Do you know what I discovered today?  Pope Francis is in the house, and heads are about to explode! He is due to address Congress tomorrow, and apparently he has slipped in the polls (he dropped from being “liked” by Americans from 76% in 2014 to 59% because he has pissed off people on both the Right and the Left—but mainly on the right).  We are such fickle-ass people.

Well, I really “heart” this pope, and I’m not quite sure why.  I’m not Catholic, but there is something magnetic about him.  Maybe it is because I love Jesus, he loves Jesus, and we’re both just trying to do our God proud by the way we walk the talk—to the best of our ability, which is fallible at best, no matter what people tell you about the Pope’s infallibility.

Pope Francis Meme

Apparently, Pope Francis has stepped on the toes of quite a few people in America.  Conservatives are passing kidney stones because they feel the Pope has meddled in climate change, income inequality, and immigration issues—areas they think he clearly does not belong (“keep your hands off our Ayn Rand idolatry, leave climate issues to the scientists [except when we don’t agree with the scientists], and shut up about those damn illegal aliens—those bottom feeders who don’t talk ‘American’ and who are stealing our jobs!”).  Apparently, he does belong in our sex lives, and the Conservatives would be more than happy for the Pope to walk softly and carry a big stick while he is in America against the topics of homosexuality, abortion, gay marriage, and women’s leadership in the church.

Liberals appreciate the grace and compassion he is showing toward gays and lesbians, people who have had abortions, and the economically disadvantaged, but the smart ones know that he has not (and never will) change church doctrine one iota where it comes to women in the priesthood, sanctioning gay marriage, and supporting abortion—even for women who have been raped or when the mother’s life hangs in the balance).

There is even a growing contingency in the nutty tongues-speaking wing of the Church who think Pope Francis is the Anti-Christ and will be ushering in the “New World Order” on September 25th (let’s all watch for it—not!)  Of course, these same people thought President Obama was the Anti-Christ, so it seems the Bible literalists will have to draw straws and see who wins the Anti-Christ crown.  (If you Google “Pope Francis Anti-Christ,” you’ll get 425,000 links in under 40 seconds.  If you Google “New World Order,” you will discover that Wikipedia describes it as “a conspiracy theory by Christians referring to the emergence of a totalitarian one world government.” If you Google “Obama Anti-Christ, Muslim, foreigner,” your computer will explode along with your head from all the vile hatred and lies against our poor President.)

Pope GOP and DEMS John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon Used by Permission: John Cole, The Scranton-Times Tribune

I wish I could gain an audience with His Holiness.  If I could I would drag along a few people for a private audience with the Pope to help clear up some things.  I know the White House staff has chosen a diverse audience to hear Pope Francis which has pissed off mainly the Conservatives, but I’d drag a rather eclectic group of people into the Pope’s presence (both conservative and liberal) who aren’t on that invite list just so that he could see how truly gnarly we are as a country and how much we really need his prayers.

Trump and Mammon Taylor Jones Politicalcartoons com

Cartoon Used by Permission: Taylor Jones, (Cagle)

The first candidate would be Donald Trump, and I’d have him restate his bogus claim that he is a true believer (done to capture the unthinking Evangelical vote), and if he’s ever asked forgiveness as a “true believer” (a foundational Christian tenet).

“I am not sure I have [asked for forgiveness—insert mine]. I just go on and try to do a better job from there. . . . I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.”—The Donald, a.k.a. “A God Unto Himself”

I already know what His Holiness would say to Mr. Trump:

Popes ans to The Donald

Then His Holiness would probably tell The Donald to give away all his money to the poor as Jesus required of the rich man in the Bible and set up affordable housing for all those who can’t afford to live in NYC even though they work there (he could do this and still have money left over), and truly follow in Christ’s ways.  Can’t you hear the agonizing screams from Trump all the way from here to Calcutta in response to His Holiness’ directive?

My next candidate would be all the people who deal in racism in our country (too many to name here, but, Fox News, Drudge Report, Rush Limbaugh, you know who you are).  I’d roll them all up into one giant stinky, sewage-smelling ball and have them present themselves to the Pope as the sheer evil they are while their rhetoric calls forth the demon Bigotry to reassert its stronghold in our country again.

Bigotry Bill Day Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon Used by Permission: Bill Day,

I don’t think Pope Francis would let them utter a word in their defense because he’s seen it all before in other parts of the globe.  He’d simply nod his head with considerable sadness and say:

Pope and Racists

Then he would probably tell the lot of them to “go and sin no more,” and perhaps command them to take a vow of silence for a year or so.  And maybe he’d make them do penance as helpers in soup kitchens, homeless shelters, inner-city community centers, and prisons all over the country until their hearts were broken for the down-trodden and the disadvantaged and they’d forgotten all their racist rhetoric.

I’d also bring along that great atheist liberal, Bill Maher, who I have a love-hate relationship with.  In the interest of full disclosure, I watch his show every week—he makes me think and he is right about a lot of things, but sometimes he makes me throw up in my mouth over some of his comments about God.   (When he’s good, he’s very, very good, but when he’s on his anti-Christian rag, he’s a royal pain in the ass, and he is so smug and arrogant about it.)  I’d encourage him to make his atheist case that he thinks is the whole truth and nothing but the truth, because the truth is, the Pope can handle it and so can God.  And the truth is (unfortunately), some of his observations are accurate, and the church needs to hear them, repent of them, and move on from them.

Bill Maher Meme

Papa Francis would probably listen to Bill, smile, and tell him that he is loved—speaking to him as one does to a precocious teenager who thinks they know it all, but you know that they just need to grow up and open their eyes to see things from a different angle while being enveloped in your unconditional love as they keep on exploring, doubting, and asking questions without feeling condemned.  Besides, if I know anything about this Pope, he can handle the truth.

Pope and Athiests

Then Pope Francis would probably ask Bill Maher to try and give up the F-word for Lent.  It would probably cut Bill’s HBO program down by 15 minutes—enough to add another guest on the panel of his irreverent, but intellectually stimulating show.

As for my personal audience with the Pope, I’m sure I’d whine about my own disillusionment with the church and its involvement with right-wing politics until I got on his ever-loving nerves.   I’d give him a copy of my book (Fleeing Oz), and tell him how it is a humorous template for “how not to do church” and something he should read.  He would probably gently cut me off (not out of rudeness but to save my own sanity and his, and to stop my self-serving book pitch).  He’d remind me of the true vision of what church should be and charge me to be a good Christian by going back into the fray and doing my part to make Christ’s vision of the church happen in my little corner of the world.

Pope says to the Church



I am discovering that there are some things I agree with the Pope on (income inequality, immigration, climate change, and poverty issues) and many things I do not (his opposition to same-sex marriage, women priests, married priests, divorce, birth control and abortion in extenuating circumstances).  But I think the reason I’m drawn to him is because of his love for humanity, his humility, his compassion, and his acts of forgiveness.  And I love his kindness.  I like that he is trying to emulate the life of Christ, and even though we don’t agree on some things, at least we can met on the human ground of love, humility, compassion, and forgiveness.  Just think how much better the world would be if we all could start there.  Maybe he will help us.  Welcome to America, Pope Francis!

FB II Pope Francis

Cartoon by Stuart Carlson:



“If one has the answers to all the questions – that is the proof that God is not with him. It means that he is a false prophet using religion for himself. The great leaders of the people of God, like Moses, have always left room for doubt. You must leave room for the Lord, not for our certainties; we must be humble.”—Pope Francis

“A person once asked me, in a provocative manner, if I approved of homosexuality. I replied with another question: ‘Tell me: when God looks at a gay person, does he endorse the existence of this person with love, or reject and condemn this person?’ We must always consider the person.”—Pope Francis

“We have observed that, in society and the world in which we live, selfishness has increased more than love for others, and that men of good will must work, each with his own strengths and expertise, to ensure that love for others increases until it is equal and possibly exceeds love for oneself.”—Pope Francis

“This is me, a sinner on whom the Lord has turned his gaze. And this is what I said when they asked me if I would accept my election as pontiff. I am a sinner, but I trust in the infinite mercy and patience of our Lord Jesus Christ, and I accept in a spirit of penance.”—Pope Francis

“I have a dogmatic certainty: God is in every person’s life. God is in everyone’s life. Even if the life of a person has been a disaster, even if it is destroyed by vices, drugs or anything else – God is in this person’s life. You can – you must – try to seek God in every human life.”—Pope Francis



WANT TO READ THE AUTHOR’S LATEST BOOKS (“Monsters’ Throwdown” and “Fleeing Oz”)?  ON SALE NOW AT AMAZON!

