13 Jul

Do you know what I discovered today? I’ve been gone for a month—selling our old home of 18 years near DC and moving to our new home in a different town further south. We almost didn’t survive the “selling” part because the “Mr.” of our buyers was a real dumbass and tried to screw us every which way but Sunday. We summarily won the day, but not without a great deal of desk pounding, lawsuit threatening, panic eating, intercessory praying, and sleepless nights. The Mr. Buyer was such a horrible person that I suspended being a Christian momentarily, and I prayed for a pox on his house (my old home) and on his children’s houses. I also prayed that Mr. Buyer’s balls would shrivel to the size of raisins and would pop off into the toilet the next time he took an agonized enlarged prostate piss, which if he didn’t already have prostate problems, I prayed God would zap him with them. (All right, all right . . . I have repented because most of us know “God don’t like ugly,” and becoming a dumbass in reaction to a dumbass does not make up a world that any of us want to live in . . . but it sure felt good . . . momentarily.)

[Case in point of one of “Mr. Buyer’s” egregious dumbass extortion attempts as told to us one minute before we were to sign the papers for closing: “When we did the walk through of your house Mr. and Mrs. Tomczyk, a couple of the kitchen cabinet doors squeaked.  We want you to put $5,000 in escrow in case we find anything else we don’t like or we will hold up the closing so that you miss the deadline for buying your dream house.” The closing took nine hours, but we were victorious. We gave them “bupkis” (Yiddish for “shivering shit balls”) and a can of WD40.]   AARRGH!!

Horrible Person Meme

For a month I had little to no access to TV or the Internet.  I felt as if I had dropped off the planet and my entire world consisted of selling and buying homes. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. (I was momentarily jerked out of my real estate torment by the cacophonous shots heard round the world from South Carolina, and I stopped trying to cast curses on the balls of my dumbass buyer, and I prayed for Charleston—I prayed for us all.)   So last night I finally got caught up on the news I had missed while I was gone. And guess what? I discovered that I hadn’t missed much—dumbasses were still trying to take over the world.

There were the dumbasses who set up robo-calls to keep the Confederate Flag in place in Charleston because, as CNN put it, the authors of the call urged people to “not stand with leftist fanatics who want to destroy the South we love.” Or here’s my favorite from the robo-call cited by CNN: “What’s next? This attack on our values is sick and un-American, and it has to stop right here and right now in South Carolina.”*

Dear Robo-call Dumbasses: The Confederate flag was resurrected in South Carolina in the 60s as a direct “fuck you” to the desegregation laws and to the Federal Government that was trying to enforce those laws. Let us not pretend otherwise. Even in its original form it stood for secession, rebellion, and slavery of my ancestors ad infinitum. I am grateful that your governor led the charge to have the flag removed from government grounds to a museum. It is a relic of a hateful past that was used to divide a nation, enslave a people, and crush the hearts and souls of Charleston’s citizens. It is time . . . let it go!

July 5, 2015

July 5, 2015

Used by permission: Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

Dumbass Wayne LaPierre has yet to comment on the shootings in Charleston, SC other than to say it is too soon to comment. But the EVP of the National Rifle Association never meet a gun massacre that he couldn’t excuse away with the call for guns, guns, and more guns. I wonder how many more death-by-guns it is going to take before we dumbass Americans stuff a sock in LaPierre’s mouth and pass strong gun control laws with or without his comments.

NRA Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

Of course, no one defines “dumbass” like Donald Trump who was all over the news while I was gone. (And I thought Sarah Palin rocked the dumbass crown, but Trump makes Palin look like a Rhodes Scholar.) His dumbness speaks for itself. If he becomes president, I will do what I swore I’d never do again, and that is sell my house and become an ex-pat—somewhere—anywhere but here in the country I love so much, despite all of her dumbasses.

Trump as Victim John Cole  The Scranton Times Tribune

Used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

Then there is Bill Cosby. Bill, Bill, Bill—dumbass Bill. You’ve got some chutzpah still declaring your innocence against the rape allegations of twenty-five plus women after the release last week of the 2005 deposition where you confess to purchasing and using Quaaludes to have sex with young women. Dumbass Bill Cosby, Dr. Huxtable—with his sweater-wearing innocuous self—that fantasy-world “America’s Favorite Dad” is dead and you killed him. Please go away and take your sweaters with you. P.S. Camille, I get the “stand by your man for better or for worse” thing but blaming the victims for your man’s lack of character puts you in the dumbass category, and you seem smarter than that, my sister. What if the victims were your daughters? Just sayin! ***

Bill Cosby Milt Priggee, www miltpriggee com

Used by permission: Milt Priggee,

But my favorite—absolute, jaw-dropping favorite—dumbasses of the week are 19 year-old Nick Silvestri of Seaford, Long Island and Arianna Grande of teen pop fame. First, clueless Nick went to see the Broadway play “Hand to God.” According to an article on, before the play started, he jumped up on stage and plugged his cell phone into an outlet that was part of the set (it was fake outlet, by the way!). The play had to stop during the preshow music and the crew had to unplug the stupid thing and chastise the audience for inappropriate behavior with a cell phone. When interviewed by Playbill as to his dumb-as-rocks move, Nicholas replied:

Girls were calling all day. What would you do? . . . I saw the outlet and ran for it. That was the only outlet I saw, so I thought, ‘Why not?’ I was thinking that they were probably going to plug something in there on the set, and I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal if my phone was up there too.”

