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The Bright Side of Life

12 Oct

Do you know what the Dalai Mama has discovered?  There are two kinds of people:  optimists and pessimists.  And when the shit hits the fan, IMHO, it is better to be an optimist.  I’ve also discovered that E.J. Dionne, The Washington Post columnist, was right when he quoted a pollster friend recently:

“When you give conservatives bad news in your polls, they want to kill you,” he said. “When you give liberals bad news in your polls, they want to kill themselves.

Last week, even though I am an eternal optimist, I wanted to kill myself when the Prez acted like his strength had been zapped by anniversary sex (Didn’t anyone tell POTUS and the FLOTUS that just because it was their 20th anniversary not to do the “wild thing” before sending the Prez into the boxing ring against Romney?).  Every athlete knows you can’t be distracted or have your potency drained before the big fight even if your honey of twenty years is one fine lookin’ woman.   Mohammad Ali could have told the Prez that salient piece of advice from his championship days.  I mean, what else could it have been?  I’m just sayin’.    Next time:  Focus, Barack, focus goddamn it!

Anyway, an election that was beginning to look like a slam-dunk for anybody who is part of the 47% or cares about human beings in general, or adheres to the “true” teachings of Christ, suddenly came up for grabs as the polls tightened and The Mittens trounced our President in the first debate and declared a fatwā against Big Bird and his homies on Sesame Street.  (I don’t know about you, but threatening the big yellow six-year-old bird whose raison d’etre is to teach little kids the alphabet was the last straw:  “Your ass is mine, Mittens, and you are going down,” I screamed at the TV as I slid into the worst depression I’ve suffered in years.)

Sesame Street to Mittens: “let’s rumble”||image of weknowmemes.com

Then the sharks began to circle the perceived “blood in the water,” as hateful vitriol intensified against our president and his legitimacy, women and reproductive rights (“legitimate” and/or “easy” rape), 47% as “takers” not makers, and black people in general who “need to be taught good discipline and character as per Paul Ryan, the arrogant Catholic.  Finally, the week was topped off by a truck load of manure dumped in front of an Obama campaign headquarters in my home state of Ohio. As a born-again Christian who is fed up to my eyeballs with the numb-nut stupidity of my ex-religious leaders (I have summarily left the Church but kept my Jesus), I waited for at least one prominent Christian evangelical leader who claims to love Jesus to come forth and speak up for Big Bird, speak up for the poor and down-trodden, speak up against the “Christian” Congressman who claims our daughters can be “legitimately raped,” and speak up against the latest racist claim by a “Christian” legislator that “slavery should be considered a ‘blessing’” cause it brought Africans to America where we are so incredibly blessed.  (Well, we black people truly thank you, Massa!)

Fired by “Mittens”|image by mashable.com

All I heard was the sound of crickets—no righteous Christian leaders speaking up to defend the poor and down-trodden like Jesus did.   And the Dalai Mama wept as I decided to pack my suitcase in disgust and move to Canada (where else am I going to get healthcare in my old age if Romney/Ryan wins the election?).  My husband, WW, who is white and also a born-again Christian suggested I not be too hasty, and that I take a road trip to the beach with him to clear my head before I did something so drastic that I’d have to learn French before migrating to Quebec (if one must live in Canada, one must do so in Quebec City because it’s like moving to France).  I really trust his judgment so I acquiesced to his plan, but told him if the beach didn’t manage to cheer me up, he’d better brush off his passport and dust off his French.

Abolitionist, Frederick Douglas calling Christianity to task for its deceptive stance on
slavery and women’s rights in the 1800’s ||image from leftcheek.bloogspot.com and joanhascheeseburger.com

On our way to the beach, we were forced to stop at a Chick-fil-A, which was the only eating establishment within miles because as WW said, “I am too hungry to stand on principle because I have to piss like a race horse and I am falling asleep at the wheel from lack of food.”  With baseball cap pulled down over my face and large bumble-bee sunglasses secured to disguise my face, I furiously lectured my husband about my signed online petition against Chick-fil-A and how they perfectly illustrated one of the reasons I was going to have to migrate to Canada, because of their contributions to organizations that specialized in hate.  As we scurried past long lines of very fat-bottomed white people (I was the only black person for miles around, and my ass is quite normal, thank you very much!) who were still engaged in their month’s long “chicken-in” demonstration of support for Chick-fil-A against the gays, my husband made me promise not to go all Norma Rae all over the place and get myself arrested while he was in the little boy’s room “pissing like a race horse.”

