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KEEP LOOKING UP

Cartoon Used by Permission: 228305 Some Pig by Pat Bagley, The Salt Lake Tribune, UT

THE NATIONAL CONSCIOUSNESS POST—MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR TRIBUTE

By Eleanor Tomczyk (Satirical Columnist)

8:41 p.m. Saturday, January 18, 2020

As the nation prepares to celebrate the birthday of one of our greatest heroes, the Washington Post-Ipsos poll was just released that states 8 out of 10 African Americans (83% of those polled) blame President Trump for the inordinate increase in racism in our country, and 65% say it is a bad time to be Black.  Our newspaper wanted to follow up on these jarring statistics in the shadow of the celebration of Martin Luther King’s birthday.  We were able to get in touch with quite a few WWMD clubs across the nation to interview them about their reaction to the Post-Ipsos poll.  Usually a secretive club (I learned about them just several days ago through a friend of a friend), they were very transparent with me as a reporter because they felt that so much of what Dr. King worked for is being destroyed and all good people need to come out—front and center—and do the right thing.  What follows is a conference call interview with one particular club in Virginia.  It best encapsulates fears of African-Americans from sea to shining sea during these post-Obama years.

REPORTER:   First of all, I want to thank you for doing this interview on such short notice. I understand that you are a group of African-American septuagenarians who meet together on a regular basis to pray for our country.  Maxine Reynolds, my research notes indicate that you are the President of this local chapter.  Can you give me an overview of what you stand for?  For instance, what does WWMD mean?

MAXINE:      Yes, I am, and welcome! Good to have you here, my friend.  WWMD stands for “What would Martin do?”  We started meeting on an informal basis right after President Trump asked the Black community “what do you have to lose by voting for me?”  We were so alarmed after 8% of the Black community did vote for him, that those of us who still had our common sense intact said a collective “Oh Shit!” and formed this club.  We did so to illuminate what Dr. King lived and died for before the country got consumed by Trump’s hatred.  Our fears regarding the damage Trump could do were really underscored when the tikki-torch, Confederate flag waving White Supremacists murdered that sweet young protester, and Trump didn’t disparage them but declared that there were “good people on both sides.”

Cartoon Used by Permission: 228472 Trucking in Hate by Pat Bagley, The Salt Lake Tribune, UT

REPORTER:  Why did 8% of African-Americans vote for Trump? Surely they are not that gullible as a race.

BARBARA:  Barbara Wakefield speaking.  I’m the VP of our local chapter of WWMD.  No, we’re the least gullible of America’s people.  In fact, given our history, Black folks are very sharp politically.  I suspect 8% voted for Trump because they always voted Republican and couldn’t bring themselves to vote as a Democrat (we are not monolithic, you know), or they just downright hated Hilary.  You surprised?  You think White Republicans are the only ones who can’t stand the Clintons? 

MAXINE:  As an African-American, I voted for Hilary, but I have to tell you, I held my nose when I did it.

REPORTER:  Interesting… how many members in your group?  How many nationwide? Are they all in their seventies?  Charles, you’re head of the membership drive, can you field my questions?

CHARLES:  Sure.  In the beginning, the group was made up of those who were part of the Civil Rights Movement and marched with Martin back in the day.  We’re the generation that gained the most from Dr. King’s sacrifice and courage.  We’re the ones who first got college educations in our families, first to become captains of our industries, and the first group of Black folks that lived better than our parents. As to membership, we had a hard time in the beginning getting people to join.  A lot of our folks got lulled to sleep by the election of our first Black president.  We were so busy patting ourselves on the back that we swallowed the lie that racism was dead now that a Black man was in the Oval Office.  What we didn’t realize was that the racism was just in hiding underneath the veneer of a polite society, and the sight of a Black family in the White House made a large percentage of White America’s blood boil.  By the time Trump came along and started his birther nonsense to discredit the legitimacy of President Obama, he whipped the haters into full White Supremacist frothy hysteria.

Cartoon Used by Permission: 92443 Birther Reality COLOR by Monte Wolverton, Cagle Cartoons

REPORTER:  Of late, I’ve heard that you’ve had a membership surge and most of the new members to the WWMD club have been White.  Do you think the birther issue woke them up to the danger of the eroding of Dr. King’s movement?

GEORGE:  I can speak to that since I’m White and a new member. First of all, not all White people are racist. That really burns my cookies when people lump all White people together.  We are not a monolithic group either.  The way I figure it, only about 30% of us adhere to that racist BS.  Most of us suffer from the sin of cluelessness.  We figure if it hasn’t or isn’t happening to us than other people are fine also.  We are clueless as to the daily racial sufferings (especially the micro aggressions) that Black people go through.  I can drive by a Confederate flag, and I might not like it but it doesn’t affect me on a visceral level. I might even buy the bullshit that the flag represents my White neighbor’s heritage.  On the other hand, my Black friends (notice I have more than one Black friend, thank you very much) tell me they get violently ill when they see that “in your face” marker of White Supremacy because it definitely represents their heritage—one of bondage, brutality, chains, and lynchings.  I don’t want my grandchildren to inherit a Trump world and ideology that hurts people.  I want them to love all races and be aware of what causes others pain.  I joined after the debacle in Charlottesville, the wide-scale voter suppression in the Black communities in 2018, the growing revelations of police brutality, and the awareness of the growing income and educational disparity in the Black community.

Cartoon Used by Permission: 212482 Voter Suppression by Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star-Tribune, MN

MARY ANN:  I’m White and a Born-Again Christian.  I joined WWMD because I realized much too late that Trump was the leader of a cult and he had sucked out the soul and the brains of so many of my family and friends.  The more Trump’s immoral character showed itself, the more my friends and relatives turned a blind eye and started imbibing the hate talk-radio rhetoric of the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Alex Jones.  Many of them wear the bracelets WWJD (“What would Jesus do?”), but by the way they worship at the feet of the Liar-in-Chief, the answer is:  Jesus would do absolutely nothing in response to Trump’s blatant immorality, and therefore neither will I.   When the Christian Trumpers anointed him as the “Chosen One,” I joined WWMD to save my soul and find a place that honored good character, truth, and integrity before it was too late to find it in the public square or at the church altar. 

