Do you know what I discovered watching the debate last night?  I am part of a new club:  The Nasty Women’s Club!  Just call me “Nasty”—Ms. Eleanor “if you’re nasty,” as I channel my inner Janet Jackson.


Cartoon used by permission: Milt Priggee,

I was dreading the third debate, but by the end of it, I was popping the champagne cork.  There were at least four statements The Donald made that pretty much let me know that he was going to be toast regarding winning the presidency:

“What I am saying is that I will tell you at the time.  I will keep you in suspense” (When asked by the moderator of 3rd debate if Trump would honor election results if he didn’t win—this is not how we do it in America, maybe in Russia, but not in America).

“Should have gotten it” (Trump’s petulant response to Hillary Clinton’s well-crafted trap that The Donald thinks everything is rigged when he loses, including the Emmys—“The Apprentice” lost out to “The Amazing Race” that year).

“Such a nasty woman” (Trump’s euphemism for ‘bitch’).

“Nobody has more respect for women than me” (as 10th woman accuser comes out against Trump and the debate audience bursts into laughter).


Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

For those of my readers who have followed me for a long time, you know that I have been near suicidal that many Evangelical Christians (of which I am one) have thrown their political weight behind Donald Trump, regardless of what he stands for and what he believes.  And here’s the deal:  Trump can’t win with just the percentage of angry White men who support him, but he could win if all of the conservative Evangelical Christians vote for him.  This has kept me awake at night and caused me great weeping and gnashing of teeth at how people who should know better are not doing what Jesus would do but are selling their souls to the Devil faster than you can say, “Such a nasty woman.”


Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis, Star Tribune

But something has begun to happen.  My prayers are being heard (thank you, Sweet Jesus).  A group of Liberty University students (one of the strictest Christian Universities in America where the Chancellor is one of Trump’s strongest and earliest supporters) have collected 2,500 signatures against Trump:  “Liberty United against Trump.” But what’s even more exhilarating is that over 700 Evangelical Christian women leaders have come out against Trump and the Christian men who support him.  They signed a letter organized by Faith in Public Life.  They’ve joined the “Nasty Woman” club (any woman who calls out a man for his lies or egregious behavior is often labeled “nasty” [a.k.a. “bitch”] by men who can’t control them—especially if they do so without apology—therefore I dub these courageous woman part of the Nasty Women Club).

“As a Christian:  Over and over and over again, I have witnessed a cycle of male leaders being easily forgiven for sexual indiscretion, misconduct, and assault, and I have had enough. Men are caught, men say they apologize, and then other Christian leaders exhort the rest of us, especially women, to forgive and continue to trust the man in power because he apologized. I’m done with this message. The Christian message of forgiveness should no longer be co-opted to maintain men in places of power, especially not the office of the President of the United States. It is time that Christians begin speaking about the humanity and dignity of women, and of everyone. Christians are not here to teach the violated to forgive; we are here to stand with the downtrodden. That is what Jesus did.”

– Dr. Laura Levens, Assistant Professor of Christian Mission, Baptist Seminary of Kentucky [1]


Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune


“We cannot stand by and allow the Jerry Falwells and James Dobsons of the world claim to speak for God regarding Trump and sexism … When this election is over — and Hillary Clinton is the nation’s first female president, I hope that we will finally get beyond the idea of ‘Christian women leaders’ being some special subset of Christian community.  Women are the majority of Christians around the world — we are the heartbeat of living faith.  The media spends too much time covering male leaders — and then a small subset of authoritarian conservative men — as if they are the voice of the church.  They are not.  Women are.  All the women. . .”

Diana Butler Bass, Author and Historian


Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune


“I am an African American, a Christian woman, a clergy person, I have a passionate vision for a world free of bias, discrimination, and hatred. I sign my name in honor of the God who called me into ministry, and in honor of my mentor, a Palestinian Jewish Rabbi we have come to call Jesus. I sign my name because men AND women are created in God’s image, and all human beings are fearfully and wonderfully made. I sign my name to insist on just treatment for every person. My faith demands it. And our nation requires it.”

The Rev. Jacqueline J. Lewis, Ph.D., Senior Minister, Middle Collegiate Church


Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis, Star Tribune


“It seems that in this election we are forced to say what should be obvious: Jesus would never be on the side of the sexual predator. Many of us feel betrayed by the Christian leaders who continue to endorse this candidate, realizing that for those prominent Christian men, women are less important than partisan politics, and the assault of women by powerful, predatory men is worth little more than a shrug.  This Christian pastor will stand for the dignity, respect, and equality of women – because it’s the right thing to do, and because it is exactly what Jesus did.”

– Rev. Karlene Clark, Wesley United Methodist Church



I am discovering that if you want hope regarding this election you just need to read the link listed with a [1] in the references below from the Huffington Post.  These Evangelical woman are awesome and they, along with all the other groups Trump has insulted in America, will be cheering our first female president on November 9th.  And the election will not have been rigged—an asshole will have been rejected and kicked to the curb by a whole lot of “nasty women” who decided they just couldn’t take it anymore.


Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star



“(Pat) Robertson (Christian Grand Poohbah) has emerged as one of Trump’s most stalwart defenders on the Religious Right, claiming that the business mogul is facing satanic attacks and dismissing the tape of Trump bragging about sexually assaulting women as simply “macho” talk.”—Brian Tashman/Right Wing Watch

“I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it, you can do anything … grab them by the pussy” (speaking of his perks as a celebrity).—Donald Trump to Billy Bush/Access Hollywood

“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”—Luke 6:45/Holy Bible


Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons,com



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).



All designs created and owned by Fishbiscuit Designs, Inc. © $19.95 on Etsy


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on October 20, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered last night following the second debate?  I can’t stop vomiting, and I am at a loss for words. The “hate theater,” a term coined by Margaret Sullivan for the parade of women from Bill Clinton’s past whom Donald Trump sprang on the Presidential debate, made me sick to my stomach.  (Apparently, Trump and team had planned to put the women in the VIP box so that Bill Clinton would have to bump into them to get to his VIP seat, and so that they would be directly in Hillary’s sightline so as to unnerve her and cause her to lose the debate.  The dastardly deed was discovered, and the plan was thwarted.)  It was wrong and it was a new low in our Presidential politics.  Besides, it was Trump’s way of trying to cover up his own egregious sins.  Normally, I would try to come up with something humorous or pithy about the week, but children, I’ve got nothing because I think I just watched our republic die Sunday night, aided and abetted by the Religious Right—especially the men over fifty years old.**



That’s right, my Delightful Readers, according to the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll, 71 percent of white evangelical voters said they would vote for Trump if the election were held today even though he’s a racist, a xenophobe, a mocker of the disabled, a tax evader, and an adulterer, and now he seems to think its cool TO ASSAULT WOMEN.  We’ve all heard the infamous open-mic chatter of Donald Trump’s workplace vulgarity (he claims it was locker room humor, but he was at work, getting ready to tape a show), but it bears repeating for the sake of removing the scales of deception from the eyes of those who refuse to see:


“I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it,”

“I did try and fuck her. She was married,” Trump says.