Pope vs Ideologues Pat Bagley,

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley,



Posted by on September 22, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Thank You for Being So Stupid (Strictly Satire)

Do you know what I discovered this week?   I owe a few people in the news some personal thank you notes in response to some of the things they have said and done recently.  They claim to be Born-Again Christians, and as a Born-Again believer, I have been greatly offended and embarrassed by them (mortified would be a better word).  But this week I had an “Aha” moment after the debut of Kim Davis, the Kentucky County Clerk!  I realized that nobody could be that stupid—that her shtick must be a ruse.  And the people who championed her—Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz (and let us not forget dear, precious Donald Trump)—must be agents for the Democratic Party who have been planted to bring down the Republican Party as we know it, tie up the 2016 Presidential election in a bow and deliver it to the Democrats, and destroy the bigoted, narrow-minded arm of the Christian Church in such a way that people will stop going to those kinds of churches for a hundred years or more.  Oh my God, it is so obvious—why didn’t I see that before?  Carry on, “Christian Soldiers”—you’re doing a kick-ass job!

Cruz Davis Huckabee Hate John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon Used by Permission:  John Cole, The Scranton-Times Tribune, Cagle Cartoons


KIM DAVIS (Kentucky County Clerk)

Kim Davis I John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon Used by Permission:  John Cole, The Scranton-Times Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

Dear Kim:

Thank you so much for the amazing way you’ve drawn attention to the great hypocrisy within certain sections of Christianity.  The hardcore fear and ignorance that you are standing your ground on, as you pretend to be obeying the “voice of God,” is a stroke of genius.  Sister-friend, you are my hero!  Most Americans have no idea that you are a plant to destroy the credibility of those ignorant, racist, homophobic, holier-than-thou citizens who claim to be “true Americans” as Sarah Palin calls them.  (Speaking of SP, I’ve often thought she was a double agent for the Democratic Party by the way she almost single-handedly ushered in the nomination for Barack Obama in 2008 with her birther nonsense, because nobody could actually be that stupid. But as a secret agent I’m sure you won’t be able to confirm or deny Palin’s espionage status.  That’s cool.) 

Anyway, my Christian Sister, you have got this holier-than-thou thing down pat.  The long dresses, the hair hanging down to your butt, the sanctimonious face, the dowdy look, the feigned ignorance, the vitriolic speech, and not to mention the church attendance three times a week.  Wow, impressive!  You go, girl!  But I do have to ask how you justify the three divorces and four marriages in your life? (You can tell me; I won’t reveal your secret.) Were you already divorced three times before you became an agent?  ‘Cause that does cause a problem as far as your brand of Biblical credibility is concerned, and it definitely causes people to throw up in their mouths over the hypocrisy of it all.  I mean, don’t get me wrong—I’m not judging you at all.  All of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, so the Bible says.  But it kind of skewers your credibility as a guardian of traditional Christian marriage against the sin of homosexuals getting married, doesn’t it?  But maybe that is the point.  People will see through your hypocrisy and flee the Christian Church.   We’re hanging by a thread as it is.  Hopefully, they will stay away until all the haters and hypocrites are swept out of the Church like Jesus did the money changers in the temple in Jerusalem.  Boy, you’re good, Kim!

Kim Davis FB II

And between you and me, how did you deal with the disparity of not obeying the other Biblical laws that are found in and around the same Old Testament passages about God “hating homosexuals.”  For instance, I read that you’ve had four kids which are all in their twenties now—including a set of twins born out of wedlock.  (Once again, I don’t judge you, girlfriend—shit happens.  I get it.)  Surely, at least one of those kids must have rebelled against you as a parent.  (I raised teenagers, and girl—they are a trip!  If I had known you could stone them for being mouthy and rebellious, I might be in jail today.)  Are all of yours still alive or did you kill some of them as the Old Testament demands?  You know that scripture in Deuteronomy that says: “If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you.”  Oh, my God!  And, Honey, why are you still alive given the scripture in Leviticus 20 that is just three verses above the one about gays that you’re quoting as your right not to do your job, which says:  “And the man that commits adultery with another man’s wife, even he that commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”  Holy Moly, how did you and at least one of your husbands not get stoned for the sin of adultery as staunch Bible literalists?  You are so courageous, sister-friend.

We the People Kim D Taylor Jones Politicalcartoons

Cartoon Used by Permission: Taylor Jones Political cartoons, Cagle Cartoons

I can see why Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz likened you to Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks.  The dichotomy is so obvious—enough to make people flee in disgust, actually.  Those two have got to be double agents, as well, to suggest something so stupid.  Mike and Ted can’t possibly think that the majority of Americans are that clueless to equate your refusal as a government employee to facilitate the constitutional rights of some are the same as two of our greatest heroes’ actions that fought to promote and establish constitutional rights for all American citizens.  I’ve got to send Mike and Ted thank you notes.  Well played, Kim—making us think that you’re suffering for Christ.  The more you press home that erroneous lie, the more people will see through the smoke screen.  (I loved the way you came out of the jail the other day—arms raised to the heavens while the Rocky theme song blared in the background.  Nice touch—appearing to play the martyr—by simply refusing to do your $80,000/year government job passed down to you by your mother.  It made my stomach turn, and as a Christian, I was mortified because there are Christians actually suffering imprisonment, torture, and death in North Korea, Somalia, Iraq, and Pakistan, just to name a few of the twenty or more countries. But I’m sure that is what you wanted Americans to feel so that we would get as far away from these shenanigans cooked up by the religious right as soon as possible.  Well played, my friend—well played!

Martin vs Kim Davis

Meme created by

Kim Davis and Parks Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cartoon Used by Permission:  Steve Sack, The Minneapolis Star-Tribune/Cagle Cartoon

So keep on keepin’ on Saint Kim.  (I hear that you’ve returned to work—refusing to do your job but refusing to step aside as well.  That a girl!)  Maybe our eyes will be opened to the lies that your espionage is trying to expose.  Tell Huckabee and Cruz that their strategy is working to give the 2016 Presidential election to the Democrats.  No one in their right mind will show up in the voting booth for any Republican candidates in 2016 if they keep on acting like the majority of us are stupid, which is really a shame, because not all Christians are hypocrites and not all Republicans are idiots.

P.S. Is The Donald the “head double agent” for single-handedly destroying the Republican Party and all of its candidates?  Next time you see him, tell him he is doing a great job and is probably the sole reason Hillary will be sitting pretty in the White House next year.  He is a true American hero—the White Supremacists, the Neo-Nazis, and the Conservative Evangelicals love him to death.

Trump Crazy John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon Used by Permission:  John Cole, The Scranton-Times Tribune/Cagle Cartoons



I am discovering that the three Musketeers of Christian bigotry and hatred (Kim Davis, Mike Huckabee, and Ted Cruz) must think most of us have stupid written on our foreheads—especially if we are Born-Again Christians.  (Well, Baby, my Mama didn’t raise no fool!)  I’m here to declare that I am a proud Born-Again believer who loves Jesus to pieces and tries her best to do right by her God, and I abhor what Kim Davis has done and is doing.  I think Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz are using that poor schmuck of a woman to instill fear and get money from the unthinking masses.   IMHO, they will toss Kim Davis out of their orbit like yesterday’s garbage when she no longer suits their fear-mongering purposes.  I sure hope she socked away a lot of savings from her overpaid government job in Kentucky that is denying the rights of people who pay her salary because she is going to need it when she loses her job—as she should.  Oy!

