22 Jun

Do you know what I discovered when I turned 66 this month? Sixty-six is not the new forty-six.  Whoever told us that is lyin’ through their teeth.  I mean I don’t look my age because it is true, for the most part, “black don’t crack,” but my innards are falling apart.  The morning of my sixty-sixth birthday, I swear to God my boobs dropped two more inches in search of the floor, and my stomach distended four more inches making me think I might be pregnant again (generating murderous thoughts toward WW’s thingie until I remembered that I’d gotten the “snatch” 20 years ago, so a pregnancy is damn near impossible).  As to the rest of my lady bits, lately I’ve been using my iPhone to locate women’s rest rooms and planning my events around bathroom breaks with declarative statements like:  “My Potty App is showing a toilet within 10 feet—why don’t I pee while I’m still here and the going is good.”

Old Age Pinterest pin Carol Middendorf

Pinned by Carol Middendorf from Pinterest

As I was “kvetching” over the sorry state of my body, I was mourning the passing of the years and wondering if I had grown spiritually and intellectually, or was I simply deteriorating back into the dust from which I was formed.   While I was downing a pint of coffee strong enough to cause internal combustion, I noticed two news articles online that made me spew my hot coffee all over my computer screen and summarily scream:


Both news articles confirmed and reported on the second annual March for Marriage (organized by the conservative National Organization for Marriage) in front of the Capitol.  Fortunately, it was a bust with a showing of only 1,500 people (they expected tens of thousands) and one low-level elected official as one of the speakers. This “Christian” hate-filled march was such a yawn that I had no idea they were in town until I read that one of the speakers (Rev. Mike Huckabee) said something which made my head explode and prompted me to place an immediate phone call to Martin and Coretta King at “H-E-A-V-E-N-S-G-A-T-E.”

GLENDA: Heelloooo!  You’ve reached Glenda Angelina, assistant to the good Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his wife, the lovely Coretta King.  How may I help you?

ME:  Good Morning, Glenda.  I’m ET the Blogger and author of Monsters’ Throwdown, and I’d like to speak to Rev. King about an urgent matter.

GLENDA:  I know who you are.  I just ordered your book from Amazon Cloud”—it got great reviews in the Celestial Times.  Congrats.  Monsters’ Throwdown has become one of our favorite reads around here—poor black child makes good due to the courage and sacrifices of activists in the Civil Rights Movement really hits home.

ME:  Thanks . . . that’s so sweet.  I will always be indebted to Rev. King and all the others who laid down their lives for me.  Which is why I’m calling.  There has been an attempt to coopt Rev. King’s words and legacy in the name of an anti-gay movement.  Let me read you the titles of the two articles I read today that Dr. King should know about:

The Raw Story’s Mike Huckabee: Martin Luther King Jr. would agree that gay marriage is like the Holocaust” by David Edwards and Salon’s “Mike Huckabee on Martin Luther King Jr.: ‘I wish he were here today’ to join me in discriminating against LGBTQ people” by Katie McDonough.

Persecution of Gays Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission:  “Who Would Jesus Hate?” || Pat Bagley Salt Lake-Tribune

GLENDA:  Oh God, not again (remember when Glenn Beck tried to do this?).  Not only will Rev. King be appalled at how this “Rev.” Huckabee is abusing his reputation and words, but I think King Jesus will be none too pleased at how his words of love and not judging others have been twisted into actions of hate and harassment.  Haven’t the followers of Jesus discovered that in the end “love wins?”

