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We’re ALL Gonna Die (sooner or later)!

06 Jul

Mayim Bialik and Kaley Cuoco||Chuck Lorre Productions||Warner Bros. Television

PENNY: “How’s your life?”

AMY FARRAH FOWLER“Like everybody else’s—

subject to entropy, decay, and eventual death.

 Thank you for asking.”

******

Do you know what I’ve discovered?  I just survived a “derecho” (pronounced duh-RAY-cho), and up until it slammed into my town last week, I had never heard of such a force of nature and had no idea that there was yet another thing out there in the great unknown that could reign mayhem and death upon my life when I least expected it.  At 10:30 p.m. last Friday, something that wasn’t a hurricane, or a tornado, or a cyclone started in Chicago at 2 p.m. and made a straight line of a squall of violent thunderstorms from Illinois to the Atlantic Ocean while traveling up to 85 miles an hour.   When Señor Derecho took out my electricity, my Internet, my phone land line, and all cell service, the last thing I saw was my weighted patio table bouncing across the deck like a bunny rabbit on crack while the deck umbrella and several hundred dollars of gorgeous plants got sucked into its vortex as if they were heaven bound.  After Sir Derecho passed out to sea, it left in its wake days of 100 degree temperatures, millions of people without electricity for seven days and counting, hundreds of trees uprooted, undrinkable water, traffic lights on the fritz, long gas lines, and multitudes of cranky residents.  The worst part of it all was that 17 people were killed and at least one canine was turned into a “frozen pop/pup” because in the hysteria of the moment the stupid-ass owner reasoned that tossing his Bichon Frise puppy into a freezer would alleviate the dog’s overheating problem caused by the unrelenting temperatures from Hell—proving once and for all that there is a fool born every minute.

Storm Damage/DC area||MSNBC/MSN.com

What the fuck is going on?  Last March millions of fish washed up dead in the Los Angeles area while last October millions of dead fish were found in Maryland, Brazil, and New Zealand.   On New Year’s Eve thousands of dead birds fell from the sky in Arkansas (of course, if I lived in Arkansas, I’d probably commit hari kari by taking a nose dive from the sky as well!), the honey bees have disappeared in droves, and now a huge section of Colorado has gone up in flames while most of the country suffers from its worst drought in years—threatening to destroy the corn yield in the middle of the country.

Before cell phones could get reception for calls in the aftermath of Herr Derecho in our area, intermittent text messages made it through on my phone with “end of time” theories from the uber-religious to my heathen friends, from the old to the young, from African-Americans to Caucasians, from Hispanic carpenters to my Asian wig stylist, from rich to poor alike—telling me their conspiracy theories which they all concluded had to do with either global warming or God’s wrath.  No matter what their origins or beliefs, they all were trying to get me to buy into some wild tale about a sudden cataclysmic end of the world and write about it in my blog.

Photo by Joshua Trujillo/seattlepi.com

Grandma in her 80’s:   Baby, maybe you ought to write in your blog about how everybody laughed at that old preacher who said the world gonna end on May 21 and Oct 21 last year. Maybe he was right but his math was wrong.  Math ain’t my strong suit neither, and you know how we old folks can’t see that well.  Maybe he didn’t carry a 1 or something in his tallyin’.  Maybe we should not have laughed cause it sure seems like we all gonna die with all this mess that keeps happenin’.

ETomczyk:  Mama-Mama, I love you—bunches—so don’t take this personally when I say, yes, we’re all going to die at some point (some of us sooner than later, if you catch my drift), but that dude is nuts and just plain wrong.  That preacher man has been predicting the end of the world since 1994.  He’s in hiding now, in his multi-million-dollar Christian media empire, having suffered a heart attack, after receiving all those donations from saps who believed his lies that the world would end on the dates he predicted.  Because God don’t like liars, I can only guess that that creepy preacher had a heart attack not from regret about his false prophecies but from hearing God’s voice say: “Oh, hell to the no, false prophet Camping—HELL TO THE NO—sit down and shut up; I’ve had enough of your sorry-ass!”  I sent Rev. Camping a “get well” eCard the day after the last failed prediction that said:  “Cheer up, Rev. Camping; it’s not the end of the world!”