“And I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said, ‘I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.’”

“I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.”


“I’ve got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her.  You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.”

“And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.”

“Grab them by the pussy,” Trump says. “You can do anything.”




PAT ROBERTSON (head of The Christian Broadcasting Network) to Donald Trump:  You inspire us all.”

  JERRY, FALWELL, JR. (President of the nation’s largest Christian university and one of the first Christian leaders to support Donald Trump):  “In my opinion, Donald Trump lives a life of loving and helping others as Jesus taught in the great commandment.”

JAMES DOBSON (Christian psychologist and founder of Focus on the Family) about Donald Trump: “I am endorsing Donald J. … I am also very enthusiastic by the selection of Gov. Mike Pence as Mr. Trump’s running mate. Together, I believe they will make America great again.”

RALPH REED (Head of Faith & Freedom Coalition) regarding Donald Trump’s “pussy grab”: “People of faith are voting on issues like who will protect unborn life, defund Planned Parenthood, defend religious liberty and oppose the Iran nuclear deal.  A ten-year-old tape of a private conversation with a talk show host ranks low on their hierarchy of concerns.”


CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

WAIT, WHAT?  THIS JUST IN?  HOT OFF THE PRESSES! Christian women, especially those who have survived sexual abuse and women under forty years old, are beginning to peel away from The Donald, led by none other than the female American evangelist, Beth Moore (author and founder of Living Proof Ministries):

“I’m one among many women sexually abused, misused, stared down, heckled, talked naughty to. Like we liked it. We didn’t. We’re tired of it,” Moore said. She also had a word about evangelical leaders still supporting Trump: “Try to absorb how acceptable the disesteem and objectifying of women has been when some Christian leaders don’t think it’s that big a deal.”—Joshua Dubois/The Daily Beast (see full article listed under references—it is worth the read)*

All righty, now!  Okay, Christian men who are voting for Trump and are supporting him, no matter what.  You men who have wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers:  where are your fucking balls?  You better find them, because if the Donald has his way, he’s coming for their “pussies,” unless they aren’t a “10” in his eyes, then he’ll just insult them by calling them “slobs, dogs, and ugly, fat pigs.”  Rise up, oh men of God, and do the right thing!


CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri



I am discovering “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” but when a person truly repents of their sins, which one of us who live in glass houses has a right to throw past sins in the face of the x-sinner’s spouse just to score political points or to try and win a debate?  I’ll let you decide, Dear Reader, which one of these men is someone who might be the better person in spite of his egregious past choices. 

BILL CLINTON’S PUBLIC REPENTENCE 18 YEARS AGO:  “I don’t think there’s a fancy way to say that I have sinned. It is important to me that everyone who has been hurt know that the sorrow I feel is genuine — first and most important, my family, my friends, my staff, my cabinet, Monica Lewinsky and her family, and the American people. I have asked all for their forgiveness.

“To be forgiven, more than sorrow is required, at least two more things.  First, genuine repentance, a determination to change and to repair breaches of my own making. I have repented.

“Second, what my Bible calls a broken spirit, an understanding that I must have God’s help to be the person that I want to be, a willingness to give the very forgiveness I seek, a renunciation of the pride and the anger which cloud judgment, lead people to excuse and compare and to blame and complain.”

DONALD TRUMP’S IDEA OF REPENTENCE TODAY: “Why do I have to repent, why do I have to ask for forgiveness if [I’m] not making mistakes?” [And since The Donald never admits he’s wrong, he never has to ask forgiveness.]





“Character is what you do when nobody’s looking. And this video captures Trump in the middle of day, sober, a few months after being married, talking with a man he barely knows, bragging about sexual assault, while wearing a microphone.   This is, apparently, the real Donald Trump …”John Avlon/Daily Beast

 “Trump-loving evangelical leaders should either apologize to Bill Clinton or admit, after all these years, that they, too, have a character issue.”Jonathan Merritt

“Donald Trump knows he won’t be president. He’s now in full carnival-barking, network-launching, party-nuking mode — a scowling, pouting menace who threatened during a nationally televised debate to throw Hillary Clinton in jail and called her husband the most sexually abusive man in political history.”—REVIEW OF THE SECOND DEBATE/Ron Fournier, writer for The Atlantic


WINNER OF DEBATE:  CNN POLL=57% (Hillary)-34% (The Donald)

CARTOON USED BY PERMISSION: Marian Kemensky, Slovakia



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).



Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on October 10, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered this week?   Not only do all dogs go to heaven, but they can talk, too (at least I think they can or I may be hearing things).  Not only do all dogs go to heaven but they are watching us (I mean, they just might be or I may be paranoid).  How do I know this?  I think I got a 911 message from my grand-dog, Wednesday Addams—a shorkie (cross between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Shih Tzu) who is 11 years old (77 in human years)—who said she needed to talk to me ASAP about the poopy stuff that’s been going down in the country before she bites the dust, which apparently she almost did.  Said she’d watched the debate between Hillary and Trump and wanted to weigh in with the animal perspective.  I mean I think my grand-dog said that, but it might have been all the booze I drank to dull the terror I felt every time that delusional, sexist, racist, Putin-ass-kissing, non-taxpaying liar who wants to move into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave and declare himself “King of the World!” opened his mouth at the debate the other night.


Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

I’m sure the copious alcohol, the stress from imagining delusional people believing all the lies of a delusional presidential candidate, mixed with the dog food commercial I saw right before I fell asleep must have had something to do with the fact that I had a political conversation with a dog.   In any case, it was very informative.  In my dream, Wednesday Addams sent me a selfie that she turned into a meme with a 911 message that said:  “Saw the debate:  What the fuck?!  Call me, Mema.  We need to talk—now!”


Grand-dog, Wednesday Addams/Photo Credit: C. Tomczyk/Photo dedicated to J. Alsop

ME: Oh, my God, Wednesday—you poor baby—what happened to you?  Where was this selfie taken?

WEDNESDAY:  Hey Mema.  At the doggy emergency room.  Doc said I’m a “victim of Trump-induced hysteria.”  Apparently, there is a lot of it going around amongst humans, but this is the first case he’s seen in the animal kingdom.

ME:  Wow, but it looks as if you’re really messed up, Baby.  What happened to your foot?  What’s that crap on your head?

WEDNESDAY:  Well, what had happened was, I was watchin’ the debates and every time Trump told a lie or didn’t own up to his racist shit I shook my head back and forth in denial like a crazed Muppet and kicked the TV stand because I couldn’t believe there would be people delusional enough to believe him.

ME:  Well, Sweetie, if the debates disturbed you that much, why didn’t you just turn them off?

WEDNESDAY:  I did.  I had my mommy turn on “Empire” that I’d saved on the DVR (you know that’s my favorite Black people show, that and “Scandal”), but in the first five minutes, Boo-Boo-Kitty killed Rhonda!  I almost had a heart attack.  So I kicked the TV stand again!  I was so pissed that I had your daughter turn off “Empire” and read me the latest People magazine.  You know what your daughter had the nerve to tell me?  She said that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were breaking up.  WTF?  How will I go on now?  Is this the end of true love?


Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kemensky, Slovakia

ME:  Let me guess:  you kicked the TV stand again in anger?

WEDNESDAY:  No, this time I kicked my Mommy, and I said:  “Bitch, you better check yourself—don’t you be hatin’ on my Brangelina sweeties!”

ME:  Oh sweet Jesus!  Let me guess, I’m thinking that didn’t go over very well?  Is that why your neck’s in a giant ice cream cone?  Did she try to wring it?

WEDNESDAY:  No . . . My mommy would never hurt me.  She just grounded me for life, that’s all.  The vet put this shit on my head to keep me from pulling off this nasty-ass boot because my toe is all busted up.  I hate this thing—it is ugly as hell.  Doesn’t match any of my outfits.

ME:  Well, cheer up, My Love. Since you’re almost 77 years old in human years, you won’t be grounded that long ‘cause your ass will be singing with Jesus before too much longer.

WEDNESDAY:  Ahhhh—now why you wanna go say something like that?

ME:  Just kiddin’—just a little gallows humor to cheer you up.  Besides, you needn’t be so dramatic about all this.  As for the storyline in “Empire,” you knew from the cliff hanger from last season that it was either going to be Boo-Boo-Kitty who bit the dust or Rhonda, and since Boo-Boo-Kitty was pregnant with a Lion heir, Rhonda had to go.  You should have seen the handwriting on the wall with Brad and Angelina because she stole him from Jennifer Aniston when Brad was married to her.  Baby, karma is a bitch.  Karma may not get back at you immediately, but it will pay you back inevitably.  Now as to Trump, well, Wednesday Addams, you need not worry because Hillary kicked his ass down into Hell and back again.  My favorite moment in the debate was when he continued his two-week long rag on her that she lacked stamina as he appeared to slump into the podium, sniffle like a snot-nosed kid, and constantly drink water—all the while looking like a stuck pig.  In the meantime, our girl Hillary outpaced him a hundred to one and stood cool, calm, and collected.  Yeah Baby, talk about karma.


Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

WEDNESDAY:  That’s what Mommy said, but I’ve been hearing on the news today that people are still going to vote for him.  What is wrong with those people?  What if The Donald does get elected?  From the way he feels about women (calling them “pigs, slobs, and dogs”), the way he tortured the President with racist Birther lies which he still won’t say he’s sorry for, I can’t imagine how he must feel about “moi” if he has so little regard for humans.  And the worst part is what he did to Alicia Machado, the former Miss Universe that he called “Miss Piggy” because she gained a few pounds—humiliated her, he did.  Fat Donnie even called Ms. Machado “Miss Housekeeping.”  She is a Latina for God’s sake!  Even I know that is a racist thing to say—like calling me a son of a bitch because the stereotype is that dog’s have no parents.  I had two parents, thank you very much!! How many feet do I have to bust up before someone takes note that I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!

ME:  Well, I can tell that someone’s been watching the movie “Network” during her convalescence.   Listen Dog, Trump is delusional if he thinks he’s got the goods to be the President of our great nation.  He proved during the first debate with Hillary he does not.  And even though his staunch basket of deplorables will never leave him (even Hitler had his loyal basket), others saw “an emperor” at the debate “without any clothes” who seemingly boasted that not paying his taxes was smart business, and that he rooted for the housing market crash in 2012 so that he could make money because that was good for his bottom line.  Enough good people heard him to make a difference.  People who work hard every day and have always paid their taxes were horrified, people who lost their homes during the housing crash were disgusted and angry, and women who know how they should be treated and valued were mortified, and it goes without saying that most women would rather die than let a misogynistic, racist, greedy Trumpee be our President and a role model for our children.  These people may not like Hillary, but they are smart enough to realize that Trump will be the beginning of an awful end.   In the meantime, doggy-o-mine, stop kicking the furniture and go tell your mommy and her friends to vote for Hillary!


Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune


I am discovering that I am not as confident as I make myself out to be when I’m chatting with my grand-dog in my dreams.   I must confess that it causes me a great deal of concern that we, as Americans, seem to be so delusional as a people (“a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary” according to Webster’s) that Trump is within striking distance of Hillary in the race for the White House.

At the writing of this post, it is 41 days, 3 hours, 40 minutes, and 5 seconds until Election Day, and we stand at a critical point in American history.  ATTENTION ALL WHO HAVE EARS TO HEARThis is not a drill.  This is real life.  Donald Trump showed himself to be an ignorant, petulant bully who cannot control his tweet finger.   I’m sure that most of the Germans who voted for Hitler were very, very sorry as they stood on the rubble of the scorched Earth at the end of WWII, but it was too little, too late.  Not voting is not an option in 41 days.  (Also, IMHO using your vote as a “protest vote” is cute in an alternate universe, but could get skanky pants elected by robbing the legitimate, qualified candidate of the necessary votes and leave you sobbing in your cups like the Brexit voters did a few months ago.)

In the meantime, I’m going to go now and find a good therapist, because the stress of wondering what the outcome really will be with all the delusion that is fogging the air is driving me to drink.


Cartoon used by permission: Mike Keefe Cagle Cartoons



“Victims of Trump-induced anxiety describe nightmares, insomnia, digestive problems, and headaches. Therapists find themselves helping their patients through a process that feels less like an election than a national nervous breakdown.”—Michelle Goldberg/Slate (What women really think about news, politics, and culture)

“There’s always an element of self-delusion among people who believe they ought to be President. There’s an underestimation of your opponent and an overestimation of your own abilities. This is compatible with being rich and powerful, the idea that we were blessed by God because we deserve to be blessed.”—Jimmy Carter

 “If the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton revealed anything, it is that she has passed the presidential test — and he hasn’t. Clinton was calm and in command. With a smile on her face, she made the case against Trump on all the hot-button issues: his refusal to reveal his taxes, his advocacy of birtherism, his racism, his sexism and many others. She showed mastery of her brief.”—Max Boot, USA Today, Trump Showed He’s No Commander in Chief


Cartoon used by permission: Marian Kemensky, Slovakia



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).



Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on September 28, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered at the beginning of the week?  Hillary Clinton had died!  OH MY GOD! Do you know how I found out?  The Media told me so—from all over the Internet to Britain and back to the U.S.

“IS HILLARY DEAD? Sick Hillary Clinton death rumors sweep the internet as conspiracy theorists claim wannabe president DIED in hospital after 9/11 memorial collapse.”—The Sun/daily tabloid newspaper published in the United Kingdom and Ireland

“Good evening,” said WABC weekend anchor Joe Torres. “We begin with Hillary Clinton’s death…”


Cartoons used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

Oy! I fainted right there on the spot after getting the news.  It’s not that I’m in the tank for Hillary, it’s just that I will need to find a new country if Trump becomes President.  Shoot, I just got used to living in America as it is, and now I’m going to have to find another country to park my chubby ass?  But then I remembered that I’m no fool, and the Media on both sides of the aisle have lost their sexist, freakin’ minds when it comes to the potential of Hillary Clinton becoming our first woman President.  I remembered how I need to weigh everything I read, see, and hear with a grain of salt or else I’ll be collecting moving boxes and changing my mailing address for nothing.  And then, PRAISE JESUS! I read that Hillary only has walking pneumonia, which is why she fainted. Why didn’t she just come right out and tell us she had pneumonia when she was first diagnosed instead of waiting and practically giving me a heart attack?