Cartoon Used by Permission: 208900 MLK by Milt Priggee Oak Harbor, WA

REPORTER:  Well, that’s a fascinating twist.  Are there other White Christians in the room who can elaborate on that?

AMBER:  Yes, I can.  My name is Amber.  I grew up in Evangelical Christianity.  My parents were part of the Jesus Movement, and I thought I could ride out the stupidity of Trump idolatry when it hit our Pentecostal/Charismatic church.  I figured the Church would wake up sooner or later and get back to enacting WWJD.  But the more I waited, the more I noticed our collective soul and any intelligence we may have had slip-sliding away.  I belonged to one of those mega churches who I now suspect support Trump because they lust after his money, the men lust after his fake-tit wife, and the women lust after the fake-tit wife’s glamorous life. 

Anyway, I had halfway divorced my parents and had one foot out the door when I heard a woman on a “Christian” radio program who had called in to protest the fact that Michelle Obama had been named the most admired woman in the world for the second time in a row.  The woman was apoplectic over what she perceived was a miscarriage of justice. She falsely accused Barack Obama of being a pedophile (in cahoots with the Clintons) and both the Obamas of being money launderers (because how else could they possibly have such nice stuff).  The “Christian” prayer warrior proceeded to pray that God the Father would reveal the true identity of Michelle (who she knows for certain is a man whose name is Michael and Michelle secretly has a penis), and that God would further reveal that the Obama children are not theirs but Barack’s best friend (apparently, the kids are on loan to promote the ruse that the Obamas are a heterosexual, loving, Christian family).  The woman could not understand how her fake-tit goddess (Melania Trump) could be overlooked by the world for a man in drag (i.e. Michelle Obama) when Melania is so beautiful, classy, and speaks seven languages.  It seems the Jesus lover forgot about Melania’s butt-naked pictures that are all over the Internet and that she’s done nothing significant except plagiarize Michelle Obamas speech when she first came on the scene, and express to the world her callousness and disdain when visiting the traumatized children at the border.*

I screamed, “I’M OUT!” and I haven’t looked back.

Cartoon Used by Permission: 212191 Melania fashion statements by Dave Granlund PoliticalCartoons. com

REPORTER:  Unfortunately, I know that conspiracy theory.*   It’s been bouncing around Right-wing talk radio for years, and Trump’s base believes it hook, line, and sinker.  The racism is mindboggling, but if so-called Christians can’t do what Jesus taught them to do, how can emulating Dr. King help you get beyond the anger and fear these types of conspiracy theories must engender?  I mean, Dr. King said that he wanted African-Americans to be judged on their character.  Who has demonstrated more outstanding character than the Obamas?  Yet, when the haters can’t find any blemish in their character, they make up stuff.

MAXINE:  Please… that crap doesn’t have anything to do with Jesus and he ain’t listenin’ to their idiotic prayers.  My visceral reaction is to pummel this woman and everyone like her.  But if I did that, my heart would turn to stone and I’d become as stupid as that woman.  Martin (and Jesus—the God who Martin loved and served) would tell us to not embrace hatred but to love our enemies.  So I pray for people like her.  It ain’t easy, but I do it anyway.

BARBARA:  I think loving the Trump supporters is a tall order.  I’m just not there yet.  What I can do and am doing to recoup Dr. King’s legacy is that I’m dispensing kindness to each and every person I meet along the way.  Whether it’s a genuine smile to a stranger, helping someone in need, writing a note of encouragement or just not returning evil for evil—I know I’ve done something significant to push back the hatred that divides us as a country.  Every time I hear of some hateful racist story against my people, I make an extra effort to be kind to those I know and don’t know.  Maybe someday I’ll be like Martin and Jesus, for that matter, and learn to look into the darkness, fear not, and see the love emanating from my heart illuminating the dark hearts of the haters.  That’s what Martin would do.

Cartoon Used by Permission: 205175 Keep Looking Up by Jeff Koterba, Omaha World Herald, NE

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ABOUT KINDNESS

“I shall pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”—Stephen Grellet

“I make mistakes daily, letting generalizations creep into my thoughts and negatively affect my behavior. These mistakes have taught me that the first step to successfully choosing kindness is being more mindful about it, letting go of impatience and intolerance along the way.”—Daniel Lubetzky

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”—Og Mandino

ALL QUOTES COURTESY OF BRAINYQUOTES.COM

Cartoon Used by Permission: 189869 MLK statue COLOR by Dave Granlund, Politicalcartoons.com

*The conspiracy story and the prayer that was spoken is true and the author of this blog vomited her lunch when she heard it. In fact, she’s still vomiting…

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TRUMP IMPEACHED AND POETRY WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF “T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS” TO ADD TO THE MOCKERY HE SO RICHLY DESERVES

Cartoon used by permission: 232990 Twas the Night Before Impeachment by R.J. Matson CQ Roll Call

(A POLITICAL PARODY RIPOFF FROM “T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS”—ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN 1823.  My apologies to the poet Clement Clarke Moore.)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the country,

               Not a news org was stirring, not even the Fox News punditry.

               The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,      

         In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

Cartoon used by permission: 219574 Santa Social Media by Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch OH

               Fractured Americans all nestled snug in their beds,

               While visions of Trump’s impeachment (or not) danc’d in their heads,

               Women in pink pussy hats, and White Trumpers in their MAGA caps,

               Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.

Cartoon used by permission: 232948 Merry Christmas by Milt Prigge Oak Harbor WA

               When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

               I sprang from the bed to see what the fuck was the matter.

               Away to the window I flew like a flash,

               Opened it and looked out on snow-covered grass.