ME:  Well, it’s not all Christians.  This Huckabee guy just has a misunderstanding of the Bible and a big mouth.  He also wants to be elected president in 2016, so he’s pandering to the African-American and Hispanic churches because he knows these denominations are still clinging to some pretty harsh anti-gay rhetoric and lack of inclusion within their churches.  Yet, I don’t know a black church that doesn’t have a ton of gay members who are hiding out in their churches’ closets (starting with the choir directors and moving on down to the deacon and mission boards), just waiting for their place of worship to be a safe haven to come out.   I’m a black Christian, and even though I was against gay marriage many years ago—like President Obama, I evolved.  During the time I was conflicted, I made a list one day of all the pathetic “Christian (heterosexual) marriages” I intimately knew about—husbands cheating on their wives, husbands feeling up other men’s wives, husbands abusing their wives and children, churches instilling fear that gay rights would ruin Christian marriages and children while covering up massive pedophilia cases within their schools and Sunday Schools  (all of them virulently anti-gay)—and I compared these vile stories to the lovely gay and lesbian families I knew (solid faithful marriages, better parents than I’d ever been, and more service-oriented toward the homeless and the disenfranchised than any Christian I had ever known).  Not to mention that their gay marriages had not hurt my marriage of 35 years one iota.  At that point I decided I was “mashugana,” and I repented regarding my ignorant stance on gay rights.

GLENDA:  Mike Huckabee needs to do his homework because he is dead wrong.  Rev. King would have been marching with the LGBTQ community in support of Gay rights because he, too, was always evolving.   Anyway, his wife knows where Martin stood on these issues because she spoke to this point on many occasions—not the least of when she spoke at an event in 1998.  If I remember correctly, Coretta Scott King said:

“I still hear people say that I should not be talking about the rights of lesbian and gay people and I should stick to the issue of racial justice.  But I hasten to remind them that Martin Luther King Jr. said, ‘Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.’ I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream to make room at the table of brother-and sisterhood for lesbian and gay people.”

Gay Marriage Horsey Los Angeles Times

Cartoonist David Horsey, Los Angeles Times

ME:  I know, I know . . . I am sure that Rev. King would have lead a march against the NOM organizers and made his position known loud and clear that he despised their stand on gay rights.  Can you deliver my message to him that his legacy and words are being coopted by the likes of that hater Huckabee and have Rev. King do something about this before it is too late?

GLENDA:  I’m afraid neither Rev. King nor Mrs. King can be interrupted right now.  Rev. King is watching the World Cup with Jesus, Gandhi, Golda Meir, Anwar Sadat, Menachem Begin, Harvey Milk, Marilyn Monroe, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant , and a slew of Palestinian martyrs (don’t ask).  Mrs. King is having lunch with Eleanor Roosevelt, St. Teresa of Avila, Joan of Arc, Anne Frank, and Rosa Parks.  But I know what Rev. King would say to you.  He would tell you that his fight is done.  He has passed the baton of civil rights for all to you and others like you.  You must fight the good fight and never give up—build on the legacy he left you.  Can you do that?

Gay Rights John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Used by permission:  Gay Rights John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune


I am discovering that I may be an old fart but I am evolving into a better human being.  As I’ve grown older, I may not be able to hold my urine for more than a couple hours, but I’ve learned not to judge others and how to love those who are different than I am.   There was a time when it would have been against the law for my white husband and me to be married, and there would have been no where we could have lived together without fear of harassment and scorn. Today we live in neighborhoods where our neighbors adore us because of who we are and what we contribute to the common good.  I will not stop speaking out in support of gay rights until my gay brothers and sisters enjoy the same.

Anti Gay Agenda Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Used by permission:  Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

We are each made for goodness, love, and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as the world is when we live with these truths.”—Desmond Tutu

“Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.”—Ellen DeGeneres

 “Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. . . .This sets the stage for further repression and violence that spread all too easily to victimize the next minority group.”—Coretta Scott King, Source: Chicago Sun Times, April 1, 1998, p.18.



Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



Posted by on June 22, 2014 in Uncategorized


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13 responses to “WTF HUCK!

  1. Valentine Logar

    June 22, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Goodness Eleanor, how I do love seeing your name pop up. You nailed it this time. Huckabee truly does need a boot somewhere to kick him up to Heaven for a good sit down with Jesus talkin’ to. I think down here where I come from we call it a ‘Come to Jesus’. Of course, down here where I come from we would also look him dead in the eye and say, “Why Bless Your Heart Mike, what are you up to now and why.”