But wait! Then I read that the person who appeared back on the campaign trail today is NOT HILLARY, she is a body-double, according to all the Alt-right media outlets.  Oh no, wait a New York minute:  another Alt-Right website says that Hillary is alive, but she has Parkinson’s disease, suffers from seizures, has AIDS from a now defunct affair with someone still TBD, and elephantiasis in the legs and thighs which is why she always wears pantsuits.

Hum, it seems like Hillary could have nipped this conspiracy shit in the bud, if she’d simply announced from the beginning that she had pneumonia and was going to take a couple days off.  I could have told her that if she kept going, she’d bite the dust because it has happened to me—twice.  She should have just fessed up.  How is she going to handle these little speed bumps when she’s the President?  Nothing disperses the lies of darkness like the light of truth.


Cartoons used by permission: Bob Englehart,

Trump is far, far worse.  I’m still in a state of shock that we, as Americans, can’t see through this con man.  He’s working the long con and at least half of us are swallowing it hook, line, and sinker.  After months of raging against Hillary to come clean about her health from all he’d learned about it on the Alt-Right conspiracy “news” sites, Humpty-Trumpty finally released an overview of his own health on “Dr. Con’s” (oops! I meant Dr. Oz’s) TV reality show by answering questions “Dr. Con” presented without actually doing blood and urine work on the dude.  From what I can ascertain, Trump is addicted to junk food, has cholesterol issues (all that Kentucky Fried Chicken, I suspect), does not exercise (No?! You mean one doesn’t get that Trump fat ass and girdled belly from jogging?), has the “normal ailments of a 70-year-old man” (does that include erectile dysfunction from a tiny dick the size of his fingers?), and he says he needs to lose a “little weight” (says he’s 236 pounds . . . if that chub-a-lub is 236 pounds, I’m a size 4 and look like Kate Hudson).  Yet, “his health is excellent, especially his mental health,” and Trump’s lab results were “astonishingly excellent”—so says his decades-long gastroenterologist, Dr. Harold Bornstein.  (Speaking of being transparent, I thought a gastroenterologist was an intestine, gut, and colonoscopy doctor, not an internist or a general practitioner.  No wonder Humpty-Trumpty had to get a second opinion from “America’s doctor”—the one that Congress racked over the coals for his less than transparent “miracle diet pills,” that don’t work.  I know because I tried them, and my fat ass is still a size 16!


Cartoons used by permission: Dave Granlund,

DOESN’T ANYBODY TELL THE TRUTH ANYMORE?  As I was thinking about this election, how both candidates’ trustworthy numbers are in the toilet, and how Trump is the most opaque, duplicitous candidate that has ever run for President (he still refuses to release his tax returns), I thought if I ran for the Presidency, I wouldn’t tell the American voters anything either.  Why?  Because we don’t seem to care.  Our candidates are not the problem—we are!   Think about it.  We stopped living a self-examined life a long time ago which is why it is so difficult to demand it of our candidates.  First of all, we would all have to agree on the definition of transparency, but I don’t think we do.

What is the definition of transparency according to Merriam-Webster?

Able to be seen through

Easy to notice or understand

Honest and open—not secretive

Then we would have to agree on what defines those less-than desirable—some would say, “deplorable” splotches of darkness that live within us.  I’ve known people (who claimed to be Jesus lovers and walking the talk) who would fly into a rage and threaten to burn me at the stake if I even hinted that they might be a “tiny bit” racist, or xenophobic, or anti-Semitic, and yet, before I could get the words of repentance out of my mouth for misjudging them, they’d slip and tell me how they were off to a business trip to Dubai where the “diaper heads” live, or ask me “why are so many instructions in Spanish these days—why can’t those fucking Mexicans learn to speak English?” or they would let it slip that they absolutely knew that the “Holocaust was a hoax that the Jews concocted to bleed the world of more money, like only Jews can do, and who do those goddamn Jews think they are anyway?”  (Needless to say, I kicked those Christian Neanderthals to the curb once their hatreds became transparent to me.)


Cartoons used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

So, I think what we need as a country is to get on the same page with our definitions.  Therefore, I set up a few guidelines to help us all foster transparency in ourselves and others by using the Jeff Foxworthy model of “You know you’re a Redneck, if . . .”   For instance, Hillary made a statement before she bit the dust the other day that she caught hell for:

“To just be grossly generalistic, you can put half of Trump supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables.  Right? Racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, you name it.”

Then all the racists, sexists, homophobics, xenophobics, Islamophobics were so furious that they prayed down all the plagues of the Apocalypse on her for calling them deplorable (no wonder she got pneumonia).  And yet, survey shows:

“While 65 percent of his [Trump’s] supporters think President Obama is a Muslim, only 13 percent think that he’s a Christian. Fifty-nine percent think Obama was not born in the United States, and only 23 percent think he was. Twenty percent nationwide think it was a bad idea that slaves were emancipated, and 16 percent in South Carolina think that whites are a superior race.”Stacey Patton/Washington Post

JUST SAYIN’ . . . if the shoe fits—wear it!


Cartoons used by permission: RJ Matson Roll Call


But how can you tell if you’re a “deplorable?”


You think President Obama is a Manchurian Candidate born in Kenya

You think that most Mexicans are rapists and murderers

You agree with Trump that we should drive all undocumented immigrants out of the country, regardless of any extenuating circumstances

You want to build a wall and make Mexico pay for it

You think that, the Drudge Report, and Alex Jones are trust-worthy news sources

You think punching an old lady in the face who is carrying an oxygen tank at a Trump rally is cool

You think mocking a Gold-Star mother is fair game

You think that verbally attacking a Black pastor after being a guest in her church is “telling it like it is, or speaking his mind,” after your candidate broke the agreed-upon rules for allowing his visit

You think a Muslim ban is just the cat’s meow

You think burning mosques is scoring points for God and country

You think setting a Muslim woman’s hijab on fire is “doing the right thing” and punching a Muslim mother in the stomach as she’s pushing her kid in a stroller is making America great again

You think mocking a disabled NY Times reporter is great form

You think it was a bad idea that my ancestors were emancipated

You think White people are being persecuted, and you mock Black Lives Matter

You think people are trying to eradicate Christmas trees, Christmas carols, and two months of Christmas shopping from your greedy little hands, and you label it as “Christianity is under attack”

You love that your candidate hired the head of Breitbart (an alt-right site) to run his campaign, in spite of all the hateful, racist, lying rhetoric he’s known for

You throw up in your mouth when you see an interracial couple

You throw up in your mouth when you see a Gay couple

You agree with a recent poll that says 62% of White people think that Black people are lazy and less intelligent

You think it is perfectly acceptable that the KKK and David Duke have wholeheartedly endorsed your candidate because he best trumpets their values


Cartoons used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star

If you agree with even just one of the above Trump camp attributes, then you might be a deplorable and need a heart transplant.  Just sayin’!