Peccator.com

My Asian Hair StylistHow are you my friend?  I think you should blog about the Mayan prediction because everybody’s talking about it.  You believe that stuff?  Sounds pretty good to me.  Mayans predicted maybe 1600 years ago that world will end on December 21, 2012.  Maybe Derecho a warning that we got six months to get our shit together.  What you say?  (Electricity just came back; you can come on by for styling of your new wig anytime.)

ETomczykHanging in there, Phi—how yu doin’?  My problem with the Mayan prediction is the obvious:  how can you trust an ancient people’s predictions about the modern world when they didn’t see the Spanish coming and the anihilation of their own sorry behinds?  That’s kind of like taking stock market tips from a fortune teller that is dirt poor.

Reenactment of Mayan Priests Ritual||Goodnews.ws.com

My Asian Hair Stylist:  Understandable, my friend.  But somebody told me that the Mayan Round Calendar refers to something called a “Grand Continent,” which they say is talking about North America. The Mayan message says, “Wind and Fire will take their sides on the Grand Continent, and then will return to meet in the middle.”  See—fire in Colorado, storms in the East, meeting together in the middle!  That’s one of the reasons I’m thinking of going back to Viet Nam, my friend, and take my chances with Trương Tấn Sang and the rest of those communist bastards because too much unpredictable shit keeps happening here.

ETomczyk:  You’re a trip, Phi.  I’ll think about blogging about the Mayans.  No promises though.

Husband (WW):  Hey Babe, you interested in seeing “Seeking Friend for End of the World” with Steve Carell and Keira Knightley when the electricity comes back on?  It might be something to use for your blog since I’m sure the Derecho trials of this week are blog worthy.  How about blogging what you would do with your life if the world was going to end in six weeks or six months?

ETomczyk:  Hey, White and Wonderful!  My readers already know what I would do, because they would probably do the same.  You and I would quit our jobs, gather our family and any friends that needed family and transport them to a bucolic location (probably Hawaii or the Caribbean), and we’d spend the remaining time enjoying each other with purposeful abandonment without distraction, guilt, bickering, or worry.  Remember that scene from the apocalyptic movie, Deep Impact, with Téa Leoni and Maximilian Schell as the estranged father and daughter?   Remember how they faced the tsunami wave locked in each other’s arms and died together in total peace—no fear, no panic, and no regrets.  I would hope that would be me after leading a life well lived for that short amount of time.

SEEKINIG A FRIEND for the End of the World||Movie Poster||Wikipedia Image

Brown Cat: You don’t know me but I lived in the house where the Bichon Frise was “frozen” and I’m texting you on the lam.  The Bichon’s name was Monique and she was my friend.  I only missed the freezer demise with her by a hairball—literally!   (I started to hack up a pretend hair ball until the master got distracted with cooling off Monique, and then I ran for the hills before he could toss me in frozen box with her). You see, he told the vet he was just trying to cool us off in the triple digit heat following the Derecho, but I know differently.  Master is a Zombie!  Blog about Monique—BLOG ABOUT THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE because that is what the signs of the times are telling us:  The Zombies are upon us and they are the idiots in our midst.  Look for the idiots and you’ll find the Zombies.  Start with the Tea Party and Fox News, and make sure you warn the people about the pseudo-intellectual, Dinesh D’Souza, because he is one of the top Zombie leaders.  WARN THE PEOPLES I TELL YOU—WARN THEM!

Pinned from Pinterest||funnycats4U.blogspot.com

ETomczykKitty, wait a minute—maybe the world is coming to an end.  When did you get opposable thumbs to text?  Oh, Sweet, Jesus!  What did you do with your owner?