A red-suited fat man stood down there below,

               Stomping up and down as he yelled: “Ho, ho, ho”;

Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

               But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

Cartoon used by permission: 87030 Santa Claus And His Flying Reindeer COLOR by Bob Englehart PoliticalCartoons.com

With a spring in his step, so lively and quick,

               I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

               More agile than fairies, the reindeer they came,

               As Santa whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen,

               “On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Donner and Blitzen;

               “To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

               “Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

Cartoon used by permission: 87220 Prancers Out COLOR by Cameron Cardow The Ottawa Citizen

Like an arrow shot from a bow does fly,

               Santa, his sleigh, and bag did mount to the sky;

               So up to the house-top eight reindeer they flew,

               With the sleigh full of Xmas wishes—and St. Nicholas too:

               And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

               The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

               As I pulled in my head, and was turning around,

               Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound:

Cartoon used by permission: 157843 Santa and lighthouse beacon by Dave Granlund Politicalcartoons.com

               He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

               And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

               A bundle of gifts was flung on his back,

               And he muttered like a crazed prophet while he opened his pack:

               “15,413 lies in 1,055 days by my last Trump naughty tally,

               “Should I skip the White House entirely and fly on to North Philly?

               “And should I rent tons of U-hauls needed for all the coal,

               “To be placed in the stockings of Trumpers who’ve sold their souls?”

Cartoon used by permission: 232858 Santa naughty list by John Darkow Columbia Missourian

               The stump of a pipe he clinched tight in his teeth,

               As angry smoke encircled his head like a wreath.

               And he mumbled: “What to do, what to do, what to do?”

               Then burst into laughter, and said: “Shit, I don’t have a clue.”

               He gave off a huge sigh, that right jolly old elf,

               And I laughed when I heard him in spite of myself;

               He was just as flummoxed as the rest of us,

               Which made me think these days I needed someone higher to trust.

               Santa shouted several phrases as he went straight to his task,

               Filling all the stockings with word-gifts for which we’d asked:

“Trump Impeached!”

“Trump Removed!”

“Trump Destroyed!”

 “Trump Done in!”

               And laying his finger aside of his nose

               And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

Cartoon used by permission: 204470 Santa Hacked by Nate Beeler The Columbus Dispatch

               He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

               And away they all flew, like a North Korean missile:

               But I heard him shout in his booming rich voice: “DO NOT FEAR:

Concentrate on the TRUE meaning of Christmas, my Dears.”      

 “IN THE NAME OF JESUS—the true reason for the season

Trump WILL be impeached and with damn good reason”

(“Mainly ‘cause God don’t like ugly, accordin’ to Black Folks’ teasin’s.”)

Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

“MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL—AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!”

Cartoon used by permission: 219626 Christmas Day by Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle GA

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission: 189369 Santas Likes by Jeff Koterba Omaha World Herald NE

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on December 18, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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THANKSGIVING DÉTENTE GUIDELINES IN THE AGE OF TRUMP AND IMPEACHMENT

Cartoon used by permission: 231883 Thanksgiving food fight by John Darkow, Columbia Missourian

I hate to say this folks (and I sure hope I’m wrong), but I’m pretty convinced that this Thanksgiving is the calm before the storm—the last big non-religious, national family feast day—before the outbreak of the civil war next November between the MAGA nation and the Americans who value truth.  According to AAA, 55 million of us will be traveling to visit family and friends for the Thanksgiving holiday.  That’s a whole lot of turkey eating and at least a solid chance for 90% of us to strangle, stab, shoot, pummel, or disinherit at least one or two very close relatives.  (That murder rate drops significantly if one belongs to a family of clones who think alike, look alike, vote alike, dress alike, and basically don’t say more than two words to each other the entire Thanksgiving meal.)  You and I are not one of them.  We know we’re headed for a civil war, put in motion by a mad king, and we think this may be the last family gathering where we can knock some sense into our Fox News watching, Donald Trump loving, science denying family.  May I make a suggestion?  Let’s call a détente (the easing of hostility or strained relations) until Monday, December 2nd.  Let’s pretend that we are one big happy national family, and our biggest problem is that we forgot to pack our stretchy pants with the elastic waistband.

Cartoon used by permission: 232153 Thanksgiving Jeopardy with Relatives by Dave Whamond Canada, PoliticalCartoon.com

THANKSGIVING DÉTENTE GUIDELINES

#1.  To make this détente function at its best, we will have to establish some ground rules, of course.  First of all, if you are hosting, it would be best to warn your guests in advance that your home will be a politic-free zone.  Those who can’t adhere to this rule need to know that the penalty will be immediate banishment.  (Even if you are all of the same political persuasion, talk about art, love, travel—anything but Trump…our hearts and minds need a freakin’ break from the Mad King.)

Thanksgiving warning, welcome to the family feast, cut out, political discussion
Cartoon used by permission: 232315 Thanksgiving Warning by Bruce Plante Tulsa World

#2. Send out homework before Thanksgiving Day to make sure your family and friends know what is at stake for their souls and the survival of your family unit if they break the détente and slip into political rancor with your T-Day guests.  Close family quarters, alcohol, turkey carving knives, and guns (would suggest you tell your guests that your home will be a gun-free zone) are a recipe for disaster when political arguments start to go down in the age of Trump.  Given the state of the scary craziness Trump has driven our nation to, it is best to know what types of family murders can occur if a mention of him and/or his antics are allowed under the Thanksgiving détente tent and tempers are not kept in check (have your guests memorize them before arrival):

Cartoon used by permission: 218351 Let’s Talk Turkey .PLEASE. by Jeff Koterba, Omaha World Herald NE

THIS IS WHAT IS AT STAKE SHOULD POLITICS HOLD SWAY ON T-DAY AT OUR FAMILY GATHERINGS (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):

Mariticide = the act of killing one’s husband or romantic partner

Patricide = the act of killing one’s father

Fratricide = the act of killing one’s brother

Sororicide = the act of killing one’s sister

Uxoricide = the act of killing one’s wife

Avunculicide = the act of killing one’s uncle

Matricide = the act of killing one’s mother

Nepoticide = the act of killing one’s nephew

Amicicide = the act of killing a friend

Vaticide = the act of killing a prophet (you never know when one of these may drop by)

Blockacide = the act of killing a Facebook friend connection

At the bottom of the pre-celebration homework page, I suggest the following quote by George Bernard Shaw be listed as a pre-dinner meditation:  “The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.” 