Stupid People Meme

(This is how I feel—as a Christian—about Kim Davis, Mike Huckabee, and Ted Cruz)


“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”—Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”—P. J. O’Rourke

“Along with racial equality and the late bloom of women’s rights, future generations will have to explain how, in the past, gays were misunderstood and publicly humiliated for loving each other, and, eventually, how they stood together and conquered stupidity and hypocritical hatred, and fought their way out of marginalization.”—iO Tillett Wright




Do you wonder why the author knows so much about what is happening behind the scenes in the Religious Right Movement and the political realm?  That’s because she used to be one of them.  She has lived it, survived it, and recorded it all in her latest book:  Fleeing Ozon sale now at Amazon.  It’s a funny, yet harrowing, testimony of escaping “The Church” with her faith intact.  Check it out!



Posted by on September 14, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered during the past couple of weeks?  The pure unmitigated joy of seeing life through the eyes of a six-year-old as he helped turn our new house into a home.  He blew into town with my grown children, my sister, and his dog-cousin, Wednesday Addams Tomczyk.  He and I had many discussions about his favorite things—swimming, dancing, and loving movies.  About the Alice in Wonderland movie he said:  “Me-ma, why does the Cheshire cat have green eyes?  Aren’t brown eyes good enough?  Seems like green eyes are wasted on a cat.”  About the Descendants’ movie’s incessant song (“I’m Rotten to the Core”) sung at least 900 times by the daughter of Maleficent he said:  “Me-ma, what does ‘rotten’ mean?  I love that song.  I want to be rotten to the core.” About the killing of all the first born children and the drowning of the chariot horses in the horrible Exodus movie remake with Christian Bale he said:   “Me-ma, I don’t like God—not one bit.  Why can’t he just deal with the Egyptians and Moses and leave the children and the animals out of it!  I hate this movie!”

Me-ma’s replies to her darling cherub in no particular order:  “You’re right, God went crazy that day if that Biblical story is to be taken literally, and He should have left the children out of it.  Rotten means ‘spoiled,’ ‘wretchedly bad,’ ‘foul smelling,’ and you don’t want to have anything to do with it.  Green eyes are simply wasted on cats is so spot on—there is no rhyme or reason for it except to mess with the minds of humans. (Have you ever tried to stare down the gaze of a green-eyed cat?  It can’t be done.)  Now let’s take a nap because you’ve managed to wear Me-ma out with all your questions and doing the ‘Ne-Ne’ 500 times while singing “I’m Rotten to the Core” (for the uninitiated, the Ne-Ne is a popular dance that is almost as bad as that South Korean dance that annoyed us so incessantly a couple years ago—shoot me now!).

IMG_0289 (4)

The author (Me-ma) and her grandson copping some zzzzzzz’s during the 80th viewing of the movie, “The Descendants”


I hadn’t been online or watched any TV news for most of my grandson’s stay (who wants to read bad news when joy-personified is abiding in your house), but after our refreshing nap when Little Dude went off to the pool with his Grandpa (WW), I thought I’d catch up on what I’d missed in the world.  I never got past the United States.  Between The Donald, Josh Duggar’s hypocrisy (again), the Ashley Madison leaks, the gun violence, the racism, the cold-blooded murder of a couple of police officers, and the cold-hearted immigration discussions, I decided that more than green eyes on cats were a waste. Brains, democracy, Christianity, and living in the greatest country in the world seems to be a waste for a significant number of my fellow Americans—especially those who boast about being Born-Again Christians and who want to self-righteously curtail the equal rights of people who don’t believe what they believe.

Everybody was in a vacation mood and didn’t want to hear any bad news, and Exodus had already traumatized my grandson, so the only one I could talk to about my country’s troubles was the dog-cousin, Wednesday, and frankly, she was pretty appalled and just shook her head in disbelief.

FullSizeRender (2)

Dog-cousin, Wednesday Addams Tomczyk


ME:        Hey Dog, did you hear about the Ashley Madison hack?  It’s a site where you can sign on and have an affair without your spouse knowing—that is until recently.  Who knew? Up until a month ago, if someone had asked me what “Ashley Madison” was, I would have said it is a really mediocre cupcake company.  Some Good Samaritan exposed all the members’ names for the entire world to see, and to say the shit has hit the fan is an understatement.

DOG:     Woof?

ME:        Anyone we know, did you ask?  Don’t know.  Didn’t check.  But apparently, that creepy Josh Duggar character (the oldest son of the equally creepy “19 Kids and Counting” reality show) had a couple of accounts on it.   So not only did he molest his sisters and his sisters’ friends years ago and then he and his parents hid it while they self-righteously preached at all of us about how to rear a perfect family, but Josh allegedly committed adultery on the Madison site thinking that no one would ever discover it.  Oh, well!

DOG:     Woooooof-woooof-wooof!

ME:        Yep, “be sure your sins will find you out,” and “whatever is hidden will be shouted from the rooftops,” is sooooo true, Dog!  But you know what really burns my cookies?  There are a sub-set of “Christians” who are blaming Josh Duggar’s moral failings on his wife, Anna.  That poor girl.  They’re saying she didn’t “satisfy” him enough or pray for him on a daily basis?  Ugh!  Don’t these people ever get tired of “schtupping” each other?   I swear to God, some of the people in Christianity drive me crazy—especially these “Quiverfull” nincompoops!

DOG:     Woof???

ME:        Oh, I forgot you’re old and you’ve had the “snip,” so you have no idea what “she didn’t satisfy him enough” means.  Never mind.  Just know that this Duggar family is pretty fucked up.  Josh Duggar has “repented” for being a hypocrite and gone into hiding, but he hasn’t repented for all the horrid things he did and said to make our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters’ lives a living hell by pushing legislation to keep them from having equal rights under the law.  Maybe he’ll blame his downfall on the Devil, if his wife is not fool enough to take the blame.  Personally, I think it is karma!  Marriage is wasted on this douche-bag.

Duggar and Trump Meme FB

Josh Duggar assigns blame for his moral failings


ME:        Well, well, well, Dog, will you listen to this.  The Donald is at the top of the polls and the main reason he is outrunning all the other Republican candidates is because Christians are coming out in droves for him.  WTF?

DOG:     Woof!?!

ME:        I know!  Can you believe it?  Apparently, most of the 28% polling that The Donald has over all the other Republican candidates is due mostly to Evangelical Christians.  Liberty University hosted him in 2012 and just ate him up.  They waited in line for hours to get his autograph.  Prosperity Doctrine Televangelists (“send me your hard-earned money poor people to help me buy private planes to fly around the world to preach the gospel because my ass is way too special to ride on a commercial plane”) are hosting a huge event at the end of September for The Donald at Trump Towers.  It is being sponsored by the thrice-married Mississippi Queen of the Prosperity preachers, Paula White.  You know, the one that was caught on camera holding hands with Benny Hinn (another prosperity-doctrine scoundrel) while leaving a hotel in Paris (they swear they never “knew” each other in the biblical sense—auuugh!).  Apparently, she’s some type of life-coach these days and has given Trump a tip or two.

Anyhoooo, these preachers really have their heads and their Bibles stuck up Trump’s ass.  They claim that they have prayed with him and he’s a truly “humble” guy—just the type of man God wants to use to lead our country.  But here’s the rub:  the same percentage of Christians who are backing Trump because they believe he’s a Christian and sent from God are the same ones who think President Obama is a Muslim (not true, but so what if he was), is definitely not a Christian (he professes to be so, and who are they to judge), is not an American citizen (proven to have been born in Hawaii a thousand times—get over it!), and most assuredly sent by the Devil himself.  On the other hand, Trump admits he doesn’t ask forgiveness from God (doesn’t see the need)—just eats his little cracker and drinks his little cup of wine at an occasional communion (his words).  He says his favorite book is the Bible but won’t say which is his favorite book within the Bible [just grab any name next time, Donald—Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John will be a safe bet], and says all married people should get pre-nuptial agreements . . . just in case.  Oh, and he says he collects Bibles for the hell of it while he builds casinos to addict the average American to gambling.  Geez, what a holy, stand-up guy!).  The calling of being a preacher is wasted on these flim-flam jokers.

