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Shitzen Giggles

31 Oct

Do you know what I’ve discovered?   I’m seriously thinking about moving to Denmark.  WW (my husband) and I are thinking about a place to spend our final days and this may be it.  I’ve had the trots all week from the IBS brought on by the anxiety caused by congressmen who don’t want to do the right thing and are having a field day over the erratic start of the Affordable Care Act, rather than wanting to lend a helping hand for their fellow man.  Yet, they, themselves, have no plan.

Healthcare working Christopher Weyant The Hill

Used by permission:  Christopher Weyant, The Hill

Apparently, my IBS would not be a problem in Denmark because not only would my stress be less, but I’d be full of giggles most of the time because according to the Huffingtonpost, healthcare is a civil right and the Danes feel a responsibility towards one another.   Can you believe that?

I plan on dropping this relocation bomb on my husband (WW) when he gets home, but until then I need to forget about my intestines’ call to shit and start giggling.  So in my search for giggles I discovered a giraffe riddle challenge on Facebook and decided to expand on it.

Have you heard about it?  There is a FB page that gives you a riddle.  If you answer it correctly, you’re fine—if you don’t, you have to change your profile picture to one of a giraffe for three days—any giraffe.

FB The Great Giraffe Challenge

THE RIDDLE GOES LIKE THIS:

It’s 3:00 am, the doorbell rings and you wake up. You have unexpected visitors. It’s your parents and they are there for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?

                ANSWER:  The door or your eyes (from Huffingtonpost/Alexis Kleinman)

Giraffe Miley look alike

 AUTHOR’S PIC FOR A GIRAFFE PROFILE JUST BECAUSE I CAN’T BELIEVE THE RESEMBLANCE

But that just made me chuckle—not giggle!  So I decided to do a string of riddles for my readers that don’t have anything to do with giraffes or Facebook profiles.  If you correctly answer my riddles, you can go on about your business BUT if any one answer is incorrect, then you are encouraged to pick the meme just below the riddle you missed and pass it on to a group of friends that you know could use a giggle.  Please note that the answer to each giggle follows the meme underneath the riddleGood luck, forget about our nasty-ass governmental officials for a while, and happy giggles to all!  (Special thanks to WW and brainden.com for the riddles.)

(RIDDLE #1)

WHAT IS GREATER THAN GOD,

MORE EVIL THAN THE DEVIL,

THE POOR HAVE IT,

THE RICH NEED IT,

AND IF YOU EAT IT YOU’LL DIE?

funniest animal fear no evil

ANSWER TO RIDDLE #1: “NOTHING

***

(RIDDLE #2)

 WHO MAKES IT, HAS NO NEED OF IT.

WHO BUYS IT, HAS NO USE FOR IT.

WHO USES IT CAN NEITHER SEE NOR FEEL IT

WHAT IS IT?

Funny Animal Kung Fu Fighting

ANSWER TO RIDDLE #2:  “A COFFIN

***

(RIDDLE #3)

A MAN IS DRIVING HIS SON TO SCHOOL.  THEY GET INTO AN ACCIDENT AND THE MAN DIES.  THE SON IS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL AND WHEN HE ARRIVES FOR EMERGENCY SURGERY THE DOCTOR SAYS, “I CAN’T OPERATE ON THIS BOY, HE’S MY SON!”  HOW CAN THIS BE?

Animal MereCat

ANSWER TO RIDDLE #3:  “THE DOCTOR IS THE BOY’S MOTHER.”

***

(RIDDLE #4)

A GIRL WHO WAS JUST LEARNING TO DRIVE WENT DOWN A ONE-WAY STREET IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, BUT DIDN’T BREAK THE LAW.  

 HOW COME?

animal memes alligator

ANSWER TO RIDDLE #4: “SHE WAS WALKING!”

***

 

(RIDDLE #5)

 WHAT CAN TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD WHILE STAYING IN A CORNER?

Animal Being Mocked

ANSWER TO RIDDLE #5: “A POSTAGE STAMP”

***

QUOTES ABOUT LAUGHTER

 “I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” ― Audrey Hepburn

“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.”― Robert Frost

“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”Mark Twain

“I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I’ll go to it laughing.” Herman Melville, Moby-Dick; or, The Whale

Shitsandgiggles end

REFERENCES

http://crooksandliars.com/jon-perr/how-democrats-saved-bushs-medicare-drug-program

http://www.huffinlgtonpost.com/2013/10/28/facebook-giraffe_n_4171246.htm?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

http://brainden.com/logic-riddles.htm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/22/denmark-happiest-country_n_4070761.html

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
18 Comments

Posted by on October 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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18 responses to “Shitzen Giggles

  1. Valentine Logar

    October 31, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    I knew three of them, I love the Doctor that one sent many a person to scratching their many parts.

    Personally? I am thinking Equador. Kathy of Reinventing the Event Horizon has just recently relocated there and everything she has posted makes this lovely a place look like heaven on earth.

