(AUTHOR IS CURRENTLY RUNNING AROUND HER OFFICE WITH A COPY OF HER BOOK IN HAND AND SPINNING LIKE A WHIRLING DERVISH WHILE HUSBAND—WW—IS TRYING TO CATCH HER AND BRING CALMNESS TO THE SITUATION.)
ME: “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD . . . MY BOOK IS FINALLY PUBLISHED! OH, MY GOD!!!”
WW: “There is no need to lose one’s head and use triple exclamation points. There is never any need to use three exclamation points unless the sky opens up and God peeps through the fabric of the universe and announces to the entire Earth: Surprise—I’m real, I’m black, I’m a woman, and I’m coming back!!! Anyway, aren’t you going to tell people where they can buy your book and in what form?”
ME: “Oh, yeah. The paperback is available on Amazon and the Kindle Edition will be available at the end of December. OH, MY GOOOOOOOOOD!”
WW: “Well, at least tell the people what the book is about.”
ME: “I can’t—I can’t breathe! I’ll show them the back cover. That’s the best I can do right now—OH MY GOD!”
Back Cover of Monsters’ Throwdown |Available at Amazon.com
WW: “Okay. But I’m your manager and I need to put together a press kit that says more than ‘Oh, my God!!!’, so you need to answer some questions. Who will like your book? (And don’t tell me “everybody”—get specific.) Why should anybody buy your book? (And don’t tell me “because it is good, it’s really good”—I need details, details, details.) For instance: does it make a good book club read? Tell me why I should buy your book.”
ME: “Can’t breathe . . . hyperventilating . . . . Yes, it is a perfect book club read. It will generate tons of discussion. I’m told it reads like a real-life Hunger Games, if you imagine Katniss Everdeen to be a chubby-ass-poor-black-child born in the ghetto, kicking ass, taking no prisoners, and marrying the love of her life. That’s it: it is the true story of the mash-up of The Hunger Games and Cinderella.”
WW: “Oh, good grief! You’re not being any help in your excitable state. How is this for a quick, down and dirty press release?
MONSTERS’ THROWDOWN: A Human Odyssey by Eleanor Tomczyk
BUY IT BECAUSE IT IS RIVETING
BUY IT BECAUSE IT IS A GREAT READ
BUY IT BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY
BUY IT BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH
BUY IT BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN
BUY IT BECAUSE IT IS WORTH THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS
A PRE-PUBLICATION REVIEWER: “I love this book! It’s warm, witty, honest, and positive. The author’s voice is authentic, engaging, and unstoppable. The pluck and stick-to-itiveness of a girl with so many things stacked against her is guaranteed to be inspiration for every reader lucky enough to pick up this book.”
P.S. If you LIKE Monsters’ Throwdown, please tell your friends and relatives; if you LOVE Monsters’ Throwdown, please leave a review on Amazon.com. Thanks so much!
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