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GREEN EYES ARE WASTED ON CATS

02 Sep

Do you know what I discovered during the past couple of weeks?  The pure unmitigated joy of seeing life through the eyes of a six-year-old as he helped turn our new house into a home.  He blew into town with my grown children, my sister, and his dog-cousin, Wednesday Addams Tomczyk.  He and I had many discussions about his favorite things—swimming, dancing, and loving movies.  About the Alice in Wonderland movie he said:  “Me-ma, why does the Cheshire cat have green eyes?  Aren’t brown eyes good enough?  Seems like green eyes are wasted on a cat.”  About the Descendants’ movie’s incessant song (“I’m Rotten to the Core”) sung at least 900 times by the daughter of Maleficent he said:  “Me-ma, what does ‘rotten’ mean?  I love that song.  I want to be rotten to the core.” About the killing of all the first born children and the drowning of the chariot horses in the horrible Exodus movie remake with Christian Bale he said:   “Me-ma, I don’t like God—not one bit.  Why can’t he just deal with the Egyptians and Moses and leave the children and the animals out of it!  I hate this movie!”

Me-ma’s replies to her darling cherub in no particular order:  “You’re right, God went crazy that day if that Biblical story is to be taken literally, and He should have left the children out of it.  Rotten means ‘spoiled,’ ‘wretchedly bad,’ ‘foul smelling,’ and you don’t want to have anything to do with it.  Green eyes are simply wasted on cats is so spot on—there is no rhyme or reason for it except to mess with the minds of humans. (Have you ever tried to stare down the gaze of a green-eyed cat?  It can’t be done.)  Now let’s take a nap because you’ve managed to wear Me-ma out with all your questions and doing the ‘Ne-Ne’ 500 times while singing “I’m Rotten to the Core” (for the uninitiated, the Ne-Ne is a popular dance that is almost as bad as that South Korean dance that annoyed us so incessantly a couple years ago—shoot me now!).

IMG_0289 (4)

The author (Me-ma) and her grandson copping some zzzzzzz’s during the 80th viewing of the movie, “The Descendants”

***

I hadn’t been online or watched any TV news for most of my grandson’s stay (who wants to read bad news when joy-personified is abiding in your house), but after our refreshing nap when Little Dude went off to the pool with his Grandpa (WW), I thought I’d catch up on what I’d missed in the world.  I never got past the United States.  Between The Donald, Josh Duggar’s hypocrisy (again), the Ashley Madison leaks, the gun violence, the racism, the cold-blooded murder of a couple of police officers, and the cold-hearted immigration discussions, I decided that more than green eyes on cats were a waste. Brains, democracy, Christianity, and living in the greatest country in the world seems to be a waste for a significant number of my fellow Americans—especially those who boast about being Born-Again Christians and who want to self-righteously curtail the equal rights of people who don’t believe what they believe.

Everybody was in a vacation mood and didn’t want to hear any bad news, and Exodus had already traumatized my grandson, so the only one I could talk to about my country’s troubles was the dog-cousin, Wednesday, and frankly, she was pretty appalled and just shook her head in disbelief.

FullSizeRender (2)

Dog-cousin, Wednesday Addams Tomczyk

ASHLEY MADISON RUINED LIVES

ME:        Hey Dog, did you hear about the Ashley Madison hack?  It’s a site where you can sign on and have an affair without your spouse knowing—that is until recently.  Who knew? Up until a month ago, if someone had asked me what “Ashley Madison” was, I would have said it is a really mediocre cupcake company.  Some Good Samaritan exposed all the members’ names for the entire world to see, and to say the shit has hit the fan is an understatement.

DOG:     Woof?

ME:        Anyone we know, did you ask?  Don’t know.  Didn’t check.  But apparently, that creepy Josh Duggar character (the oldest son of the equally creepy “19 Kids and Counting” reality show) had a couple of accounts on it.   So not only did he molest his sisters and his sisters’ friends years ago and then he and his parents hid it while they self-righteously preached at all of us about how to rear a perfect family, but Josh allegedly committed adultery on the Madison site thinking that no one would ever discover it.  Oh, well!

DOG:     Woooooof-woooof-wooof!

ME:        Yep, “be sure your sins will find you out,” and “whatever is hidden will be shouted from the rooftops,” is sooooo true, Dog!  But you know what really burns my cookies?  There are a sub-set of “Christians” who are blaming Josh Duggar’s moral failings on his wife, Anna.  That poor girl.  They’re saying she didn’t “satisfy” him enough or pray for him on a daily basis?  Ugh!  Don’t these people ever get tired of “schtupping” each other?   I swear to God, some of the people in Christianity drive me crazy—especially these “Quiverfull” nincompoops!

DOG:     Woof???

ME:        Oh, I forgot you’re old and you’ve had the “snip,” so you have no idea what “she didn’t satisfy him enough” means.  Never mind.  Just know that this Duggar family is pretty fucked up.  Josh Duggar has “repented” for being a hypocrite and gone into hiding, but he hasn’t repented for all the horrid things he did and said to make our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters’ lives a living hell by pushing legislation to keep them from having equal rights under the law.  Maybe he’ll blame his downfall on the Devil, if his wife is not fool enough to take the blame.  Personally, I think it is karma!  Marriage is wasted on this douche-bag.