Cartoon used by permission: 232294 Turkey Day by Steve Sack The Minneapolis Star Tribune MN

#3.  Upon arrival for T-Day celebration, I suggest the host or hostess prominently display a sign at the front door that says: “Abandon all cell phones, MAGA hats, Pink Pussy hats, and political T-shirts here, and park all egos out back by the garbage cans.  Only humility and grace need enter.”

Cartoon used by permission: 232308 Choosing Sides at the Holidays by Jeff Koterba Omaha World Herald NE

#4.  Consider providing party favors in the form of colorful elastic snap bands with James 1:19 inscribed upon them: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”  Guests should be encouraged to utilize the bands whenever they feel like pummeling one of their family members by “snapping” the bands against their wrists to bring them back to their senses should they start to jeopardize the Thanksgiving détente. Finally, if you have really, really hard-headed friends and relatives, you might need to bring out the big guns with a very blatant banner draped above the dining area to help keep everyone focused:  KINDNESS AND COURTEOUSNESS TO ONE ANOTHER ARE NOT SIGNS OF WEAKNESS!

Cartoon used by permission: 218364 Thanksgiving and politics by Bruce Plante Tulsa World

I know it sounds like a bit of a cliché, but having everyone who is present say one thing they are grateful for in their own lives and about each family member to their left and right might just keep the détente going after Thanksgiving and prevent a civil war that is fast approaching on the heels of the presidential election in 2020.  After all, long after the spell that President Cheeto has cast upon our nation has been broken, and Trump is gone and forgotten, we’ll still need the love and strength of our families to pick up the pieces and rebuild a nation.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, MY PEEPS! MAY IT BE FULL OF LOVE, LAUGHTER, JOY, AND GRACE!

ENJOY MY FAVORITE VINTAGE THANKSGIVING CARTOON BY CARTOONIST RICK MCKEE

Cartoon used by permission: 140746 Thanksgiving 2013 COLOR by Rick McKee The Augusta Chronicle

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission: 232313 Chosen One by Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
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Posted by on November 27, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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ELECTION COLORS ABOUND: PINK PUSSY HATS TURN VIRGINIA BLUE AND KICK THE CONFEDERACY RED OUT OF VIRGINIA’S BED

Cartoon used by permission: 231610 Republican Fall by Christopher Weyant,The Boston Globe MA 

CHEETO-WATCH TIMES DISPATCH (Tomczyk Satirical Report)—Snapshots of multitudinous celebrations were noted in the various local nationwide Democratic Party Headquarters after the recent election results. There were none more riotous than in Virginia and Kentucky because turning Virginia Blue—winning full control of the legislature—for the first time in a generation, and Kentucky electing a Dem for Governor were major repudiations of Donald Trump. Pink Pussy Hats donned pants suits and doused each other in pink champagne across the nation while they partied until the cows came home over the headway Dems had made.

Cartoon used by permission: 231591 Virginia Election by Bill Day Tallahassee FL

“Virginia is ruined!” cried a White female Republican voter from Richmond, Virginia.  “Those damn liberal women in the Northern burbs have destroyed our heritage,” screamed a White Republican male voter from Toano, Virginia on the 6:00 News.  “Now those god-damn feminists will be the reason the Virginia State government will be able to take down our Confederate statues, bury the Lost Cause, take away our guns, make Virginia the state that ratifies that f’ing Equal Rights Amendment, and be why Trump gets dumped, god-damnit!” 

White House sources say President Trump had a full-on panic attack after the election results, and even Trump’s spiritual adviser (Pastor Paula White who is now part of the White House staff) couldn’t calm him down.  The best she could do was to try and conjure up God’s wrath on the Pink Pussy Hat feminists. However, to this reporter’s knowledge, not one Pussy Hat feminist had been struck by lightning from God yet, causing some to suspect that Jesus might be a member of Pantsuit Nation and Paula White might be a false prophet.

Google Image Meme/Paula White

This reporter did stumble upon some coffee chats and a Democratic prayer group who weren’t letting the election victories in Virginia and Kentucky go to their heads.  At the local coffee shop the suburban moms’ moods were somber and their tones were hushed as they spoke of the future that would affect their children.

One of the mothers was particularly vocal about her fears.  “According to a recent poll, we are some of the 67% of Democrats who are extremely anxious about the future,” said Sally Morrison.  “We think that in spite of these recent electoral victories, that asshole (excuse my French) is going to win a second term,” declared Sally’s long-time friend, Miriam Wallis.

“Did you read the headline of the Independent?” said Maxine Gilman.  “It said, ‘Trump on course to win in 2020, according to polling models that have only been wrong once,’” sobbed Maxine.  “What good will it do,” she cried, “if we win the battles but not the war?” 

“TURN OUT THE VOTE IN 2020!” chanted Diane Smith.  “We have to flood the polls next year as if our children’s lives depended on it—which they do.  If we have to, we need to wake the dead and carry them to the polls on our backs,” said Ms. Smith.  “Other than that, I’m banking on getting Trump’s ass impeached.”

“Girl, don’t you realize the House of Reps can impeach Trump’s sorry behind and the gonad-challenged Senate Republicans won’t rule on it.  It doesn’t matter what President Cheeto does, the Senate will never find his actions impeachable,” said Sally Morrison.  “He’s absolutely deplorable—the entire world knows it and the Repubs know it, too!”

Cartoon used by permission: 231650 Misdemeanors by Milt Priggee Oak Harbor WA

This reporter stopped by the African-American First Saints A.M.E church in Louisville to interview some of the parishioners after Wednesday night Bible study.  Mr. and Mrs. Archie Stapleton were quick to chime in about the election results.  “I couldn’t be happier about the way Trump got handed his ass in the Kentucky and Virginia races,” said Mr. Stapleton.  “I was born and raised in Kentucky and Bevin had pissed off most folks here except the so called pro-lifers.  He thought if he declared himself a ‘Christian,’ waved the pro-life flag, and turned himself into a Trump mini-me, he could treat people as if they was dirt—especially our teachers.  Well, the teachers schooled him.  There you have it (so-called Christian), ex-Governor Bevin—don’t let the Devil’s tail smack you upside your head when you walk into Hell, I say!”

