Standing My Ground on Fear

23 Jul

Do you know what I’ve discovered?   I think I need to get a gun.  I haven’t talked it over with my husband yet, but I will when he returns.  I’m becoming increasingly paranoid about the weirdos that I keep bumping into in my neighborhood, at the doctor’s office, in my church, and at the mall.  And then there is the news.  The more I read the more paranoid I become.  The more I think about the Zimmerman case, the more I think that maybe his defense was right when I review the times I’ve noticed suspicious-looking characters and needed to Stand My Ground to protect me from an imagined threat.  The only problem is I’ve never owned a gun, but how hard can it be to get one?  Seems to me, given the 2nd Amendment, any idiot can own a gun.

gun ownership by idiots Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission:  Gun ownership by idiots by Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

So when my husband, WW, called home from his business trip last week, I decided to run my latest “revelation” (that’s what I call my harebrained schemes) by him, and hoped I’d get his buy-in.

WW:     “Hey, Cutie!  What have you been up to since I’ve been gone?”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  “Oh, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and. . . I’m thinking of buying a gun.”

WW:     “WHAT?  No, no, no, no, NO!  For Christ’s sake:  what brought this on?  I’ve only been gone two days.”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  Fear!  I’ve become increasingly paranoid about the people I don’t know and maybe even some of the ones I do know—especially those who have become Tea Party advocates and Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity supporters. (Remember how our friends used to be sane?)  Well, some of them are not anymore, and they are scaring the shit out of me.  Who knows how long it will take before they believe one of Beck’s conspiracies and come after me to take me out?”

WW:     “Cutie, first of all, you don’t hang with those people anymore and neither one of us has any intention of renewing our acquaintances with them.  Secondly, you don’t know the first thing about guns.”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  “I don’t need to know anything about guns—they are part of my God-given constitutional rights.  The 2nd Amendment is sacrosanct.  Besides, the local Wal-Mart will sell me what I need and tell me where I can go to get myself trained to hit any asshole with my best shot—fire away!   I need groceries, anyway, so when you come back, let’s pick up some household staples and a 9×19 mm Walther P99, German semi-automatic pistol.  That should fit my needs, although it might be too big to fit in my purse.  I’ll have to bring in several of my Coach bags to see which pistol will travel in style.”

Gun for Stand Your Ground Olle Johansson  Sweden

Used by permission: Olle Johansson | Sweden

WW:  “The bastardization of Pat Benatar’s song notwithstanding:  What has gotten into you since I’ve been gone?”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  “Well, since you’ve been gone, buddy:  FEAR—PURE UNADULTERATED FEAR!”  Maybe the NRA is right:  If I get a gun, I will be emboldened to tread where I’ve never gone before.  Did you see the article in the paper that reported several cases of men coming to the doors of unsuspecting homeowners in our area and pretending they were there from the Public Works Department to check out the home’s water lines?”

WW:     “Nooooooo . . . What has this to do with you turning into Django Unchained?”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  “It was all a ruse!  Once they got in, they stole whatever they could get their hands on while they distracted the homeowner in the basement.  Well, don’t you know, a guy stopped by the other day and said he was from the Public Works Department and needed to check my water line.”

WW:     “You didn’t let him in, did you?”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN: “Of course not— I’m nobody’s fool!  But then he didn’t ask to come in; he just let me know he was on the property and went to the side of the house to fiddle with the water main.  But I could tell it was all a ruse, and he was up to no good because it was just like the newspaper said it would happen, AND he was the spitting image of George Zimmerman—before he gained 130 pounds.  Rumor has it that George has been hanging out in our area.  I think his parents live over in Maryland somewhere.   After giving the “Public Works” guy the evil eye for a while (I stared at him from the window), it was right then and there that I knew I might need to shoot through the window into his ass while he was bending over the water main before he could gain entrance into my castle and steal my shit—or even worse.  I mean, I may be old, but men could still try to mess with me—if you know what I mean.  In fact, the paper said that a ninety-year-old woman got raped the other day.  I mean all systems point to me needing a gun.”

WW:     “Uh huh.  And did you ever find out who the man was at the door because I know and you know that it couldn’t have possibly been George Zimmerman?”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  (barely audible) “Well, he was really a public works man with a legitimate excuse to be on our property.  To tell you the truth, I think I scared the shit out of him because he kept looking over his shoulder at me, finished the job in record time, and raced away in his clearly marked public works truck as fast as he could.  “He was driving so fast that I could hear the tires screeching as he pulled away from the curb.”

WW:  “He probably thought he was going to be shot in the ass by a crazy woman.”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  “Whatever!  There was another man who came by yesterday trying to talk me into letting him install new windows in the house—new windows, my ass!  You will never believe who he looked like?”