DOG:     Bow-wow!

Trump Kisses Babies Gary McCoy Cagle Cartoons

Cartoon used by permission:  Gary McCoy, Cagle Cartoons


DOG:     Howwwwwwl . . . howwwwwwl . . . howwwwl . . .

ME:        Dog, what’s going on?  Why are you crying like that?  Why are you rolling on the ground in pain?  You’re acting like someone stabbed you in the heart.  Tell Me-ma what’s wrong, Honey?  What are you pointing at on the computer?

DOG:     bark . . .

ME:        Ohhhh . . . the execution of the policeman—the father of two young children. Yep, I see that. (Do you know that the asshole, Ted Cruz, blamed that precious policeman’s murder on our President?  I’m trying so hard not to hate that born-again jerk!)  Of course there is the pathetic story of a dude taking a selfie with his gun and accidentally shooting himself and dying.  Good grief!  And here’s the story of the boy shooting his mother, step-father, and grandmother in cold-blood in front of his six siblings.  (Jesus, have mercy on us!)  Did you catch the one about the reporter and her cameraman being gunned down while doing a story on a lake or something by a disgruntled ex-employee?  Sigh!  I don’t know what to tell you to help you understand, Dog.  Animals don’t do this to each other.   Americans refuse to take responsibility for our actions—to go the distance to correct this in our society.  We don’t have a gun problem, Dog, we have a violence problem.  We’re addicted to it!

I have become convinced that the only thing that is going to truly set us free is a changing of the 2nd Amendment.  It’s outdated and no longer relevant.  But it is still used as an excuse.  The 2nd Amendment says, “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”  This was penned right after Britain tried to kick our asses and keep us under their thumb during the Revolutionary War.  We no longer need a “well-regulated militia”—that’s called the armed forces and the National Guard.  There are no tyrants at the gate except in the NRA’s mind.  The 2nd Amendment needs to be eradicated, Dog.  But some Americans prefer their right to bear arms over their family, neighbors, and countrymen’s right to “live” a full-term life.  Do you know the quote that brought me to my knees in pain, Dog—when I knew nothing was ever going to change regarding guns in our country?  After all those beautiful babies and teacher were slaughtered in Sandy Hook a young man shot three people and wounded eight in California, and “Joe the Plumber” (remember that bastion of conservative ideology who got thrust on our national conscience by McCain and Palin?) posted an open letter to the victims’ families: “Your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights.”

ME AND DOG:   [looking at each other in horror] Sob . . . howl . . . boo-hoo . . . howwwwwl . . . sob, sob, sob . . . Life is wasted on these Neanderthals, Dog!

Gun Control Toles

Cartoon by Toles from The Washington Post



I am discovering that if Right-Wing Christians, in particular, don’t wake up and shake the stupidity out of their brains and stop cozying up to rottenness, then Christianity is going to be wasted on them and the world they so passionately want to convert, because nobody in their right mind is going to want to be associated with our religion.  I can say this because I am a Christian!  I love my religion (the way Christ taught it and lived it), but the people who are supporting the feckless Donald Trump for President, blaming Anna Duggar for her husband’s horny moral failures, and refusing to bend on the 2nd Amendment need to have their heads examined.  In the meantime, I guess things could be worse:  Kanye West could be running for president and Kim Kardashian could be our FLOTUS in 2020!  Let me go on record by saying, if Trump becomes President, then the office is fair game for any idiot.  Be afraid, be very afraid!

Kanye for President 2020

Kanye West announced his presidential candidacy for 2020 at the VMA Awards (after admitting that he had smoked a little “somethin’-somethin’” to take the “edge off” of the night)



REGARDING WHITE SUPREMICISTS:  “White nationalist media figures are backing Donald Trump’s presidential campaign and celebrating his stance on immigration. They have hailed Trump as ‘doing the Lord’s work,’ someone who ‘represents our interests,’ ‘the best of the lot,’ and the ‘last hope for a president who would be good for white people.’”—Media Matters

REGARDING TELEVANGELISTS SUPPORTING TRUMP: “Let me get this straight. If I want the admiration and blessings of the most flamboyant, judgmental Christians in America, I should marry three times, do a queasy-making amount of sexual boasting, verbally degrade women, talk trash about pretty much everyone else while I’m at it, encourage gamblers to hemorrhage their savings in casinos bearing my name and crow incessantly about how much money I’ve amassed?  Seems to work for Donald Trump.”—Frank Bruni/NY Times/2015/08/26

REGARDING TRUMP’S PERSONALITY:  “. . . a near perfect authoritarian leader . . . these people are usually intimidating and bullying, faintly hedonistic, vengeful, pitiless, exploitive, manipulative, dishonest, cheat to win, highly prejudiced, mean-spirited, militant, nationalistic, tell others what they want to hear, take advantage of ‘suckers,’ specialize in creating false images to sell self, may or may not be religious, are usually politically and economically conservative and Republican.”John Dean, former White House Counsel to Richard Nixon (resigned during Watergate scandal and now sounds the alarm about the dangers of authoritarian leaders)









Posted by on September 2, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered this week about living in America?   Some of us have lost our ever-lovin’ minds.  (I’m not saying who, but you know who you are.)  Can we talk—shoot the breeze—jibber jabber—chew the fat?  Who are these people who caused Donald Trump’s poll numbers to increase after he made such an ass of himself at the Republican debate and with his “bimbo” attacks against the moderator, Megyn Kelly?  (Was it you? Say it isn’t so!)  Who are those people who think Trump is presidential material after they knew he called women “fat pigs,” “dogs,” “slobs,” and “disgusting animals” just because a woman challenged or contradicted him at some point?  (If it wasn’t you, then was it some of your relatives?)   Have you identified the people who sent so many death threats to the moderator Megyn Kelly following the debate that she took an unplanned, unscheduled, suddenly announced two-week vacation to parts unknown?  (Girl, tell me you weren’t one of the trolls that attacked poor Megyn after the debate.  I’m not a fan of hers but she’s a human being, for Christ’s sake!)

My sisters and brothers, what is going on?  Why is this joker who just got fired from his own TV show by NBC soaring in the polls as the top Republican candidate?  Who is doing this?  Is it our neighbors?  I checked with mine and they swore they would never, ever do such a stupid thing as back a clown.

Trump Card Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Cartoon used by permission: Rick McKee, The Augusta Chronicle/Cagle Cartoons

I’m totally flummoxed!  I mean, I know I’m sane, and I think you’re sane—so why do there seem to be such a huge group of “insane” people suddenly pushing for the election of insanity?  There is a part of me that says, “Calm down, Eleanor, the American people will do the right thing in the end.  They won’t let this poser get anywhere near the Oval Office.”  But when I review the tape of the Republican debate and hear the thunderous applause for Trump when he reiterated his misogynistic remarks about Rosie O’Donnell—and women in general—with smug glee, I am undone.  The more I studied the tape looking for answers in the faces of the audience members (wondering if they were all nuts), the more puzzled I became.  Until it dawned on me.  The Republican debate was entertainment—not something to inform the viewer about each candidate’s policy positions because it got upstaged by The Donald.  Fox News was the producer of a reality show, and Trump won the debate and the ratings with his blustery arrogance and loud-mouth buffoonery.

GOP Debate Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch

Not being one to come to wild-eyed conclusions without searching for conclusive evidence, I began to scour the Internet to see what the average voter was saying about why they were rabid about The Donald for President in 2016.  (I also wanted to see if any of these voters were peeps that I knew.) They blew my mind!  From Michigan to New Hampshire to Iowa, loyalists proudly sported Donald Trump t-shirts and declared their undying love for the clown of the century.

Below is a compilation of quotes given to reporters over the course of several weeks.  (The statements by the voters are exact transcriptions except when they respond to the “third wall”—a.k.a. “into the camera” or directly to my insults.  In bold italics are my responses that I shouted in horrified shock at the TV while throwing popcorn at my TV screen.

Reporter in NH:  Why do you support Donald Trump for president?

NH Voter:  Because he’s going to make America great again!