Duggar and Trump Meme FB

Josh Duggar assigns blame for his moral failings

TELEVANGELISTS AND TRUMP—A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

ME:        Well, well, well, Dog, will you listen to this.  The Donald is at the top of the polls and the main reason he is outrunning all the other Republican candidates is because Christians are coming out in droves for him.  WTF?

DOG:     Woof!?!

ME:        I know!  Can you believe it?  Apparently, most of the 28% polling that The Donald has over all the other Republican candidates is due mostly to Evangelical Christians.  Liberty University hosted him in 2012 and just ate him up.  They waited in line for hours to get his autograph.  Prosperity Doctrine Televangelists (“send me your hard-earned money poor people to help me buy private planes to fly around the world to preach the gospel because my ass is way too special to ride on a commercial plane”) are hosting a huge event at the end of September for The Donald at Trump Towers.  It is being sponsored by the thrice-married Mississippi Queen of the Prosperity preachers, Paula White.  You know, the one that was caught on camera holding hands with Benny Hinn (another prosperity-doctrine scoundrel) while leaving a hotel in Paris (they swear they never “knew” each other in the biblical sense—auuugh!).  Apparently, she’s some type of life-coach these days and has given Trump a tip or two.

Anyhoooo, these preachers really have their heads and their Bibles stuck up Trump’s ass.  They claim that they have prayed with him and he’s a truly “humble” guy—just the type of man God wants to use to lead our country.  But here’s the rub:  the same percentage of Christians who are backing Trump because they believe he’s a Christian and sent from God are the same ones who think President Obama is a Muslim (not true, but so what if he was), is definitely not a Christian (he professes to be so, and who are they to judge), is not an American citizen (proven to have been born in Hawaii a thousand times—get over it!), and most assuredly sent by the Devil himself.  On the other hand, Trump admits he doesn’t ask forgiveness from God (doesn’t see the need)—just eats his little cracker and drinks his little cup of wine at an occasional communion (his words).  He says his favorite book is the Bible but won’t say which is his favorite book within the Bible [just grab any name next time, Donald—Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John will be a safe bet], and says all married people should get pre-nuptial agreements . . . just in case.  Oh, and he says he collects Bibles for the hell of it while he builds casinos to addict the average American to gambling.  Geez, what a holy, stand-up guy!).  The calling of being a preacher is wasted on these flim-flam jokers.

DOG:     Bow-wow!

Trump Kisses Babies Gary McCoy Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission:  Gary McCoy, Cagle Cartoons

35,000 AMERICANS EXPECTED TO BE KILLED BY GUNS IN 2015

DOG:     Howwwwwwl . . . howwwwwwl . . . howwwwl . . .

ME:        Dog, what’s going on?  Why are you crying like that?  Why are you rolling on the ground in pain?  You’re acting like someone stabbed you in the heart.  Tell Me-ma what’s wrong, Honey?  What are you pointing at on the computer?

DOG:     bark . . .

ME:        Ohhhh . . . the execution of the policeman—the father of two young children. Yep, I see that. (Do you know that the asshole, Ted Cruz, blamed that precious policeman’s murder on our President?  I’m trying so hard not to hate that born-again jerk!)  Of course there is the pathetic story of a dude taking a selfie with his gun and accidentally shooting himself and dying.  Good grief!  And here’s the story of the boy shooting his mother, step-father, and grandmother in cold-blood in front of his six siblings.  (Jesus, have mercy on us!)  Did you catch the one about the reporter and her cameraman being gunned down while doing a story on a lake or something by a disgruntled ex-employee?  Sigh!  I don’t know what to tell you to help you understand, Dog.  Animals don’t do this to each other.   Americans refuse to take responsibility for our actions—to go the distance to correct this in our society.  We don’t have a gun problem, Dog, we have a violence problem.  We’re addicted to it!

I have become convinced that the only thing that is going to truly set us free is a changing of the 2nd Amendment.  It’s outdated and no longer relevant.  But it is still used as an excuse.  The 2nd Amendment says, “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”  This was penned right after Britain tried to kick our asses and keep us under their thumb during the Revolutionary War.  We no longer need a “well-regulated militia”—that’s called the armed forces and the National Guard.  There are no tyrants at the gate except in the NRA’s mind.  The 2nd Amendment needs to be eradicated, Dog.  But some Americans prefer their right to bear arms over their family, neighbors, and countrymen’s right to “live” a full-term life.  Do you know the quote that brought me to my knees in pain, Dog—when I knew nothing was ever going to change regarding guns in our country?  After all those beautiful babies and teacher were slaughtered in Sandy Hook a young man shot three people and wounded eight in California, and “Joe the Plumber” (remember that bastion of conservative ideology who got thrust on our national conscience by McCain and Palin?) posted an open letter to the victims’ families: “Your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights.”