    You do know what that means, right?

    • etomczyk

      June 27, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      Hi Val, yes I do and so will Huck since he’s from Alabama. Isn’t it amazing how these jerks didn’t have the time of day for MLK when he was alive but feel free to coopt his words when they want to get the black vote. Sheesh!

  2. momshieb

    June 22, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    Sorry about your boobs and your bladder (I’m in the same boat, so I get to laugh!) but I love your position and your passion on this issue.
    One of the most interesting and powerful observations that I have about teaching is the fact that ten years ago the word “gay” was one of the biggest ways that kids teased each other. Now when someone brings up “gay marriage”, the kids ask me “You mean in some places you can’t have two moms?” They literally don’t understand the idea of racial hatred either. The fact that, at least in some small, middle class, Northeastern suburbs, both kinds of prejudice seem foolish to the kids is incredibly hopeful.
    Keep up the good fight, and happy birthday!

    • etomczyk

      June 27, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Hi Momshieb: Out of the mouths of babes. . .they will turn the tide for us as we did against the Jim Crow era. The thing that scares me is that the majority of the people who wallow in bigotry are the ones who have the propensity to lust after guns. Thanks for the B-day wishes. Have a great weekend.

  3. Elyse

    June 22, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    As Val said, you did nail it. Fuck Huck is what I always say. In the nicest possible way of course.

  4. Let's CUT the Crap!

    June 22, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    What gives anyone the right to point fingers? Why is being unlike you, wrong?

  5. Hudson Howl

    June 27, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    ‘E’, I’d thought at 66, you and WW would strap on some helmets, jump a Harley, you hanging on to your ‘Man’ and off you’d roar down Main Street of America (Route 66) for a month or two.

    A gay friend of mine just recently married. His mother, age 90 something lives in a retirement home where I visit someone else I know. The weekend her son was married, she was as happy and joyous as any mother would be. Talking and sharing the experience with everyone and anyone who came along. For many years she was cool to her son and probably her response would be negative earlier in her life.

    Are the times changing? I believe so, they certainly have in this country. I think the time has come where it is important to realize there are some minds that will never change, so it is best just to move forward and leave those who cannot nor will not be accepting to those whom are different from themselves. Just walk away as parent would to a child having a hissy fit. And like any child having a tantrum they will change their behavior, if not they will be left behind.

    • etomczyk

      July 5, 2014 at 2:52 pm

      Hudson: So well said–love the story of the delightful woman in the nursing home who was celebrating her son’s marriage. As to living well and moving on, that is what had to happen with the civil rights movement. There are people who never accepted me sitting beside them in restaurants, schools, shopping in stores, theaters, etc., but once the laws were passed, I went anyway and they just had to get over it. They have been left behind. Many blessings to you my friend who has always seemed to travel forward at the right time and with those who needed you. ET

  6. Daddy Bear

    July 3, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Trust me — old age ain’t no better for old white men, either…Good luck, and keep on writing!

    • etomczyk

      July 5, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Thanks Daddy Bear. Really appreciate you leaving a comment.

  7. imagesbytdashfield

    July 3, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    It’s a right pain in the ass (and arms, shoulders, knees, etc.) to hit certain numbers on the odometer of life. But it’s better than not having the numbers roll over. And the times are not only changing but they are pretty jacked up!

    • etomczyk

      July 5, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      Hey TD. Thanks for stopping by. I don’t believe you can be sympathetic to me because you don’t look a day over 35. Me thinks you are “pretending” to be one of us. 🙂 You take the prize and wear the crown for “black don’t crack–ever!”

      • imagesbytdashfield

        July 5, 2014 at 6:15 pm

        Go me! Go me! Go me! 🙂 But I’m still feeling some kind of way about my impending birthday this month.


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