Cartoonist: Mike Lukovich/Atlanta Journal

I refused to even order a soda, and I know that I stuck out like a raisin in a bowl of milk, so it didn’t take long before one of the employees came over to ask if she could help me as she looked me over with a frozen smile on her face trying to determine if I was a lesbian reporter about to cause all kinds of trouble up in that place.  I don’t know what motivated her to engage me in conversation.  Maybe it was the fact that I was furiously taking notes in my blog notebook while trying to hide my face, or maybe she saw me contemplating what it would take to climb up on one of the tables without falling off and breaking my ass to start my Norma Rae impersonation as I mounted my very vocal protest:  “Why do you hate gay people; what have they ever done to your chicken except eat it like the rest of us? Why can’t we all get along in this great country of ours, and What Would Jesus Do to you if he knew the hate you were spewing against his children with our chicken dollars?”  Just as I thought I saw Sarah and Todd Palin queuing up for a couple bags of chicken which gave me all the motivation I needed to start my revolution, WW returned, grabbed me by the arm and marshaled me back to the mini-van before the two policemen staring at me in the corner had a chance to put down their chicken sandwiches, arrest my sorry-ass, and ruin our beach vacation by throwing me in jail for disturbing the peace.

The Palins “protesting” on behalf of Chick-fil-A|thedailywhat.cheeseburger.com

After WW convinced me that I was hallucinating from lack of food and backed up urine, and that I didn’t really see The Palins in that Chick-fil-A, I spent my vacation at the beach thoroughly bummed out about the first presidential debate until one of my blog friends gave me a verbal swift kick in the ass (Frank Angle) and told me to “snap out of it.”   WW added his two cents and told me to cheer up because “it’s not over for the presidential election, or anything in life for that matter, until the fat lady sings—so don’t worry, be happy” (and WW is a pessimist—go figure)!  Once I realized WW wasn’t talking about me as the “fat lady” (I’m slightly chunky and an ex-opera singer), the clouds lifted, my optimistic personality came back into gear, and I returned home, ready to greet a new day.  I am going to add a couple of disciplinary actions for my mind, however:  I don’t plan to watch anymore debates (I’m an Independent but I’ve already made up my mind so why be tortured), and I don’t plan to read any more stories about what the haters are doing in our midst to rob me of my God-given joy.  Haters will always be hatin’—but I don’t have to be listenin’!  (I’ll just keep prayin’ that God zaps their sorry asses into the lowest point of Hell, though, so that the rest of us can live in peace!)

Haters be hatin’ but I’m gonna ignore ‘em all and just be chillaxing

image from joanhascheezburger.com

I am discovering that there are two ways to live one’s life:  either as Henny-Penny (“The sky is falling”) or as Little Orphan Annie (“The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow”).  Henny-Penny may be proved right in the long run, but Orphan Annie will have a hell of a lot more fun and peace of mind before the sky flattens her, especially since she has little to no control over the powers that are making the sky fall.  So to all of my “depressed Democratic friends,” get up off your sorry-asses and do the only thing in your “Orphan Annie” power that can defeat the Koch Brothers, the racists, the shit dumpers, the liars, the Ayn Randians, the 47% haters, and the 1% makers:  GO VOTE, take a friend, and say a little prayer while you do it!  We may just win the day ‘cause God is alive and well and “God don’t like ‘ugly’ (a.k.a. ‘haters’).”   (Besides, WW thinks Obama will win a second term, and he’s a pessimist!)

***

Some things in life are bad,

They can really make you mad.

Other things just make you swear and curse.

When you’re chewing on life’s gristle,

Don’t grumble, give a whistle,

And this’ll help things turn out for the best, and…

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE. . .

Life’s a piece of shit,

When you look at it.

Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.

You’ll see it’s all a show,

Keep ’em laughing as you go.

Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

SO. . .ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE. . .

“Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from The Life of Brian by Eric Idle

“Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!”—Oscar Wilde

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”Helen Keller

“For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use being anything else”—Winston Churchill

      “In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.”—Daniel L. Reardon

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
31 Comments

Posted by on October 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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31 responses to “The Bright Side of Life

  1. pouringmyartout

    October 12, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    This was just freekin’ awesome…

     
    • Deborah the Closet Monster

      October 13, 2012 at 1:08 am

      I would just like to second this. A lot.

       
      • etomczyk

        October 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

        Debroah. I so appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and to leave an affirmative comment. Do come again! Cheers!

