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THE EASTER BUNNY IS DEAD!

26 Mar

Do you know what I discovered this week?  It is the Easter season, which means I need to take a short break—give or take a week or two—to plant my garden.  I do this every year.   During a two-week break in the spring, I use that time to abstain from blogging, get off the Internet, don’t read or listen to the news, and take an assessment of my sorry-ass soul by communing with nature and my God.  I allow myself to be rejuvenated from all the negativity in our world so that I can emerge from my bucolic surrounding after my short staycation as a much calmer person who is ready to continue to fight the good fight as a voice of reason and goodwill.

Well, the other day, the daffodils were out, the crocuses were sprouting, and several blue jays flew past my breakfast window just as I was about to post a note on my blog that says, “See you in two weeks, Pumpkins” when I received a “ping” on my phone which signaled an urgent alert:

“ATTENTION ALL PEOPLE WITH HEARTS—

THIS JUST IN—THE EASTER BUNNY IS DEAD!”

Easter Bunny is Dead

de-motivational-posters.com

I was in a state of shock!  Was this an April fool’s joke?  Had the Easter Bunny pissed off Donald Trump, and his followers did away with all the bunnies?  (Come to think of it, we used to have scores of rabbits who lived in my flower beds, but I haven’t seen any of them in months. I thought I had inadvertently chased the rabbits away with the sonic radar system I had installed to scare off my hated enemies, the moles.  Now I am not so sure.)

As I sat down for a brief pause after sodding the holes in my lawn left by the nasty-ass squirrels who hate my guts (that’s an entirely different story), I fell asleep on the deck and dreamed I was listening to a radio interview between the last bunny on Earth and Larry King.  That great octogenarian interviewer who could get to the truth about anything from even the nuttiest individuals and situations.

Larry King Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Larry King Interviewing Sarah Palin and Mark Sanford

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

LARRY:  Tonight, an Easter Bunny exclusive—the rabbit who many thought to be dead and gone!  We’ll take you inside Mr. Bunny’s palatial hiding place where—breaking his long silence—we’ll discuss the rumors of his vanishing, the nature of his mental health, and the hopelessness our planet has been left with by his unexplained absence.  We’ll talk about the sorry state of the Earth, his universal hand in promoting Easter, and if he feels that his activities threw “shade” on the Messiah’s life and gift to the world.  What stories can he tell about his association with the Christ?  A rare emotional hour coming up next on Larry King Live.

**COMMERCIAL PLACE CARD FOR CADBURY CRÈME EGGS**

LARRY:  It’s a great pleasure to welcome the Easter Bunny to the show tonight.  He has been the representative of Easter to children since the 1700s in Germany, and made his debut in America in the great state of Pennsylvania as “Osterhase” in the 1800s by local immigrants from the Palatinate region of Germany—according to Patrick Donmoyer of the Pennsylvania German Heritage Center at Kutztown University.   Great to have you on the show Easter Bunny.  Let’s get right down to the nitty-gritty tonight.  Where have you been?  Everyone thought you were dead.

EASTER BUNNY:  Larry, it is an honor to be here with you tonight.  I think you’re about as old as I am, and you’re still kicking.  It’s hard to get rid of us old geezers.

LARRY:  Well, I think you’re ahead of me by a couple hundred years, although on some days, I feel as if I might have been born in the 1800s!  These bones aren’t getting any younger, that’s for sure.  Anyway, there is a strong rumor going around that you died.  I believe the National Enquirer first broke the story, but obviously you are very much alive.  I was stunned when your people reached out to my people to refute the rumor about your much reported death.  What’s going on, Bunny?

EASTER BUNNY:  What’s going on, Larry, is that I have retired and gone into seclusion. I can’t take it anymore.  There is nowhere safe on the Earth to go about my business of spreading the good news of hope and redemption without being besieged by mayhem, chaos, and murder.  From here to there, from sea to shining sea, it is all about warring, hatred, and killing.  I am saddened to the core.  I had to retire before I died of a broken heart.

European Easter Marian Kemensky Slovakia

Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kemensky Slovakia

LARRY:  But I saw footage of you as road-kill on CNN earlier this month.  Was that all a ruse?

EASTER BUNNY:  I’m ashamed to say it, but I staged my own death, Larry, with the help of some of my friends.  It was a complete hoax.  I needed an exit plan, and that seemed to be the best one.

LARRY:  Well, the obvious question is “why?”  We need all the hope and levity we can get in this world, Mr. Bunny.  Besides, how am I going to live without my Cadbury Crème Egg fix?

EASTER BUNNY:  Old Man, you’ll just have to suck it up and get over it.  Besides, didn’t you have a major heart attack awhile back?  You’re not supposed to be eating those chocolate diabetic bombs anyway.  My point is that I no longer have the courage or the strength to try to bring levity and joy to the world.  It all seems to be a lost cause.  Besides, the job doesn’t have the same pizazz that it used to have anymore.

Cracked Easter Egg Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission:  Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

LARRY:  Really, how so?

EASTER BUNNY:  First of all, it used to be a fabulous job.  I could call my own hours, and every day at the office was casual Friday.  I was respected in all the lands my little fat legs could hop to, and on top of it all, the mission was pretty awesome:  “Rebirth and renewal is yours for the asking because spring has sprung!”  Children loved me by the way.  Never met a kid I didn’t like.  If it was just the kids, I’d never stop, but many of their parents are freakin’ insane.  All these adults are so full of hate and malice. I can’t take it anymore, Larry—I just can’t take it!  I’m disillusioned, worn out, and pissed off.  This is not the job I signed up for, so that is the reason I faked my own death.  Let’s see how the world gets along without Mr. Easter Bunny on the scene.  So there!