OOOOOKAY! What to do, what to do? Should I give Nick the dumbass crown or should it go to . . .

Arianna Grande (age 22) of “Bang Bang” fame who was caught on video licking all the donuts on a tray that were for sale to the public in a bakery, and then is overheard saying how much she hates America (apparently apropos to nothing): “I hate Americans. I hate America! That’s disgusting.” (In Ariana’s defense, maybe it was a sugar-high reaction.) And the pièce de résistance? It was on July 4th! IMP. NOTE: Arianna did apologize recently, but it seemed pretty lame to me: “. . . The fact that the United States has one of the highest child obesity rates in the world frustrates me . . . We need to demand more from our food industry.” Huh???

Ariana Grande Meme



I am discovering that the world is predominantly made up of dumbasses (sad but true, or else why would there be so many atrocities the world over?). But every once in a while, I encounter people who stand against the dumbass syndrome—they make my day and give me hope to carry on. (The response of forgiveness to the murderer from the families of the massacred nine in South Carolina is a case in point.) Also, we have moved to a lovely community to retire in the state of Virginia. Our new home is our dream house (everything I’ve ever wanted in a home and then some), and within 24 hours, our immediate neighbors made it a point to drop by with warm smiles and open arms with “welcome to the neighborhood” gifts and offers of “if you need anything—anything at all—please don’t hesitate to ask us.” The previous owners of our new home greeted us with huge hugs and all sorts of great information along with their contact info in case we needed help in our transition. Our closing took thirty minutes and ten minutes of that was where to find the best restaurants.

For my first time readers, my husband and I are an interracial couple (married 36 years) moving to the South in a gated community. Compare our lovely reception into our new community this week to Mildred and Richard Loving’s reception when they got married in DC and moved just north of us in Virginia in 1958. On their first night together as husband and wife, “dumbasses” broke into their home in the middle of the night, pulled them out of bed, and took them to jail. The Lovings were convicted of breaking the anti-miscegenation laws of Virginia and were sentenced to one year in prison—later suspended for twenty-five years “on the condition that they leave the State of Virginia,” according to Wikipedia. Theirs would be the case that caused the Supreme Court to overthrow the anti-miscegenation laws in Virginia in 1967.

What a difference forty-eight years make, and what a difference it makes when people choose to be human beings rather than resident dumbasses. Where do I sign up?!

Dumbass Meme


“I have been primarily interested in how and why ordinary people do unusual things, things that seem alien to their natures. Why do good people sometimes act evil? Why do smart people sometimes do dumb or irrational things?”—Philip Zimbardo

Moral evil is the immorality and pain and suffering and tragedy that come because we choose to be selfish, arrogant, uncaring, hateful and abusive.”—Lee Strobel

“The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.”—Tim Allen









Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on July 13, 2015 in Uncategorized


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23 responses to “MY QUOTA OF DUMBASS

  1. silentlyheardonce

    July 13, 2015 at 2:34 pm

    I didn’t go anywhere. I just turned off the news because I am tired of the ugliness going on. But you caught me up nicely.

    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 4:35 pm

      Silentlyheardonce, I hear you. It is a delicate balance to be a blogger who is in touch with the current events and yet not be totally slimmed. I think to be a poet, as you are, there would be this constant struggle to “feel the pain” but not be inundated by it. BTW, I started listening to the poem that you hired the actor to do but didn’t get a chance to finish. I’ll return once I get clear of the boxes.

  2. imagesbytdashfield

    July 13, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    You missed mentioning the twit who killed himself by firing fireworks off the top of his head. Yeah…the dumbass parade is rolling and that is why I have to pull back on my watching and reading of news. On a side note – we’re getting a house built. Please send me all the rum you have, thank you. Can I come to your new house for my birthday? 🙂

    • etomczyk

      July 13, 2015 at 4:43 pm

      Teri, I can’t believe you decided to build! You are a better woman than I am. We considered that option for 60 seconds and than we both said, “No way!” Are you going to a warmer climate? And yes, if you are ever in our area, I would love to have you join us for some fine food and wine. Cheers!