Cartoon used by permission: 231668 Canary in a Kentucky coal mine by John Darkow Columbia Missourian

“Now Archie, that ain’t no way to talk standin’ inside the Lawd’s house,” said Mary Stapleton.  “I’m excited about the victories, but I’m a bit nervous about the Black vote bein’ syphoned off.  Did you read how Trump went down to Atlanta and launched some Black voter initiative talkin’ about, ‘What have you got to lose votin’ for me?’  Well, I tell you what Black folks got to lose:  our souls!  Yes, indeed, sweet Jesus.”

Sister Cynthia, the church’s head deaconess, had been listening to the conversation and shaking her head in agreement.  “To tell you the truth, I’m real concerned about our babies.  Us old folks know in our bones that Biden is the only one who can beat Trump, but the younger generation ain’t got nothin’ to do with him.  My thirty-year-old daughter called me the other day to summarily let me know that she and her generation was not feelin’ Joe Biden. She ask me, what did Biden ever do except be Obama’s wing man?  So, I said, ain’t that enough? (Thinkin’ to myself, I ain’t never seen no White man play second fiddle to a Black man in all my born days until Barack became president, so that has to amount to somethin’.)  Then my daughter said, she didn’t mean no disrespect, but we old folks are leavin’ them a pretty messed up world, and her generation wasn’t fixin’ to elect an ol’ man with old ideas who’d probably die on his way to his old-fashioned inauguration day.  (Y’all know that chil’ of mine always did have a mouth on her.)”

“Well, yo’ chil’ may be onto somethin’, Sister Cynthia,” said Archie Stapleton.  Biden’s just not doin’ well…I knew when his answer to improving the lives of Black children was for them to listen to the record player at night, and he messed up his text number with his email address, or some such mess, that my children were gonna tune him right out.  Now he’s in fourth place lookin’ like he’s got one foot in the grave and Warren is beatin’ him like a drum!  I’ll still vote for him, but the children have got a point, Sister Cynthia.”

One of the other parishioners passing by the group mumbled that it was going to be a long, long year until November 2020, and if we were all lucky maybe Jesus would come back before then and put us out of our misery. 

In this reporter’s humble opinion, maybe we ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Cartoon used by permission: 231681 Bloomberg enters 2020 race by Dave Granlund PoliticalCartoons com

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission: 231417 Trump’s legacy by Patrick Chappatte globecartoon com

REFERENCES

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2019/11/06/bright-blue-virginia-leaves-confederacy-behind/

https://www.salon.com/2019/11/07/dont-get-complacent-trump-is-likely-to-win-again-unless-we-fight-for-democracy/

https://www.salon.com/2019/11/06/phyllis-schlaflys-dead-but-the-equal-rights-amendment-may-come-back-to-life/

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election/trump-2020-presidential-election-favourite-odds-polling-moodys-analytics-a9159496.html

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
11 Comments

Posted by on November 8, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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HALLOWEEN CANCELLED DUE TO THE INABILITY TO COMPETE WITH THE SCARINESS OF THE NOTION THAT TRUMP MIGHT WIN REELECTION IN 2020

Cartoon Used by permission: 217461 Scary times by John Darkow, Columbia Missourian

END-TIMES GAZETTE (The Tomczyk Satirical Report)—In an appearance at a recent Trump rally, Satan held an impromptu press conference outside the convention center hosting the event.  The Prince of Darkness announced that he was going to add his signature to a newly launched petition from “stopthemadness.org” which is calling on the citizens of America to cancel Halloween in 2019.  When asked by one of the local reporters why he, Beelzebub (a.k.a. “Sneaky Snake”), would petition against his favorite holiday, he said with deep sadness: “’Cause I can’t deal with this shit!  I can’t out-scare the antics of your sorry-ass president and his demons.  That dude is bat-shit crazy—even by my standards, and I ain’t got nothin’ in my arsenal that can out horrify the mind-debilitating reality that Trump could win the election in 2020—thus leaving you all in a permanent hell of your own making.  Sorry Earthlings…but Halloween is no fuckin’ fun anymore.  I hereby declare Lucifer is out-of-here and will participate in the ‘pretend scariness’ of Halloween when and only when the real evil in the White House has been impeached. ‘Cause even the Kingdom of Hell can’t fathom four more years of a President Cheeto reign. Ciao Goblins!”

Photo Credit: E. Tomczyk/Busch Gardens Hallow Scream Decoration 2019

It seems that the petition to cancel Halloween 2019 is rapidly growing.  This reporter caught up with one of the more surprising signatories who is a founding father of Halloween—the Imperial Jack O’ Lantern, formerly known as “Stingy Jack” when he lived in Ireland. I asked him why he had signed a petition that would sacrifice his one celebratory day, and if he would live to regret his action.  “No, I don’t think so,” said an obviously demoralized Jack.  “I hate it, of course.  I’ve been a part of Halloween in America since the beginning, but I’ve got to do something.  First of all, I need to reclaim my image.  My calling card is orange and round.  Trump has usurped that look.  When I started out in Ireland, I didn’t have the issue of someone stealing my thunder.  In leprechaun land I inhabited hollowed out turnips, gourds, rutabagas, beets, and any other tuber that could be found.  Pumpkins did not exist in the land of the Irish.  It’s only when I moved to America that I lusted after a bigger, better, roomier home to inhabit.  And now the patina and the roundness of my precious pumpkin has been stolen by President Cheeto’s spray tan addiction and his obese fondness for Kentucky Fried Chicken causing his face to resemble a pumpkin and eclipsing my signature collector’s item.  I am truly undone,” sobbed Mr. O’Lantern.

