Everybody Talkin’ ‘Bout Heaven Ain’t Goin’ There

08 Oct

Do you know what I’ve discovered?   I have had it with the Tea Party, and the reason is not what you might suspect. Oh, sure, I’m pissed with their attitude of “I’ve got mine, it sucks if you don’ have yours” as they try to bring down the government in their attempt to destroy the black man in the Oval Office and deny health care to millions of people who are without. I’m really furious that this shutdown has been orchestrated since the first minute after President Obama’s reelection by a coalition of conservative activists funded by the Koch Brothers and groups like FreedomWorks, Generation Opportunity, Young Americans for Liberty, and the Tea Party.  These heartless bastards and an arrogant jerk by the name of Ted Cruz have been operating from a “defunding toolkit” that has been wreaking havoc since September to cause the Affordable Care Act to miss its Oct. 1st launch.  (How did that work out for you, Teddy Baby?)

Shutdown I John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Used by permission:  John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

I’ve especially had it with the people in the aforementioned groups who claim to “love Jesus” and show up in church every Sunday to praise God, pat each other on the back as to their holiness, and claim to be doing God’s will for the American people while they bear false witness against our President through their media megaphones (Fox News, RedState,, The Drudge Report, and Rush Limbaugh, just to name a few haters). But what has really pissed me off is that the Tea Party Repubs’ actions have produced a shutdown of our government causing poor families (9 million women and children at last count) to really take a hit for baby formula, nutritional counseling, healthcare referrals, and Head Start while the Tea Party Congressmen run around showboating by moving gates to Washington monuments for veterans on vacation.  Michelle Bachmann, founder of the Tea Party caucus in the House and head-gate mover (with cameras rolling), was “appalled” that the shutdown had affected our vets, and she planned to come by every day to make sure they remained open. I need to ask the self-professed born-again Christian if she was losing any sleep over babies being deprived of nutrition and learning, but then again she’s probably cool with that because it doesn’t affect her kids. (Remember America, you sent these wackos to Washington—what were you thinking?)  And yet Obamacare still rolled on!

Obamacare keeps on rolling Bill Schorr Cagle Cartoons

Used by permission:  Bill Schorr Cagle Cartoons

What is most unforgiveable is that this government shutdown, which could have been avoided and is probably going to be the destruction of the Republican party, released a bored government employee (who I sleep with) into my work space (writer at work) while I was trying to put the finishing touches on my book.  He behaved himself the first two days, and then on the third day, my husband (WW) turned into a terror. I had already survived the cacophony of “Die Hard III, Star Trek II, and The Avengers” blasting from the man cave through all six speakers and causing my office floor to undulate in thunderous rolls as I (ear plugs entrenched) tried to finish off my edits.  But my desk kept bouncing and my fingers kept misfiring, causing me to type a manuscript page of 3 parts gibberish and 7 parts curses!  All of a sudden it got quiet and stayed that way for a couple of hours.  I assumed WW was asleep, and as I picked up the phone to make a very important call, you-know-who cracked opened my office door that has a sign on it that says “Keep Out! Writer at Work!” and peeked his head in.

WW:     Hey, what you doin’?

MOI:      (Seriously???)  Tryin’ to get ahold of Jesus.

WW:     On the phone?

MOI:      What?  You got a better system of reaching The Almighty?

WW:     No, not really.  Dare I ask why you’re trying to reach Jesus?

MOI:      Originally it was to have him zap your big-screen TV with a lightning bolt into the pit of Hell.  But you have since quieted down, and now I’m calling to tattle on those members of the Republican Congress who boast about being the party of God but who are causing vulnerable people to suffer.  I’m trying to reach God to see if he’ll fricassee their asses and give John Boehner a good smack upside the head to bring this government shutdown to a close.  There are people who live from paycheck to paycheck who are really suffering because of this mess started by Ted Cruz. And not being self-centered, but I need you to go back to work, babe. You’re killing me with your restlessness.

WW:     Well, I got quiet because I left and went to the electronics’ store and bought us a new router so that everything will run three times as fast in my man cave and your office.  And once the cable man shows up, you’ll even be able to see who is calling you while you’re watching TV.  Won’t that be cool? Can you imagine relaxing in front of your favorite show, the phone rings, but without even moving a hair, you’ll know who is on the phone when the TV scrolls:  “Baby-girl is calling!”  And best of all, I saved us $60 per month on expenses.

(Any purchase is wonderful to WW if a deal can be done.)

September 23, 2013

Used by permission:  Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

MOI:      (Groan)  Noooooo. . .I don’t want that crap interrupting my TV shows—no matter how much money you’ve saved.  And how long will the cable man be putzing around the house and interrupting my writing?  I’m still in my PJs.