         
    • etomczyk

      October 13, 2012 at 7:42 am

      Thanks Pouringmyartout. Appreciate you stopping by and leaving a comment. Keep on pouring out art! 🙂

       
      • pouringmyartout

        October 13, 2012 at 10:12 am

        Hope we run into each other again. Thanks.

         
  2. Elyse

    October 12, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Oh, Eleanor this was good! But the debate last night blew away that depression. Joe Biden did us proud.

    But I hear you. I’m an optimist but my husband, well, isn’t. But I believe!!!!!!

     
    • etomczyk

      October 13, 2012 at 7:51 am

      Elyse — thanks so much for your lovely comment (high praise coming from you). Uncle Joe did do us proud. I’ve like Biden for a very long time and was so thrilled President Obama picked him as a running mate. Can you imagine where we’d be if he had picked John Edwards who I always suspected was a lowlife? I’m feeling better, also; I just hope my nerves can hold up through election night. Cheers!

       
      • Elyse

        October 13, 2012 at 9:58 am

        Ohh, John Edwards. He was my choice in 2004. I am glad he didn’t get the nomination. And I am totally disgusted by his actions. Elizabeth Edwards was so very cool.

        But actually, I think his “Two Americas” is still resonating — or I hope so, anyway. Seed corn for the fight against Mitt and the 47% comment. For the Occupy movement.

        I told you I’m an optimist.

         
  3. Hudson Howl

    October 13, 2012 at 1:27 am

    Sure come to Canada, I’ll be standing outside Canada Customs with two tuques in one hand and a six pack in the other.

    I confess, not up on the Bird Bird thing, so I must look into that one. I usually keep my nose out of American politics but to end funding to PBS, well someone needs to step back and re-think. If anything Public media needs substantially more funding, to be re-energized and allowed to re-invent itself for a mountain of reasons that I won’t go into. A strong public media system has a way of uniting peoples from all walks of life and ethnicity’s.But I suppose those who wish to divide and to allow the haters to carry on would be more likely to support abolishing ‘Public’ broadcasting.

    If WW says it is so, then it must be a fore gone conclusion.

     
    • etomczyk

      October 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

      Hudson, my man. Actually, Toronto would be my favorite city to reside in. Our oldest child’s middle name is named after someone we met in Toronto. WW and I love that city. I love to visit the old city of Quebec because it is so artistic but I love the diversity of Toronto–not to mention the food and the theater! The problem is, I love my country with all my heart–for better or for worse–and I always end up coming back home no matter how many other places I fantasize about visiting.

      WW knew Barack was going to win the first time (I told him he was out of his mind) and he has no doubt about his chances this time. Sometimes I wonder who is really the optimist of the two of us.

      Thanks for visiting and leavinng such thought-provoking comments–as always. You’re the best!

       
      • Hudson Howl

        October 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

        Pssst, Here north of the 49th I even had a Elect Obama ball cap which I wore on occasion prior to his election as the 44th president of United States.

         
  4. MZ

    October 13, 2012 at 7:12 am

    Well done Eleanor! Just keep looking at the bright side. He’s gonna do it for us because we need him. I don’t think our country can handle Mittens.

     
    • etomczyk

      October 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

      MZ: I couldn’t agree more. The more I envision Mittens occupying the White House, the louder I can hear my heart break into little pieces for all the hurt and damage his actions will cause to everyone except his buddies and his pals. Sigh! 😦

       
  5. Valentine Logar

    October 13, 2012 at 7:59 am

    So it goes. I continue to try to be an optimist, it is hard out here though isn’t it?

     
    • etomczyk

      October 13, 2012 at 3:14 pm

      Val. Yes it seems to get harder and harder to be an optimist but I refuse to give up. Whatever growth in love, grace, civil rights, tolerance, hope, and decency we have acquired in our country is because a handful of people never gave up (Martin Luther King, Jr., Medgar Evers, the housewife from Detroit, Gloria Steinem, Rosa Parks, etc.). Keep the faith, my friend!

       
  6. imagesbytdashfield

    October 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Ah you went Monty Python Life of Brian on us didn’t ya? I used to be an optimist then reality kicked me several times in the nads…now I’m a crabby semi-pessimist. It’s hard to be optimistic with what’s going on out there. The way I see it either way after the elections there will be a boat load of ticked off people. Anger will still seethe. I’ve had enough…let me go check and see if my passport is current 😉 Just kidding. This is – good, bad, ugly – my home and wouldn’t want to live anyplace else…well maybe someplace a bit warmer.

