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#2016InOneWord: MORTIFIED!

10 Feb

Do you know what I discovered this week?  Every media outlet (on and offline) has gotten on my every last nerve, as my mother used to say.  It’s been wall to wall politics—all day—every day.  If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that nothing else was happening on the Earth except for the 2016 Presidential campaigns.  But then the media cut me a break and let me watch the Super Bowl in peace.  Yes! Finally, I got a break.  Go Panthers! You da man, Cam!

Media Coverage Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

Oh well . . . and then there was that—the Broncos won.  Sigh! Although I must say, I was more than a little secretly pleased to have Peyton Manning go out for the last time on the wings of a Super Bowl win into retirement. But no sooner had I gone into mourning over my team losing the Super Bowl (Cam Newton: “what happened Buddy?”), and tried to wash the very disturbing puppy/monkey/baby Mountain Dew/juice/caffeine commercial from my psyche, the political coverage by the media came back in a deluge.

Super Bowl Ads Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

We’ve only just begun the race for the White House, and I am so sick of these crazy people that I could just scream.  It seems that others are as well.  On CNN, a columnist noted a new hashtag for millennials to describe their feelings in one word about how the election makes them feel—#2016InOneWord.  They responded accordingly:

Scared

Anxious

Disappointed

Frightened

Petrified

Worried

Horrified

Meh!

I added my own word: mortified!   And can you imagine what it must have been like in New Hampshire these last few days?  CNN reported seeing New Hampshire yard signs that flat-out demanded, “NO SOLICITING OF ANY KIND” to the horde of campaigners with detailed inscriptions that read:

We are too broke to buy anything. We know who we are voting for. We have found Jesus.”

AND

“Seriously, unless you are giving away beer, PLEASE GO AWAY!”

Dems vs Repubs Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

I almost wish I could have been there to see what all the obsession was about, but I’m working on my third book and couldn’t get away.  Which is why I sent my alter ego, The Dalai Mama, to scout out the scene in New Hampshire and give me the what-what on the something-something especially if there was anything happening on the down-low.

If anyone could get the straight poop, then it would be The Dalai Mama.  She is my inner, fierce self.  The Dalai is what I would be in another time and another place—unafraid, full of spunk, suffering no fools, and having no problem letting them know it.  The presidential campaign trail is like watching a Monty Python movie but with verbal guns and knives—replete with popcorn. Dalai’s assessment of the New Hampshire scene was priceless.  Check out the transcript of our conversation this morning.

Political Entertainment Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission:  Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

DM:       Hey Girl.  What’s happenin’?

ME:        Hey Babe.  I think the question is what’s happenin’ with you?  From all the news reports, the primaries in New Hampshire were a wild ride.  How did you fare? I’m pretty much caught up on the news everyone else knows:  GOP establishment in shambles and New Hampshire was their worst nightmare (Trump won), Hillary got creamed—women under sixty abandoned her for Sanders, Rubio’s campaign collapsed, and Trump and Sanders emerged as champions.  But I’d love to have your perspective.  What were your three biggest takeaways?

DM:       Girl, I wish you could have been here.  New Hampshire was a major bitch slap.  Tempers was flarin’, candidates was actin’ like fools, and most of them forgot everythang they mama’s done taught them.

ME:        How so?

DM:       First off:  Christie went all Jersey on Rubio’s ass during the debate.  He had been telegraphin’ all week that he was goin’ beat the shit out of Rubio down by the playground—jest like some schoolyard bully—but even though Rubio’s Hispanic, he ain’t got a lick of street smarts in him.  You could tell when it hit him that he didn’t see it comin’!  I thought cutie-pie Rubio was gonna burst into tears right then and there on the stage, but when he kept doing exactly what Christie was bullyin’ him about (bein’ a robot stuck in a loop), I almost jumped up on stage and knocked some sense into his head.  On the other hand, I think Christie thought he take out Rubio the way a bull takes out a distracted matador, then he would move on up the GOP food chain to eventually win the GOP establishment’s vote.  Well, surprise, surprise, surprise—Christie went down in flames and took “Fury-ina” with him.  They both withdrew their candidacies today.  He probably never heard the sayin’ in Jersey that “God don’t like ugly.”