I am discovering that all of us need to start being more transparent and demanding that our Presidential candidates do the same.  Let’s start by telling Hillary that no matter how paranoid she is of the right-wing media, if she doesn’t start being forthright with us (on everything), she is not going to get our vote because she keeps creating unnecessary problems.  If she doesn’t, we’ll just stay home and start packing to move to Canada. STOP TAKING US (African-Americans, Latinos, educated suburban women, union workers) FOR GRANTED, HILLARY!

Let’s start by telling Trump to release his tax forms TODAY, answer truthfully to the damning accusations brought to light in the latest Newsweek article [1], and explain the reasons behind his fucking bromance with Vladimir Putin—it’s unbecoming, it’s un-American, and it’s downright creepy.


Cartoons used by permission: Taylor Jones



“Antibiotics can take care of pneumonia. What’s the cure for an unhealthy penchant for privacy that repeatedly creates unnecessary problems?”—David Axelrod, retired Senior Advisor to President Obama

“Things will absolutely go wrong. In a healthy team, as soon as things go wrong, that information should be surfaced. Trying to hide or obscure bad news creates an environment of distrust or lack of transparency.”—Steven Sinofsky

“I think the currency of leadership is transparency. You’ve got to be truthful. I don’t think you should be vulnerable every day, but there are moments where you’ve got to share your soul and conscience with people and show them who you are, and not be afraid of it.”—Howard Schultz

 “I believe transparency in government is key to restoring our nation’s faith in its elected leaders.”—Kirsten Gillibrand




WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).



Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on September 15, 2016 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , ,


Do you know what I discovered on my reentry into the world after a wonderful vacation?  Everything has gotten so much worse in American politics during the past two weeks while I was gone!  (How is that even humanly possible?)  Apparently, that orange creature from the dung lagoon hired some Alt-Right Neanderthal as his campaign chief to accelerate the fertilization of the Earth with their atrocious pile of racist excrement which has sped up the growth of Trump’s anti-Christ flowering of White Supremacy, hate, and bigotry in the world.  Wow, people! You were supposed to guard against this type of insurrection while I was gone.

Alt Right All Wrong Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune

Then I read that Trump thinks my life as an African-American is a total pile of shit as he painted an erroneously misleading picture that most Black folks live in inner cities and our lives summarily suck—across the board.

“Poverty. Rejection. Horrible education. No housing. No homes. No ownership. Crime at levels nobody has seen . . . You can go to war zones in countries that we’re fighting and it’s safer than living in some of our inner cities . . . Look, it is a disaster the way African-Americans are living.  We’ll get rid of the crime. You’ll be able to walk down the street without getting shot.”—Donald J. Trump

Well, thank you Oh “Great White Hope” for that hyperbolic and extreme assessment of my peeps and me!  No nuance on your part—no indication that you’ve ever spent any time in a predominantly Black community.  Good to know that we no longer need Jesus because you’ll save our sorry-asses from the dystopian hell of our own making.  Donald Trump—the relentless face of racist Birtherism against our outstanding first Black President went on to ask me—an African-American— “What do you have to lose?” by voting for him.  My response (should only be used when one’s laughter is so uncontrollable, it makes one pee one’s pants):


(TRANSLATION: “Laughing My Ass Off Rolling On The Floor, Biting The Carpet, Scaring The Cat, Nearly Dying By Falling Out Of The Window In Front Of A Guy Who Looks Like Bill Gates, Who Then Horrified, Runs Out On The Street And Is Accidentally Killed By A Yellow Bulldozer”.

Losing John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

Oy!  It made me want to go back on vacation with my family and lose myself in wondrous bliss.  While I was away, I tuned out all the news for the entire holiday and spent all of my vacation relishing in the wonderful life God had blessed me with while my grandson and I performed an old woman/seven-year-old dance routine to Meghan Trainor’s “Me Too.”

“I thank God every day

I woke up feelin’ this way

And I can’t help lovin’ myself . . .

If I was you, I’d wanna be me too . . .”

Mema and Grandson Dancing

Mema and Grandson Dancing/Photo Credit: K. Tomczyk

I should have stayed on vacation with my grandson who is sweet, loving, kind, generous, thoughtful, caring, and wise beyond his years who taught me how to do the Nae-Nae and Snap Chat this year.  But I didn’t and each day away from all that beautiful Christ-like innocence has made me want to stand up and holler—especially after I read recently that even after all the horrid, racist, crude, misogynist, vile things that have been revealed about Donald Trump, his Evangelical Christian support is still strong AND GROWING! Even a child can see that The Donald is an asshole—why can’t so-called Christian leaders?  (Some of these “Christian” Trump supporters have declared that their fellow Christians (moi) will burn in Hell if we don’t vote for Trump.)  In a dream I had last night, I sent my grandson a Snap-Chat voice message and asked him why was he so much more mature than grown-ups who claim to be leaders in the Church?  He replied:   “They must not have gone to school.  Everything I know, I learned in kindergarten.”

When I awoke, I decided to write a kindergarten report card for Donald Trump to those Christian leaders in the hopes that they would take stock of Trump’s character before it is too late, and withdraw their support since it seems he has been unhinged since Jump Street and nothing like Jesus, whom they claim to love and worship.

tRUMP AND Evangelicals Wolverton Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Wolverton, Cagle Cartoons




Dear Mr. and Mrs. Christian Evangelical:         DONALD TRUMP’S FINAL GRADE:   _F__

As you know, it has come to the end of the year, and I am afraid the kindergarten school of life will not be able to transition Little Donnie to the grown-up world of grade school.  He is failing miserably on all accounts—so much so, we teachers are hard-pressed to figure out how to turn him into a decent human being.  He shows signs of an entrenched narcissistic personality disorder, a lack of a moral center, a detachment from reality and the pain and suffering of anyone but himself, and a total disregard for the feelings of others.  In short, Little Donnie Trump lacks the social skills needed to progress to the next level.

Although Little Donnie is flunking kindergarten civic values across the board, I felt it best only to list the most pertinent ones so as not to overwhelm you.  Although we think it is probably too late, we ask that you review this limited feedback and set up a meeting with his teachers in order to discuss the further humanization of Donald John Trump so that he might someday progress to the first grade.


  • Little Donnie shows signs of being a rabid misogynist. He was over-heard in the hallway hurling insults at some of the kindergarten girls as “fat pigs, dogs, slobs, bimbos, disgusting animals, crude, rude, obnoxious and dumb,” “with blood flowing out of their whatever. . .”
  • Little Donnie is mean and cantankerous.  He made Little Mika Emilie Leonia Brzezinski cry the other day when he accused her of being “off the wall, a neurotic and not very bright mess!” (He really seems to have a problem with female confrontation.)