WW:  “Let me guess:  Charles Manson?”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  “No . . . the FAT GEORGE ZIMMERMAN—the Zimmerman who has gained 130 pounds!”

WW:  “Oh for God’s sake.  I’m coming home ASAP.  Try not to kill anybody before I return.”

ANNIE-GET-YOUR-GUN:  “Humph!  WW, I have to protect myself, and you need to know that I may not wait for you to return before I start packing heat.  I’m looking up fashionable leather holsters online even as we speak. So don’t use your house key because you might scare the devil out of me and cause me to shoot first and ask questions later.  Let’s establish a secret knock so that I know it’s you.  Try and get here before it gets dark because I’m especially paranoid after the sun goes down, and start calling my name as soon as you enter the house so that I recognize your voice and don’t mistake you for a mad rapist.  Tell the kids not to come home unannounced!”

WW:     “Oh, God . . .”

Standing my ground Daryl Cagle  CagleCartoons com

Used by permission:  Daryl Cagle

I am discovering that the Stand Your Ground law is just another component of America’s love affair with guns that is immoral and has been birthed out of the manipulated fear towards our fellowman by the National Rifle Association (NRA) and the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC), who have pushed this law into existence in twenty-five states.  In the last thirty years, guns sales had been plummeting and the gun industry discovered that if they could manipulate Americans with fear that our “castles,” our children, our sidewalks, our parks, our neighbors, our places of worship, our shit were just one confrontation away from being stolen or harmed, then they could make money in perpetuity.  The NRA has made us believe that backing away from a public confrontation when it is safe to do so (like staying in your truck as Zimmerman was told to do by the police) and avoiding the murder of another human being is no longer the mark of a godly man or nation, but gunning down one’s neighbor is our constitutional right and one we should be proud to uphold.  And, oh yeah, there is a slight detail that bears mentioning:  the gun industry’s reward for this strategy—12 billion dollars a year.  In other words, my fellow Americans:  we’ve been had by a very cynical, greedy, and sick industry!  (Remember how the cigarette industry pushed smoking as sexy, cool, non-addictive, and not harmful, when its executives had a gazillion studies in their desk drawers that showed smoking was addictive and caused cancer?  Hmmm!)

stand ground reverse response RJ Matson

Used by permission:  Stand ground reverse response |Cartoonist: RJ Matson

I am also discovering that the Stand Your Ground law, beyond that of your castle being stormed by zombies, is a license to kill.  (IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER:  If you break into my home with the intent to rape and murder me and my family, and I can’t get away from you, I will stand my ground and blow your fucking brains out with whatever I can get my hands on.  I get that part of the law.)  But the part of Stand Your Ground law that needs to be adjusted is born out in the following story:

Last year, John Henry Spooner, 76, of Wisconsin

Shot and killed his 13-year-old neighbor who was returning his family’s garbage can from the curb.

Mr. Spooner shot Darius Simmons, 13, on the sidewalk

While the child’s mother looked on in horror

While the child tried to run away, screaming, “Don’t shoot me, please don’t shoot me,”

While the neighbor shot at him several times,

As Darius Simmons died in his mother’s arms on the sidewalk.

When asked why Spooner shot the African-American teen,

The white man said he thought the boy had stolen his shit (his stash of guns)

No evidence of such a theft was found—only Mr. Spooner’s paranoia.

Irony:  the entire murder was captured by Mr. Spooner’s security camera on his house.

When asked if Spooner felt bad about taking the life of a child before he was sentenced to life in prison,

Mr. Spooner’s reply was:  “No, not that bad.”

Darius’ mother’s reply was:  “Oh my God!”**

Guns friend or foe Luojie, China Daily, China

Used by Permission: Guns friend or foe: Luojie, China Daily, China

 “To him who is in fear everything rustles.”Sophocles

“There is no passion so contagious as that of fear.”—Michel de Montaigne

 “You can’t buy six packs of nasal decongestant but you can buy a .50 calibre sniper’s rifle, just like the US military uses in Afghanistan.”Patrick Radden Keefe blogged for The New Yorker magazine

“What has happened is the ‘Stand Your Ground’ law has become so over-arching that the definition has been lost. There are a lot of people claiming ‘Stand Your Ground.’”—Bob Buckhorn

“…if you’ve had a terrible day, if you just don’t like the other guy very much or if you want to try out that new handgun you just bought, you can feel free to escalate the level of violence in a physical altercation by shooting him. Even if you kill him, the law has got your back. You’ll be immune not only from criminal prosecution, but also from any potential civil lawsuits.”—Ladd Everitt from Waging Nonviolence*

Guns are Sacred END David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Used by permission:  Guns are Sacred | David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star




Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on July 23, 2013 in Uncategorized


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19 responses to “Standing My Ground on Fear

  1. Elyse

    July 23, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    Well said. That is of course the aim of the NRA. To make sure we all have guns. Because they’re only in it for the money. Disgusting.

