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RIP GOP

17 Mar

Do you know what I discovered about famous people dying and their subsequent media coverage?  Just recently Harper Lee, Pat Conroy, Nancy Reagan, and Angela “Big Ang” Raiola (breakout star of Mob Wives) died, and within hours—sometimes minutes—everything from multi-paragraphs to multi-pages of obituaries were published.  It was freaky.  I learned that obituaries of famous people are written long before their deaths if they are terminally ill, old, or habitually self-destructive.  That way, when they do kick the bucket, the Media can be Johnny-on-the-spot and publish their obits in a timely manner.

When I awoke this morning and read the news about Donald Trump’s significant wins on Super Tuesday, I could hear the death knell for the GOP, and I knew what I had to do:  write an obit for the Republican Party whose inevitable demise is on its way, if it hasn’t happened already.  I thought it would be rather entertaining to “very loosely” base the GOP’s obituary on bits and pieces of the actual one that was used for Abraham Lincoln as taken from page 1 of The New York Times, April 16, 1865.  (I couldn’t resist the irony.)

Repub Hari Kari Daryl Cagle CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Daryl Cagle, CagleCartoons.com

***

GOP—ONCE KNOWN AS “THE GRAND OLD PARTY”—IS OFFICIALLY DEAD!

Reality Show Actor Donald Trump Believed to be the Assassin

By Blogger, Eleanor L. Tomczyk

***

Party of Lincoln David Fitzsimmons,The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

It is now ascertained with reasonable certainty that multiple assassins (led by a gang leader) were engaged in this horrible crime against the Grand Old Party.  The leaderan actor named Donald Trumpwas the one who engaged in the final kill shot against the GOP, and the other companions of his (Republican Congress, Tea Party, Birthers, Mitch McConnell, Citizens United, Koch Brothers, Fox News, Right-Wing Radio), are being hunted down for their complicity in the Elephant’s demise even as this obit goes to press.  Vivid descriptions of Trump’s accomplices (racism, xenophobia, misogyny, homophobia, greed, and violence) have been posted all over the nation’s media outlets so that they can hardly escape unnoticed. It appears from intelligence collected from the GOP’s murder scene that the assassination has been a long time coming, but it previously stalled out because it was believed that the Republican Party had an adult—Jeb Bush—who they thought would carry the day, and thus extend its life a little longer.  But Mr. Trump slaughtered Bush in a high profile shoot-out earlier in the year, and then rode on to Florida to commit the dastardly deed against the Grand Old Party itself.

Trump eating the Gop Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

The official notice of the death of the GOP was given by the Media this morning to the American public, and the memorial arrangements were announced:

      First—the arrangements for the funeral of the late GOP were referred to the Republican Establishment which is in a state of disbelief and is trying to broker a convention in Cleveland to resurrect the Elephant from the dead.  All the Bible-believing Evangelicals have been called upon to fast and pray for this miracle.

      Second—The Great Latino Hope (Marco Rubio) went into hiding with his tail between his legs after being mortally wounded by a stray bullet from The Donald in his assassination attempt against the GOP.  Rubio was last seen sobbing his heart out in the Florida Everglades as he lamented:

“My whole life I’ve been told being humble is a virtue, and now being humble is a weakness and being vain and self-absorbed is somehow a virtue. My whole life I’ve been told no matter how you feel about someone, you respect everyone because we are all children of the same God—and now being respectful to one another is considered political correctness.”

AT WHICH POINT THE ALLIGATORS WERE HEARD RESPONDING IN UNISON:  “AND WHY WASN’T THAT SAME COURTESY EXTENDED FROM YOU TO PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE?  KARMA IS A BITCH ‘LITTLE RUBIO.’”

Rubio and Florida Dave Granlun, Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

In the meantime, Nancy Reagan, the wife of the “god” the GOP worships, was high-fiving her fortune teller in the Great Beyond for escaping the Earth just in time to be with her man before she had to witness the assassination of the Republican Party by Donald Trump and the Duck Dynasty set.

Nancy Reagan Disappointment David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

The assassin left behind at the crime scene a brilliant display of the rancor and violence he would use to pull the Party together now that he had accomplished his goal of obliterating the GOP.  When asked by CNN host Chris Cuomo what Mr. Trump would do if he ended up in Cleveland a few delegates shy of 1,237 and the party leaders demand a contested GOP convention, he gave a bone-chilling answer: 

“I think you’d have riots.”

“[I’m] representing many millions of people: If you disenfranchise those people, and you say, ‘I’m sorry, you’re 100 votes short’…I think you’d have problems like you’ve never seen before. I think bad things would happen.”