Trump Analysis David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Cartoon used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star


  • Little Donnie refuses to adhere to truth. His teachers discovered last year that he had made himself the face of a racist birther movement against the first Black class president of our school. His teachers know that Little Donnie knows where President Obama was born because we did an entire school project on Hawaii two years in a row and featured all the children who had been born there: Donnie Ho, Barack Obama, and Bette Midler who Little Donnie promptly called “grotesque” before he stormed out of the classroom.
  • Little Donnie thinks the Muslim, Black, and Latino kids in his class adore him. They don’t—they abhor him, except for the mentally challenged Little Omarosa and Little Ben Carson.


  • Little Donnie is a bigot and a bully
  • Little Donnie is scary and out of touch with humanity. He once said to his entire class that he could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and he wouldn’t lose any class support.

Trump and African Americans FB John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune. Missouri



I am discovering that I am absolutely flabbergasted and mortified at the Evangelical Christian support of Donald J. Trump for president.  These dudes and dudettes have truly sold their souls to the Devil, and they have the audacity to tell me I’m gonna go to Hell if I don’t vote for Trump because it is Jesus’ will that The Donald becomes our next president.  I call bullshit on that false doctrine!  After Trump’s blanket, condescending statement to African-Americans this week trying to get more than 1% of us to vote for him, I have an answer for Little Donnie:  “Everything—Black folks have everything to lose if we vote for you!”  We’ll lose 100 plus years of ongoing progress in education, housing, and jobs, not to mention the legacy given to my grandson by President Barack Obama that currently inspires and promotes his ability and possibility (and all Black children) to become president of the United States someday. 

Little Donnie, you know not what you speak or to whom you speak.  Some of us Black folks may need a helping hand now and then, but we are not a stupid people.  African-Americans know you are condescending to us to get the White suburban vote by attempting to make them think you’re not a racist. (Most White people aren’t stupid, either.  They know you grossly exaggerated the stats regarding poverty, education, and lack of jobs in our inner cities.)  Go back to Trump Tower, Little Donnie.   I, on the other hand, will go back to my very nice life as an African-American, and my decision to vote for anybody else but youcome November.

TRUMP GODZILLA Luojie China Daily China

Cartoon used by permission: Luojie China, Daily China



“I realize that most of Trump’s ardent fans do not take kindly to being lectured by the likes of me. But it is with a certain degree of genuine sympathy that I say what has to be said: Your candidate is a flake. A fraud. A bag of air. A con man. A joke.” [emphasis, mine]—Eugene Robinson/The Washington Post

“He is egotistical, bombastic, and brash. He often lacks nuance in his statements. Sometimes he blurts out mistaken ideas (such as bombing the families of terrorists) that he later must abandon. He insults people. He can be vindictive when people attack him. He has been slow to disown and rebuke the wrongful words and actions of some angry fringe supporters. He has been married three times and claims to have been unfaithful in his marriages. These are certainly flaws, but I don’t think they are disqualifying flaws in this election.”Wayne A. Grudem/prominent evangelical theologian, seminary professor, and author

“Mr. Trump’s Twitter presence is tightly interwoven with hordes of mostly anonymous accounts trafficking in racist and anti-Semitic attacks. When Little Bird, a social media data mining company, analyzed a week of Mr. Trump’s Twitter activity, it found that almost 30 percent of the accounts Mr. Trump retweeted in turn followed one or more of 50 popular self-identified white nationalist accounts. At times, a circular current seems to flow between white nationalists and Mr. Trump on Twitter.”—Nicholas Confessore/NYTimes

Trump being himself Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune


WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on August 27, 2016 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , ,


Do you know what I discovered this week?  I need a break!  I’m about to lose my mind.  Between all things Trump and trying to write my third book (over halfway finished), I am worn out.   I’m getting hives, I don’t sleep, my blood pressure is climbing, I’ve got a permanent nervous twitch in my left eye, and I am overeating from the stress as if every day was my last meal before Armageddon.   I tried to watch the Olympics to take my mind off my worries, but as the song says, “I felt nothing” during the opening ceremony.

Rio Raw Sewage Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund,

I don’t know about you, but after the brilliance of the Beijing 2008 and London 2012 opening ceremonies, seeing Rio’s opening ceremony done on a shoe-string budget was vastly underwhelming. Giselle Bundchen, a white, blue-eyed blond German, taking her last long-ass cat walk as one of the top highlights of the night was definitely a huge yawn and slightly agitating.  All I could think about was Brazil’s problems with “whitening” and their issues with miscegenation, and it just made me sad for “the African and Amerindian descendants—many who live in poverty.  I couldn’t set aside the Zika threat that will deform millions of babies in a predominantly Catholic country that is against abortion but squandered any national finances that might help these poor kids, and that the perverse corruption, the pollution, and the vulnerability of our athletes to terror threats all hovered like storm clouds over Rio—the thought of it was too much for me to fully relax.  The world is in such a mess, and watching the Olympics in Rio didn’t make me happy, it just reminded me that our entire Earth is one giant ball of murder, mayhem, and chaos, and there is nowhere to run—nowhere to hide.

Rio Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: The Minneapolis-Star Tribune 

So I pushed aside the dull Olympics (except for Simone Biles—I do so loves me some perfection in motion) and thought about what I really needed to perk up my spirits.  And it hit me like a ton of bricks:  I needed family—I needed me some grandson time!  So I sent my seven-year-old grandson a text and asked him if he’d like to come down for a visit for a couple of weeks.  He said he would love to, especially if he could sleep in his super-hero costume every night, go to Busch Gardens every day, and have lots of pizza, spaghetti, and cookies without interference from The Mother when he came to visit.  I said, “Sure, what are grandmothers for, but to stick it to their daughters as payback for all the grief they caused when they were teenagers!” (Judging from the picture he sent me in response to my text, he was having issues with The Mother that day.)


Grandson/Photo credit:  K. Tomczyk

Then I started thinking:  wouldn’t it be fabulous to have a family reunion?   To surround myself with what is important in life and to forget about the consummate assholes in our world for a time—from ISIS to Donald Trump.  So I called up my other daughter and her dog, Wednesday Addams, my sister and some extended family and invited them all down next week.


So I’M TAKING A BREAK!  I won’t be blogging for a few weeks, but I’ll be grilling ribs and chicken, baking cakes and pies, playing family games and laughing my ass off while drinking copious wine, as well as suffering through Busch Gardens for the sake of my grandson.  While I’m gone, please keep an eye on things for me—especially that rodent from another planet—Donald Trump.  I am convinced that I feel a shift in the winds of his fortunes, but anything can happen to reverse the tides.   I’m a prayin’ woman, and God don’t like ugly which means I know he’s answering my prayers to crush Trump’s sorry ass.  I don’t want The Donald to simply lose; I want a tsunami to bury his punk-ass and all the ignorant racists who lay claim to him.  This fascist spirit must never rise again!  But it ain’t over yet, so keep watch and stay vigilant.  If things start to get crazier, send me a note or give me a call, and I’ll get back on my knees and start praying again. In the meantime, below are some cartoons to keep you informed regarding the task at hand—defeating Trump.  Should you miss me or you become dismayed at the election mayhem, cut out one of these and paste it on your refrigerator to give you strength and renewed vision.