WW:     No worries—it won’t be long, I promise.  Be glad I’m home to take care of all these important upgrades.  It’s good to have a man around the house.  But first things first:  get off the phone, shut down your computer, and turn off your phone so the cable man can change it all over to the new modem.  Maybe you should go get a mani-pedi while the cable man and I get everything up to speed.

I got dressed.  I did errands.  I returned.

Nothing worked once the new modem was installed.  It has been three business days and a weekend with WW popping in and out of my office like a jack rabbit.  The cable man couldn’t find the splitter because he was agitated and in a hurry.  He claimed his service calls had quadrupled due to so many furloughed men calling to get cable work done in their man caves.   Our “His and Her” printers were knocked offline by the new equipment and only “his” printer is back up and running, but my manuscripts were due to my beta reading group this weekend.  After much cursing and gnashing of teeth and computer technicians from here to India scratching their heads in perplexity, WW has been clocking nine-hour days trying to restore everything to normal before I completely lose it.  Everything is not back to normal and I have missed oodles of writing time.  Calls were placed to two independent IT people, but they never called back or maybe I missed their names flashing across our fancy TV.   I am desperately trying to get ahold of the Geek Squad or Jesus—whoever comes first.   I need somebody to fix my printer (ASAP) and upend this shutdown (double ASAP) so that I can send my husband back to work before I go insane.

Republican Congress:  I will NEVER forgive you for this!  Not only have you behaved like terrorists and shut down the government, robbing the poor of what they need, but you have robbed me of a week and a half of sanity.  A pox on all your heads!

Tea Party II David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Used by permission:  David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

I am discovering that I’ve been singing the old spiritual “I Got Shoes” for days now as I plot my revenge against the Christian block of the Tea Party (40%) and the Christian voters who believe in the inerrancy of the Bible (67% of population).  This song, like many others during the time of slavery, was a protest song to decry the hypocrisy of the slave owners and/or the ruling class:

I got shoes, you got shoes,

All God’s children got shoes.

When I get to Heav’n gonna put on my shoes,

Gonna walk all over God’s Heav’n, Heav’n, Heav’n,

Everybody talkin’ ‘bout Heav’n ain’t goin’ there,

Heav’n, Heav’n, Heav’n.

Gonna walk all over God’s Heav’n

In actuality, the slaves didn’t have shoes—they were a luxury.  But they knew that in God’s eyes they were equal to all of His other children who had shoes, and that they would assuredly have covering on their feet from a “just God” when they got to Heaven.  They also knew that those who had plenty of shoes on Earth and proclaimed the name of Christ were not necessarily going to Heaven unless they lived according to the dictates of Jesus. Basically, “shoes on Earth” was all the “haves” were going to get because they had failed to “love their neighbor as themselves.”  Be afraid, Tea Party peeps—be very afraid.  I’ve told you before—God don’t like ugly!

obama thinking jesus about dot com


“The lyricist continues, exclaiming that ‘everybody talkin’ ‘bout Heav’n ain’t goin’ there.’ Here, the emphasis is on hypocrisy. The slave master, claiming to be Christian, goes to church every Sunday morning, where he and other congregants talk and sing about Jesus and Heaven. But when he returns to the plantation on Sunday afternoon, he presides over a decidedly un-Heavenly, immoral enterprise, slavery, and participates actively in the un-Heavenly and immoral physical, emotional . . . abuse of other human beings.”The Spirituals Project at the University of Denver

“Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.”—Proverbs 19:17

“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,   I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’   Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’  And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’”  Matthew 25: 35-40

“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.”—Psalm 82:3

“If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God, that your brother may live beside you.”—Leviticus 25:35-36


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



Posted by on October 8, 2013 in Uncategorized


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20 responses to “Everybody Talkin’ ‘Bout Heaven Ain’t Goin’ There

  1. Sylvester James LeBlanc

    October 8, 2013 at 3:07 am

    Your blog is Divine! I simply love it so very much!! Thank you so much for this. I didn’t truly know the extent of this Government Shutdown, but wow…I’m speechless.
    –Chris 🙂

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      Hi Chris. Thanks so much for your lovely comment. I know that those who live farther away from DC haven’t felt the devastation of the government shutdown–yet. The Republicans are counting on that. By the time we all feel its affects, the economy will be in a shambles and most people will never recover. Read everything you can and protest everywhere you can against the hardline caucus in the House because they are the same ones that are trying to destroy gay rights, voting rights, reproductive rights, and civil rights. All the best!

  2. aFrankAngle

    October 8, 2013 at 8:07 am

    Ah come, don’t you realize that the Tea Party didn’t pick God, but God picked them!