Trump Leprechaun Threats Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle

The GOP’s body was removed from Florida and has been embalmed.  The Grand Old Party of Lincoln was wrapped in the American flag, and it has continued across the country for proper viewing by the American people at various primaries and will arrive in Cleveland in July where it will be put to rest.  It will be America’s last chance to see the remains of a once proud political group who helped Abraham Lincoln free the slaves.

Flags over the Republican Establishment hearts are at half-mast. Scarcely any business is being transacted anywhere either on private or public account.

The bells are tolling mournfully. All the Republicans are in the deepest gloom and sadness. Strong men weep in the streets.  China is using Donald Trump’s antics and vulgarity as a warning to its citizens about the dangers of democracy.  The grief is wide-spread and deep—in strange contrast to the joy that was so greatly manifested around the world when Barack Hussein Obama won the Presidential election—not once—but twice. 

This is indeed a day of gloom.  RIP GOP!

Future of Gop John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton-Times Tribune

***

ELEANOR’S “SELAH” (“AHA”) MOMENT ABOUT THE GOP’S ASSASINATION

I am discovering that as I meditate on the very real aspect that Donald Trump may be our Republican nominee for the President of the United States, I understand that this will probably destroy the GOP as we’ve come to know it—shatter it into a million pieces.  Maybe that will be a good thing.  I don’t rejoice over this.  I used to be a Republican, and I think our country needs a two (or more) party system to keep us in balance.  But I don’t feel very sorry for my Republican friends because they brought this on themselves.  When Trump spearheaded the birther movement against President Obama (knowing full well, that every charge was a lie), the Republican Establishment “winked” and thought it was a hoot.  When Mitch McConnell declared that he would lead the Republican Congress in a charge to make Obama a one-term President and obstruct him at every turn, the rest of the GOP cheered and rushed in to help.  When the jerk, Joe Wilson, screamed at President Obama in the midst of a State of the Union address, “You lie!” the rest of the Republicans applauded the consummate disrespect of a sitting president.  In the midst of all this, they got into bed with big business, big money, and special interests—leaving the middle class behind to slide into poverty, and the poor to slide into Hell.  Now they wonder why so many people are so pissed at them.  So angry that 67% of Republicans are willing to lend their support to an assassin.

To all my dear sisters and brothers in the Republican Party who refused to speak up against the sins of the GOP all those years ago, up to today’s obstructionism by Congress against the President’s pick for the next Supreme Court Judge—I give you Donald Trump.  Karma is truly a bitch!

Supreme Court Obama choice Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

***

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out http://www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).

Supreme Court obstruction David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

REFERENCES

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-skeldon/this-is-not-my-republican-party_b_9477064.html

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/03/13/how-the-republican-party-became-a-failed-state.html

http://www.politico.com/story/2016/03/trump-cruz-kasich-convention-220846

http://www.salon.com/2016/03/14/joe_scarborough_surrenders_msnbc_host_admits_party_has_shattered_its_brand_but_wont_confront_whats_driving_the_gops_crisis/

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on March 17, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

8 responses to “RIP GOP

  1. imagesbytdashfield

    March 17, 2016 at 8:25 am

    There has always been mudslinging in politics but this year brings it to a level that not only sickens me to the core of my being but also worries me with what “could” happen…and all because of people who are fear and hate mongers. Sick of it all…

     
    • etomczyk

      March 21, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Teri. I know what you mean . . . it is all so torturous, but I purposely keep up so that I can keep sounding the alarm in some small way.

       
  2. valentinelogar

    March 17, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    Perfect, quite simply perfection. I mourn for all of us.

     
    • etomczyk

      March 21, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      Val. So true . . . so true.

       
  3. aFrankAngle

    March 17, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    Oh my my my …. the odds of the GOP being one big happy family at the end of the convention is higher than people think. … Meanwhile, I remain one of the few calm voters.

     
  4. silentlyheardonce

    March 18, 2016 at 9:58 am

    “In the meantime, Nancy Reagan, the wife of the ‘god’ the GOP worships, was high-fiving her fortune teller in the Great Beyond for escaping the Earth just in time to be with her man before she had to witness the assassination of the Republican Party by Donald Trump and the Duck Dynasty set.”

    When Nancy died this was my first thought, She didn’t want be witness to the disaster stirring in the GOP. It’s a nightmare the whole sorted affair.

     
    • etomczyk

      March 21, 2016 at 9:28 pm

      Silently: I thought the same, but where can we go to escape? Sigh.

       
  5. composerinthegarden

    March 24, 2016 at 6:45 am

    Eleanor, we live in “interesting” times, don’t we? Just when I thought we couldn’t become more polarized in this country, DT has upped the ante. Sigh. I see every act of compassion and bridge building as a necessary counterbalance to this madness of fear mongering.

     

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