Cartoon used by permission: 231052 Make the pumpkin great again by John Darkow, Columbia, Missourian

Mrs. Colleen O’Sullivan of the Irish Halloweensonian Museum was very responsive to this reporter’s query for more background information on “Stingy Jack.”  She said, “Our records report Mr. O’Lantern was quite the evil character back in the day.  Irish historians have noted that ‘Stingy Jack’ was an extremely parsimonious and mean human being (thus the name, ‘Stingy Jack’).  He used to play tricks on everyone—including the Devil.  Irish lore has it that one time he tricked the Devil into climbing an apple tree and then planted numerous crosses at the bottom of the tree.  It is well known that the Devil can’t touch a cross without being fried to a crisp, so Jack forced the Devil to enter a bargain with him: If Jack removed the crosses, the Devil had to promise not to take Jack’s soul to Hell upon his death.  Obviously, the Devil accepted the bargain and Jack removed the crosses.

“Eventually, ‘Stingy Jack’ did die and marched himself right up to Heaven’s gates as most people do who don’t have an ounce of self-awareness.  A horrified St. Peter refused to let Jack into Heaven and sent him down to Hell.  However, upon ‘Stingy Jack’s’ arrival at the gates of Hell, the Devil sardonically reminded him of their bargain and refused to allow Jack to enter his domain. The Devil consigned him to the dark netherworld between Heaven and Hell for all eternity where there is not a scintilla of light.  Mr. O’Lantern had such a hissy fit over his fate and the huge trick the Devil had played on him that Beelzebub took a modicum of pity on him and threw Jack an ember of coal from the fires of Hell to light his way through the netherworld.  Jack always carried some type of gourd with him and quickly carved out the tuber to shield his fiery ember.  The superstitious Irish adopted the tradition of setting out carved tubers with candles inside on their doorsteps on Halloween which they hoped would scare ‘Stingy Jack’ from trying to take up residence in their homes and playing tricks on them.  With the great Irish migration to America, the pumpkin became the permanent home of Jack O’Lantern and a fixture that no Halloween would be complete without.”

Photo Credit: Herbie Gill/Comic https://www.herbiegill.com/ Night of a 1,000 Jack O’Lanterns Presented by “Rise of the Jack O’Lanterns”

One source who asked not to be named, due to fear of being turned into a frog or a Trump supporter, said that the witches did go on record to announce that although they had no new cauldron chant that would be scarier than the curse of The Donald winning the 2020 election, they had posted a well-worn chant from Shakespeare’s Macbeth—Act 4, Scene 1, on the dark web just for grins and giggles and old times sake.

THE WITCHES CAULDRON

Fillet of a fenny snake,  

In the cauldron boil and bake;  

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,  

Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,  

Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting, 

Lizard’s leg, and howlet’s wing,  

For a charm of powerful trouble,

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.  

     Double, double toil and trouble;  

     Fire burn and cauldron bubble. 

When asked if the source thought the Witches of the World were encouraged that Trump might be destroyed before or during the election from all the damaging impeachment inquiry testimonies, the source replied that the Witches were heard to have said: “Meh…we’re beginning to think that asshole can survive anything.  He can shoot someone on 5th Avenue and…well you get the drift.  Even WE don’t have that type of resilience.”

Cartoon used by permission: 231145 Trump the Survivor by Kevin Siers, The Charlotte Observer, NC

The petition to cancel Halloween includes the likes of Ghosts Anonymous, Skeletons: Have Bones Will Travel, Black Cats and Graveyards Consolidated, and the exclusive Zombies and Brains Gourmand Club to name a few.  The Halloween Mask Labor Union had not yet signed the petition but when reached for comment said that even though Halloween is a huge revenue time for them, their organization would join in solidarity with their sisters and brothers because they saw no other option than to go on strike since they could not compete with the horrible gut-wrenching thought of a Trump 2020 victory.  The thought was sheer terror even for those who are used to the terrorization business. To date, at least 50 percent of the American population has signed the petition to stop Halloween until the great evil in the White House has been impeached and banished to Hell.  At that time, said Mr. Everyman who I approached on the street, “We can go back to pretending to be scared by the benign.  But right now, the Trump evil is just too real.”  All Mrs. Everywoman had to say when asked what she would do if Trump won reelection in 2020 was, “Oh, the horrors!” as she started to cry and scream uncontrollably.

Cartoon used by permission:  230458 Rudy Rudy Rudy by Bruce Plante Tulsa World

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission:  216955 Saudia Arabia Halloween by Nate Beeler, The Columbus Dispatch OH

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Many thanks to facts about pumpkins from Pumpkin Nook http://www.pumpkinnook.com/facts/jack.htm

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REFERENCES

https://www.salon.com/2019/10/26/trump-will-win-again-easily-liberals-simply-dont-understand-what-he-represents/

https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2019/10/24/the-fantasy-of-republicans-ditching-trump-229879

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2019/10/pro-life-christians-celebrate-death-of-pro-choice-rep-elijah-cummings/

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on October 27, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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TRUMP’S MANDATE FROM HEAVEN

Cartoon used by permission: 230565_600 Rick McKee CagleCartoons com

(Satire from the desk of E. Tomczyk)

HEAVEN (Other Worldly Times-Tribune)—yesterday, an editorial in the Courts of the King Gazette took much of the Universe by surprise.  The editorial—believed to be penned by God himself—was a confession from God that he did, indeed, allow Pat Robertson to be deluded by the thought that The Donald had a “mandate from heaven” to be President of the United States as was declared by the “good” Reverend the other day on the Christian Broadcasting Network:

“I believe … the president of the United States is in danger of losing the mandate of heaven if he permits this (the withdrawal of US troops embedded with the Turks) to happen…“The president, who allowed Khashoggi to be cut into pieces without any repercussions whatsoever, is now allowing the Christians and the Kurds to be massacred by the Turks…”

HOWEVER, according to unnamed sources in the King’s court, it seems God’s definition of a “mandate of heaven” does not mean the same thing as the false prophet Robertson thinks it means.  Consequently, I’ve been told by sources close to him that the God of Heaven is pissed that Robertson has put words in his mouth—yet again.

Internet Meme: Creator unknown

St. Peter, Heaven’s Gate Keeper, was most happy to set the record straight about the origin of the phrase “Mandate from Heaven.”