MOI:  How? How? How? Trump hasn’t said one specific policy statement yet. He side-steps direct policy questions and changes the subject—starts talking about how rich he is or how stupid his opponents are.  A squirrel could see through his smoke and mirrors.

NH Voter:  Did you just say something?

Reporter:  You heard that too?  Nooooo, I was waiting for your answer.

MOI:  Just give me two ways that Neanderthal is going to “Make America great again”?

NH Voter:  Wow, I love the way you throw your voice.  Are you a ventriloquist in your off hours?  Anyway, Trump is going to “bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before!”  And like he says, he’s “going to be the greatest president that God ever created.”  Not to mention, and I quote: “nobody will be tougher on ISIS.”

MOI:   Auuuugh!  Generalizations—all generalizations—all hot air!  Can’t you see he’s making shit up, and you’re believing him?  Ask him to give you specifics!

NH Voter:  [Looking into the camera.]  HEY, where did that popcorn come from?  Is this a gift from The Donald—popcorn from heaven?  [Proceeds to chew with great enthusiasm on the kernels of popcorn that pop through the camera into her mouth.] This would be something he would do.  He’s so generous!  All I have to say is “Trump’s the man; if he can’t save us, no one can.”

Donald Trump Cave Man Christo Komarnitski Bulgaria

Cartoon used by permission:  Christo Komarnitski, Bulgaria


Reporter in IA:  Why do you support Trump for President?

Voter in IA:   Easy question.  Because he’s most like me—like me and all my friends.

MOI:  Most like you?  Do you have gazillions of dollars, airplanes, and helicopters, a hot super-model wife, and your name atop scads of buildings?  I don’t mean to be rude chick, but you look like you’re one welfare check away from being homeless.

Voter in IA:  You better watch it, reporter-dude, or I’ll shove this corn-dog on a stick up your ass!

Reporter in IA:  What?  What did I do?

MOI:  Look at the camera.  It’s me, Bitch—an incredulous viewer—not the reporter!  Look at me and answer the question.  Why are you so sure that The Donald can handle the job of being president?

Voter in IA:  [Looks straight into the camera.]  Humph, you don’t have to get obnoxious.  I will tell you why I know The Donald can “Make America Great Again”—just like he says.  Did you see what a fabulous job he did on The Apprentice?  If he can do that, he can run this great country of ours because he’ll know who to put in charge.  Notice how he takes command on The Apprentice?  If Mexico doesn’t stop sending illegals, rapists, and murderers across the border, he’ll just hire people to build a wall a thousand feet high and “fire” Mexico—(“no more trade with you, Mexico!”) until they behave.   Or if the A-rabs won’t do what we tell them to, Trump will just bomb the ______ (beep) out of them.  He’ll fire all those ayatollahs, ‘cause Trump’s the man, and he can!

Fired inscribd dot com

Meme by

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks—just as I was going to throw the entire bowl of popcorn at the TV:  the average American thinks we live in a reality show!  They can’t tell the difference between the entertainment segments on TV, the Internet, or magazines, from the real world.  Talk radio, YouTube videos, 19 Kids and Counting, the Kardashians, TV mega-church preachers, gossip rags, and Caitlyn Jenner’s new reality show (BTW, I don’t care what anyone does to their own body, but don’t try and sell what you’ve done as heroic to me, when it comes attached to a “marriage” certificate to a reality TV script and a high six-figure salary).  Of course The Donald can be an all-controlling president of a country who kicks ass and takes no prisoners because he plays one on TV, just like Bruce Jenner can be a woman because he plays one on a reality show.  Duh!  Why didn’t I think of that?

Caitlyn Jenner Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch/Cagle Cartoons



I am discovering that as it pertains to the 2016 presidential election, we all need to be afraid—very afraid because it looks like a good percentage of our fellow Americans have permanently crossed over into fantasy land.  Even Glenn Beck, that bastion of conservative craziness is perplexed and called Trump “the opposite of every great leader”—“the biggest flaming [ass] you could possibly imagine.”  A zombie apocalypse is happening among us.  In researching my theory, I came across a book written in 1985 that I had never heard of:  Neil Postman’s, Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business.  It is prophetic.  I’m going to order a copy right now because I need as much ammunition I can get when I climb one of the Trump Towers and scream at the top of my lungs:  WAKE UP AMERICA!  WE’RE DYING FROM 24/7 AMUSEMENT, AND OUR BRAINS ARE BEING SUCKED OUT BY UNREALISTIC SCENERIOS BEING PORTRAYED AS REALITY.  OPEN YOUR EYES TO WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON!  P.S. TO THE VOTER WHO SAID “TRUMP WILL MAKE A GREAT PRESIDENT BECAUSE HE DID SUCH A GREAT JOB ON THE APPRENTICE . . .” OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD—GET A GRIP!

Ben and Jennifer Manny Francisco Manila The Phillippines

Cartoon used by permission: Manny Francisco, Manila, The Philippines/Cagle Cartoon



“The media has changed. We now give broadcast licenses to philosophies instead of people. People get confused and think there is no difference between news and entertainment. People who project themselves as journalists on television don’t know the first thing about journalism. They are just there stirring up a hockey game.”—Gary Ackerman

 “We aren’t in an information age, we are in an entertainment age.”—Tony Robbins

 “…On television, religion, like everything else, is presented, quite simply and without apology, as an entertainment. Everything that makes religion an historic, profound, sacred human activity is stripped away; there is no ritual, no dogma, no tradition, no theology, and above all, no sense of spiritual transcendence.”Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business




Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on August 15, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered about God and Donald Trump this week?  They are supposedly like this (imagine image of two fingers intertwined).  And apparently, God has signed onto The Donald’s campaign and has personally endorsed him as the 2016 primo GOP presidential nominee.  According to Charisma Magazine (the Christian gossip People Magazine) God has been talking directly to one of his very closest peeps who hails from Lakeland, Florida (one Prophet Jeremiah Johnson—the 27-year-old White one from Lakeland, Florida, not the forty-something Black one from Dallas, Texas) about Donald, the blowhard.  God told Prophet Jeremiah that Donald Trump was sent to be his “trumpet to the American people for he [The Donald] possesses qualities that are even hard to find in my people these days [Born-Again Christians, he’s talking about us—oh, snap!].”  My loyal readers—this prophet story is true, all true—you can’t make this shit up!

Trumpisms John Cole The Scranton Times Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune

At first I thought it was a spoofa page right out of the Onion, but the link to the prophecy in Charisma was posted on the dude’s website.  Here’s Prophet Jeremiah’s word “direct from God” in its entirety:

 “I was in a time of prayer several weeks ago when God began to speak to me concerning the destiny of Donald Trump in America. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, ‘Trump shall become My trumpet to the American people, for he possesses qualities that are even hard to find in My people these days. Trump does not fear man nor will he allow deception and lies to go unnoticed. I am going to use him to expose darkness and perversion in America like never before, but you must understand that he is like a bull in a china closet. Many will want to throw him away because he will disturb their sense of peace and tranquility, but you must listen through the bantering to discover the truth that I will speak through him. I will use the wealth that I have given him to expose and launch investigations searching for the truth. Just as I raised up Cyrus to fulfill My purposes and plans, so have I raised up Trump to fulfill my purposes and plans prior to the 2016 election. You must listen to the trumpet very closely for he will sound the alarm and many will be blessed because of his compassion and mercy. Though many see the outward pride and arrogance, I have given him the tender heart of a father that wants to lend a helping hand to the poor and the needy, to the foreigner and the stranger.’“

HELLO!  Either God’s done lost his ever lovin’ mind, or the right-wing Christian movement has set out to humiliate itself—yet again.  (In the interest of full disclosure, I am a recovering right-wing Christian, once read Charisma Magazine like it was my life’s blood, and after too much communion wine even “prophesied” that Justice Clarence Thomas was a righteous, caring, teddy-bear, sweetheart of a man sent to the Supreme Court by God “for such a troubled time as this,” who was being “tormented and lied about by that hussy Anita Hill.”  Oy vez mir!   (I plan to be in therapy till Jesus comes back over my stint as “that kind of Christian,” and I wrote my latest book, Fleeing Oz, to document my humorous escape from such babbling insanity.)