ME AND DOG:   [looking at each other in horror] Sob . . . howl . . . boo-hoo . . . howwwwwl . . . sob, sob, sob . . . Life is wasted on these Neanderthals, Dog!

Gun Control Toles

Cartoon by Toles from The Washington Post

***

ELEANOR’S “MOT JUSTE” (“AHA” MOMENT) FROM THE NEWS

I am discovering that if Right-Wing Christians, in particular, don’t wake up and shake the stupidity out of their brains and stop cozying up to rottenness, then Christianity is going to be wasted on them and the world they so passionately want to convert, because nobody in their right mind is going to want to be associated with our religion.  I can say this because I am a Christian!  I love my religion (the way Christ taught it and lived it), but the people who are supporting the feckless Donald Trump for President, blaming Anna Duggar for her husband’s horny moral failures, and refusing to bend on the 2nd Amendment need to have their heads examined.  In the meantime, I guess things could be worse:  Kanye West could be running for president and Kim Kardashian could be our FLOTUS in 2020!  Let me go on record by saying, if Trump becomes President, then the office is fair game for any idiot.  Be afraid, be very afraid!

Kanye for President 2020

Kanye West announced his presidential candidacy for 2020 at the VMA Awards (after admitting that he had smoked a little “somethin’-somethin’” to take the “edge off” of the night)

***

SCARY QUOTES ABOUT PEOPLE WHO CHRISTIANITY AND DEMOCRACY ARE WASTED ON

REGARDING WHITE SUPREMICISTS:  “White nationalist media figures are backing Donald Trump’s presidential campaign and celebrating his stance on immigration. They have hailed Trump as ‘doing the Lord’s work,’ someone who ‘represents our interests,’ ‘the best of the lot,’ and the ‘last hope for a president who would be good for white people.’”—Media Matters

REGARDING TELEVANGELISTS SUPPORTING TRUMP: “Let me get this straight. If I want the admiration and blessings of the most flamboyant, judgmental Christians in America, I should marry three times, do a queasy-making amount of sexual boasting, verbally degrade women, talk trash about pretty much everyone else while I’m at it, encourage gamblers to hemorrhage their savings in casinos bearing my name and crow incessantly about how much money I’ve amassed?  Seems to work for Donald Trump.”—Frank Bruni/NY Times/2015/08/26

REGARDING TRUMP’S PERSONALITY:  “. . . a near perfect authoritarian leader . . . these people are usually intimidating and bullying, faintly hedonistic, vengeful, pitiless, exploitive, manipulative, dishonest, cheat to win, highly prejudiced, mean-spirited, militant, nationalistic, tell others what they want to hear, take advantage of ‘suckers,’ specialize in creating false images to sell self, may or may not be religious, are usually politically and economically conservative and Republican.”John Dean, former White House Counsel to Richard Nixon (resigned during Watergate scandal and now sounds the alarm about the dangers of authoritarian leaders)

***

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out www.eleanortomczyk.com

WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS (“Monsters’ Throwdown” and “Fleeing Oz”)?  ON SALE NOW AT AMAZON!

***

REFERENCES

http://www.salon.com/2015/08/28/evangelicals_love_donald_trump_how_a_thrice_married_new_york_braggart_won_them_over_and_why_its_so_scary/

http://www.religionnews.com/2015/06/16/5-faith-facts-donald-trump-presbyterian-collects-bibles/

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/08/30/televangelists-and-trump-a-match-made-in-heaven.html

http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/31/politics/kanye-west-2020-running-for-president-vma/index.html

http://money.cnn.com/2015/08/21/technology/ashley-madison-ruined-lives/index.html?iid=ob_homepage_tech_pool&iid=obnetwork

 

 

 
5 Comments

Posted by on September 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

5 responses to “GREEN EYES ARE WASTED ON CATS

  1. 1jaded1

    September 3, 2015 at 12:05 am

    I was laughing my butt of at parts of this and crying at other parts. Ted Cruz is a moron. We had a police office shot dead in Fox Lake IL, for cryng out loud. He left behind four kids. Fox Lake is a dinky little town and my mom called me to ask if I knew where it was…I do.I loved your convo with Dog.

     
  2. valentinelogar

    September 3, 2015 at 7:07 am

    Nailed it as usual. That picture of you two, it made my heart sing a little tiny bit, so sweet and peaceful.

     
  3. Ann Gaudreaux

    September 3, 2015 at 9:19 am

    Thanks, Eleanor, for an excellent column. XO Ann

    Sent from my iPad

    >

     
  4. Elyse

    September 3, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    Yup. You hit all the low points…

     
  5. Lorna's Voice

    September 3, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    I miss the deep and revealing talks I used to have with my dog. Maybe that’s why I feel so “off” these days. It couldn’t have anything to do with The Trumpinator and the ugly American underbelly he has exposed, or any of the rest of the loaded crap basket of trouble we have going on in this country, could it? I may have to go adopt a dog and begin some “woof therapy.” 😉

     

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