****

I am discovering that there have been “end of time scenarios” since the dawn of the ages or since man realized how quickly and efficiently he could fuck up the planet and wanted to stop the world and kick off the undesirables.   If you’re of the Christian ilk, you’ll remember how Noah and God tried to do a localized end times scenario, but it didn’t take more than a chapter for people to start acting like fools again.  (The Zombies are us, I tell you!)  But I kind of think we’ll be here for a while—at least until we get the concept of “living” right.   Since I didn’t have any control over when I’d be born and probably won’t have any control over when I’ll die, I think I’ll just chill and enjoy today “sans” fear.  Besides, I don’t believe any person, now or then, knows when the world will cease to be as we know it.  Personally, I’ve decided to err on the side of sheer abandonment (live like my world is ending in six months all the freakin’ time), and be an outrageous expression of love, integrity, and joy because in reality one day in the future will certainly be my last.

My sister’s birthday is December 22nd.   I’ve asked all the family to arrive a week before 12/21 because I plan to throw a party every single day like it’s the last day of our lives.  That way, if we go on December 21st as the Mayans have predicted, we’ll all go together with smiles on our faces, good wine and food in our tummies, and hearts full of love and tenderness for each other.  Who could ask for anything more?

Used by permission from Dan Piraro|http://www.bizarrocomics.com

******

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”—William Allen White

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”—H. P. Lovecraft

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”—Mark Twain

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. . . The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day . . . We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. . .”Charles Swindoll

 
29 Comments

Posted by on July 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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29 responses to “We’re ALL Gonna Die (sooner or later)!

  1. Elyse

    July 6, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Ohhhhhh, so much to choose from, Eleanor. But i have to focus on this: A man put his dog into the freezer to cool down? Did he then put him/her in the microwave to thaw out? It is truly amazing that people can be that stupid and still feed themselves.

    Sorry you had such a hard time with the storm. We were on vacation up in Maine (I will not report on the weather here since you are still miserable), but our son was home dealing with it like the incredible young man that he is. Our power was restored on Thursday afternoon. Which means no water, no nothin. Nasty storm.

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

      Elyse. Can you believe that about the dog? And the dude was stunned that the dog was dead! Holy Mary, Mother of God. . .

      So glad you were not here for the Derecho. What a mess as I’m sure your son has conveyed. But I will not complain because, all jokes aside, there were some horrible deaths and lose of property due to this thing that few people knew existed before last Friday.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting, as always. Take care.

       
  2. Amanda

    July 6, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Can I come to the Caribbean too? I’ll buy you a new plant if bribery is your thing. 😉

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 12:33 am

      Hi Amanda. By all means! Just know that if you ever come to my blog and there is a sign that says, “Gone to the Caribbean–permanently” you’ll know that I must have some inside scoop as to my exit plans :). Thanks for reading and commenting.

       
  3. morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer

    July 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    The world is definitely NOT ending. This is my prediction and if I am wrong I’ll be really mad and come and haunt anything that survives.

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 12:37 am

      Ronnie, you and me both!

      Do you still have a blog? For some reason I can’t get to it. Thanks for reading and commenting. . .always good to hear from you.

       
      • morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer

        July 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

        Yes, I do. The blog address is: morristownmemos.wordpress.com.
        Thanks for asking, and please visit again.

         
  4. momshieb

    July 7, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Thank you for the Saturday morning belly laugh!! As for the freezer dog…..how is it possible that humans aren’t extinct?
    Your whole post reminds me of something my father said when he diagnosed with terminal cancer: “Life is a terminal condition. No one gets out alive.” He was a pretty cool guy!
    And one final note: that cat picture is terrifying!

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 2:51 pm

      Momsheib: So glad I could bring you joy on this Saturday morning! Can you believe that story about the dog. Unbelievable. I’ve had that picture of the cat for a long time, holding it for the exact time. I think it worked as the avenger of Monique, the Bichon. Ha!

      I love the statement by your father. It is so true and a great attitude. Thanks for dropping by. Excellent story about Meg this week, by the way. All the best.