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 4:48 pm

      The other chosen people–or so the TP would like to think. Thanks for stopping by. I plan to show WW your cruise pics tonight. Take care.

      • aFrankAngle

        October 9, 2013 at 9:03 pm

        Hey E-Tom … another set from the cruise going live around 9:30 pm.

  3. imagesbytdashfield

    October 8, 2013 at 9:00 am

    It’s all freaking insanity! And I fear it may only get worse before it gets better; but I do so hope my fears are nothing more than anxiety induced by politicians and the media…I hope. Love your ending with scriptures.

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 5:24 pm

      Thanks TD. I feel the same. As to the scriptures, those were the only quotes that would do. Take care.

  4. morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer

    October 8, 2013 at 10:46 am

    We should send you to DC. Have you ever thought of running for elected office? You have my vote.

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      Ronnie, I would not do well. Those clowns are way too disrespectful to try and deal with. I don’t know how our President does it. My hurt just aches for him and the abuse he takes from the Republicans. Thanks for stopping by.

  5. sondramsmith

    October 8, 2013 at 11:53 am

    I love your humor and insight with a touch of sarcasm.(well maybe more than a touch!) You cut to the heart of the bullsh** and tell it the way it is. I can’t wait for your book to be published!!!

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 4:52 pm

      Thanks Sondra. I truly appreciate your encouragement. You are the bees knees. Take care.

  6. Valentine Logar

    October 8, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    This is so perfectly stated I had to read it two times. I bow before you and hope all is soon right, no make that correct in your world. Though I suspect if Cruz Control has his way it will not be.

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 4:57 pm

      Hi Val. Thanks for your lovely comment. I’ve had to stop watching the news, except for at the end of the day to see if WW can go back to work. And we can’t complain. There are so many, many people who have had to go on Food Stamps and unemployment. But our American fellow citizens elected these Tea Party jokers, and we are dealing with their choices. This is democracy. Yikes!

  7. composerinthegarden

    October 8, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Oh Eleanor, I have SO many things to respond to here.

    First, “this government shutdown, which could have been avoided and is probably going to be the destruction of the Republican party” One can only hope 🙂 but I’m not holding my breath.

    John Boehner Antoinette? Screams of laughter emitting from my house!!!!! Followed by sadness at the truth of those affected by this craziness.

    The internet/modem/phone thing is going on in my house this very afternoon! You have my deepest sympathy for your experience. I am posting this before the technology apocalypse ensues; Comcast’s offshore help desk, after a veritable festival of fiascos, has now earned a constant question from me – “are you a native English speaker?” Not to offend anyone, but frankly, the offshore helpers don’t understand my questions and I can’t understand their answers. (Sounds like Congress!) Hopefully, by the end of the day, we will restore home phone service, have internet, and HD channels on our TV. Fingers crossed.

    I love the passage from Matthew 25; it was the guiding principal in a church I once worked for and continues to guide many of my actions to this day. Ideals translated into action. I listened to the President’s speech today and was so deeply touched and glad that he stated his position so clearly.

    And finally, I LOVE that spiritual; our choir sang it on a European tour in 1972 and the Europeans loved the vitality and beauty of this song in particular. I remember our native Italian choral director translating the lyrics into Italian for the audience at our first concert, and their murmurs of amusement and approval. Their cries and cheers at the end of the song were heartfelt and inspired all of us to give from the heart when we sang this song. Here’s a link to a traditional rendition by the Charioteers: and here’s a link to a smokin’ gospel version by the Echoaires, complete with a great brass section: No matter what era, and what version, the song speaks the truth!

    Great post, Eleanor!

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 5:34 pm

      Lynn: I love, love, love your comment, and love, love, love your YouTube links. Just fabulous! I’m so glad I have a “sister” in the midst of the IT pain as well (I still don’t have my printer back).

      I love this spiritual as also. I sing it all the time. I started writing my blog because so many people that I thought had half a brain and claimed they loved Jesus were signing up for the Tea Party and goose-stepping to their allegiance. I had to speak out against this. I’m going to continue to sing this song and continue to shine light into the darkness until I make a difference. Thank you again for such a generous comment. Ciao!

  8. Lindy Lee

    October 9, 2013 at 2:33 am

    There certainly is no lack of hipocrites amongst the human race…

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 5:35 pm

      Lindy: Amen, sister-friend! 🙂

  9. becomingcliche

    October 9, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    That last image pretty much sums it all up.

    • etomczyk

      October 9, 2013 at 5:35 pm

      BC: You’re so right, BC. Take care. 🙂

  10. Elyse

    October 13, 2013 at 12:08 am

    I’m a bit late to this post, Eleanor. Well said as always. I cannot believe that these folks have hijacked our government.


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