     
    • etomczyk

      October 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

      TD: Don’t you just love that song? Did you see “Spamalot?” The song is put to better use in the musical than the “Life of Brian” movie.

      I am concerned as well about the anger that will still continue to seethe, especially if the “Haters” lose. I just hope enough people hold the perpetrators accountable and we keep foraging ahead–inch by inch, step by step. I always love it when you stop by and leave a comment because the comments are always delightful. Take care.

       
      • imagesbytdashfield

        October 13, 2012 at 4:11 pm

        Yep! Was a card carrying Monty Python viewer and did see Spamalot.

         
      • etomczyk

        October 13, 2012 at 4:30 pm

        TD: That does it. I am in love!!! 🙂 WW and I are such Monty Python addicts that we went to see Spamalot on Christmas Day! And we play the CD in the car constantly. . .for years!! Okay, it is official: you are now my buddy, my pal!

         
      • imagesbytdashfield

        October 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

        Well duhhhhhhhhh!!! 🙂 And DH used to sing in an opera company so we just have to meet one day. BTW – check out the latest on my fashion blog you might get a chuckle, gf of mine.

         
  7. Sondra Smith

    October 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I am so disappointed with the silence of the church, if there even is one out there.
    Joe Biden schooled Pauly who only studied for the test and knew nothing about anything.
    I am with you on the move to Canada!

     
    • etomczyk

      October 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      Me too, Sondra, me too. If the truth be known, it is breaking my heart. 😦

       
  8. becomingcliche

    October 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    We had to stop in a Chic-Fil-A a couple of months ago when we were on vacation. I didn’t want to make any kind of political statement so it felt weird. And then I looked around. Turns out, the only statement we were making was “I’m hungry! Gimme some chicken.” We were the only straight people there.

     
    • etomczyk

      October 15, 2012 at 7:56 pm

      BC: Isn’t that ironic, and it could be the gem of a funny short story!

       
  9. Tina

    October 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Thanks for the “kick.” I needed that. Felt a little punched in the stomach after the 1st debate. I too will not waste time on those any more this election eon. I must be bipolar cuz’ I swing between optimist and pessimist. Maybe actually positive and discouraged. Sounds better.

     
    • etomczyk

      October 15, 2012 at 8:18 pm

      Tina: I’ve found that it is not just the debates, but I couldn’t handle the Media and the bloodsport it is whipping up as if this were a Roman gladiator sport rather than our lives on the line (jobs, healthcare, wars and rumors of wars). It is getting so that I can’t read or listen to anything that is “commentary.” It is all such BS. Hang in there, kiddo.

       
  10. aFrankAngle

    October 14, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    E-Tom … you are sounding fine. Next time you mention me regarding setting you straight, make sure to state that I’m your political therapist. 🙂

    Also glad to see that using Palins in your post didn’t cause you to threaten to jump.

    Meanwhile, me … the contrarian moderate has yet to see a debate. Nonetheless, the fact checkers are not painting a good pic for either side. Meanwhile, the GOP mantra seems to be working … sound good and hope nobody looks the stuff up.

    Meanwhile, even though it hurt you a lot, thanks for letting WW stop to drain and eat.

     
    • etomczyk

      October 15, 2012 at 8:42 pm

      Hey Frank. I tell everyone that you’re my political therapist. WW was so glad when you cured me of the nincumpoop, he almost sent you a wine and cheese basket. Ha!

      You’re so right about the arbitrary facts. Not to mention what this Citizens United has done to our political process. I am appalled at how much is being spent on advertising just to smear or distort. 😦

      WW was a hoot in the restaurant. Normally, he would have grabbed a sandwich and eaten as we kept driving, but he decided that sitting down and eating in the establishment was just what the doctor ordered as he kept torturing me with questions of “don’t you want something to drink? aren’t you the least bit hungry? man is this chicken sandwich delicious! glad I didn’t sign a petition. . .” (WW loves to mess with me!)

       
      • aFrankAngle

        October 15, 2012 at 8:50 pm

        Oh that is great … cheers to WW for messing with you.

        Meaning, glad I helped with the nincompoop, … and I hope the antidote doesn’t wear off. 😉

        As far as Citizens United goes … I have a cure for that too …. it’s called Using the Mute button! It works … so in these closing weeks, try it!

         
      • etomczyk

        October 15, 2012 at 9:02 pm

        Frank. Oh, I’ve been muting for weeks now. It is the only reason I still have my sanity! 🙂

         
      • aFrankAngle

        October 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm

        Great … Meanwhile, I hope you get a chance to drop by here during the debate. 🙂

         

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