    • etomczyk

      August 2, 2013 at 8:38 pm

      Elyse. You’re so correct. The NRA is indeed disgusting. I just wish we could find a way to defeat them. Some day. . .

  2. aFrankAngle

    July 24, 2013 at 8:41 am

    There is no doubt in my mind about the gun industry’s role in the NRA, which you have well-played.

  3. Sondra Smith

    July 24, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    WE have reached a new level of insanity in this country. We not only have to be worried about crazy criminals we have to be worried about our crazy neighbors with guns!

    • etomczyk

      August 2, 2013 at 9:02 pm

      Sondra: So true, so true. May God have mercy on us.

  4. eurobrat

    July 24, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    Ha…that was actually my argument when debating one of my pro-2nd Amendment friends who said that we might have to defend ourselves against the gov’t one day. I finally said, “I think you’re right, I might have to defend myself from Tea Party crazies!” I mean, they are the truly scary ones!

  5. Valentine Logar

    July 25, 2013 at 7:38 am

    As you always do, you nailed the social insanity currently alive and well in this nation. SYG.promoted by the NRA and ALEC is driving us all to make terrible choices. It is also driving terrible wedges in our neighborhoods and even in families.

    Wonderful as always.

    • etomczyk

      August 2, 2013 at 9:18 pm

      Thanks Val. It seems to be another eye for an eye society we’re going for. Soon we’ll all be blind. Yikes!

  6. Joanne

    July 25, 2013 at 10:18 am

    Can you imagine if we all shot every person that made us uncomfortable or even a bit suspicious? Like the cartoon in your blog — there would be very few people left! It is all so appalling and I am always grateful that you can make me laugh in the face of the horror.

    Something about all of this — the Stand Your Ground law, George Zimmerman, etc. — made me remember this quote from an old Chinese poet:

    “…There are some people just like mad dogs barking at everything that moves,
    even barking when the wind stirs among the grass and leaves.” (Huang Po)

  7. sonia

    July 26, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    Well written! I was thinking about getting a gun too. But if I did, I’d feel like the crazies would win.

  8. tkayw

    July 29, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Great post. My thoughts exactly.

  9. Hudson Howl

    July 31, 2013 at 9:20 am

    I began this on your last post, now to finish………….

    If I believed for one minute you were serious about pack’n having never owned a gun, I would bet you would be destroying it in less than 24 hours. Guns are scary -no there not really scary in the way you would think. What is scary, is when the realization hits just how much power they possess when held in a hand. And to just how much responsibility comes with it. By design, guns are explosive power. Certainly there are those who like their guns as some kind macho endorsement and a means to get their ‘gun off’. For me to hold a gun, has the opposite affect -one feels just how inadequate one is in comparison to a gun.

    Is fear a reason to own a gun? For me it is not. If fear is the motivating rational then owning a gun is probably theee worst reason. A gun will never ease your fear. Will it? Yet that is what people turn to. ‘Gotta get me a gunnnnnn’. Why would one want to own what one already fears. Reduce the guns, reduce the fear, then perhaps we can look at fixing the mountain of ills we face. Easier to face, without fear.

    Then I had a thought, no wait a dream, if I was say Bill Gates-like or Warren Buffet-like what would happen if I secretly went about buying then destroying guns with out any body noticing. As time went the fear vibes would ease. The fearful, would evolve and grow strong and find resolve so even more could prosper….one fear at a time. Thank you ‘E’, for making me dream. Another exceptional report on we conduct ourselves. Sometimes, if not all the time, we should fear ourselves before fear the unknown.

    • etomczyk

      August 2, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      Hudson, I believe you which is why I will never own a gun. I don’t trust myself or my temper. Also, if I hurt someone accidentally, I would never survive the pain.

      Thank so much for your poetic comment. It’s better than my post. Cheers!

      • Hudson Howl

        August 3, 2013 at 8:04 pm

        Temper. You? Ha!

        I just got back from spending a couple days Erie P.A. a couple hours ago. I went into about three top chain sporting good stores, the hand gun departments were the busy (apparently hunting season is still to far away, as no one was looking at rifles). One even had a ‘take a number system’ in place. I watched for about an half an hour. Does a seventy year old gentleman need a hand gun for the first time in his life? Apparently so. Things are definitely different yonder over there.

      • etomczyk

        August 13, 2013 at 8:36 pm

        Hudson. I know it is different over here. We’ve lost our minds! 🙂

  10. talesfromthemotherland

    August 5, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    I think I have a crush on WW. This was a riot Eleanor!

  11. Lindy Lee

    September 9, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Thank you, kind ET– you’re a woman of like mind to mine…

    • etomczyk

      September 9, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Lindy, I wish there were more of us. Take care.


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