Do you know what I’ve discovered? I have had it with the Tea Party, and the reason is not what you might suspect. Oh, sure, I’m pissed with their attitude of “I’ve got mine, it sucks if you don’ have yours” as they try to bring down the government in their attempt to destroy the black man in the Oval Office and deny health care to millions of people who are without. I’m really furious that this shutdown has been orchestrated since the first minute after President Obama’s reelection by a coalition of conservative activists funded by the Koch Brothers and groups like FreedomWorks, Generation Opportunity, Young Americans for Liberty, and the Tea Party. These heartless bastards and an arrogant jerk by the name of Ted Cruz have been operating from a “defunding toolkit” that has been wreaking havoc since September to cause the Affordable Care Act to miss its Oct. 1st launch. (How did that work out for you, Teddy Baby?)
Used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune
I’ve especially had it with the people in the aforementioned groups who claim to “love Jesus” and show up in church every Sunday to praise God, pat each other on the back as to their holiness, and claim to be doing God’s will for the American people while they bear false witness against our President through their media megaphones (Fox News, RedState, Breitbart.com, The Drudge Report, and Rush Limbaugh, just to name a few haters). But what has really pissed me off is that the Tea Party Repubs’ actions have produced a shutdown of our government causing poor families (9 million women and children at last count) to really take a hit for baby formula, nutritional counseling, healthcare referrals, and Head Start while the Tea Party Congressmen run around showboating by moving gates to Washington monuments for veterans on vacation. Michelle Bachmann, founder of the Tea Party caucus in the House and head-gate mover (with cameras rolling), was “appalled” that the shutdown had affected our vets, and she planned to come by every day to make sure they remained open. I need to ask the self-professed born-again Christian if she was losing any sleep over babies being deprived of nutrition and learning, but then again she’s probably cool with that because it doesn’t affect her kids. (Remember America, you sent these wackos to Washington—what were you thinking?) And yet Obamacare still rolled on!
Used by permission: Bill Schorr Cagle Cartoons
What is most unforgiveable is that this government shutdown, which could have been avoided and is probably going to be the destruction of the Republican party, released a bored government employee (who I sleep with) into my work space (writer at work) while I was trying to put the finishing touches on my book. He behaved himself the first two days, and then on the third day, my husband (WW) turned into a terror. I had already survived the cacophony of “Die Hard III, Star Trek II, and The Avengers” blasting from the man cave through all six speakers and causing my office floor to undulate in thunderous rolls as I (ear plugs entrenched) tried to finish off my edits. But my desk kept bouncing and my fingers kept misfiring, causing me to type a manuscript page of 3 parts gibberish and 7 parts curses! All of a sudden it got quiet and stayed that way for a couple of hours. I assumed WW was asleep, and as I picked up the phone to make a very important call, you-know-who cracked opened my office door that has a sign on it that says “Keep Out! Writer at Work!” and peeked his head in.
WW: Hey, what you doin’?
MOI: (Seriously???) Tryin’ to get ahold of Jesus.
WW: On the phone?
MOI: What? You got a better system of reaching The Almighty?
WW: No, not really. Dare I ask why you’re trying to reach Jesus?
MOI: Originally it was to have him zap your big-screen TV with a lightning bolt into the pit of Hell. But you have since quieted down, and now I’m calling to tattle on those members of the Republican Congress who boast about being the party of God but who are causing vulnerable people to suffer. I’m trying to reach God to see if he’ll fricassee their asses and give John Boehner a good smack upside the head to bring this government shutdown to a close. There are people who live from paycheck to paycheck who are really suffering because of this mess started by Ted Cruz. And not being self-centered, but I need you to go back to work, babe. You’re killing me with your restlessness.
WW: Well, I got quiet because I left and went to the electronics’ store and bought us a new router so that everything will run three times as fast in my man cave and your office. And once the cable man shows up, you’ll even be able to see who is calling you while you’re watching TV. Won’t that be cool? Can you imagine relaxing in front of your favorite show, the phone rings, but without even moving a hair, you’ll know who is on the phone when the TV scrolls: “Baby-girl is calling!” And best of all, I saved us $60 per month on expenses.