“The Mandate of Heaven, also known as ‘Tianming,’ is a Chinese philosophy from the era of 481/403 BCE – 221 BCE,” said St. Peter.  “Mark Cartright from The Ancient History Encyclopedia describes Tianming to be:

‘The ancient god or divine force known as Heaven or Sky had selected this particular individual to rule on its behalf on earth. An important element of the mandate was that although the ruler had been given great power he also had a moral obligation to use it for the good of his people, if he did not then his state would suffer terrible disasters and he would lose the right to govern.’  

“It has been co-opted by the likes of Robertson to underscore their prejudicial political crowning of various White male politicians,” said St. Peter.  “It did not escape Heaven’s gaze when one of our favorite sons, Barack Obama, became President of the United States and Mr. Robertson and every White Right-wing Conservative minister withheld said title from him,” remarked St. Peter.  “They called him everything but a child of God and would have deemed it blasphemy to ‘anoint’ him with the so-called ‘mandate of heaven.’  And I very much doubt that the title will be applied to any of the women running for President or our delightful Mayor Pete.”

Cartoon used by permission: 229007_600 Adam Zyglis The Buffalo News NY

“There are those who believe a joke has been played on Rev. Robertson, but he is not in on it,” said an unnamed source who has direct access to God.  “There is a ‘mandate of heaven’ on The Donald all right, but his mandate (unbeknownst to him or Robertson and his ilk) is not so he’ll be a great leader or win the Nobel Peace Prize as he thinks. Trump’s mandate is to carry on in his true unrepentant nature so that he crashes and burns and brings down the Right-wing Evangelical churches and groups with him who so stubbornly support a diabolical creature in the name of God in the quest for their own lust of power and greed. Trump is a Trojan horse, so to speak, and by the time he finishes as the wrecking ball he is wont to be (pardon the mixed metaphors), hopefully enough of his Evangelical supporters’ eyes will be opened to the truth to course-correct that wing of Christendom or it will be thrown out onto the trash heap of history.”

Cartoon used by permission: 224200_600 Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

Another source from the inner circle, who also asked not to be named, said that she believes “God wants to expose the duplicity and hypocrisy in the Christian church in such a revelatory way that he has purposely given the Right-wing Christian leaders enough blind self-righteous rope to hang themselves.” By the time they realize how far they’ve gone out on the gangplank for Trump (once again, pardon the mixed metaphors!), the Church as they know it to be will have no moral authority left in the land and will have to start from scratch emulating the character of Christ if they want to have any credibility. When I asked my unnamed source if she thought the destruction of the Right-wing Evangelical Church was a bit harsh, she replied:  “Not in the least.  Everybody talking about Heaven ain’t goin’ there, as the old gospel song says.  Better they find out here that they royally screwed up rather than on their death beds.  Waking up (before it is too late) to discover that you’ve placed the mandate of heaven on a demon from Hell and you can’t do anything about it would be…well—hell.”

Cartoon used by permission: 228948_600 Milt Priggee Oak Harbor WA

Yesterday, the Other Worldly Times-Tribune received a photo of a wanted poster in an unmarked envelope.  The caption under the photo said, “A special place in Hell awaits this dude once he has finished his journey on Earth.  If you have any incriminating evidence on one Donald J. Trump (masquerading as the President of the United States), please contact 1-666-GOTOHELL.”

WANTED IN HELL:  DONALD J. TRUMP

Calls himself “The Chosen One” and according to Pat Robertson has the Mandate from Heaven on his life. He is over six-feet tall and morbidly obese.  Trump is believed to be mentally ill and is armed with arrogance, and is considered dangerous.  He has been heard to boast that he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and get away with it.  He’s just what the Devil is looking for.

KNOWN CHARACTERISTICS

Bragged about grabbing women by the kitty

Rabid adulterer

Lying (told 12,019 false or misleading claims over 928 days)

               Hubris (claims to have great and unmatched wisdom)

Lusting after his own daughter

Sold his soul for money, power, and fame years ago

Guilty of heartlessly wanting to stock moats with alligators and snakes at southern border

Guilty of ripping children from the parents of asylum seekers causing irreparable emotional damage

Guilty of wanting to shoot illegal immigrants in the legs

Betrayed the Kurds for Two Trump Towers in Istanbul

Turned a blind eye to the Kurds being massacred

Turned his back on climate change

Coddles White Supremacists

Sucks up to autocrats and demagogues

Boasts of shooting someone on 5th avenue and getting away with it

Cartoon used by permission: 230535_600 Dave Whamond Canada, PoliticalCartoons com

***

Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a humorist who is an award-winning voice-over performer.  In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!).  Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival:  “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.”  Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker.  If you don’t believe me, just ask her!

Cartoon used by permission: 228914_600 Pat Bagley The Salt Lake Tribune UT

REFERENCES

https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion/2019/10/08/trump-danger-losing-mandate-heaven-over-syria-decision-pat-robertson-warns/

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on October 10, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

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THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

I have been a part of more tragedies than I care to count—some small, some large—and the days on which they occurred all started out the same way:  normal and somewhat benign.

Eighteen years ago, I went to the dentist to get x-rays, a couple of fillings, and my teeth cleaned.  I hate all dentists and they don’t like me.  They hurt. I scream.  They tell me to open wide and not act like such a baby, and I frantically look for a sharp dental instrument to stab them in the face.  Which is why I always go to the dentist the first thing in the morning.  I try to make the visit as routine as possible in an effort to experience the situation as less of a personal tragedy and more of an ordinary event.

Ordinary may have birthed the sunrise of Tuesday, September 11, 2001, but a tragedy would eclipse it almost immediately.  By the time the dentist took x-rays and cleaned my teeth, the radio in the office, which usually played Smooth Jazz, would interrupt its programming to let us know that an airplane had hit the North Tower of the World Trade Center killing all 92 people on board and countless others in the building.  The North Tower would stand another 102 minutes and then collapse in on itself killing scores of other precious souls.  At first, we all thought it was an accident. No one in the dentist office could fathom that a national tragedy was unfolding on an ordinary day of fillings and teeth cleanings.