SINKING SHIP CARD:  Cards to send to Trump when he officially loses.

August 8, 2016

August 8, 2016

Cartoon used by permission: Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

DAY OF REMEMBERENCE (July 29, 2016) CARD—the day Trump lost the 2016 election: The moment the Kahns challenged Trump’s racism and lack of sacrifice in the memory of their Gold Star son (“Mr. Trump, you’ve sacrificed nothing; you’ve sacrificed no one”), and Trump spent four days attacking the Kahns instead of humbly kneeling in their presence.

Donald Strikes Back at Khan Daryl Cagle CagleCartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Daryl Cagle

WUSS CARD:  Send every time Trump complains that election is rigged just because he can’t handle losing to a girl.

August 9, 2016

August 9, 2016

Cartoon used by permission: Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

OH, “HELL TO THE NO” CARD:  The day you realize how badly the next generation has been affected by Trump’s racist mouth.

Kids and Politics Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon used by permission: Dave Granlund,

WORDS MATTER CARD:  To be sent to Trump, his handlers, and apologists who say that Trump’s dog whistle challenge to his 2nd Amendment base to assassinate Hillary Clinton or the Supreme Court judges she picks was a joke.  Let them know in no uncertain terms that “words matter” and those particular words were not only dangerous, but intolerable, and his flippant mouth is going to get somebody killed.  Tell Trump and friends to ask Yigal Amir, Yitzhak Rabin’s (Prime Minister of Israel) assassin whether words matter.  Amir was inspired by the unchecked, heated, political rhetoric to kill Rabin in 1995 for his peace negotiations with Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat.

Trump the Terrorist John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow Columbia Daily-Tribune, Missouri 

LOCK HIM UP! CARD:  The day you realize that Donald Trump is mentally ill, that Karma is a bitch, and that what goes around comes around—like his campaign rallies shouting about Hillary, “lock her up!”

Trumps sanity Wolverton Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Wolverton, Cagle Cartoons



I am discovering that I’m even out of pithy quotes to give you, so I’m leaving you with only a definition.  Whichever presidential candidate fits this shoe, then put it on him and don’t turn your back on him for a New York minute, or he’ll end up kicking you in the ass for four years and counting.

 “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”—Mayo Clinic Staff/Mayo Clinic Website


“YOU HAVE SHIT FOR BRAINS, AMERICA” CARD:  The card to send on November 9th to the American electorate who voted for Trump, should he become President.

Day After Trump Gets Elected Randall Enos Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission: Randall Enos, Cagle Cartoons









WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS?  Monsters’ Throwdown and Fleeing Oz are both on sale at Amazon (Paperback and Kindle).


Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on August 10, 2016 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , ,


Do you know what I discovered this week?  When the area of the country you live in has a heat index of 126 degrees Fahrenheit for several days running, and the air conditioning gives out in your house and you feel like a piece of barbecued meat—when you call your heating and air company and they say “take a number”—all you can do is lay down on the floor in front of a mediocre fan praying that you haven’t been condemned to Hell without your knowledge.

Weather Luojie China Daily China

Used by permission:  Luojie, China Daily China/Cagle Cartoons

There is very little that you can do in those circumstances except lie on the floor butt naked in front of a fan that your husband suddenly discovers in the basement (which makes you realize once again why you love this man so much!) and watch the Democratic Convention while sipping on ice-packed gin and tonics also provided by WW (White and Wonderful).

Call me crazy, or maybe it was the heat, the alcohol, or the slightly feverish delirium I experienced from it all, but I got up off the floor at the end of the DNC week totally in the tank for Hillary.  (Of course, my shouts of “I’M WITH HER!” I’M WITH HER!” were mingled with happy tears and kisses for the rather rotund air conditioning man who finally fixed my HVAC unit at 10:00 p.m. that night.  P.S. Clothes were donned before answering the door, in case your little nasty minds “went there.”)

But before my AC angel showed up, I preened with pride over Michelle Obama’s speech—the best convention speech EVER (try and steal that one Melania).  When President Obama spoke, I choked up with gratitude (and pride!) at the honor of having had such a fabulously intelligent, gracious, dignified, and unifying leader as President Obama when he said:  “. . .  I see Americans of every party, every background, every faith who believe that we are stronger together – black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American; young and old; gay, straight, men, women, folks with disabilities, all pledging allegiance, under the same proud flag, to this big, bold country that we love.”   I “went to church” with the Rev. William Barber as he preached his fiery sermon to America that we become the “moral defibrillators” of our time (did y’all see people gettin’ “the Holy Ghost” in that convention hall?).  But most of all, I sobbed uncontrollably at the speech and humility of Ghazala and Khizr Khan whose Muslim son—Humayun Khan, a 27-year-old Army captain—sacrificed his life for his troops and for my ability to go about my life in peace, safety, and air conditioning.  When Mr. Khan looked straight into the camera and said to the Muslim-hating, Muslim-banning, S.O.B Donald Trump, “You have sacrificed nothing; you have sacrificed no one,” and The Donald’s immediate reaction was to trash Mr. Kahn’s heartfelt speech and mock his wife’s painful silence—a mother so overcome with grief she could hardly stand—I knew that it was time to make a choice and take a stand against the primal, heartless, disgusting evil in our midst that was trying to become our next President.

TRUMP the CLOWN Dario Castillejos Diario La Crisis

Used by permission: Dario Castillejos, Diario La Crisis/Cagle Cartoons

As cold air wafted around my body and brought down my fever (I’m not shittin’ you—I actually caught a nasty cold from my journey into no-air-con purgatory), I discovered I had missed a couple dozen stories about Trump’s angry response to the constant thrashing he got by the DNC.  He invited Russia to commit espionage by hacking into the emails of his opponent (“Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing,” Trump said on one occasion and then shortly after he said, “They [the Russians] probably have them. I’d like to have them released.”)  At the same time I was catching up on all this treasonous news, I realized, along with Harry Reid and a few others, that both the candidates would receive their first top secret briefings at some point in the near future.   I was horrified at the thought of The Donald getting anywhere near our national secrets given his alleged connections with the Russians, until Harry Reid suggested The Donald be given a “fake security briefing,” until we got to the bottom of Trump’s Russian money connection (RELEASE YOUR GOD-DAMN TAX RETURNS, DONALD!).  I thought that was a fabulous idea.  Others thought so too, and the hashtag “FAKE TRUMP INTELLIGENCE BRIEFING” started trending on Twitter in the midst of The Donald’s protests that he was “just kidding guys”—“just being sarcastic.”  I don’t know about you, but Trump’s excuse of sarcasm made what he did—inviting a foreign government to commit espionage against us—even more appalling.  If he should become the President, what happens if China pisses him off and he pushes “The Button?”  When China is obliterated off the face of the Earth because of The Donald’s narcissistic petulance, I don’t think the world will accept an “Oops, I was just kidding, guys!”—least of all 1.357 billion dead Chinese people.