God spoke to me Meme

I was so agitated and embarrassed after reading that prophecy that when I went to sleep that night I had fitful, vivid dreams of trying to get in touch with God—demanding that He show himself and put a stop to people using His name in vain to promote their crazy-ass political agendas.  I mean, after all, the Dude has got a major rep to maintain, and we—His peeps—are not protecting His brand very well.

Godly Candidates KEEP Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Cartoon used by permission: Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune/Cagle Cartoons

In my dream, I entered (more or less floated into) a waiting room with no walls, no ceiling, and no floors.  The only way I could tell it was a waiting room was that the space contained an ample-bosomed, slightly chunky, black-bottomed secretary seated behind a suspended desk that featured a plaque that read:  Dalai Mama, Sr. EA. to God Almighty.  I couldn’t shake the sense that I knew her.  In fact, she looked like my twin—just a bit more bedazzled with a lot more attitude and sporting a flowing multi-colored kaftan.  The bespectacled secretary never acknowledged my presence but kept right on reading some type of report that said “Earthly News.”  I stood in front of her desk for what seemed like eons, but she never looked up from her reading—even though I knew she knew I was there.  Finally she spoke without moving her eyes from the report.

DM:       Lawd have mercy, humans are a mess.  Y’all never cease to amaze me.  You better be glad I’m not the Almighty, or I’d wipe you all out and start all over again.

MOI:      Well, it is a pleasure to meet you to.  Sheesh!  I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I need to speak with God. I’ve traveled a long way at quite some risk to my well-being to get an audience with His Majesty.

DM:       You don’t say.  You got an appointment?  Cause y’all ain’t gettin’ in here to see the Lawd without makin’ an appointment.  He brought me on to be the gatekeeper to protect him from folks like you who feel you can just barge in any-ol-time you feel like it.   What’s yo’ problem, anyhow?  You look kinda bougie to me.  Yo’ spa appointment got canceled?  Yo’ books ain’t hit the New York Times bestseller list yet?

MOI:      Oh good grief!  When did snark become a part of Heaven?  I’m here on behalf of God’s reputation.  He doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to it, so somebody has to.  One of his peeps has hijacked it again, and given the times that we live in, God needs to do something about it.  Has He read this so-called prophecy by Jeremiah Johnson that His Majesty is backing Donald Trump for the 2016 presidential race?  Not only is this ersatz prophet putting words in God’s mouth, but he’s making Christians out to be laughing stocks—yet again—because they are believing him!

DM:       Read it?  What you talkin’ ‘bout, Girl?  God knew ‘bout it before the words ever popped out of that poser’s mouth.   You actin’ like this the first time God had to deal with American politicians who think they sit at His right hand.  Remember Palin, Bachmann, Cain, Jindal, Perry, and Santorum all said God told them to run.  Even the governor from Ohio didn’t throw his hat in the ring until he said God had told him to do so, just recently.  And what happened to them?  Is anyone of them yo’ President or even yo’ Vice-president?  So chill out, Baby-girl.  I been watchin’ you, and you too old to get so messed up over these crazies.  God’s got this.

Kasich Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

Cartoon used by permission: Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch/Cagle Cartoons

MOI:      What do you mean, God’s got this?  The Donald’s leading in the polls, he’s taking center position on the debate stage Thursday night, and according to the latest poll, Evangelical Christians are some of his strongest supporters.  What the fuck?

DM:       Watch yo’ mouth, Baby-girl.  You not too old for me to smack you upside yo’ head.  This is a holy place, and you best respect it.

MOI:      All I’m saying is that if Evangelical Christians are supporting The Donald because he’s “most like them” (that’s what the polls are saying—ain’t that a hoot?), and they throw their vote behind him, they will decimate the Republican Party.  Plus some “holy man” comes along and says that you have “raised up Trump to fulfill my purposes and plans prior to the 2016 election,” then, poof! that’s all the Conservative Evangelicals will need for rationale—and here comes Frankenstein to the Oval Office in 2016.  “The prophet” goes on to say that we (Christians) must listen to the trumpet [I wonder if God meant that pun?] very closely for he will sound the alarm and many will be blessed because of his compassion and mercy.”  Compassion and mercy?  What a joke!   A blind man can see that Trump is many things—but compassionate and merciful are not the two words that come to mind.  Try blowhard, arrogant, and a bully.  You know what this is about don’t you?  Conservatives are so freakin’ afraid of the culture changes that have happened and the occupancy of the Black man for eight years in the White House that they are grasping at any monster that attacks those things they fear.  In my heart of hearts, I don’t think The Donald will make it into the White House, but I do think “his spirit” will—that racist, anti-immigrant, xenophobic, homophobic, and greed-inspired monster will.  What’s God going to do about this?

DM:       Probably nothing.  God gave y’all brains and hearts for a reason.  Use ‘em.  He ain’t gonna stomp all over your freewill.  Anyhoo, I have my own theory.  Did you ever think that maybe—just maybe—He did tell those people to run (and spoke to the “prophets”), but it was His way of winnowing out the craziness that you nasty-ass humans created in your lust for power and control?  The candidates said God said that they were supposed to “run” for president; they didn’t say God said they were supposed to win.  Maybe yo’ God has a fabulous sense of humor. And maybe that humor is the best ass-whoppin’ and pride-buster in this realm and the next. (Remember that preacher-man who prophesied the end of the world three or four times not to long ago—flingin’ hell, fire, and damnation like monkey poo?  Well, y’all still here causin’ all kinds of chaos, and little preacher man had a stroke and died!  It was the end of the world all right—his world!) Now go on home, Chil’—God can take care of himself, and I’ve got work to do.

Donald Trump Monster John Darkow Columbia Daily Tribune Missouri

Cartoon used by permission: John Darkow, Columbia Daily, Tribune Missouri/Cagle Cartoon



I am discovering that all sorts of people from every kind of religion say they hear God tell them all sorts of things.  Ask any member of ISIS why they are trying to kill you, and they will probably say:  “Because God told me to.”  (Somehow the fact that “God told him” doesn’t make me feel any better about the fact that I am going to lose my head at that moment.) The problem with people saying “God told me” is that there is no rebuttal one can give to that.  What are we going to say:  “Oh, no He deeen’t!”  Can I tell you a secret?  I have discovered from living in this part of Christianity for forty years—where people say “Thus Saith the Lord” as matter-of-factly as brushing their teeth—that saying God told me to say “this or that” is usually meant to dominate others.  It is meant to control the situation, elevate the speaker, and shut down any discussion that points to the fact that the speaker is probably wrong as Hell.  Perry, Santorum, Bachmann, Herman Cain, Huckabee, et al said that God told them to run for the presidency at one time, but they all went down in a blaze of ignominy.   Well, guess what, some silly-ass “prophet” may be announcing that God told him Donald Trump walks on water, but God speaks to me too, and He’s saying:  “If you believe this dude or The Donald, your sorry-ass is crazier than the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland!”

God Told me


“When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.”Jane Wagner

“When all else fails there’s always delusion.”Conan O’Brien

“There’s always an element of self-delusion among people who believe they ought to be President. There’s an underestimation of your opponent and an overestimation of your own abilities. This is compatible with being rich and powerful, the idea that we were blessed by God because we deserve to be blessed.”Jimmy Carter




Did God Really Say David Fitzsimmons The Arizona Star




Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on August 5, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered about my new retirement digs? I’ve found a place that White folks been keeping from us. Now before some of my White sisters and brothers get bent out of shape and think I’ve gone all kamikaze racist on your behinds, I’m just kidding—sort of. In 1964 when the Civil Rights Act passed allowing Black folks the ability to travel, live, go to school, eat in restaurants, shop, and pretty much exist in previously restricted areas due to our race, it became a game of my childhood to waltz into those newly opened arenas and soak up all the beauty, knowledge, tranquility, and lusciousness I’d been missing out on for all my poor, pathetic life (see my first book: Monsters’ Throwdown for the entertaining details). I had a mentor (twenty years older than I) who would call me on any given day and announce: “Put on your best Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes and grab a pair of white gloves because we are going to a place that the White folks been keepin’ from us!” It has become a tagline between my husband (who is White) and me throughout the years whenever we encounter something extraordinarily lovely. When we unpacked the final box in our new home and stepped back to absorb the beauty of it all, I said to him, “Look, Honey, we found a place. . . ” And WW (a.k.a. “White and Wonderful”) with arms wrapped around me and tears in his eyes, interrupted me and said: “And can you believe that the same little girl who was born in a toilet in Monsters’ Throwdown is the same little girl who is retiring in this tranquil place—this sanctuary for dreamers?”