      • imagesbytdashfield

        July 13, 2015 at 4:45 pm

        No…DH’s job is still here in wet Ohio so here we build. We couldn’t agree on a pre-owned home so we gave up and gave in to build! I want to run away from home soon so I’ll give you a heads up if I run in your direction 🙂

      • etomczyk

        July 13, 2015 at 5:28 pm

        Please do–the invitation is genuine!

    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      Teri. Someone else mentioned that dude. I did not hear about that story–I am appalled.

  3. momshieb

    July 13, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    Good to have you back, Eleanor! Congratulations on your new home, and on finding yourself surrounded by real humans! I share your constant amazement at just how dumbass the dumbasses are. Not sure that I will survive until the 2016 election at this rate!

    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Thanks Moms. I know. I’m trying to stay real low key regarding the 2016 election dumbasses. I still haven’t recouped from 2008 and 2012.

  4. valentinelogar

    July 13, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    I have so missed you, but I am glad everything is done! I hope the move went well and you are settling in.

    I finished your latest book over the weekend and left you a recommendation on Amazon. I loved loved loved it my friend. So well done.

    All your dumbasses? Yeah, they are all there, Teri caught the one I was going to mention, but forgot to add now his mother is raising cane and wanting new safety laws for fireworks.

    Gad, what a world.

    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      Val. Thanks for dropping by. We are slowly, slowly pulling everything together. So thrilled that you liked Fleeing Oz. I think that there are a lot of people who can relate, I just have to figure how to get my voice heard above the chaos so that my journey can inspire them, and hopefully give them the courage to confront and escape their own spiritual prisons.

      Thanks also for the wonderful review on Amazon. I truly appreciate it. Cheers!

      • valentinelogar

        July 15, 2015 at 7:17 pm

        I wish I knew the secret my friend, if I did I would tell you. I am glad to hear you are slowly pulling everything together. After more moves than I care to count, I know how hard it can be.

  5. Elyse

    July 13, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    Dumbasses are people to, right? Well, then they should act like it!

    Sorry about your nightmare closing — I would be using far more colorful language to describe them. In fact, I am wondering if this was the same dumbass who bought the condo we sold for my mother-in-law. It is a condo. In a building. This dumbass tried to get us to guarantee the safety, good repair and noise-free operation of the ELEVATOR. Yeah right. I got a bridge, buddy. I got a bridge.

    Glad it’s over and you’re happy in the new area. Where you — TALK — to your neighbors! Wow. What a concept!

    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm

      Hi Elyse. Yep, we have heard all sorts of horror stories since our closing. (Glad we didn’t know about them before we went to closing or I would have had a heart attack from anxiety.) Apparently, buyers are getting horrible! I heard of a closing that took two weeks and a couple stories of the deals tanking at the closing table and the sellers having to start all over again. I can’t even imagine. Everybody wants something for nothing or as little as they can give.

      • Elyse

        July 15, 2015 at 11:09 pm

        It’s always best to hear the horrors afterwards!

  6. becomingcliche

    July 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    I’m so happy you’re safely tucked into your new home! Closings are terrifying. The first time I felt like a read adult (despite already being married, having a kid, etc) was when we signed on the dotted line. Having it last 9 hours would be unspeakably evil.

    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 4:55 pm

      BC: Thanks for stopping by. I just heard of a closing that lasted two weeks! Everybody has been sending us their horror stories and they are making me weak in the knees. I’m never selling another house. I’m leaving it to the kids. When WW and I die, they can figure out what to do with it. I never want to go through that anxiety again.

  7. Ann Gaudreaux

    July 13, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    She’s baaaaaaaack! Hope you are settling in well. XO Ann

    Sent from my iPad


    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      Hi Ann. Settling in just fine. Throwing money out the window for this, that, and everything as if we were printing money in the basement. Hopefully, it will be over soon. The books are the last to get unpacked, but the pictures are up. Once pictures are on the wall, I can start to relax. Hope you’re enjoying your trip. See you soon.

  8. calvin

    July 13, 2015 at 9:35 pm

    I don’t drink, um, all that much. But after reading this I might have to increase my intake, compared to yours perhaps my life isn’t so bad after all. Gosh golly, I hopefully my epitaph will read, ‘he made it to the end without being a dumb ass’. But you got me worried now.

    As for Mr. Buyer. I know a bucket load of Hungarian words to call him, none which translate to ‘Dumbass’ (no, am not Hungarian just have friends who are). Buying and selling is nerve racking enough, sorry you had to deal with such a ‘fafej’.

    Glad your back, ‘E’.

    • etomczyk

      July 15, 2015 at 5:02 pm

      Hi Calvin. Glad to be back. I like the taste of that word “fafej!” It was all I could do not to become a “dumbass” in reaction to my buyer dumbasses. They would have tried the patience of Jesus. As soon as I can unpack all the boxes of books, I’ll be dropping by your place. Cheers.

  9. Lorna's Voice

    July 15, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    You just can’t make this stuff up. And you wouldn’t want to if you could! 😐


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