Easter Bunny Bob Englehart PoliticalCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Bob Englehart, PoliticalCartoons.com

LARRY:  Well, it seems to me that Easter has never been about you, Easter Bunny—your job, your colored eggs, your treats, or your cotton-tailed disillusionment.  I mean I’m Jewish, but I realize that Easter is a Christian holiday celebrating the hope, the redemption, and the renewal given by the Messiah that you think has already come.  The Jewish tradition has us still waiting on our Messiah, but that is another discussion for another day.  (Wouldn’t it be ironic if our Messiah and your Messiah turned out to be the same dude, but we got our calendars all screwed up as to his arrival and departure times?)

Anyway, I do understand Easter through the eyes of “Pesach” (what you Christians call “Passover”), because it is the celebration of the liberation by God of my people via Moses from slavery in Egypt.  From my understanding of the New Testament, Jesus came to Earth so that mankind would see firsthand what it was like to witness the selfless characteristics of God (love, joy, peace, grace, and mercy) embodied in human form so that mankind would change their ways and start treating each other as they were created to do.  Your Messiah gave his life so that you would be liberated from your sins (hate, murder, rape, meanness, greed, cruelty—the list of chaos is endless), and I don’t recall any record of rabbits, jelly beans, and Cadbury eggs being in the tomb where the Christ arose on the third day to manifest that hope of liberation and renewal—kind of like Moses getting my peeps out of the bondage of slavery and crossing through the Red Sea to a new life of freedom.  I don’t think it is a coincidence that Passover and Easter are celebrated around the same time every year.

You’re just a messenger, Little Dude—pointing to the hope of the world.  So what do you have to say for yourself, Easter Bunny?  Seems like you’re needed now more than ever.

Meaning of Easter Parker Florida Today

Cartoon used by permission: Parker, Florida Today

EASTER BUNNY:  Oh!  I never thought of it that way.  But how can I be responsible for that knowledge?  I’m just an animal with two long ears, long hind legs, and a short white bushy tail.  I never knew him—this Jesus.  I’m just a working schmuck trying to make a living.  All I was told to do was announce spring, help dye eggs, and keep the jelly beans coming until children were comatose from sugar.  This other stuff you’ve been telling me is way beyond my pay grade.

LARRY:  Ignorance of the truth is no excuse, Easter Bunny.  If you don’t know what to do—do something!  We are all responsible for doing what we have to do to make the world a better place.

EASTER BUNNY:  Yeah, I get it.  And who knows, maybe I’ll be able to strike a blow for justice and peace.  I travel here, there, and everywhere with my arsenal of eggs, beans, and marshmallow peeps.  The bad guys would never see me coming.  I cross international borders—maybe I could become a spy.  My God, maybe I could help win the war on terrorism!  HOLY JELLY BEANS, LARRY—I’M COMIN’ OUT OF RETIREMENT!!

Antiterror Bunny Marian Kemensky Slovakia

Cartoon used by permission Marian Kemensky, Slovakia

LARRY:  I guess you are, Little Rabbit, I guess you are!  God speed, and don’t forget to leave some Cadbury crème eggs with my assistant.

Well, you heard it here folks:  Bunny Rabbit is alive and well, and returning to his job.  He is not dead!  If you see him out and about, give him a big hug and let him know what a good job he’s doing reminding us that there is more to life than terrorists, poverty, hatred, war, and Donald Trump.  There is hope for the human race and embracing the Easter festivities with our children helps lighten the weariness and meaningless aspects of life.

Easter Sunrise Parker Florida Today

Cartoon used by permission: Parker, Florida Today

***

ELEANOR’S EASTER “SELAH” (“AHA”) MOMENT

I am discovering what I rediscover every spring when I go on retreat to renew my perspective—that I have hope for our world because there is a God who created us all—and loves us dearly.  I am discovering that “love wins”—whether it is Christ’s love for a screwed up world, or my love for my neighbor.  I know that there are those who “claim” to know God and claim to be doing his bidding who instigate nothing but bigotry, pain, and murder, but they are only posers and will not last forever and will not triumph in the end—haters never do. In the meantime, I do not lose hope for our world because of the vision that Easter proclaims to me:

CHRIST IS RISEN—HE IS RISEN, INDEED!

I Am Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

See you in two weeks, my friends. Don’t lose the faith; keep on keepin’ on; never give up trying to make the world a better place, and every other cliché I can remember.

HAPPY EASTER, HAPPY PESACH, AND PEACE AND GOOD WILL TO ALL!

Easter International Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons.com

***

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ABOUT EASTER

“A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act.”Mahatma Gandhi

“Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life.”Janine di Giovanni

 “Easter tells us of something children can’t understand, because it addresses things they don’t yet have to know: the weariness of life, the pain, the profound loneliness and hovering fear of meaninglessness.”Frederica Mathewes-Green

“I really do believe that God is love, one of deep affection and grace and forgiveness and inspiration.”William P. Young

ALL QUOTES FROM www.brainyquotes.com

***

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).

***

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 
4 Comments

Posted by on March 26, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , ,

4 responses to “THE EASTER BUNNY IS DEAD!

  1. aFrankAngle

    March 26, 2016 at 11:01 pm

    1) There is no way the Easter Bunny (TEB) is older than Larry King!!!

    2) It is sad that TEB’s status in society has decreased over time.

    3) … and most importantly, Happy Easter to you & WW!

     
  2. valentinelogar

    March 27, 2016 at 7:52 am

    You lift me up. Thank you. Enjoy your time.

     
  3. imagesbytdashfield

    March 27, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    The last 3 cartoons for the win!!! I’ve been itching to start gardening too 🙂

     
  4. ciedie aech

    April 9, 2016 at 3:01 pm

    Humor is the very best teacher. THANK YOU.

     

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