Living Rm 2

Photo Credit: Eleanor Tomczyk/ “A sanctuary for dreamers”

I spend my mornings going for long walks in bucolic settings, followed by meditation and reading on my sun-kissed deck. Weather permitting, I have breakfast with my man on the deck overlooking yellow and red hibiscus plants as hummingbirds stream in from the nature preserve that is my backyard, and then I write in an office which has one huge wall of glass that overlooks cultivated yards of red and pink crepe myrtles. I would never leave if I didn’t have to, but I know that sometimes duty will call, and I’ll have to venture back into the not so pleasant world from time to time.

Good Deer

Photo credit: Eleanor Tomczyk/Author’s view from her sun-kissed deck

Such was last weekend. As often happens to my husband WW and me, invitations come that compete for the same dates, and decisions must be made as to the validity, the importance of the relationships, and our finances regarding which one will be RSVP’d “yes” or “no” to. We were invited to the wedding of my nephew and to a reunion of a group of people that I once thought I’d found tranquility with in my hippie days but turned out to be a bust in the long run (check out my latest book on the subject: Fleeing Oz). We chose my nephew’s wedding in Vermont. It was the correct choice—the wedding was wonderful. My nephew and his new wife are delightful and everyone was overjoyed to see us.   I found Vermont to be magnificently beautiful but, as a writer, I found the scores of Moose Crossing signs along the roads to be more than blog worthy—they would have made a great Saturday Night Live skit.

Moose Crossing Sign

Photo Credit: Joy E. Hecht

I don’t know from moose (is the plural of moose “meese,” “mooses,” “moosi,” or “moosen”?)—I’ve never seen one in my life. The only moose I know of is the cartoon moose, “Bullwinkle J. Moose” from the show Rocky and Bullwinkle. So you can imagine my surprise when driving up into the gorgeous mountains of Vermont (another place the White folks been keeping from us—I didn’t see one Black person in them there hills!), every third sign was a warning about moose crossings.

The Bullwinkle moose I came to know in the ghettos of Cleveland, Ohio via TV was benign, sweet-tempered, hilariously funny, and didn’t take himself too seriously. He went to college at “Wossamotta U” and was part-time governor of Moosylvania Island. (Remember the running gag of Bullwinkle attempting to pull a rabbit out of a top hat which was never successful? He would send me into gales of laughter—after Rocky, the side-kick squirrel’s emphatic declarations of “but that trick never works!”—because out of the hat would pop a lion or a tiger or even Rocky.) That running joke never failed to cause me to fall over laughing as a poor Black child. Bullwinkle was one of my first friends, and he taught me humor.

One of TV's greatest animated series, ROCKY 7 BULLWINKLE & FRIENDS, comes to DVD for the first time ever. DIGITALLY REMASTERED DVD BOX SET INCLUDES 26 ORIGINAL EPISODES and never-before seen footage. from BULLWINKLE STUDIOS/Classic Media ( Joint Venture ) **small file size***

One of TV’s greatest animated series, ROCKY 7 BULLWINKLE & FRIENDS, comes to DVD for the first time ever. DIGITALLY REMASTERED DVD BOX SET INCLUDES 26 ORIGINAL EPISODES and never-before seen footage. from BULLWINKLE STUDIOS/Classic Media ( Joint Venture ) **small file size***

Rocky and Bullwinkle/Created by Alexander Anderson (September 5, 1920 – October 22, 2010), Jay Ward, and Bill Scott

So you can imagine my surprise when I asked one very inebriated wedding guest what was up with all the Moose warnings along the highway. “What’s up,” he replied with great agitation, “I’ll tell you what’s up. Those signs are there to save your life. I assume every moose I come across is a serial killer. Your typical moose weighs 1,500 pounds. They are dumb as rocks and mean as hell. They carry most of their weight in their upper body on four pencil-like legs, and if they choose to attack you, neither you nor your car will survive. In my opinion, wild moose are more dangerous than grizzlies and they are full of attitude and aggression. Do you know if they raid your garbage can and return the next day for a follow-up snack, if there is nothing in the can (because the idiots ate all the garbage the day before!), they will get pissed and try and attack your shit—ram your house, ram your car, and stomp the crap out of you if you try and shoo them away? (Why get pissed at me for no follow-up garbage snack? Did I tell them to eat up all the garbage and not leave some for the next day? Dumb asses!) If you happen to hit one when they are crossing the highway, their entire upper body—all 1500 pounds of it will crash through your windshield, and you, the moose, and your car will be singing with Jesus before you can say: ‘Oh look, honey, there goes a moose crossing the highway.’ Moose—the only good moose is a dead moose, as far as I am concerned!”

Moose Bashing

Oy! Oy! Oy! And I thought because of Bullwinkle that I knew my moose!

Try as we could, WW and I never saw a moose while we were in Vermont (probably for the best), but it got us talking about the concept of moose crossing signs, and how they would be most helpful in life when coming across people you thought were one way (benign, friendly, humorous, gracious, kind, loving), but they turned out to be another way (mean-spirited, backbiting, aggressive, controlling, domineering, spiteful, and duplicitous—to name a few). Wouldn’t it be helpful to have “Moose Crossing” signs posted along life’s highway so that you would know to slow down, turn around, back up, flee, or simply take another highway?

Haters Gonna Hate Meme



I am discovering that “moose crossing” signs are just the order of the day to protect this stage of my life in my new sanctuary. (WW and I have decided that we do not care who doesn’t like us; we only care about the people we like, because they are the only ones we want to spend time with or allow into our lives anymore.)

After I returned from the wedding, someone from the reunion—the event I purposely chose not to attend—who I haven’t talked to in years, sent me a message reminiscing about the “good ol’ days” and the great times we had in our Christian community in the 70s (isn’t it amazing the selective memory that people have at reunions?). I, however, remember how this person, who once called me her best friend, verbally attacked me—for no apparent reason—in a car with another person just a few years ago, five minutes before she jumped out of the car to catch a plane, leaving me no rebuttal or recourse. There was never an apology—never a follow up to assess the damage that had been done. I also remember how a year or so after that “moose crossing,” this same woman wrote a caustic comment on my public blog because she didn’t like what I had to say about Sarah Palin (i.e., “perhaps Ms. Palin is not qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency”). My “friend” who didn’t know Sarah Palin chose to excoriate me in print, in public, in support of a nincompoop, as if I were a two-month old not entitled to an opinion. (If that is the mark of a best friend, I’d hate to see what an enemy acts like.)

I hit the delete button on my ex-friend’s message, and I erected a “Moose Crossing” sign in her name while I immersed myself back into the sanctuary I’ve been waiting all my life to inhabit.

“I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’”Elayne Boosler

Moose Hiding



“I think for me, home needs to be a sanctuary. I need to feel like I’ve escaped the day when I get home.” —Bella Heathcote

If we could make our house a home, and then make it a sanctuary, I think we could truly find paradise on Earth.”—Alexandra Stoddard

“Happiness, true happiness, is an inner quality. It is a state of mind. If your mind is at peace, you are happy. If your mind is at peace, but you have nothing else, you can be happy. If you have everything the world can give – pleasure, possessions, power – but lack peace of mind, you can never be happy.”—Dada Vaswani




Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on July 26, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Do you know what I discovered today? I’ve been gone for a month—selling our old home of 18 years near DC and moving to our new home in a different town further south. We almost didn’t survive the “selling” part because the “Mr.” of our buyers was a real dumbass and tried to screw us every which way but Sunday. We summarily won the day, but not without a great deal of desk pounding, lawsuit threatening, panic eating, intercessory praying, and sleepless nights. The Mr. Buyer was such a horrible person that I suspended being a Christian momentarily, and I prayed for a pox on his house (my old home) and on his children’s houses. I also prayed that Mr. Buyer’s balls would shrivel to the size of raisins and would pop off into the toilet the next time he took an agonized enlarged prostate piss, which if he didn’t already have prostate problems, I prayed God would zap him with them. (All right, all right . . . I have repented because most of us know “God don’t like ugly,” and becoming a dumbass in reaction to a dumbass does not make up a world that any of us want to live in . . . but it sure felt good . . . momentarily.)