Cartoon used by permission: 229523_600 9 11 Milt Priggee, Oak Harbor, WA

I left the dentist office and arrived home in time enough to turn on CNN and see the second plane (United Flight #175) crash into the South Tower of the World Trade Center.  Within another thirty minutes American Airlines Flight #77 would crash into the western facade of the Pentagon in the region where I lived and in the city where my husband worked.

On ordinary days, landlines and cell phones usually work just fine.  But not on September 11, 2001 when you live near Washington, DC—neither cell nor landlines worked.  I don’t know if they were purposely jammed by the Feds (by that time, we all suspected these were terrorist attacks) or if the circuits were simply overloaded as loved ones tried to find each other.  I couldn’t locate my husband who worked in the city, and I could only locate one of my children.  By the time the hijackers purposely crashed United Flight #93 into a field in Stoneycreek Township near Shanksville, Pennsylvania, nobody I knew would ever think of September 11th as just an ordinary day.  I, along with the rest of the world, would later learn of the heroic men who tried to take out the terrorists on Flight 93 right before Vice President Dick Cheney planned to order our Air Force to shoot down the civilian plane since it was estimated that the plane was headed toward the White House or the Capital building.  Four coordinated terrorist attacks carried out by al-Qaeda would kill more than 3,000 people, injure over 6,000 and additionally cause cancer and respiratory diseases to the survivors and first responders for years to come.

Cartoon used by permission: 168695_600 Bob Englehart, PoliticalCartoons.com

I would finally find my husband, locate my kids, and help executives and co-workers in my company return to their families from various far-flung places in the country via coveted rental cars charging premium prices as people drove nonstop to get home just to hug their loved ones.  When the phones finally worked, I called everyone I knew in DC and in NYC to see if they knew of anyone who had perished on that horrendous day.  One of my children would carry the shared grief of a child in her class whose father was killed in the Pentagon.  Years later a mother I met would tearfully express the heavy relief of finally locating two of her grown daughters who worked in the Towers and commuted together.  They were late to work that infamous day because the “ordinary” had happened:  one of the sisters was late which delayed their arrival to their jobs.  They never entered the Towers, and a mother was spared an unimaginable loss.

Cartoon used by permission: 215459_600 Dave Granlund. PoliticalCartoons.com

But so many things are starting to fade—especially in the age of Donald Trump and the hatred and chaos he has stirred up.  One of the things I remember most after 9/11 happened is how one couldn’t find a United States flag to purchase—especially in NYC.  As soon as any store got a shipment of flags, they would be gobbled up by Americans who wanted to feel connected to each other under a common umbrella of unity—the American flag.  We had suffered a horrendous national tragedy, and we all began to sing a national anthem of loss, unity, courage, and brotherly love.

Cartoon used by permission: 92501_600 Taylor Jones, Hoover Digest

The leaders of New York City begged Americans to visit its post 9/11 ghost-town of a city to prove to the terrorists that they had not broken NYC.  We were encouraged to come back to Broadway and fill the vacant playhouses, eat in their restaurants, and pay our respect at Ground Zero. 

And that is what my husband and I did.  I didn’t have the courage to visit Ground Zero—not just yet, but I did take in a couple of Broadway shows, stayed in a fancy hotel in Manhattan, went shopping, and ate in several restaurants.  To a person, NYC had dropped its hard facade and everyone greeted us with exuberant hugs and thankful handshakes for coming back to the city they loved—everyone from bellboys to waiters to actors to cab drivers.  (I lived in NYC thirty years before 9/11, and I don’t think one person ever spoke to me unsolicited during the entire year I resided there, and I certainly never got any hugs.)  But during that time period in NYC after 9/11, every man, woman, and child seemed to count each other as kin because the blood of thousands of lost lives formed the tune of a shared mourning.  In fact, I’ll never forget walking back to our hotel in my bare feet from a Broadway show because my new shoes were killing me, and a stretch limo driver pulled over to the curb and asked if he could take us to where we needed to go—for free!

However, it’s been 18 years now, and I’ve lost that tangible brotherly love feeling that I had post 9/11.

Cartoon used by permission: 55203_600 Parker, Florida Today

Recently, when I first noticed that the song of unity learned from 9/11 was beginning to fade from my soul, I went back to NYC to visit—this time to pay my respects at Ground Zero. (No one hugged me this time, no free limo rides, and New York City had returned to its dismissive, pushy, irascible self as was expressed by the rudeness of the cab driver who got lost and didn’t give a shit.)  By the time I pushed and plodded my way through the crowds to Ground Zero, I didn’t have a shred of brotherly love left in me.  But as I visited the 9/11 museum and the two waterfalls that are the exact dimensions of the towers taking up the same footprint of the original towers, my heart began to break.  I barely survived the waterfalls with the names of the dead etched into the marble siding.  I did not survive the museum.  It’s a good thing they have tissues in most of the exhibit rooms because I needed every single one of them.  Hearing the voices of those who left phone messages to their loved ones right before they died, meditating on the exhibit of a mangled fire truck (Big Red, Ladder 3) from a station who lost their captain and ten of their team, listening to the voices of my fellow Americans speak about where they were when we were attacked, walking down seven stories of stairs next to the actual stairs where hundreds fled to safety, seeing the photos of my fellow citizens who jumped from the top floors rather than be burned alive…I remembered our national anthem of unity given to us by 9/11 because not once did I ask about their politics, their race, their ethnicity, their gender—I just held them to my heart as Americans—as humans worthy to be mourned and honored.

Photo by Cadiomals – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=20045071

ALWAYS REMEMBER—NEVER FORGET!

Cartoon used by permission: 97899_600 John Cole, The Scranton Times-Tribune, PA

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WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR’S LIFE AMONG WHITE CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVES FOR 45+ YEARS AND THE INSIGHTS GAINED:  Check out “Fleeing Oz”—on sale now at Amazon!

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR?  Check out her website at http://www.eleanortomczyk.com

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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Tomczyk and “How the Hell Did I End Up Here?” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on September 10, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,