       
  5. becomingcliche

    July 7, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I’m so sorry about derecho. What a mess! Hope you’re surviving okay!

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

      BC: Yep, we’re doing fine. We’re one of the lucky ones because we were one of the sections to get electricity back first. Some people we know still don’t have power and it has been 8 days, all the while the temperature has been 100 plus–there is only so naked one can get to cool off. Heaven help us! Thanks for stopping by. Glad to read that you survived the tree, as well.

       
  6. imagesbytdashfield

    July 7, 2012 at 9:52 am

    We were only without power for two days (thank you, Lord!!!) but others around here have only recently gotten theirs back and some still don’t. They found a home with 3 older people in it dead 😦 Yeah, like you with all this weird azz weather stuff going on I’ve found myself thinking – is this it? Is this the heads up y’all I’m coming back? But as it states – we will not know when HE will return no matter how many clowns try to put a date on it. Sometimes I do wonder if hints are being dropped though.
    I suppose it is best to live as best you can because regrets are a mutha! But that popsicle dog was sick and funny at the same time. Poor puppy, at least he doesn’t have to live with that twit anymore. I hope the scary cat got him.

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

      TD: That is so awful about the three older people–just terrible! I do think “hints” (as you put it), or messages from Heaven (as I once wrote) are always written in the heavenlies. Death and resurrection are in the seasons and there for us as humans to witness, embrace, and follow, if we choose. I’ve often thought that as Americans we’ve been missing the point of the recession and the economic hardships that have come our way. Instead of us (as a collective) embracing community, family, connection, for the most part, the polls show we’re saying: “I have mine (don’t touch my stuff), too bad it sucks for you that you don’t have the same.” I came out of this storm praising God and thanking him for everything! I’ll never take electricity for granted again.

      WW didn’t want me to use the dog story, but after I made it so the Zombie Cat did in the dog owner in the end of the story, WW (as my editor) felt okay about it. Your reaction says that I struck the right balance. All the best, my friend!

       
  7. Cdn Stormlover

    July 7, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Oh my! As much as I love a good thunderstorm I must say this Derecho is NOT a friend. Glad you are alive and well my friend. Very sad to hear lives were lost (including the dog! Geez!). 😦

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

      Cdn: The lightening from this storm was unlike anything I’ve every witnessed. It was like watching a light show on steroids. The power outages were inconvenient but the deaths were the worst part (one was a young father of two coming home from night school and when he didn’t return at the noted time, his wife and brother found him along the rode where a tree had fallen and crushed his car). What a storm!

       
      • Cdn Stormlover

        July 7, 2012 at 4:07 pm

        OH my! Such tragedies! I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to experience this extreme force of nature……and my heart breaks for the loss of life from this monster. 😦
        Mother Nature isn’t always so kind.

         
  8. composerinthegarden

    July 7, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Eleanor, I am glad to hear that you are back online but sorry to hear about all the damage. We had straight line winds here about 12 years ago, with horrible destruction – now they call it a derecho, but the same thing I think. My sympathies – and the plants! Ouch!

    I must admit that all this destruction rings a few warning bells for me but I am of the same mind; no one really knows if and when the end will come, and I have witnessed friends do strange things trying to prepare for the “end times.” While it is practical to have some disaster preparedness (water, food, flash lights, etc.) for the inevitable wrath of nature event, I try to let go of the illusion of controlling the world, and let love and joy reside its place. Sometimes hard to do, but a worthy goal. As is celebrating music, food, friends, and all good things – I always preferred the grasshopper fiddling away 🙂

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

      Lynn: We must know the same people. Ha! But I think living a worthy life is the best one can do in the midst of all the crazy stuff that keeps happening and hope that if caught in a disaster we can be the ones God can count upon to bring grace, peace, joy, and mercy to the situation. Somehow I think that is going to be of more value than stockpiling food, guns, and gas masks. 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by.