     
    • etomczyk

      November 9, 2013 at 3:49 pm

      Val. I figured you’d get them. As to Ecuador, 60 Minutes cited that as the new retirement place for Baby-Boomers but I couldn’t be that far away from my children and grandson. Plus I’ve lived over seas and it does have its minuses: shifting attitudes towards Americans, earthquakes and storms, and terrorists. I’m too old for that. Thanks for stopping by. And triple thanks for spreading the word on my Halloween post. You’re a sweetheart!

       
      • Valentine Logar

        November 9, 2013 at 10:23 pm

        How could I not? It was so dang good!

         
  2. composerinthegarden

    October 31, 2013 at 8:23 pm

    Oh, I’m cracking up, Eleanor! I knew some (but not all) of these riddles; I felt like Bilbo Baggins playing for the ring of Sauron! And really, you have to follow up on and share WW’s reaction to the move to Denmark! It’s a beautiful country with long summer nights and very short cold winter days. Always a tradeoff somewhere 🙂 As usual, a brilliant post.

     
    • etomczyk

      November 10, 2013 at 1:10 pm

      Hi Lynn. No, we’re not moving–at least not out of the country. We’ve done that in our youth and we know that it takes a toll that is not easy to bear when one is older. Plus we could never live that far away from or grandson.

      So glad you liked this post. It was fun to write and a lot of people liked it. Cheers!

       
  3. Elyse

    October 31, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    I knew some of them, but not all, but I’ve forgotten the rules. But do keep your smartphone with you in the bathroom. You wouldn’t want to miss any comments ;). Trust me on this one!

     
    • etomczyk

      November 10, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      Elyse. I refuse to take the phone into the bathroom anymore. I had the experience of dropping one in the toilet on an IBS run when I was facilitating an off-site while I was waiting on a call for the president of our company to let me know where to meet me for his upcoming speech. I had to drive to a new location, buy a new phone, have it programmed, and get back to my post within 30 minutes before our CEO’s arrival. I almost had a heart attack! 🙂

       
  4. talesfromthemotherland

    October 31, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    I’ve been to Denmark several times, had a Danish exchange student for a year, and have several very close friends there… they truly are the happiest, most egalitarian people I know. And yes, they giggle a lot! 😉

     
    • etomczyk

      November 10, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      Dawn. I’d love to visit but really wouldn’t move there in reality. I need sun, sea, and above 80 degrees most of the year. And I really hate snow! But the concept worked for the blog post. 🙂

       
      • talesfromthemotherland

        November 10, 2013 at 8:30 pm

        You must go! It’s a beautiful country, with fantastic people! They could use a dose of Big Mama. 😉

         
  5. aFrankAngle

    October 31, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    That a way E-Tom because you had me a gigglin’ and I know you were doing the same when you were writing this … as opposed to letting something make your blood boil. 😉

     
    • etomczyk

      November 10, 2013 at 1:52 pm

      Thanks Frank. Glad you enjoyed them and I did manage to keep my blood boiling, especially since my vote helped keep Cucinelli out of office. I’ll have cooled blood for a long time, along with Elyse. 🙂

       
      • aFrankAngle

        November 10, 2013 at 7:09 pm

        I kept hearing the scoop about the battle between a candidate with a negative rating and the opponent with an even worse negative rating. Wow!

        By the way, if all goes as planned, I will have an interesting handbell piece for Tuesday (posted Monday around 9:30 pm). A must see!!!

         
  6. becomingcliche

    November 1, 2013 at 10:10 am

    I admit it. I giggled. The giraffe/Miley pic is terrifying.

     
  7. Hudson Howl

    November 3, 2013 at 9:39 am

    Thank you miss ‘E’ for this Sunday morning chuckle, REAL men don’t giggle. ( I did giggle and men do giggle but they/I do it in private so no one hears -sips coffee an giggles again, its infectious). Strangely enough, it is a good Minister or eulogist who can make a room full of mourners giggle -a giggle really should be our comfort food of choice.

    Sweden! But bathtubs are as scarce as hen teeth, be fore warned.

    Who knew lame governments can contribute to IBS…..perhaps this post should be a wiki contribution for IBS.

     
  8. eurobrat

    November 5, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    Denmark sounds like a fantastic place. I believe it’s the Danish Prince who works as a carpenter, because he just doesn’t feel like being a Prince. Love it. You could also consider Holland, another cool place where health care is a basic right…such a shocking idea 😉

    I was very confused by all the giraffe pictures I was seeing on my Facebook page all of a sudden. Thanks for posting the fun jokes.

     
  9. Shakti Ghosal

    November 6, 2013 at 6:51 am

    That was great stuff. The one that made my day was the one about, ” Though I walked through the valley of the shadow of death…” with that arrow pointing the way. Wow!

    Tell me, is your decision to migrate to Denmark based on logic or emotions?

    Shakti

     
  10. Lindy Lee

    November 10, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Riddles are fun, even if I am usually too ignorant to figure them out. As for Denmark, moving from Ohio’s climate to Denmark’s might be a freezing experience you’d rather not want on a permanent basis. On the other hand, if you like coffee, they drink it 24/7…

     

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