Being Sarcastic RJ Matson CagleCartoons com

Used by permission: RJ Matson,

So I joined in the Twitter chorus of #FAKE TRUMP INTELLIGENCE BRIEFING, because this maniac cannot—must not—know our national secrets.  To do so would be at our peril.  I don’t have a Twitter account because I can’t be trusted not to turn into a Donald Trump (I need space in between my anger and communication access to the world), but I thought I’d list some of the fake things the CIA security briefer could tell The Donald and still keep our nation safe.  Hope you’re listening CIA.



By fake CIA Intelligence Agent

“Good morning, Sir.  I’ve been assigned to be your intelligence briefing agent.  I’ve gathered together all of the latest U.S. intelligence of the highest form to make sure you are fully prepared for the days ahead.  First and foremost: Your code name is ‘Orangutan’ and your wife’s code name is ‘Fembot.’  When you hear your secret service say something like, ‘Orangutan’ and ‘Fembot’ are in the house or ‘Orangutan’ and ‘Fembot’ just left the building, you’ll know that we are referencing you and Mrs. Trump.

“Now our first order of business is to confirm that the Russians did indeed hack the DNC email server.  In fact, they sent two of their top agents to do so:   Boris Badenov (pronounced ‘bad enough’) and Natasha Fatale.  Everyone thought that Boris and Natasha went underground and had died at the end of the Cold War, but Mr. Putin resurrected them to do his dastardly deeds against America.  We’ve been on their trail for over a year now and thanks to Wikipedia have acquired quite a bit of intel on them.  Part of our first briefing to you is to let you know that you cannot trust Vladimir Putin no matter what your previous association with him has been because he is actively running (spy word for utilizing) Boris and Natasha.

“Boris refers to himself as the ‘world’s greatest no-goodnik.’  He and Natasha are still stationed in Pottslyvania—what was once thought of as a fake east-European country—but it has come to our attention that Pottslyvania is actually the code name for Moscow. Boris and Natasha report directly to ‘Fearless Leader’ and ‘Mr. Big’ who is none other than your pal—you guessed it—Vladimir Putin.  

“Unlike yourself, Sir, Boris is a vain man and his greatest claim to fame is an autographed picture from his Fearless Leader which says: ‘Drop Dead — Signed: Fearless Leader!’  I’ve got to tell you, Sir—this sounds just like the Vlady the CIA has come to know and loathe.

“According to Wikipedia, Boris was educated in U.S.C. (the University of Safecracking)—what we spies like to call the precursor to your Trump University.  Boris graduated ‘magna cum louse’ which means we’re dealing with no dummy here.  The CIA has ascertained that the best weapon we can bring against Boris and Natasha are our best and brightest agents:  Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose.  Both Squirrel and Moose (as Boris likes to refer to them) have been in seclusion since the end of the Cold War, and they are itching to get back to work again.  If I must say so myself, Sir:  desperate times call for desperate means. The CIA feels that we should summon them ASAP to deal with this notorious spy and to free you from the libelous claims that you flirted with treason when you invited the Russians to hack and find emails that would destroy your opponent.  We know you were just kidding, Sir, but we also suspect that Boris Badenov was behind the original hacking of the DNC email server and we need to prove it ASAP.

spying on DNC RJ Matson Roll Call

Used by permission:  RJ Matson Roll Call/Cagle Cartoons

“In conclusion, you will need to know how to recognize Boris if he should slip into one of your campaign rallies. He is a short tubby guy who always wears the classic spy outfit (black fedora and trench coat) and never leaves Natasha Fatale’s side (she looks like Mrs. Trump (a.k.a. ‘Fembot’) with black hair).   Boris has never given up his membership in the Local 12 of the Villains, Thieves, and Scoundrels Union, and one of his tell-tale words is ‘Raskolnikov’ which references the novel Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky. By the way, Sir, we know you don’t read books, so don’t panic; we will read it so you don’t have to in order to further understand the master spy mind of Boris.  And to show you the level of depravity we’re dealing with here, the spy, Boris Badenov is still a member of the Van Gogh Society, which is a Pottsylvanian club whose members collect human ears.  This little dude is no joke, Sir!

“One final note, if during your travels you hear a little short guy who looks like Danny Devito with a mustache and a Russian accent utter the words, ‘Natasha, next time I get fiendish plan, do me big favor?’ or his most definitive phrase, ‘Sharrup my mouth,” you must contact the CIA immediately because you will be in imminent danger.

“Thank you, Sir, for your time.  Next week you will be briefed on the fact that there was never a moon landing—in fact, there is really no moon.  It is a Hollywood prop.”

Fake CIA briefing used in accordance with Creative Commons licensing

The 1959-1964 animated cartoons Rocky and His Friends and The Bullwinkle Show collectively refer to as The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. Use of this material does not indicate endorsement of the author’s views by the licensor.


Endorsements Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons



I am discovering that most definitely “#I’MWITHHER!”  No matter what her flaws (I’m beginning to think that most of her perceived failures are 30-years of ginned-up hatred by the right-wing conservative party), she is a gazillion times more qualified, smarter, better educated, and more humane than her opponent.  I also think she loves America very much. Plus, I ain’t gonna lie—I love the fact that a qualified woman has finally broken the glass ceiling to the Oval Office. It gave me chills when Hillary won the Democratic nomination (now it may have been the air conditioning returning, but I still got chills).

In an ideal world, we’d have a plethora of candidates to choose from, no obscene Citizens United funds PAC funding polical campaigns, no billionaires fronting candidates, and no lobbyists—period.  But we are living in the real world, and some of our fellow citizens (especially right-wing Evangelicals who seemed to have traded their trust in God for power, influence, and fame) are positioning themselves to elect an unfeeling, unthinking, narcissistic, lying, clueless maniac to lead our coutry and influence the rest of the world.  Can you say WWIII? In the meantime, I would like to think that Susan B. Anthony and Martin Luther King, Jr. did a fist bump in Heaven when President Obama and Hillary hugged each other on stage at the convention the other night after he so eloquently said:  “ . . . if you’re serious about our democracy, you can’t afford to stay home just because she might not align with you on every issue. You’ve got to get in the arena with her, because democracy isn’t a spectator sport. America isn’t about ‘yes he will.’  It’s about ‘yes we can.’  And we’re going to carry Hillary to victory this fall, because that’s what the moment demands.” 

I’d like to add that democracy is not a reality show.

Clinton Convention Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Used by permission: Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune



“I learned that leadership is about falling in love with the people and the people falling in love with you. It is about serving the people with selflessness, with sacrifice, and with the need to put the common good ahead of personal interests.”—Joyce Banda

“No decisions should ever be made without asking the question, is this for the common good?”—Michael Moore

“Too many politicians are shifting the critical themes of our national conversations from a ‘big ideas’ American Brand Platform to narrowly focused, polarizing sound bites that put party philosophy before what used to be heralded as the common good. These ideas, more often than not, divide us rather than serve to bind us.”—Alan Siegel


headlines you won't see David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star

Used by permission: David Fitzsimmons, The Arizona Star/Cagle Cartoons


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Posted by on July 31, 2016 in Uncategorized


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