      By the way, the demise of my plants was me: I had hurt the root systems when I planted them (in a hurry). Of course that plant didn’t blow away, only the lovely giant wave petunias and massive begonias. Sheesh!

       
  9. mary i

    July 7, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Bless You and Yours Hearts!!! I have/had never heard of such as a D.Storm. Wow You and your smiling-ness make me,yeah all that.. So very Glad ya’ll are safe. Heck at least they give us warnings down here. Yea we are all gonna go some day. but I have way to many ‘matoes to put up PEACE BLESSINGS AND LAUGHTER ..(Your new header is nice) Hugz from bama 🙂

     
    • etomczyk

      July 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm

      Hi Mary. Thanks so much for stopping by. I had never heard of a derecho storm until last Friday either. When you get a chance, Google it and it will show you a map which will blow your mind. The storm stretched all the way from Chicago to the Atlantic. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide because its width was so broad. It did feel a little like the end of the world as we were huddled in the basement in the dark. There are still some folks without electricity and its still 103 degrees but life is getting back to normal. I’ll never take electricity for granted again. All the best.

       
      • mary i

        July 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

        Thank you for the info. I will Google it here soon. I am a weather sort of gal. :0) Never take running water or electricity for granted. Heck Modern plumbing for that matter.. Have a Better weekend. Hugz from Alabama … 🙂

         
  10. anobservantmind

    July 8, 2012 at 11:56 pm

    It really is a new kind of crazy. I’ve been saying it for over a year now with all teh weird dolphins washing up, birds dropping out of the sky etc etc. Something is amiss, and I suspect rather than all the conspiracy theories, its just plain old consequences of us screwing with the earth the way we do. The real issue is, what kind of mess are we leaving for our kids and their kids? I shudder to think! (Yet again Ive been AWOL but fully intend on catching up with your blog as time permits – hope life is treating you well Eleanor!)

     
    • etomczyk

      July 9, 2012 at 6:03 am

      Karyn: Happy to see you and glad you’re back. I think you are absolutely right about us screwing with the Earth. Can you believe that there are some people who think Global Warming is a conspiracy? And here is something you will rarely hear talked about: Check out a map of all the airline flights that are usually in the air on any given day. It looks like an invasion of the worst kind. Now imagine how much all that air traffic affects the quality of the air as well as the movement of the air currents. Don’t get me wrong, I like to get from point A to point Z the fastest way possible, just like everybody else, but we must be paying a price for all this air traffic and speed. Yikes!

      Thanks for stopping by and hope life is treating you well, also, my friend. Cheers!

       
  11. aFrankAngle

    July 9, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Greetings E-Tom from the other side of Camping’s World. It ended just as he said – so I’m reporting from heaven (aka the World Choir Games). I don’t know what you’re missin’! BTW – you give the best interviews.

     
    • etomczyk

      July 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

      Hi Frank. So you ended up in choir heaven, did you? I am so jealous! I feel honored that you took the time to read my blog in the midst of such heavenly nectar. I can hardly wait to read all about it. . .Take care.

       
  12. Lindy Lee

    July 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    What if we knew exactly when our world would die, that the whole earth would split in half & fly into space beyond our solar system? What could we actually do about it? Yet, we do know we are changing our weather patterns, polluting our water supplies & poisoning our foods, things we could certainly do something about, but we pretend all is OK, living in a fog of denial. Those who could won’t. Those who would can’t…

     
    • etomczyk

      July 9, 2012 at 9:23 pm

      Yep Lindy, you’re so right. When you put it like that, it takes my breath away. And to think there are people who still don’t believe in Global Warming. Oh my. . .

       
  13. Joanne

    July 11, 2012 at 11:52 am

    I understand that the man who put his dog in the freezer was a first cousin to Mitt Romney!

     
    • etomczyk

      July 11, 2012 at 8:08 pm

      Joanne: LOL! Too funny. Oh my gosh. Thanks for reading and giving me a chuckle.

       

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