February 9, 2016

February 9, 2016

Cartoon used by permission:  Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

ME:        I think Rubio thought if he picked an unfair fight with someone who couldn’t answer back on the stage—someone bigger and more powerful than him—the rest of the Repubs would thank him for it and leave him alone.  But he miscalculated the Prez and trusted in his scoundrel fellow Republicans too much.  Obama is at the point where he doesn’t give a shit what anyone says, and the Republican candidates only have your back until you get in their way.  After all, this bunch are politicians of the lowest common denominator.  What else did you observe?

DM:       The lowlifiest thing that happened is that Trump called Cruz a female kitty cat.  You should have seen Cruz’s reaction.  His head almost exploded.  Chil’ that dude’s got anger issues to beat the band.  I couldn’t believe that Trump’s bullin’ just made his peeps love him even more, so I guess he and Trump don’t have a bromance anymore. Can you imagine that sorry-ass Trump as president?

ME:        Yep, I can see the headlines now: “WWIII started after President Trump called Putin a pussy.  Putin called President Trump the “C” word, and now we’re dealing with nothing but scorched Earth ad infinitum.”

Pussy Cruz Bob Englehart CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission:  Bob Englehart, CagleCartoons,com

ME:        What was your impression of Hillary?

DM:       Mo’ like what was my impression of her ol’ man.   Did you see Bubba’s face when Hill conceded to Bernie?   I ain’t made up my mind yet ‘bout Hill, but I gots to tell you that the main thing holdin’ me back from Hillary is Bill.  I knows everybody calls him the “first Black president” ‘cause Black folks helped put him in office, and he like jazz and all, but I thinks he be takin’ us fo’ granted.  Everybody tellin’ me that his sorry-ass philanderin’ ain’t got nothin’ to do with Hillary bein’ Prez.  That may be so if he wasn’t gonna be first man.  But I knows me some Jesus, and that kind of crap don’t sit right with me or the Good Lawd.  If Bill cheat all day long, up one aisle and down the other on his wife, what the hell he gonna do to me—the voter he never met and don’t know—I’m gonna get screwed to the wall via his influence on his wife.  It tell me he only keep his word when it convenient.

Some of that ol’ Bill popped up this week.  He called my sweet Bernie “hermetically sealed from reality.”   That just brought back some real bad memories when Obama was gainin’ on Hillary in ‘08, and “he-who-can’t-keep-his-one-eyed-monster in his pants” went all racist on Obama.  Remember that?  When Ted Kennedy threw the Kennedy influence and weight behind Obama’s candidacy, do you know what racist thing Bubba said?

ME:        No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.

DM:       Clinton said ’bout takin’ Obama’s candidacy seriously:  “A few years ago, this guy (Obama) would have been carrying our bags.”  I was like, “Oh, hell to the no!  You goin’ down, Mofo.”  I just don’t trust the son-of-bitch . . . and now he and Hill tryin’ to do that to my Bernie.

ME:        So I gather you’re in the tank for Bernie?  You know he’s offered a lot of stuff that he can’t possible pay for—not to mention that he’ll never get anything done with that rabid Republican Congress.  If you think things are gridlocked now, the entire country will freeze in motion like a scene out of Frozen. Dalai Mama, are you being seduced by Bernie Sanders “heavenly promises”?

Bernie Advances on Clinton Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle

DM:       No.  I’m just keepin’ my options open.  All I know is Hillary better watch her step.  I am a woman and I am Black, but it don’t mean I’m in the tank for her ’cause she be the first woman president.  Just ’cause I voted for her randy-ass husband doesn’t mean I’ll automatically vote for her.  She better woo me and move Bubba out of my sight line, or it is gonna be déjà vu Obama-time.  YOU BETTER NOT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED, HILLARY!

ME:        Okay!  Looks like you heard and saw a lot in New Hampshire.  Aren’t you exhausted?  Why don’t you come on home?

DM:       What do you think, Baby?  Of course I’m exhausted, but I can’t stop now.  South Carolina and Nevada here I come, along with the rest of the media hordes.  I can’t get enough of this shit.  Best reality show on the planet.  See you later, alligator.

ME:        Sigh!  After ‘while crocodile . . .

After New Hampshire Daryl Cagle CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Daryl Cagle, CagleCartoons com

***

I am discovering that it is going to be a long, long spring, summer and fall until the Presidential election.  The more each politician talks, the more I wish they’d shut up because all of them are over-promising, or lying, and most of them have no freakin’ idea how hard this job is going to be.  The lack of integrity, humanity, good manners, and integrity oozes from most of their pores, but the more it does the less the voters seem to mind.  Yikes!