[Case in point of one of “Mr. Buyer’s” egregious dumbass extortion attempts as told to us one minute before we were to sign the papers for closing: “When we did the walk through of your house Mr. and Mrs. Tomczyk, a couple of the kitchen cabinet doors squeaked.  We want you to put $5,000 in escrow in case we find anything else we don’t like or we will hold up the closing so that you miss the deadline for buying your dream house.” The closing took nine hours, but we were victorious. We gave them “bupkis” (Yiddish for “shivering shit balls”) and a can of WD40.]   AARRGH!!

Horrible Person Meme

For a month I had little to no access to TV or the Internet.  I felt as if I had dropped off the planet and my entire world consisted of selling and buying homes. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. (I was momentarily jerked out of my real estate torment by the cacophonous shots heard round the world from South Carolina, and I stopped trying to cast curses on the balls of my dumbass buyer, and I prayed for Charleston—I prayed for us all.)   So last night I finally got caught up on the news I had missed while I was gone. And guess what? I discovered that I hadn’t missed much—dumbasses were still trying to take over the world.

There were the dumbasses who set up robo-calls to keep the Confederate Flag in place in Charleston because, as CNN put it, the authors of the call urged people to “not stand with leftist fanatics who want to destroy the South we love.” Or here’s my favorite from the robo-call cited by CNN: “What’s next? This attack on our values is sick and un-American, and it has to stop right here and right now in South Carolina.”*

Dear Robo-call Dumbasses: The Confederate flag was resurrected in South Carolina in the 60s as a direct “fuck you” to the desegregation laws and to the Federal Government that was trying to enforce those laws. Let us not pretend otherwise. Even in its original form it stood for secession, rebellion, and slavery of my ancestors ad infinitum. I am grateful that your governor led the charge to have the flag removed from government grounds to a museum. It is a relic of a hateful past that was used to divide a nation, enslave a people, and crush the hearts and souls of Charleston’s citizens. It is time . . . let it go!

July 5, 2015

July 5, 2015

Used by permission: Adam Zyglis, The Buffalo News

Dumbass Wayne LaPierre has yet to comment on the shootings in Charleston, SC other than to say it is too soon to comment. But the EVP of the National Rifle Association never meet a gun massacre that he couldn’t excuse away with the call for guns, guns, and more guns. I wonder how many more death-by-guns it is going to take before we dumbass Americans stuff a sock in LaPierre’s mouth and pass strong gun control laws with or without his comments.

NRA Pat Bagley Salt Lake Tribune

Used by permission: Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune

Of course, no one defines “dumbass” like Donald Trump who was all over the news while I was gone. (And I thought Sarah Palin rocked the dumbass crown, but Trump makes Palin look like a Rhodes Scholar.) His dumbness speaks for itself. If he becomes president, I will do what I swore I’d never do again, and that is sell my house and become an ex-pat—somewhere—anywhere but here in the country I love so much, despite all of her dumbasses.

Trump as Victim John Cole  The Scranton Times Tribune

Used by permission: John Cole, The Scranton Times Tribune

Then there is Bill Cosby. Bill, Bill, Bill—dumbass Bill. You’ve got some chutzpah still declaring your innocence against the rape allegations of twenty-five plus women after the release last week of the 2005 deposition where you confess to purchasing and using Quaaludes to have sex with young women. Dumbass Bill Cosby, Dr. Huxtable—with his sweater-wearing innocuous self—that fantasy-world “America’s Favorite Dad” is dead and you killed him. Please go away and take your sweaters with you. P.S. Camille, I get the “stand by your man for better or for worse” thing but blaming the victims for your man’s lack of character puts you in the dumbass category, and you seem smarter than that, my sister. What if the victims were your daughters? Just sayin! ***

Bill Cosby Milt Priggee, www miltpriggee com

Used by permission: Milt Priggee,

But my favorite—absolute, jaw-dropping favorite—dumbasses of the week are 19 year-old Nick Silvestri of Seaford, Long Island and Arianna Grande of teen pop fame. First, clueless Nick went to see the Broadway play “Hand to God.” According to an article on, before the play started, he jumped up on stage and plugged his cell phone into an outlet that was part of the set (it was fake outlet, by the way!). The play had to stop during the preshow music and the crew had to unplug the stupid thing and chastise the audience for inappropriate behavior with a cell phone. When interviewed by Playbill as to his dumb-as-rocks move, Nicholas replied:

Girls were calling all day. What would you do? . . . I saw the outlet and ran for it. That was the only outlet I saw, so I thought, ‘Why not?’ I was thinking that they were probably going to plug something in there on the set, and I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal if my phone was up there too.”

OOOOOKAY! What to do, what to do? Should I give Nick the dumbass crown or should it go to . . .

Arianna Grande (age 22) of “Bang Bang” fame who was caught on video licking all the donuts on a tray that were for sale to the public in a bakery, and then is overheard saying how much she hates America (apparently apropos to nothing): “I hate Americans. I hate America! That’s disgusting.” (In Ariana’s defense, maybe it was a sugar-high reaction.) And the pièce de résistance? It was on July 4th! IMP. NOTE: Arianna did apologize recently, but it seemed pretty lame to me: “. . . The fact that the United States has one of the highest child obesity rates in the world frustrates me . . . We need to demand more from our food industry.” Huh???

Ariana Grande Meme



I am discovering that the world is predominantly made up of dumbasses (sad but true, or else why would there be so many atrocities the world over?). But every once in a while, I encounter people who stand against the dumbass syndrome—they make my day and give me hope to carry on. (The response of forgiveness to the murderer from the families of the massacred nine in South Carolina is a case in point.) Also, we have moved to a lovely community to retire in the state of Virginia. Our new home is our dream house (everything I’ve ever wanted in a home and then some), and within 24 hours, our immediate neighbors made it a point to drop by with warm smiles and open arms with “welcome to the neighborhood” gifts and offers of “if you need anything—anything at all—please don’t hesitate to ask us.” The previous owners of our new home greeted us with huge hugs and all sorts of great information along with their contact info in case we needed help in our transition. Our closing took thirty minutes and ten minutes of that was where to find the best restaurants.

For my first time readers, my husband and I are an interracial couple (married 36 years) moving to the South in a gated community. Compare our lovely reception into our new community this week to Mildred and Richard Loving’s reception when they got married in DC and moved just north of us in Virginia in 1958. On their first night together as husband and wife, “dumbasses” broke into their home in the middle of the night, pulled them out of bed, and took them to jail. The Lovings were convicted of breaking the anti-miscegenation laws of Virginia and were sentenced to one year in prison—later suspended for twenty-five years “on the condition that they leave the State of Virginia,” according to Wikipedia. Theirs would be the case that caused the Supreme Court to overthrow the anti-miscegenation laws in Virginia in 1967.

What a difference forty-eight years make, and what a difference it makes when people choose to be human beings rather than resident dumbasses. Where do I sign up?!

Dumbass Meme


“I have been primarily interested in how and why ordinary people do unusual things, things that seem alien to their natures. Why do good people sometimes act evil? Why do smart people sometimes do dumb or irrational things?”—Philip Zimbardo

Moral evil is the immorality and pain and suffering and tragedy that come because we choose to be selfish, arrogant, uncaring, hateful and abusive.”—Lee Strobel

“The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.”—Tim Allen









Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Posted by on July 13, 2015 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , ,


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