(Any purchase is wonderful to WW if a deal can be done.)
Used by permission: Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News
MOI: (Groan) Noooooo. . .I don’t want that crap interrupting my TV shows—no matter how much money you’ve saved. And how long will the cable man be putzing around the house and interrupting my writing? I’m still in my PJs.
WW: No worries—it won’t be long, I promise. Be glad I’m home to take care of all these important upgrades. It’s good to have a man around the house. But first things first: get off the phone, shut down your computer, and turn off your phone so the cable man can change it all over to the new modem. Maybe you should go get a mani-pedi while the cable man and I get everything up to speed.
I got dressed. I did errands. I returned.
Nothing worked once the new modem was installed. It has been three business days and a weekend with WW popping in and out of my office like a jack rabbit. The cable man couldn’t find the splitter because he was agitated and in a hurry. He claimed his service calls had quadrupled due to so many furloughed men calling to get cable work done in their man caves. Our “His and Her” printers were knocked offline by the new equipment and only “his” printer is back up and running, but my manuscripts were due to my beta reading group this weekend. After much cursing and gnashing of teeth and computer technicians from here to India scratching their heads in perplexity, WW has been clocking nine-hour days trying to restore everything to normal before I completely lose it. Everything is not back to normal and I have missed oodles of writing time. Calls were placed to two independent IT people, but they never called back or maybe I missed their names flashing across our fancy TV. I am desperately trying to get ahold of the Geek Squad or Jesus—whoever comes first. I need somebody to fix my printer (ASAP) and upend this shutdown (double ASAP) so that I can send my husband back to work before I go insane.
Republican Congress: I will NEVER forgive you for this! Not only have you behaved like terrorists and shut down the government, robbing the poor of what they need, but you have robbed me of a week and a half of sanity. A pox on all your heads!
Used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star
I am discovering that I’ve been singing the old spiritual “I Got Shoes” for days now as I plot my revenge against the Christian block of the Tea Party (40%) and the Christian voters who believe in the inerrancy of the Bible (67% of population). This song, like many others during the time of slavery, was a protest song to decry the hypocrisy of the slave owners and/or the ruling class:
I got shoes, you got shoes,
All God’s children got shoes.
When I get to Heav’n gonna put on my shoes,
Gonna walk all over God’s Heav’n, Heav’n, Heav’n,
Everybody talkin’ ‘bout Heav’n ain’t goin’ there,
Heav’n, Heav’n, Heav’n.
Gonna walk all over God’s Heav’n
In actuality, the slaves didn’t have shoes—they were a luxury. But they knew that in God’s eyes they were equal to all of His other children who had shoes, and that they would assuredly have covering on their feet from a “just God” when they got to Heaven. They also knew that those who had plenty of shoes on Earth and proclaimed the name of Christ were not necessarily going to Heaven unless they lived according to the dictates of Jesus. Basically, “shoes on Earth” was all the “haves” were going to get because they had failed to “love their neighbor as themselves.” Be afraid, Tea Party peeps—be very afraid. I’ve told you before—God don’t like ugly!
“The lyricist continues, exclaiming that ‘everybody talkin’ ‘bout Heav’n ain’t goin’ there.’ Here, the emphasis is on hypocrisy. The slave master, claiming to be Christian, goes to church every Sunday morning, where he and other congregants talk and sing about Jesus and Heaven. But when he returns to the plantation on Sunday afternoon, he presides over a decidedly un-Heavenly, immoral enterprise, slavery, and participates actively in the un-Heavenly and immoral physical, emotional . . . abuse of other human beings.”—The Spirituals Project at the University of Denver
“Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.”—Proverbs 19:17
“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’” Matthew 25: 35-40
“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.”—Psalm 82:3
“If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God, that your brother may live beside you.”—Leviticus 25:35-36
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