In the meantime, the media act like stoned groupies at a rock concert—screaming and fainting in adulation for his or her favorite politician—as if these men and women were messiahs.  The media pretty much ignore everything else going on in the world—including the pain and suffering of the most vulnerable and disenfranched in our country caused by hard-hearted, greedy politicians.  We are at their mercy—unfortunately.

Flint Crap Daryl Cagle CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Daryl Cagle CagleCartoons com

***

THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUOTES ABOUT POLITICIANS

“Many of the traits of character and leadership that Obama possesses, and that maybe we have taken too much for granted, have suddenly gone missing or are in short supply . . . Obama radiates an ethos of integrity, humanity, good manners and elegance that I’m beginning to miss, and that I suspect we will all miss a bit, regardless of who replaces him.”David Brooks [uber-Conservative Republican], The New York Times

“One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician’s objective. Election and power are.”Cal Thomas

“If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.”H. L. Mencken

“Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.”Charles de Gaulle

***

ALL QUOTES FROM www.brainyquotes.com except where otherwise noted

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out http://www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (hardcopy and Kindle).

REFERENCE

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-sanders-projected-to-win-new-hampshire-primary/ar-BBpibN5?ocid=spartandhp

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/new-hampshire-trump-repeats-insult-from-crowd-member-calling-cruz-a-p/ar-BBphoep?ocid=spartandhp

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/10/us/politics/new-hampshire-voters.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=a-lede-package-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/09/opinion/i-miss-barack-obama.html?action=click&contentCollection=Politics&module=MostPopularFB&version=Full&region=Marginalia&src=me&pgtype=article

https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-partisan/wp/2016/02/09/trumps-insult-against-cruz-isnt-as-vulgar-as-trump-himself/?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-d%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on February 10, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

8 responses to “#2016InOneWord: MORTIFIED!

  1. Elyse

    February 11, 2016 at 8:37 am

    I could add a bunch of hashtags, if only I were on Twitter. #disgusted; #indenial; #arewethereyet. Oh lord.

    I agree with you on a lot of this. We have two choices and neither of them is at all inspiring. Here’s another: #sucks.

     
  2. Ann Gaudreaux

    February 11, 2016 at 9:58 am

    The Big Dog is a mess. He should handle her campaign for the sidelines but he is a camera-hog, as we know. A

     
  3. momshieb

    February 13, 2016 at 10:15 am

    Hey, I was up in New Hampshire knocking on doors for Bernie the weekend before the primary. Sorry I missed the Dalai, because I would so love to meet her!!!
    I am personally caught between equal parts horror and interest in this election. Kind of like watching a train wreck…..
    Great post, as always!

     
    • etomczyk

      February 18, 2016 at 8:45 pm

      Moms, I should have interviewed you for this post–that would have been fun. You must have some incredible insights.

       
      • momshieb

        February 19, 2016 at 8:19 am

        Actually, it was kind of uneventful. Those NH folks were all polite and resigned. Some pretty humorous conversations about candidates other than Bernie (we were talking to identified Democrats, luckily). I did meet one fabulous woman, whom I wrote about (The Wintry Sun: https://momshieb.wordpress.com/2016/02/06/the-wintry-sun/). Interview me before Super Tuesday!

         
  4. Cecilia Mary Gunther

    February 14, 2016 at 10:51 am

    Hullo! I am a New Zealander living on a farm with no television no news and as i am not allowed to vote anyway I take little interest in the election shinanigans. But You have made me Laugh out loud. You see it as it is a COMEDY and Entertainment for the masses. I am not going to go following the presidential thing but i might follow you! I Love this angle. Love your writing. Thank you. I am Cecilia, nice to meet you.. c

     
    • etomczyk

      February 18, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Hi Cecilia! Thanks for dropping by. I can’t imagine how we Americans must look in the eyes of people from other countries. Sometimes it makes me very sad. It was very nice to meet you and I hope you stop by again. Cheers!

       
  5. Cecilia Mary Gunther

    February 14, 2016 at 10:52 am

    oops meant to say I live on a farm in the MidWest of the USA! c

     

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