredictable leader. Members of his staff had joined to purposefully block some of what they believed were the president’s most dangerous impulses. It was a nervous breakdown of the executive power of the most powerful country in the world.”

The End is near Marian Kamensky Austria

Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kamensky, Austria

Oh, my God, God!  And a portion of the anonymous op-ed to the NY Times pretty much says the same thing:

“The root of the problem is the president’s amorality. Anyone who works with him knows he is not moored to any discernible first principles that guide his decision making.”

Right before “Anonymous” wrote that damning sentence, the NY Times quoted him/her as saying:

“…the president continues to act in a manner that is detrimental to the health of our republic.

That is why many Trump appointees have vowed to do what we can to preserve our democratic institutions while thwarting Mr. Trump’s more misguided impulses until he is out of office.”

Fear by Bob Woodward Stephane Peray Thailand

Cartoon used by permission: Stephane Peray, Thailand

So, I’m calling to ask two questions:  1) who is “Anonymous”—our 2018 “Deep Throat,” and 2) are you in the process of busting Trump’s balls and breaking his knee caps?  (Need I remind you that you don’t let me get away with anything?)  All I have to do is think something catty about another human being while sipping my morning coffee, and you give me heartburn for the rest of the day.   I’m just sayin’:  Donald J. Trump’s litany list for a passport into Hell is endless and worthy of your damnation.

Anyway, if you tell me who “anonymous” is, I won’t tell anybody.  I promise.  I personally think it is Melania.   She didn’t write it, of course—she can barely speak English.  But I can see her dictating it to her staff, can’t you?   I’d be willing to bet my angel’s wings that she is the one because I secretly think she hates The Donald’s guts and has been waiting for a way and time to tell him “You’re fired!” for years.

Deep State Throat John Darko, Columbia MO

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia MO

Before I hang up, I just want to let you know that your White Right-wing Evangelicals have drunk the Kool-Aid–again.  Please, please, please ignore their prayers.  They are pinning all of their Trump Devil worship on being “God’s will.”  In fact, it would be fabulous if you purged them, and started all over again when you bring down Trump.  They’ve sold their souls lock, stock, and barrel to the Cheese-ball in Chief’s racism, cruelty, and lying which pretty much makes Trump Satan’s spawn and his supportive Evangelicals his demonic minions.  I know I’m not supposed to judge, but when something walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck, well then…

Evangelicals and the Devil David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star Tucson AZ

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star, Tucson, AZ

Anyway, God, stay tuned.  If I don’t hear from you by Thursday, I’ll be calling you again because Hurricane Florence is headed my way.  Lord, have mercy!


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Traitor Friends Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, The Salt Lake, Tribune, UT

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on September 9, 2018 in Uncategorized


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6 responses to “ARE YOU LISTENING GOD?

  1. aFrankAngle

    September 9, 2018 at 10:09 pm

    Well now. I must admit that I loved the two questions – especially the second one!!! It definitely caused me to laugh!

    I’m sure this won’t surprise you. I’m one of the few anti-Trump people who doesn’t give a damn about the NY Times column nor the Woodward book. Neither provides much new – so I’m obviously not getting worked up about either, and don’t plan to read either – especially the book. Simply put, the man is a pathetic person and an even worse leader – and I patiently wait for the Mueller report.

    • etomczyk

      September 12, 2018 at 2:30 pm

      Frank, it’s new to me because it is from the first source that I can trust. Omarosa? No way! Who’s that other guy with all the mistakes and misspellings in his book? Yuck! Also, I do not have faith that the Mueller Report will see the light of day. Just sayin’!

      • aFrankAngle

        September 12, 2018 at 5:34 pm

        At this point, I think the Mueller report will make it. What it will contain remains unknown. I’ve got the feeling that it will have enough to anger Republicans but not enough to please Democrats. Time will tell.

  2. nonnie9999

    September 9, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    I am watching the Kavanaugh conformation hearings. I recorded it in case I missed some important testimony, and by that, I mean the Democrats questioning him, because I don’t think the Rethugs questioning him on his favorite color and his basketball coaching skills and asking him to tell us why he would be the bestest most fairest most awesomest Justice evah! are things I have to know about him. Where was I? Oh yeah, while you are talking to the big guy/gal upstairs, could you ask him/her if he could reveal in a very public way who paid off Baseball Ticket Brett’s massive credit card debt and how he managed to buy a $1.2 million house on a $200,000 salary while doubling the amount in his savings account in just a year? I’m not on very good terms with him/her, because I never call, so I will rely on you, my friend. Oh, and can you tell him that we really need to know pretty quickly, hopefully before November? Thanks! Love ya!

    • etomczyk

      September 12, 2018 at 2:37 pm

      Nonnie: You had me until you starting talking sports. Brett who? I can barely keep up with the scandals in our national government. Trying to get a handle on sports scandals would drive me truly crazy.

      I can’t believe that no matter what we do, Kavanaugh is still going to be seated on the Supreme Court. Who knows, maybe he’ll have a “come to Jesus moment” when he’s on the Court and turn against the Repubs’ and the White Evangelical’s agenda. It could happen…it happened to me.

      • nonnie9999

        September 12, 2018 at 3:39 pm

        No sports knowledge necessary, my dear Eleanor. Baseball Brett is Kavanaugh. He supposedly shelled out something like $60,000 for baseball tickets that his freinds supposedly reimbursed him for. He had other massive credit card debt, and there is no reasonable scenario in which he could have paid it off. I am wondering if all the questions about his past testimony before Congress, as well as some of the new ones posed, are insurance to held in the Dems’ pockets for impeachment hearings of Kavanaugh if he does get confirmed and if he is as bad as we think he is going to be. I don’t put a lot of stock in the courage of any Rethugs, but i hold onto a whisper of hope that a couple of them suddenly locate their gonads and vote against him. We only need two. I’m not holding my breath.


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